Dream Themes: Owls and Dogs


I am still recovering from my last illness. It just lingers and lingers. Thankfully I do not feel ill, just annoyed to have random coughing episodes. My daughter and sons are also still coughing every once in a while, so I know it is just the illness lingering and not something more severe.

My husband is still out of town but plans to return by the 19th. I am looking forward to a break from being a single parent to three children, especially during the holiday season (Halloween, Thanksgiving and part of Christmas).

I suspect single parenthood is part of the reason I keep getting sick. Too much going on, not as much sleep, higher stress levels – just go, go, go all the time! Being on the go is part of my personality and natural rhythm but I also need time to unwind and de-stress, which I have not really gotten, at least not in the amount I prefer.

Meditation to Balance the Masculine and Feminine

I purchased a book called The Art of Making Sex Sacred. I have only read the first chapter but did a meditation from it that produced a bit of insight. The meditation focuses on the masculine and feminine sides of the Self. Each aspect brings forth information to help balance the two within.

I have done the meditation twice now, once last night and once this morning. The first time I didn’t have much success, probably because my kids were awake and making lots of noise. I was able to get a visual of the two aspects. The male aspect looked like a man but had on some kind of large mask. The female was dressed all in white. This morning I saw these visuals again. I could not see what the mask looked like which bothered me but the male was completely naked. I think the female wore a mask too and she was still dressed in all white, like a flowing gown.

I asked how I could bring my masculine and feminine more into balance. I knew that the masculine is often the dominant one in my personality and I felt that I needed to listen and allow the emotional, creative feminine to express herself more. I was taught to be a strong, independent woman, to distrust men, and that emotion is weakness. Then I got a moving visual of people singing and dancing. I even heard the music to an extent. It was drums I think. I knew the answer was to get my body moving. They call it ecstatic dance, which I had done once before.

So, yesterday, I opted to do a quick ecstatic dance, or dancing meditation. I searched YouTube and found one online that I really liked.

The woman really drew me in and the experience I had indicated that it would be good to continue to practice ecstatic dance at least once a week, maybe more. I felt a tiny release of emotion, mostly relief mixed with sadness, while I was dancing. It reminded me of the last time I participated in ecstatic dance – when I went to Tennessee in 2016.

Dream Themes Continue

I continue to have very vivid dreams and have been seeing a repeat of certain themes since the last dream theme of 12. Usually, when I recognize a theme is present and acknowledge the message it brings, the theme stops. This is what happened with the 12 theme and has also happened with the owl theme thus far. The dog theme has been on-going this month, though, and continues to recur. This could mean I have not yet grasped the meaning of the theme yet.

Dream: Early Ceremony

I was inside a house with a classmate from high school. I also recall another person being there who told me my ceremony (recognition for accomplishments) would be held early. I was given a necklace (a relationship) made of gold with a circle (wholeness, cycle of life) pendant. Inside the pendant was a single diamond (strength) that could be moved up and down. I remember holding it and showing my classmate but not putting it on. An entire speech was said prior to me getting the necklace but I can’t recall it now.

I then talked to my classmate asking her how it felt to be 48 years old. I somehow concluded that I was 47 and about to turn 48. It felt like the month of July for some reason. Not sure if there is significance to this dream but I suspect the message was that something important would occur prior to my 48th birthday.

Owl Theme: 12/7-8/19

Dreams: Owls

In the beginning of one dream I was walking down a path and interacted with various people and objects. In one part I was taking photos of flowers – one was a large sunflower(prosperity). In another part I was looking at owls (wisdom, intuition, psychic gifts) and other animals. I don’t remember much about the rest of this part now.

Then I had a dream of being with my BIL and his family visiting a very nice house for sale in AZ. The house (soul) was a hotel and cost $6 million. The owner was giving us a tour and I was walking through it talking about how nice it would be to own this house in the mountains. The house was like a maze (difficulties and setbacks), though, full of very elaborate furnishings and expensive things. Outside on the veranda was a large body of water that I later discovered was a pool. It was my favorite part.

I got separated from the family and so got lost and had to find my way back to them. I remember seeing the house from above. It was positioned on a plateau with many acres and was the grandest house in the area.

Then we were with my BIL’s family going on a vacation to AZ.  We drove along a dirt road. Cliffs were high on either side with partially built houses in them. We came to an opening and there was a lake on both sides with more houses along it’s banks. One was a huge chateau built into the stone along the lake. The water was very low but blue and clear (positive emotion). I remember mentioning how the road would likely flood when the water got high.

We were going to take a dirt bike tour and I was looking at the cost – $350 or something. We got out of the car and walked a while and my BIL (masculine aspect), who was very dirty, jumped into the water to clean off only the water was very muddy (clouded emotion). I remember seeing an option to go visit the cave dwellings and mentioned doing that before the dirt bikes that would be at 1pm. I also said we could do it the next day. My BIL had to be back to work by Monday, so that didn’t happen.

Then the dream shifted and I was with my Mom at a ranch somewhere in west Texas. We were talking about buying it. I remember saying the mountains were perfect – not too high or too low. The people who previously owned the ranch had animals. I remember she had a baby owl that she raised to adulthood. It flew onto my arm and it looked to have cat (feminine sexuality) ears. I recall being shown it was raise along side a Cougar (feminine desire) and they played roughly together. Very odd!

