Entering Another Section of the Equinox Portal: Clearing the Human Genetic Line

Whew! I feel I have made it to the “other side” of the hellish purging. Finally, some relief is to be had. However, I was given a glimpse in my dreams of what to expect in the coming weeks of June. June, in fact, is one hell of a month for those of us nearing the final stages of the embodiment journey. We are not done yet. Not by a long-shot!

If you do not follow my other blog, check out the video I posted yesterday for more information on what was happening over the last two weeks and what to expect in the first two weeks of June.

Dream Revelations

I spent all night walking in the shoes of my ancestors. I went back hundreds of years, visiting family members as far back as the 1600’s (maybe even further back than that). In the dream I was in a cemetery unearthing their graves, busting through the casings that covered the earth they were buried under, and reading their names and dates of life-death as I received information on their individual histories.

As I met one they would join me as I met with another. In the end I had a crowd of ancestors, all female, at my side. It was made clear that our combined history was much more than DNA, much more than blood, much more than these bodies we occupy incarnation after incarnation.

There is faint memory of an energy coursing through me as I experienced this. I am certain it was Kundalini energy, muted by lack of lucidity and the result of a request I made months ago to lessen my awareness of it. Even as I try to recall it, the memory seems to run away from me, hiding. I am okay with it as I understand it is necessary that I not get caught up in the crazy energy and my near-obsession with it.

Clearing Two “Genetic” Lines

When I awoke I recalled much more than just the dreams. In fact, the dreams themselves and the specifics of them were mostly tossed in recognition and understanding of the bigger picture they represented.

Our ancestral line consists of two branches: biological/genetic organism and spiritual Being. Though it may seem that we as spiritual beings would select a specific human genetic line to reincarnate in over and over, this is not the case. We often purposefully avoid staying within the same human genetic line. Some will reincarnate within the same family multiple times, but it is more likely that we will reincarnate within the same geographic area than within the same genetic line.

However, in contrast, we will reincarnate with our spiritual family almost exclusively. It is very rare that we experience close ties in our incarnations with someone who is not part of this family, extended or otherwise. Yes, we are all “related” but we have specific soul groups we associate with. I am told this association is along the lines of vibration and experience level. These others are our “family” and their vibration/experience is analogous to the “blood” ties we have with out human genetic family.

Currently, as we continue to peel away the layers of the False Self, we are exploring and clearing both the human genetic line of our current physical body as well as the spiritual one.


When we come into a physical body we negotiate a symbiotic relationship with it – the mutually beneficial kind. Believe it or not, the human genetic organism is a Being within itself, one with its own experiences and purpose separate from our own. It is very simplistic compared to us but nonetheless it is to be respected as any living organism on planet Earth.

In memories of relating to various bodies over lifetimes, I viewed the bodies I occupied much like I view a beloved pet. I loved each of them. I cared for them, their well-being, their health. I wanted to be with them and did not want them to die. I had a strong attachment to them. To experience the death of my body was like experiencing the death of part of myself. This is the very definition of a symbiotic relationship.

You may not believe this or maybe have never considered it. I was the same until I was shown/Remembered it. I have memory of negotiating with the body I currently inhabit. I approached it when it was still in the uterus, around the six month developmental mark. I was not alone, either. My Companion was with me, helping me and instructing me on how to go about connecting with this body. I recall having to be very gentle with it. I asked permission to be with it, though it was without words. It was more of an energetic exchange where I “touched” it and let it feel me out. It decided if we were to live together in this life, not me. I am grateful for its acceptance.

The relationship is symbiotic in that neither of us could survive without the other. The body needs a spiritual Being to survive. Without one it would come into the world and die quite quickly. The body without the spiritual Being is like an newborn infant. It only has instinct and its body is not developed enough to go about living on its own. Yes, the parents could feed it and provide for it, but without a Spiritual Being to pilot it, it would be devoid of a personality, awareness of self, and the many other attributes that make a human a human. It would, in essence, be a vegetable, maintaining infancy well into adulthood.

The same goes for us as the spiritual Beings who inhabit the body. We cannot experience the physical without a physical body. We offer the physical body continued care and maintenance. It offers us a lifetime of experience in the physical.


Clearing the Human Genetic Line

In June we will be clearing the human genetic line, the line of our current physical body all the way back to its origin point. That’s a lot of clearing. This is the realm of cellular memory. The lives we will review and clear have not, for the most part, been lived by us. As we clear these past human lives, and the memory of them contained in the cells of the body, we are working on a cellular level which includes the genetic level (DNA). The process results in a clean slate on which to build and restructure the human biological being we currently inhabit. Without this clearing the physical form would not be able to handle the immense amount of Light it will be holding in the near future.

