For the past week I’ve been struggling to get to sleep at night. I’ll go two or three days with four or so hours of sleep and then, exhausted, sleep a full 8 hours or more. Then it starts all over again. Last night I was not able to fall asleep until past midnight despite going to bed around 10pm.
I’ve not been able to specifically pinpoint the reason for the insomnia yet. My mind isn’t overly active and, despite initial upset the first few times I experienced the insomnia, I am pretty relaxed and unconcerned about the lack of sleep. But even my body doesn’t feel tired. I am just AWAKE.
My best guess is that the insomnia is linked to the man I mentioned in a previous post, the one I connected with last August who just recently reconnected with me. We have been communicating daily since around April 7th. We are very tuned into each others energy and as a result I think my sleep cycle has been impacted by his. He tends to stay up late into the night working.
Last night, finding myself wide awake yet again, I decided to use the time to meditate. At first this proved difficult so I began to work with my energy. I began moving it from crown to feet and then cycling it back through over and over. Eventually I changed direction, moving my energy from feet to crown and back again. Throughout I focused on my third-eye and touched my tongue to the roof of my mouth as I breathed deeply, inhaling as the energy moved through my body and exhaling as it reached the top/bottom.
Hypnagogia and Short OBEs
With all the meditating and energy work, it is no surprise that the next thing I recall is an odd dream where I was walking along a creek looking at a creature I can’t recall. Something about the dream spiked my lucidity and the scene was replaced by very vivid and colorful hypnagogia (3D, movie-like moving patterns and shapes behind closed eyes). This hypnagogia reminded me of the Flower of Life except the circles that composed it rarely overlapped. The circles were various colors, all pastels and identical to the chakra colors. Each colored circle was spaced equidistant from the others, separated by numerous circles with no color. The entire image moved and breathed behind my closed eyes, seeming to flow along with my energy field which was vibrating quite noticeably.
There was a strong sense that this hypnagogia was different than other times I’ve experienced it. It seemed I was being given the opportunity to heal myself somehow. Yet, I did not recognized this straight away. Instead, I shifted OOB. It was seamless, as if I breathed myself out of my body.
I found myself in an unfamiliar house. A man was with me. I remember seeing him in front of me walking but all I recall of his form was that he was pale white, like ethereal; ghost-like. He was very obviously someone I knew because I felt connected to him, like he was friend or family.
The house we were in was as odd as he was. It seemed composed of walls but the walls were without substance. Yet they were dark and seemed solid. It was like we were inside a hologram of some sort. I could see through the walls if I chose and when I did they appeared to waver and shimmer.
I recall holding the man’s hand and then stopping and turning back. Memory of the hypnagogia came to mind and I knew that I needed to get back to that state. That I needed to take advantage of the opportunity to heal myself.
I let go of the man’s hand and shifted back into my body. I remember thinking about my heart charka as I did this, as if I knew healing was needed there.
As I returned, I was enveloped by the hypnagogia. It’s pulsating, breathing, warm energy/vibration wrapped around me. It was as if I became the hypnagogia and through it I began to be shown areas of my body that needed my attention. I recall talking to someone – a teacher I suppose. He asked me to listen to the energy, to observe and let it show me what I needed to see. The observation here was without sight. It was a feeling sense more than anything. I felt the vibrations at first all over. They seemed consistent but upon further inspection I noticed a distinct difference between the left and right sides of my body. The left side was stronger with “hot” spots. The most noticeable hot spots were just above my left hip and around the left side of my chest/heart area.
I remember hearing the voice asking me to look at the “petals” but I do not recall what happened next. There is a flash of memory of a flower, like a lotus, but that is all.
Dream – Tapping Into The Collective
I woke briefly after that, returned to my meditation and finally drifted off to sleep.
There were many dreams from the night but one in particular woke me. It is hard to recall the specifics now because I was so tired and sleeping quite deeply. What I do recall is observing a scene. In the middle of a floor in a dark room were many figures made of clay. Each one about a foot or less in height. These figures were of people. A faceless person was standing over the figures. The person began to slowly and deliberately step on a figure until it was crushed. Then the person would go on to the next. And the next. And the next. As the person continued to step on the figures I heard someone ask, “How long will this be allowed to continue? Won’t you do something about it?” I then heard this woman call out, “Stop! Will no one stop it!”
There was with this voice an anguish and as I tuned into the emotion a full picture came to mind. I knew each figurine represented a person who was born with a physical or mental defect of some sort. Then each of the clay figures became a person with a story all their own. And all at once I knew their stories. All of them.
Suddenly I was the one crying out for someone to help them. My heart felt to be ripped out of my chest. As my dream self fell into a heap on the floor, I fell into my body as if pulled down by a heavy weight. Then that weight poured out of me in waves of despair.
As I woke and wiped away the tears, I felt a bit stunned. The emotion quickly faded but the memory of it was strong. Here I was experiencing something I had before. It seemed like I somehow tuned into a group of individuals and their Story. Just like in the past I had tuned into other groups – Native Americans and the Autistic – I must have tapped into the collective somehow, taking on the experiences of all those born less than perfect into this harsh world.
Then I remembered that prior to all his I had been shown the area of my heart as a place that needed attention. And I had gone to sleep focused on that area….
I could not sleep after that so I lingered in the in-between for at least an hour. I could feel energy in my body, moving along the left side primarily. My left kidney developed a sharp pain that briefly alarmed me, but it passed very quickly and I could feel the energy move up toward my heart. There is sat, pooling on the left side but there was no discomfort.
As I type this post there is a strong, almost hot energy encircling my throat. The healing continues…