Dog Theme: 12/10/19

Dream: Peeing Dog

The start of the dream was outside near a pool (cleansing) that was so green with algae (risks, unforeseen problems) that it looked more like a pond. There were people swimming in it and I remember thinking of how difficult it would be to clean the pool. I was also concerned that the pool was toxic. I can’t remember if I was in it or not but amidst the pool memories I recall being in my old bedroom at my moms, the room I occupied while I was in high school.

Then I was walking a dog (protection) that resembled my dog Trooper. We went into a house or apartment that I knew was the home of a my friend Yvonne. My dog suddenly acted like he needed to poop and decided to stop near Yvonne’s sofa table. I tried to pull him off the white, furry rug but he squatted and began to poop anyway. What came out was not poop, though, but a stream of clear water (clear emotion). He then decided to walk as he pooped/peed and left a trail of the stuff across the living room. I could hear Yvonne in the other room teaching a class so I tried to be quiet as I cleaned up as much of the mess as I could. I remember the pee smelled odd. It didn’t smell like poop or pee. I hoped Yvonne wouldn’t notice as I took my dog out of the home quickly.

Note: The next morning my friend Yvonne had tons of posting on Instagram and one was about a walk-in meet-up next summer. Yvonne rarely posts on Instagram and this was the first post I had seen in over a year. Coincidence? Not likely! Similarly, the ecstatic dance coincides with Yvonne and the walk-in group as well. Ha!

Dream: Shifting Dog

In this dream I was driving somewhere along a highway (path in life) when I noticed my dog chasing my car and not giving up no matter how fast I drove. Worried he would exhaust himself or get run over, I pulled off onto the feeder road and stopped the car. At this time he morphed from an Aussie into a tiny wiener dog (be persistent, don’t dally). I stuffed him into my coat and then got into my truck (hard work) where I put him in the tiny back seat.

Then I drove and drove until I reached a very busy highway intersection with ramps that went very high into the air (ascending spirituality). It felt like a hub of some sort. I was looking at a GPS as I walked around trying to decide which ramp to take. Somehow I lost my car and was on foot but I don’t remember when this happened.

I began to walk up a very steep ramp along with many other people. My dog was with me in my arms. As I walked the GPS said, “Take ramp 2” and then said, “Recalculating” indicating that I had taken the wrong ramp. I remember thinking, “I can’t back up on a one-way ramp” but then realizing I was on foot (my individual path) and I could turn around and go back. I walked a bit back toward the bottom and then tried to jump over to ramp 2 when I saw a large space between the two ramps and a drop far down to the ground that would kill me if I fell. So I continued to walk down further. I climbed over the rail (barrier to progress) to get to ramp 2 without any issue. Someone commented that it was unusual to jump over the rails and I responded that I had to get over there.

Then my dog was loose, the wiener dog, and an older couple was reacting with surprise. I went after him and he morphed into a tiny baby (new ideas, new potential) and jumped into the space between the ramps that should have been a drop but instead was water. I watched as the baby floated in the water for a little while feeling at first like I couldn’t move to go rescue him. Then I felt able to move and swooped in and picked him up. I asked him why he jumped in and he said, “So you could rescue me.”

The dream continues with me walking up the correct ramp. I saw a mother and her daughter discussing the many places to visit in the city the ramp led to. I saw a map with various colleges and the daughter pointed to a stadium at a college saying she was going to visit. I commented that I would never attend such a big university in a big city like that – too many people and I don’t like people very much.

Then I recall being inside a building where there were many people milling about looking at various pamphlets for colleges and universities in the area. Along the sides of the room were people sitting at desks with PCs. I remember noticing that others in my group were absent and then remembering that they were on their college day and that I had taken my day the day before.


Overall, my dreams seem to be pointing at me doing more inner work and healing. Along with the illnesses I have been dealing with it could be that I am undergoing a massive physical and emotional clearing in preparation for something to come.

The dog symbol could be a reminder to stay protected or that I am protected. The dogs that morph go from a dog in my past to an unknown dog to a baby. This in itself seems to point to clearing up issues from the past, seizing the moment and “rescuing” ideas and potential that may have been lost or forgotten.

The owl has long been my totem. I have had real-life encounters with the Great Horned Owl throughout my life but most of my encounters have been in dream time since my awakening. I find it curious that I saw the owl as having “cat ears”. My guess is I was seeing a Great Horned Owl who looked to have cat ears. Also, cats tend to be a common theme of mine indicating feminine power and sexuality. So perhaps I am being advised to listen to my intuition and dreams (owls) and stop denying my feminine power (cats)?

Full Moon Skunk Encounter

I’ve been meaning to write but just haven’t followed through. I was waiting for something to shift, for my monkey mind to quiet down a bit more and for my body to feel less “off”. Yesterday all these things were beginning to line up and this morning it seems to be holding steady…..so far anyway.

Full Moon Skunk Encounter

But before I get ahead of myself, let’s go back to the 12th. I took Monty on a walk in the evening, just as the sun was setting. I saw the full moon in the distance so walked into an open field to get a better look. I stopped and marveled at its beauty, took a couple of photos and turned around to leave. That’s when I saw it. A skunk, walking toward me, nose down and completely unaware of me and my dog. Shocked, I stood and watched, knowing this was a message and to pay attention. The skunk lumbered toward me and Monty, happily feasting on grubs and oblivious to our presence. I took some photos and stuck around a while because I have never been that close to a skunk. I’ve seen them from my car but never without something between me and the skunk.