The clearing of the human genetic line can easily be confused as clearing the “Collective”. It is not exactly that, but it fits in with this idea because the genetic line is extensive and branches out the farther from the origin point one gets.

So ultimately we are doing twice the clearing – our Spiritual line (our past lives to include multidimentional aspects) and the human genetic line of the physical body we occupy in this incarnation.

Why clear the human genetic line? That cellular memory, well it’s not always helpful. In fact, it usually is the opposite of helpful. If somewhere early in the genetic line there was a strong experience that led to death, that experience remains in cellular memory. These memories can be triggered by similar events and manifest in the present body. Not fun and very confusing for the Spiritual Being who inhabits the body. An example would be if the somewhere way back on the genetic line an ancestor died from drowning. Later on anxiety or other ailments could result when even a tiny part of that memory is triggered. The genetic organism wants to survive so it holds onto any experience that threatens its survival. So the memories are usually not pleasant, full of fear, and highly instinctive.

How will we experience this clearing? Don’t worry, if you have gotten this far you have done most of the work already, most of it without knowing. Some physical manifestations could present themselves but really there is nothing you need to do except be aware that this kind of clearing is occurring. Tuning into your Self and being aware and heart-centered will allow you to avoid being the effect of any unfortunate triggers that may arise.

Oh, and by the way, the spiritual clearing we have been doing, it continues right alongside the clearing of the genetic line. The work continues. More purging is to be expected.



Grateful to my guidance for allowing me a full day’s reprieve from the emotional waterfall I’ve been experiencing this month. May is really kicking my butt! I was told we entered another section of the Equinox Portal on May 15th. My daughter’s birthday no less! How fitting! This section will go until the 24th when we will enter the third and final section of the month of May.

I am told the current section is all about learning to “BE”. When I request more info I get an image of a great waterfall – picture Niagara Falls. We are standing at the top and must get to the bottom. The only way down is to jump into the raging water. What happens when one finds themselves caught up in the rapids? They allow the water to take them. That’s what it means to “Be” this time. We don’t do anything really but hang on until its over. Reacting, struggling, attempting to swim amidst the rapids will only force us further under the water. We have to be rag dolls; limp, motionless, unresponsive.

For me at least the waterfall image is fitting. I was forewarned of such a period months ago in a vivid dream. I saw the waterfall but stopped at the top and took a break. Now it seems I am in the midst of it struggling not to be overtaken by it. What happens when we get to the bottom? Rest, I hope. I could use a break. The word that comes to mind, though, is “waterlogged”.


My dreams are becoming more and more memorable the further into May we get. I bring back with me an entire night’s worth most mornings. This morning I woke in tears again but the dream and what was being processes made sense when in the past the dreams did not match the emotion that surfaces.

In this particular dream I was working with a few others acting as their counselor. Everyone looked human but there was a group that were obviously not human. They were referred to as “robots” on more than one occasion. The reason for this name was that they had no social skills, no ability to read the facial expressions of another, to read emotion or to perceive the intent of others. Additionally, they seemed to have no emotion of their own, caring not how their actions affected others.

My own emotion surfaced when I worked with a couple. Neither were robots yet in their hundreds of years together (obviously through various incarnations) they had developed a pattern of repressed emotion. I was working with the feminine energy helping her to contact the emotion she had somehow buried in order to protect herself. I observed their interaction and saw the source and interjected, asking the woman questions to make her inspect the pattern she was repeating. When she did this she began to cry because what was ultimately contacted was love for her partner. Hundreds of years of repression broke the dam in her heart causing the love to hit her like a flood, overwhelming her and literally knocking her to her knees.

When she cried, I cried. And as I woke I understood that the woman was me. That she represented the current feminine energy and the repression of hundreds – thousands – of years of emotion. I saw clearly how the hardening of the feminine heart affected the masculine. It is as if a wall of disconnection and lack has been built between them.

The Dam Has Been Broken

This time the tears did not last long as I understood the source and the reason for all the emotion I have been experiencing. My heart has been blasted so wide open that, despite my trying, I have been unable to close it. In my upset at recognizing this I begged my guidance to shut it down again and was told, “It’s too late” and reminded of when they told me there was no turning back. The result of this openness is the flood of emotion I am experiencing. The dam has been broken and I can’t put it back.

I know I need to be the Observer in this, but this intensity of emotion is so much that I am flattened by it almost immediately. There is no way to just observe this emotion. I have to experience it, confront it, transmute it. It is not just one emotion, either, but a amalgamation of emotion. It would be easier if it were just one emotion at a time, but nope, I get a cocktail of them all. This must be why I keep getting references to drinking and being drunk. Ha!