Photo of skunk in low light so quite blurry but you get the idea. 😉 

The full moon itself marks the peak of a cycle. It brings illumination and clarity. It heightens awareness and intensifies dream activity. It brings insight into past patterns and assist us in using that knowledge to better prepare for the future.

The skunk’s main message is “do no harm”. It reminds us that there are times when we must defend ourselves, yes, but to remember to do so in a way that does not hurt or damage others.

In times where threats are not imminent, the skunk reminds us to be patient, prudent and silent. Like Mr. Skunk showed me in that field, sometimes it is best to mind our own business, to be self-assured and confident in our own path while allowing others to follow theirs. Mr. Skunk may have known all along that me and Monty were there observing him but he went his merry way to the point of coming directly toward us, tail in the air as if to say, “I see you but I am not afraid.”

Overall, seeing Mr. Skunk brought me great joy and I carried that with me all the way home, sharing the pictures and video with my family. My children were especially fascinated because to them a skunk was just an unpleasant smell. Now they know they are quite cute and almost….cuddly. lol

More Panic

Friday and Saturday brought more uneasiness and anxiety, unfortunately. I just felt overly aware of everything that was going on with my body. My heart space felt odd and that would lead to my focusing on the feeling and it increasing to the point that I would become nervous about it. My heart rate would increase and an overall ill feeling would come over me.

Saturday I asked my husband to go on a walk with me because the feeling was making it very hard for me to function. Thankfully the walk seemed to tone it down and all odd heart sensations vanished. They returned the end of the day on yet another walk but I was able to manage it, but I felt like a failure since I know it is my thoughts that is fueling the incidences.

Sunday I woke feeling much better. So much so that I opted to do a workout and see if I could avoid another exercise induced panic attack. I started with a walk. Sadly, the panic began to set in but this time I opted to sing a song to myself as a distraction. I chose a song my grandmother use to sing on her many walks – One Day at a Time. As soon as I started to sing a huge bubble of emotion formed in my chest and went up into my throat. I began to cry and the pressure in my throat released. I continued to sing, allowing the emotion to flow and suddenly it felt as if I were floating rather than walking down the sidewalk. I had the strangest sense that I was OOB and the world around me a dream.

I made it home and took a short break before continuing with my weight lifting routine, one I hadn’t done in over a week. The first part was rough, though, because every time my heart rate went up I began to panic a little. I kept having to talk myself down and take breaks. Eventually, though, something clicked. I remember the song One Day at a Time and the strange release I had during my walk. I went down stairs briefly and when I returned it was like I did a 180. I felt revived with zero fear and completed my workout with gusto. When it was all over I felt wonderful, as if I had slayed the anxiety dragon.

This morning it was so nice outside that I decided to do a short run-walk interval (about 20 minutes). I stayed close to the house and did the intervals without ending up in panic mode. However, when I checked my heart rate later when reviewing my run it had gotten pretty high toward the end, much higher than it should have been. Just seeing that my heart rate went so high with so little exertion worried me and so then I had to work through some rising pangs of panic. Thankfully nothing major. Obviously I have some issues relating to fear of death coming up that need to be sorted. The last thing I want to do is avoid future issues by completely ceasing all exercise. I just have to take it a bit slower and easier than I am use to and be kind and loving to myself.


Interestingly, my dreams over the weekend indicated some deep healing work was taking place, specifically on my heart. My guidance indicated that the work was nearly complete and to allow and thoroughly feel the emotions that were being released. There was incidences prior to sleep where I tuned into my heart space and got brief glimpses into the blockage there. When the emotion came up, it came up in spurts that lasted only moments. With each rise of emotion came tears, a feeling of pressure in my throat and a sense of release, as if my body was throwing off a heavy burden.

In those brief moments of release I made sure I paid attention to how the energy moved and how my body responded. The energy would rise from my core in waves, traveling up the sides of my body and converging in my throat where they would form a knot of energy. It seemed the only way to release the knot was to make noise – a sigh, a gasp, anything worked.

When the episodes passed I found myself longing for them to return. Not because I enjoyed the emotion but because I was fascinated by the process.

That same night I was asked by my guidance if perhaps it was time to “turn over a new leaf” and “start a new chapter” in my life. I am not exactly sure what this may be in reference to but message noted.


I recognized that the heart sensations I had been feeling were nothing unusual. I have felt them in the past. Heart chakra pressure and pulling indicating a blockage being released. I had felt them numerous times in the past. Yet for some odd reason this time around I associated the feeling with a physical body issue. Probably because the panic episode I had at the end of August felt so very much like I was dying.

I have been paying more attention to how the panic episodes make me feel. The feelings leading up to the attacks are generally a feeling of uneasiness, a kind of light-headedness, and then strange tingly feelings up and down my arms. Sometimes my head hurts and I feel tired or shaky, but this seems only to happen when my blood sugar is low. For example, the headache will come out of the blue accompanied by shakiness and if I don’t stop right then and eat something then I will end up with a pounding heart which causes the panic. Generally the panic attacks last no more than a 5 minutes unless low blood sugar is involved, then they can last much longer.

The full-blown panic attacks that make me feel like I am dying cause my heart to pound to the point of breathlessness and my chest to feel weird. The first one of those I had dates all the way back to 2003 (during meditation no less)! It makes me certain I will pass out and die. It is hard to shut down those kinds of thoughts but it is possible. Unfortunately, the whole experience leaves me exhausted and dreading it happening again.

I’ve had my most recent panic issues on and off for a while now (since 2016) – when running, when in public places, when drinking alcohol – but the panic attacks began to escalate after September last year. Since then I have been having more and more incidences of panic and they have been increasingly more alarming. My best guess is that a massive clearing began at some point last year and has been in process ever since. It feels like yet another layer of crap being released. I can only hope that what my guidance has been telling me – that it will be over soon – is true.


The Power of Thought

So yesterday I realized that I need to have better control over my thoughts. I had to run errands and drive to several place and was beginning to worry. That is when my guidance gave me a nudge, reminding me of what I have have long been aware of: My thoughts create my reality.

Yeah, yeah. You are thinking, “Duh! How could she forget?” I don’t think I have forgotten. I think I have been distracted and falling into old habits and patterns which is much easier to do than focus on controlling my thoughts.

Yesterday in the car I saw distinctly that I needed to just shut down my monkey mind. It isn’t that I have to constantly be observing my mind chatter, either. All I have to do is listen to my body. When I feel “off” – anxious, sick, uneasy, sweaty, uncomfortable, etc – I need to look to my thoughts. More than likely I will find that I am thinking something negative. If I turn off those thoughts and focus on something positive the discomfort or symptom(s) begins to fade.

I tried it in the car. My body was giving me the first signs of a panic attack – uneasiness, sweaty palms, irregular breathing, nervousness and various worry thoughts. I looked to my thoughts and shut down the negative ones and replaced them with how I wanted to feel and be in that moment. For example, rather than think, “Oh no, it is gonna happen again” I thought, “Everything is fine. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

All the symptoms vanished.

It was so obvious in that moment that I had been creating my reality. Why now, after over 4 decades of life, it is manifesting in physical body issues? Well, I have been warned for some time now that my manifestation abilities are heightened now so there is an acceleration in the results. So rather than the delay I am use to it is more immediate. This is good and bad. Good in that I can really get to work on shifting my life. Bad in that if I allow my monkey mind too much control I end up with very uncomfortable physical symptoms.

It goes back to the “other me” that I have been feeling and hearing in the background. She is fearful and has a kind of death wish thing going on. I have to help her and heal her but I also cannot give her so much power over my life. She is the wounded aspect of me. My inner child. The “walk-out” who just won’t let go. Maybe all three in one. She runs on auto-pilot, instinct and emotion.

And I wondered to myself how I could fall back into old patterns so easily? I saw instantly it was purposeful.


On August 22 I had an encounter with the biggest gecko I have ever seen around my house. He was a good 6 inches long and I have only ever seen small, 1-2 inch ones.

This morning on my way into the house I turned and saw another massive gecko near the front door. When he saw me he ran and hid. I turned and saw three babies on the door all much bigger than what I normally see.

I could not get a photo of the geckos this morning but I did get some of the first big one back in August. Here they are:

It was immediately obvious to me to pay attention to the message of the gecko.

The Gecko teaches us to do what we must in struggles, there may be opposing energies at play in our lives and you are reminded not to be passive. While the Gecko is naturally harmless, it is not afraid to bite if provoked. If you prevent opposition from occurring now, you will prevent it in the future. You may experience greater dream activity at this time and Gecko advises you to pay attention to what is revealed. It is a time to do what you must to restore order and bring an end to any conflicts. Gecko teaches the importance of righteous anger and reminds you to use it.

Interestingly enough, when I saw this morning’s gecko I was thinking about my dreams, dreams that points to upcoming change and difficulty.

Dream: Audit

I was in a big library talking to a woman about a credit card I had just gotten. She was warning me of the fine print, saying I should have read it because there was a clause that stated that after a certain amount of time the card company would audit (period of examination) me. I was pleased that I had paid off the card and not used it and thought this would save me from the possibility of an audit. The lady told me that it would happen anyway and to have all documentation ready.

I don’t remember much of the location where this happened except large books on book shelves. They looked old and like encyclopedias (knowledge, wisdom). The woman seemed to be a friend but I can’t remember what she looked like.

The dream shifts and I am on this steep, rocky road (life path) with the woman and another woman. The card company is coming to do the audit. I am walking down to meet them. I recall large, white boulders (obstacles, problems) in the road. It was very, very steep to the point that I had to look down as I walked to avoid tripping and injuring myself.

At one point there was a large aircraft. Maybe a plane (journey, transcendence), hard to remember. It came sliding down the steep driveway and scooped us up. I remember being inside it and knowing it was going way too fast so I ran up the tail end and jumped out the back which was open. I stood watching the others fly to the bottom of the road in the plane and make it down safely.

There is memory of four viles of blood (vitality, energy) that needed to be tested. This felt to be part of the audit but I am not sure how. I just remember seeing the viles.

Dream: Relocating to Montana

I arrived at a house located in the mountains of Montana (spiritual achievement). It was way high up in the mountains and there were no other people or houses to be seen for miles. All I could see were fields of sage and massive purple mountains all around me. The view was fantastic!

There was a discussion about the weather for the week. I remember hearing snow (frozen emotion) for three days followed by rain (achievement, success). I asked how it would make for traveling. Wouldn’t it really mess up the roads? I saw in my mind snow being melted by the rain and worried a bit about black ice, but I never saw any ice.

I went outside to enjoy the view while the sun was still shining. It was summer and the sky seemed never-ending. My thoughts were on how I needed to enjoy it while it lasted because summers were short and winters were brutal. Memories of when I lived in Montana came to mind. Memories of walking to school in winter and seeing the majestic mountains covered in snow with the sun just peaking over the top. It always took my breath away! It was also brutally cold and miserable. But those brief moments of purple mountains on calm, clear mornings made it all worthwhile.