What is interesting to me is that the feeling of this amalgamation of emotion is very much like the feeling of Divine Love I felt when my heart was first blasted open. It has the same flavor, the same intensely beautiful and simultaneously terrifying quality about it. Perhaps I am getting a crash course on Divine Love? Perhaps this love not at all what I thought it to be?

I am also seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I can survive this. I will survive it. When I plead for mercy, I receive it. This is no punishment, it is merely a process I need to go through. I am fully supported and loved and when I pull myself out of panic mode I feel the love and support.

And in these brief interludes I feel a peculiar feeling that is hard to describe. It is akin to peace but that isn’t the word because I have felt peace and this is different. The feeling is balanced but with it there is surreal almost drugged feeling that comes over me. If I focus on the feeling it seems that I am not even in this reality at all but teetering between realities; walking a tight rope. On one side is this physical reality and my identification with it and on the other is nothingness – a place where I have no identity but am One with Source. If I touch the nothingness I become nothing. I lose my individuality and my memories of this life seem to shatter. The nothingness side of the tightrope is so disorienting that I feel if I fall into it I will never return.








Sorry I’ve been so quiet. I’ve been struggling through an intense physical and emotional purging these last six days or so. It all was building up prior to that but got especially intense around May 1st.

As I mentioned previously, I have been struggling with a string of illnesses. First a lingering head cold (which is STILL lingering) and then intestinal complications that stretched out for days. Well, that wasn’t the end of it. My entire family got a nasty stomach bug. It started with my son Sunday night and on Tuesday the rest of us got it one-by-one within hours of each other. I had naively thought I was immune, assuming I was the one who gave it to the rest of the family so was surprised when I came down with it.

Every time I get the stomach bug I think it is the worst. The last time I had it I was five months pregnant with my youngest (over 3 years ago). Pregnant with the stomach bug is awful and potentially dangerous. I thought at the time it was the worst I had ever felt. Well, I was wrong. This hit me so hard and so violently that I nearly passed out. Twice. I was sweating profusely, my head felt ice cold, I couldn’t see and when I could see the room was spinning and I couldn’t judge distance properly. It literally seemed at the time that I was about to be sucked into an abyss where death was awaiting me. And then after the vomiting stage was over I was extremely weak to the point that walking a few steps would incite dizziness, rapid heartbeat, and breathlessness.

Through all of it I was still coughing, courtesy of the ever-lingering cold that doesn’t go away.

To top it all I got an awful sore throat the day after the stomach bug. Thankfully that has now subsided.

Amidst all of this illness I went through a gauntlet of emotional upheaval. Mostly the emotional purging occurred during sleep. I would wake up crying, sometimes multiple times in one night, from dreams that often disappeared as soon as I tried to recall them. If I did recall them, the dreams were confusing or linked to past experiences that I thought I had long put behind me.

To top it all off, the Kundalini has been active. This time, however, it has been painful, or at least what I recall of it has been. It started out with just some energy fluctuations and surges. Then I got sick. Since the stomach flu I have now had two instances where I have experienced pain from the Kundalini energy. It feels like someone sticks their hand into a chakra and then twists forcefully. The specific areas of this pain are the root, sacral and solar plexus.

This is the first time I have had physical illness mixed in with an intense emotional purging. The two together are extreme but not as bad as last November and December.

On to the Next Section – The Molt

So what is going on? This is the Reset I wrote about last week. Clearing out lingering blockages in preparation for whatever comes next. All of the emotional purging is to clear away the last vestiges of the False Self. Those patterns, beliefs and falsehoods that are the basis of the illusory reality it clings to. And man oh man am I ever hanging on.

This is also the result of the next section of the Equinox Portal that is available to us through mid-summer. I am told there are two in this month alone, with the third opening just as May ends and June begins. One right after the other. I am not sure I can handle it if it is more of what I just went though, though. This is intense! Yet I know it needs to be this intense to release the vice grip of the False Self. I see an image of a hand holding tightly to something and another hand releasing the grip finger by finger.

All in all I feel like I am in my death throes. I wake up most mornings thinking, “I am dying.” I even had a dream where I was in a hospital talking to a nurse whose job it was to educate the dying on the death process. WTF right!? During the day I often feel like my body is dying, too. It is a very real feeling but then at the same time I am not concerned one bit. Totally accepting of whatever fate awaits me. It is like I am molting, shedding my human skin.



Me and my dog Trooper in December 2002.