I saw two cars parked nearby and decided to take photos of their license plates. I don’t know why I did this except that maybe I needed proof that I was really in Montana. What is odd is that the back plates were missing on both cars. So I went to the front (movement forward) and saw the plates. One had the letter “Q” so I went to the other one that had a more normal plate number.

I knelt down in the partially snow covered grass to take a picture. That is when I heard a car coming up the drive. I looked up and saw a white delivery truck. A man got out and came toward me with papers.

The man looked like an Alaska native, short with black hair and a fat, flat nose. He asked for me and I stood up, explaining why I had been on the ground. He handed me the papers and said that I was being served. He showed me the papers and said, “We will need new contact information for you. Your number is out of service.” I said, “Oh yes. I got a new phone number when I moved here.” Saying this made me feel proud and a little excited. The move felt permanent.

Papers in my hand, I looked at them and saw some very huge numbers – like $200K in money owed. I spoke with the man for a while about the papers and money saying that it was weird that the company said they would handle the blood tests (viles from previous dream) for a certain amount but when I decided to go another, less expensive route, they claim I owe them more.

It felt like I was being sued (justice) in the dream but I didn’t seem to care.


Overall the dream made me feel good, which is odd because I was being audited and then sued. The Montana dream felt to be the most important. The message I got from it was the enjoy the moment. It also hints of the calm before the storm, those moments when things are beautiful and calm and then the ones that are the opposite. I seem to understand that those small moments of clarity and beauty are to be cherished and I attempt to do just that in the dream. It was so beautiful and every time I return to Montana in my dreams I am blown away by the beauty and wish I could be there again. Then I remember the harsh winters and change my mind. It just doesn’t feel worth it.

Perhaps that is how I have been viewing life, too? There seem way more bad times than good. I struggle to enjoy the good times because I am always anticipating the bad ones.

Weekend of Clarity and Well-Being

This weekend has brought with it clarity and a feeling of well-being. 🙂

Friday night I went to Beck’s Night Running Tour at the Austin 360 Amphitheater. The main reason I went was because Cage the Elephant was going to be playing. Spoon was also there but I saw only the last portion of their concert.

Overall, my favorite was, of course, Cage the Elephant, despite Beck’s performance and sound being so much better. I just don’t vibe with Beck very much. He’s – unique. lol But so is Cage the Elephant. The lead singer, Matt Shultz, was wearing bright pink/purple parachute pants and a black bee keeper’s mask at the beginning of the show. Then he put on a black hockey mask. Then he started stripping on stage (lol). At the end he climbed on top of a tower close to where I was sitting while Queen’s “We Are the Champions” was playing. By this time he looked completely naked but he was wearing a skin toned body suit. lolol Definitely a memorable performance!


I didn’t get home until past midnight and I was so wired that I didn’t get to sleep until after 2am. Oh well. It was worth it.

The best part of the whole experience was that I did not experience even one panic episode. As you can see from the pics, there were hundreds of people there and we were packed pretty tightly. So, no anxiety was refreshing.

This song was the one playing during the pic of the purple colored stage. I woke up this morning with the part, “Time, flies by, they all sang along…” going through my head.

Signs and Syncs

The next day – yesterday – I woke up after only 4 hours of sleep. I had a busy day but thankfully the lack of sleep didn’t bother me. I took the kids to my Mom’s house for a visit and we had a wonderful time swimming, eating and enjoying each others company.

I took my mom fresh veggies from our garden to include baby sweet peppers, cherry tomatoes and a massive watermelon. When we cut open the watermelon we were surprised to find it had yellow flesh. I didn’t know I bought that kind of seedling!

During the visit some interesting things happened. First, my mom told me they had killed a massive snake. She showed it to me. It looks to be a huge King snake. I told her she should have let it live. 😦


Then there were hummingbirds everywhere and it seemed they came to visit at really coincidental times.

Finally, on the way home we encountered tons of deer and it was still quite early for them to be out. They would not move so I took a video and caught the lone buck, antlers still covered in velvet, on camera. Sorry, I can’t post the video but he was an eight point (four point for you northerners). Very beautiful and majestic.

Then, as I drove home, I was very relaxed and calm. Usually – well lately anyway – I get nervous when I am driving because of all the panic episodes I’ve had while in the car. This time I felt very similar to how I use to feel when I would have spiritual experiences in the car. It was very nice!

This morning I knew the signs from the trip to my Mom’s house are reflections of my state of being. The dead snake is the most significant because I decided that I am done with following the Kundalini like I have been. It is clear to me now more than ever how the K comes to reveal the hidden in unexpected ways. I had thought I was meant to follow it and the feelings it brings but I realize now that “follow” is all wrong. Observe is better. Under no circumstances should I (or you) assume anything about what is being observed. Do not seek out the positive feelings, but allow them to pass without attaching to them. Avoid connecting those feelings to a specific person for they (the person) is not the cause but a reflection.

Hummingbirds are courage, determination and flexibility. Deer are spiritual authority, regeneration, and watchfulness.

Dream: Louisiana Cats

I was learning about a native people’s in Louisiana who were cooperating with colonists to save an endangered big cat (the feminine) species from extinction by offering it a safe place to live. The cat was often misunderstood as vicious and dangerous to people, when in reality it was passive and no threat at all. The cat looked fierce enough but it had no claws and did not hunt for food like most big cats. Instead, its actions were very similar to a deer – quiet, reclusive, and sensitive to its environment.

The majority of the dream was me listening to the story about the long ago past, during Colonial times and well before many of the states of the U.S. existed. I watched as two peoples came together for a common cause – protecting the endangered big cats. The Natives had tattooed bodies and faces but were gentle peoples. The colonists cared about the land and animals, striving for peace and community.

I recall seeing the land that is now the state of Texas. Part of it was covered by the color red (anger, aggression, passion) – the southern, central, and eastern parts. I was told a tropical storm (swift change, warning) or hurricane by the name of “Heather” was coming. I saw the red zones extend into the southern part of Louisiana. Then I saw the faces of the big cats which resembled female lions (timing, power). These quickly shifted into visions of spotted fawns (silence, mediation, solace) being licked by their mothers and an entire herd of does and newborn fawns. The visual was focused on the fawns and the mothers were use their heads to encourage them to stand.

Dream: Cat and Mouse

I was walking along a country road with my mom and three children. It was hot. The sun was high in the sky. Tall, browning grasses covered the sides of the road. A country house and farm was off to the right, the gravel road and roofs of the structure there the only thing visible.

As we walked a tiny, dark brown mouse (timing, observation) ran ahead of us. He felt like a pet and I kept watch over him as he scurried along. At times I feared he would be eaten by a bird of prey flying over head, especially when he ran out into the open. Overall, he felt important. I definitely cared about the little mouse.

Then I noticed an old tree, bare of leaves, its branches covering half of the road and casting shade over all of us. I heard a scratching sound. It was really loud. I looked up toward the noise and saw a huge Mountain Lion (feminine, the Kundalini) sharpening its claws on the tree. I grabbed my phone and began to take a video. The big cat saw me and I got nervous, backing away and getting farther and farther from my mom and kids who were still standing below the tree.

I kept videoing and the mouse, which was ahead of me now, was lost from view. I remember thinking, “He will be okay” but worrying about him nonetheless and hoping he was safe. My focus was now on my children and their safety. I yelled at them to hurry and they did but my youngest lagged behind. I knew at any moment the big cat could pounce. I wondered if I should make noise to try and scare him away but something told me this cat was different. He was hungry.


The feeling when I woke from these dreams was that I was reviewing the decision I made about the Kundalini energy. The first dream seems to be about the Divine Feminine and Kundalini energy itself – the misunderstanding, history and protection of it. Storms are always warnings. In this case it has a name and I wonder what exactly the symbolism of that name is. The shift from cat to deer has me wondering if I am seeking to emulate the characteristics of the doe and her fawn (mom and baby).

The second dream is very obviously about the threat I feel from the Kundalini energy. I am in protective mode, specifically of my children. The little mouse is interesting to me. I seem to love it and want to protect it. My best guess, based on the below info, is that it symbolizes my fear of something bad happening to my family because of the Kundalini.

Mouse as a totem – Mouse people know the greatest value in life is having the family together in one place. They don’t find happiness in material things. They are adaptable and goal-oriented.

Mouse dream symbol – can be a message to be careful and be on the lookout for something up and coming that could tempt you or be harmful to you (or your family).

The cat is hungry in the dream. This means the Kundalini is not finished. It is still lurking, ravenous.


The Full Story

Hope you all had a great Easter holiday with family. I took my children to my mom’s house where we had a nice meal, hunted for eggs and went swimming. It was in the mid-80’s so nice and warm, though the water was pretty cold and we ended up in the hot tub more than the pool.

Since we were near our old house, we went to investigate the renovations. The house was open and cleared out so we did a walk through. The entire upstairs had been gutted, leaving only the beams and outer walls. The fire had most obviously stayed in the attic area because almost all of the damage was in the roof.


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Overall the damage to the house didn’t upset me but my daughter and oldest son were a little disturbed. Both of them remember the house from their childhood so it, of course, would be upsetting.

The Full Story

Both my step-father and later my husband would tell me the full story as given to them by the wife of the man who died. The night of his suicide the wife had opted to not sleep in the bed with her husband because of a long-time upset of him not sleeping in the bed with her. Instead he would work through the night in a type of mania. They had been trying to reconcile their relationship since Christmas and he had been doing well, going to counseling and meeting all her demands, but he had started slacking. So that evening when she took her stuff to sleep downstairs he asked her, “Are you sleeping downstairs.” She replied she was and told him, “You made your bed, now sleep in it.”

This set him off and he drank an entire bottle of wine while muttering and writing all over the walls and the bed sheets. He was blaming his wife for everything he had done and would do. He pulled all her clothes down from the closet and put them in a pile on the floor. She had just bought them and he thought she was trying to find a new man. He stood over them holding matches as he accused her of cheating on him.

She stayed downstairs most of the time and he would sometimes yell, “Is this really what you want?” And she would say, “Of course not. Come downstairs and lets talk about it.” But he refused and got more and more erratic. At one point he disconnected the internet so that she could not use it.

She took the pistol and hid it and later went up to check on him. He mentioned to her about the pistol and then pulled the shotgun out from under the bed. He knelt down on the floor with it, barrel up and looked at her, saying, “Is this what you want?” Then he discharged it into the ceiling. Fearing he intended a murder suicide, she got out of there as quickly as she could, grabbed the house phone and went outside. She called 911 as she hid in the bushes.