Here are some examples of the dreams I’ve been having, the ones I have recalled that is:

I am my sister talking to my mother. I am telling her I can’t stay very long and I only came to check-in and see how everyone is doing. I am asked to stay and I begin to cry. I wake up crying and feeling as if I am dying from the inside out.

I am with my aunt in a darkened library. I am crying and hysterical. I ask her to help me. I say, “Why is he here? I just want him to go away and leave me alone. Make him go away!” She says, “Remember when I visited 10 weeks ago? It was nice, wasn’t it?” I stop crying and smile and say, “Yes, it was.” Then I return to crying. I feel beside myself with angst. I wake up in tears. My pillow is soaked.

I was inside a car with someone who I couldn’t see but knew was a woman. There was a tiny brown snake that resembled a large worm in the crease of the seat. Then there were many little worm-like snakes all over. I knew they were extremely poisonous so was using scientific-looking tongs to pick them off one-by-one.

I was sitting on my bed clearing dirt off of it with my hands. I noticed my dog Trooper in the room. I went up to him and hugged him close. He felt skinny and fragile. He stared into my eyes for a long time and I knew he was communicating with me. He was telling me he was sick, that he didn’t feel good and that it was time for him to go (to die).” I hugged him close again and thought, “It’s okay if you want to go. I will be alright.” But instead I looked into his eyes and said, “Thank you for being my companion.”

I woke up crying but understood that this was him showing me that in life he had also stared at me and communicated the same message. I had given him what he wanted. Sometimes when we think we are hurting another we are actually helping them.




Fidget Spinner in action. See the Vesica Pisces? 


Signs and Symbols

Angel number 53 – Received over a week ago. Preparing me for “change” and “major life challenges”.
Angel number 250 – Received this morning. Unexpected good is coming from unexpected sources.
Dead Dove – Received before stomach flu (May 1st). A dove flew into bedroom window and died on the spot. Symbol of lost love, endings.
Vesica Pisces – Kids got Fidget Spinners. When I played with one I saw it formed a Vesica Pisces and knew it was a message.
Sun and Moon – Seeing the sun and moon right next to each other in the sky.
11, 111, & 1111 – A near constant right now, especially 11 and 111.



Recent Symbols and Messages

For the first time in almost a week I am feeling better. This cold was a whammy but thankfully it is going away. Yesterday for most of the day I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill. So tired yet I couldn’t sleep even when I had the opportunity. Just a lethargy that wouldn’t let up. Emotionally I felt drained and depleted, too. It was difficult to stay centered but I managed it. Barely.

What is strange is that even though my guidance has been mostly quiet except for a few encouraging nudges, I received messages in the form of symbols that continued to show up. All messages pointing to the balancing of masculine and feminine and coming into Wholeness, indicating that despite the “rest” provided by my illness work was still being done.

The first symbol that has been recurring is the Yin-Yang symbol. First, I saw it quite unexpectedly in a piece of scrap paper I used to protect the counter from paint as I was painting my most recent painting. I just happened to glance down at one of the many structural drawings catching the fallen paint. There on the paper were several perfect Yin-Yang symbols. They are obviously used to represent something specific in the drawing but to me they said Yin-Yang. I stopped and time did that little pause it does when a message is being received. Here is the symbol amidst the drawing:


This was earlier in the week. This morning I happened to noticed the symbol on a tile in my bathroom. I have seen the tile countless times but never saw the symbol. Here is the tile. See if you can locate the symbol:

IMG_20170424_081732 (1).jpg

From where I was at, it popped out at me very obviously, but as you can see it is very difficult to see.

I outlined it in this pic so you can see it better:


This in and of itself is one of those messages that I usually would shrug off. It’s easy to see anything you want to see in the patterns of a tile if you want, right? However, I had just had a dream earlier in the morning that led me to believe it was more than just me trying to make more of what was there. In fact, the Yin-Yang symbol was the farthest thing from my mind. My dream didn’t even lead me to look for it. Rather, my dream was of snakes. Two snakes coiled around one another similar to the caduceus. When I saw the Yin-Yang pop out at me, again time seemed to slow down and when it did my dream memory resurfaced and I knew it was a message. My first thought was the Kundalini and then I put it together with the Yin-Yang symbol and recognized the balancing of the masculine and feminine into Wholeness. Only then did I remember the message from the scrap paper earlier in the week. Duh.

Wholeness. Union. The message was clear.