Outside she waited as the 911 operator talked to her. Through a window she saw her husband go downstairs with the shotgun in his hands. That was the last time she saw him. She did not hear it when he shot himself in the head but she did hear the fire alarms when the fire was set.

911 called out SWAT and they arrived first and one of them took her far from the house. Then the fire truck arrived but by then most of the upstairs had been destroyed by the fire.

Later, the men looking through the rubble found her husband’s phone under the pile of burned clothes he had lit on fire. She got the phone in working condition and then found over 4 hours of voice recordings from that night. She also found texts he had sent to family before he died telling them, “Listen to the recording”. There were older texts with a friend who had suggested she might be cheating on him.

She later found out that he had switched his life insurance plan from her being the sole beneficiary to her and four other family members. He did this while with family over the Christmas holiday. This might suggest that he intended to kill himself all the way back then and might have had a suicide plan ahead of time.

The night he killed himself he took the dogs downstairs (they had four) and then set fire to her clothes in the closet. He then positioned himself so that his body would fall into the fire after he shot himself. He created his own funeral pyre. The official cause of death was by gunshot, not fire.


The wife does not intend to live in the house again. She was advised to repair the damage and put the house on the market. I suggested to my husband that we buy it back. He is about to get a huge promotion allowing us to afford two mortgages if we chose. So I figure why not buy it back? So my husband spoke to the owner and she said she would consider selling it to us, we just don’t know if she will offer it to us before she puts it on the market or if she will make us wait and compete with other offers. If she chooses the latter and there is a bidding war, we likely won’t have a chance.

Based upon what my husband told me, she seems most interested in making a profit off the property. He says she was very bitter toward her husband and angry that he changed the life insurance and put her in the position of having to deal with a damaged house. So while I would love to return to our old home, the odds do not look to be in our favor unless we somehow end up getting enough cash to buy it outright (which is not impossible).

Other News

Almost a week ago now, my children found a baby dove wrapped in tissue in a planter along the sidewalk. We rescued him and have been feeding and caring for him ever since. He is thriving and getting bigger and stronger every day. He was just getting feathers when we found him. He now has full feathered wings and almost full feathers on the rest of his body. We call him “Birdy” and he lives in a cardboard box as his “nest”. Soon he will be trying to fly and be out of the nest, though. It is just a matter of time.


I kind of see this little bird as a message but it is hard to say exactly if he represents anything, really. It is just a feeling. I suspect that by the time we release him that it will be symbolic of a similar transformation being complete for me. I have often received messages of how I am like a baby bird who eventually must eventually learn to fly and leave the nest. Perhaps some phase is soon to come to an end? We’ll see, I guess.

Dove Symbolism and Meaning:

  • Love
  • Grace
  • Promise
  • Devotion
  • Divinity
  • Holiness
  • Sacrifice
  • Maternal
  • Ascension
  • Messenger
  • Hopefulness
  • Purification





Snapping Turtle Message

I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.

What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.

When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.

Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.

However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.

It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.

I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol

Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.

Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?

Snapping Turtle

This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.

After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.


I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.

Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!

Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:

Some journey has come to its final end.

Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.

Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.

Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.

It’s time to go your own way.


It is amazing to me how the Universe works, how it sends a messenger to answer the questions I had going through my mind just prior.


As I was editing this post a song came to mind – Fleetwood Mac’s (who is playing here in Austin in February) – Go Your Own Way.

Hahaha and if you click on the link above “Austin in February” you will see that this message repeats:

Going Their Own Way in 2018!



More strange dreams and visions last night.

Vision – Cougar

I had a very close-up encounter with a mountain lion/cougar. I was face-to-face with it. There was no message with it, no sense of fear or awe, just the encounter. I did not see it’s entire body, just it’s face. When I came out of my reverie my thought was that it was beautiful.

This is the second cougar encounter I’ve had. The first was a dream not long ago where I saw a cougar in my grandmother’s garden. I was not afraid of it then, either.

I am reminded of a real life encounter I had with cougar. It was years ago when I lived in Montana. There was this particular route my ex-husband and I use to hike, and sometimes cross country ski, in the mountains. At the time he was hunting elk during bow season. I always went with him even though I didn’t hunt. I enjoyed hiking the beautiful terrain and took every opportunity I could to get close to a herd of elk.

Early on in the hike my ex told me, “Don’t move.” He said it in such a way that I froze on the spot. He then pointed to the ridge. I looked up and saw a mountain lion staring back at us. She was the same color as the grass, so well camouflaged that I would never have seen her had he not pointed her out. I don’t remember being afraid, but excited. She was really close, even closer through the scope of the rifle. Eventually she left and we went on our way. My ex reassured me telling me they don’t usually attack full grown humans. Still, I was looking behind me for a while after that. lol

I looked up the symbolism of the cougar. This is what I discovered:

Your coming into your power
Take charge, step-up and show your strength
Set clear intention to navigate your path
Lead by example
Do not force others to follow
Key words: courage, opportunity, assertiveness, action

All of the above reflect what I have been feeling/intuiting lately. I have been feeling especially ferocious, like the Lion in me is ready to tear up whatever stands in my way. For example, yesterday we took our kids to a local hamburger place, Hat Creek. While sitting at one of the long, picnic style booths, a woman stood behind my husband waiting for him to move. She was waiting maybe 1 minute and said something in a quiet voice to him. The room was very noisy so he didn’t hear her until maybe the third time she spoke. He moved, smiling, but as she passed him by she rolled her eyes at him. He didn’t see it but I saw it. OMG I was ready to attack that woman! LOL Instead I said as loud as I could, “Someone’s got an attitude problem.” She didn’t hear. It was too loud in there.

It took me a good 10 minutes to calm down. I kept watching the woman and her family and all these judgement were surfacing. I just let them pass and reminded myself to choose love instead. Despite this I ended up being critical of humanity itself as I watched the parents (75% of which were overweight or obese) feed their children fatty, greasy foods. I fantasized about passing out the nutrition information of the food there to everyone, asking if they knew what they were eating and how it was affecting their health/body. I wondered how long it would take for someone to take offense or for the owners to escort me out. I looked down at my salad and then at my own kids who were rejecting their burgers, proud that I had at least taught my own children a bit about healthy choices.

So, yeah, feeling a bit fierce these days. 🙂 Even now, in recalling the whole situation, I want to go on and on about how screwed up Americans are, how self-indulgent, unhealthy, materialistic, etc, etc. You get the idea.

Similarly, I sense in myself an unwillingness to put up with shit in my life, specifically within my home. But there is also a patience that goes along with it that is keeping me from going overboard. I am grateful for that part because I tend to jump the gun when I get like this. I make quick decisions without first considering how those decisions might affect others. So, at least I am getting the part of the message that says, “Don’t force others to follow.”

Note: Just considered the slang meaning of “cougar” – a woman who seeks sex with significantly younger men. Gotta laugh about this. 


Dream – Doctor Visit

I had what seemed like a dream that lasted all night. In it I was first a doctor and then a patient. As the doctor (my ability to heal or help) I was a part of a team that was in the process of expanding. New doctors were coming on board. I observed the group get larger and was upset by the tendency of the other doctors to compete with one another. One of the first things these new doctors were told was, “We are all equals here. There is no need to try and outdo one another.” Yet they seemed not to get the message. I remember telling my coworker, “See? They are doing it (competing).”

As the patient I walked into a large clinic setting and met with a male doctor who seemed quite young. I believe I was pregnant (new potential) but can’t be certain. My initial exam revealed I had a very high heart rate – 371. When I first saw the number I didn’t think anything of it but then realized it was high. I asked, “Isn’t that kind of high?” He nodded and told me to wait while he consulted with someone.

When he left I decided to take a nap there on the table, knowing it would get my heart rate down. In my memory I see the numbers go down- 340, 200, 170 – and I kept telling myself, “You just need to relax. Relax.” This is lkely a real message from myself to myself.

Eventually I got up because I was feeling really drowsy and knew I needed to wake up. I went to a bathroom and took out my retainers (holding back) which I had been wearing the whole time. I noticed one of my top, middle teeth (concerned about losing control) was crooked. I pressed on it and shifted back into place really easily. Concerned, I put my retainer (seeking to hold back something) back in.

Then I heard a commotion from the other room. A door opened and two large dogs (protection, friendship, fidelity) were let in, one black and the other blonde. They were rowdy but friendly. One of the doctors shut the door without realizing I was inside with the dogs. I walked past the dogs and knocked on the door saying, “Hey, I’m in here.” They opened it.

Then the scene shifted and I was in a car (life path) heading toward a very special, invitation only gathering. When I arrived there was this sense that this was a very exclusive group of people who were involve in the occult. When I got inside the room was very dark but grande, resembling a castle. I was questioned several times about whether I belonged there. I told them I did. I was challenged to prove myself and shown two swords (strength, ambition, decisiveness, willpower), one on either side of the room. The swords were kept inside box-shaped cases attached to the platform on which I was standing. I saw them rise up out of their cases as if waiting to be wielded (ready to take back my power).

A man questioned my being there, saying I did not belong. A woman appeared out of thin air, as if a ghost or apparition. I only remember seeing her face hovering between the two sword cases. She had blonde hair (maybe another version of myself) and was very attractive. She told the others that I did belong and that she would not have it any other way. She challenged them to challenge her. No one did.

Music Message

When I woke a song was going through my mind, one I have not heard in ages. With it I thought, “Ghost.” I recognized the song went with the movie Ghost but in recalling my dream and the ghostly woman toward the end, I wonder what the purpose of this song really is.

Something about the song and dream made me feel hopeless. I know it is the waiting, the passage of so much time, that is the hardest. It makes me want to give up. Most of the time I am not even sure what I am waiting for. Is it to go Home? Is it purely a spiritual homesickness? Or is it something I am waiting for here on Earth, a physical experience, I am waiting for?

Regardless, I am reminded of the feeling I seem to have always had in this lifetime. The feeling is that I do not belong and my real family is out there and I want/need to be with them. Yet I feel tethered to this illusion and unable – not allowed – to go to my real family. Ultimately it feels like I have been cursed.

More Spiders

As if to remind me again that I need to be patient and only act at the right time, I found another spider in my house. This time he was very tiny and trying to hide in plain sight. I took him outside and even when free he immediately hid from me.

Image may contain: plant, outdoor and nature

Common House spider, October 14th.

I believe this is a Common House Spider, but am not completely certain. He did not have a web. He was about the size of the tip of my finger.

As with the other spiders I have made contact with, I was fascinated by him. I got as close as I could, even shined a flashlight on him.

This spider visit came after a tiny jumping spider I found in my kitchen on October 8th. Here is a picture of him:

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Jumping spider, October 8th.

When I attempted to let him go he jumped back onto me without my knowing and then tried to run under the kitchen cabinets. I had to catch him again and put him outside. lol