Another interesting message, er well messenger, came later in the week. I was home resting and trying to recover from my illness. My husband took the kids to the park. They are in the process of erecting a new playground and it was nearly finished so my kids wanted to explore. To my surprise, my husband came back and told me, “There is a cockatiel in the garage. We found it in the park.” I didn’t believe him and went to the garage to investigate. I opened the door slowly not sure what prank he might be playing on me. I found my daughter in there with a small bird. He hadn’t been joking! Turns out, the little guy was on the ground near the new playground and had easily been captured by my husband but not before it pecked him hard enough to draw blood.

Seeing the little bird was a joy which surprised me. I am not into birds. I’m not scared of them but I never desired to have one as a pet. I prefer them to be in the wild where they belong. I was reminded of my trip to Australia in 2005. My sister and I got to feed all sorts of wild parrots. I did it, but I was uncomfortable because some of them were very big. Cockatoos were very common there. In fact, I remember them being all over the place and making a lot of noise.

The little bird was friendly but did not want you to pet it or hold it. It was happy to perch on my husband’s shoulder. He was also starving and very thirsty. It was obvious he had been out on his own long enough to seek out people to try and find food and shelter. We let him stay the night in our garage and the next day my daughter went around to try and find his owner without success. So we bought him a cage and he now lives in her room. His name is Dylan.


My youngest has it out for Dylan, though. He throws things at him and harasses him while he’s in his cage. This has made him very wary of all of us now. Plus, he is very territorial of his cage. When we showed him his cage he flew across the room to it and made all kinds of happy noise. Now we struggle to get him out of it. I think he missed his home and is scared to leave it now. The poor little guy.

Regardless, it looks like he is here to stay. I will talk to him in Light Language here and there and find he responds to me, though he doesn’t want to come to me. That is fine with me. I would rather not be pecked. lol

It was only today that I decided to see if cockatiels carry any kind of specific message. Turns out they do. Though the link I found was for cockatoos, cockatiels carry the same message – communication, socialization, mating for life, the art of survival. Additionally, it represents:

Spirit. Rain Magic. Travel. Joy. Crying with Joy. Emotional Freedom. Spiritual Freedom. Finding Spiritual Truths. Your Inner Fire. Creativity. The Muse. Inner Beauty. Inner and Outer Wealth. Preserving What You Care For. Drumming.

~ Source

It was a good thing we rescued this little bird when we did. That night a cold front came through and it got really chilly and windy. The little guy would have had a difficult time staying warm in 40 degree weather.


While I was sick I received Knowing that my illness was purposeful. It was a forced down time to prepare me for what is coming next. Sometimes, when you are like me, you have to be made to stop and rest. While I was sick I went from motivated, optimistic, and positive to lethargic, unmotivated and at times irritable. I spent more time laying down than normal to the point that my husband began to nag me about it (which didn’t result in good things lol).

I discovered old, stale emotions coming to the surface during this time. They were not intense but there nonetheless. I had to keep my eye on my thoughts because these old emotions brought about thought patterns that would cycle through and if I didn’t catch them in time I would end up in an old, familiar place. Thankfully I was able to keep myself from falling into the old cycles and patterns but several times I did have to ask myself, “Is this making me feel good or bad?” If it was not making me feel good, I stopped thinking it and moved on. And you know what? It worked even though I felt like crap. lol

All of this is in preparation for the next section of that Equinox portal I brought up earlier in April. This section is quite long, spanning through the end of this month, but I am told the next one is soon, early May. I don’t have the exact date yet but thinking May 4-5th or around there.

Interestingly, my entire family almost went on a trip to Seattle to visit his cousin. We would have left on the 4th and returned on the 9th. We opted out because of the cost of flying five people there (over $2000) plus I was wary of taking my youngest. I had hoped to go so I could visit a friend there but it was not meant to be. Additionally, a friend of mine is having a Galactic Shaman training on May 5th in Tennessee. Out of the blue I had the idea to go and almost got my husband to say yes but then later knew it was not a good idea. Just after realizing this my husband got nasty about me going, so my intuition was right. It’s okay. The message was likely not that I needed to go on either trip but about the timing of it.

Portal Section Theme: Form Follows Function

We are three days into the second section of the Equinox portal that opened up on April 7th. So far, I have not noticed any significant differences from the first section except a smoothing out of the energies and a rise in Kundalini energy. The Kundalini fluctuations may or may not be a part of your individual experiences, however.

Much work continues in the dreamstate. Deeper, more prolong periods of slumber accompany this section of the portal. During waking hours there is more immersion in 3D life, more focus and enjoyment of those things which previously there was disinterest or no motivation toward.

As a theme for this section I am led to the principal of “form follows function”. This is a principal used in architecture but it also has applications in Biology. “Form follows function” means that “structures are formed in direct correlation to what they are meant to do.” All the work we have been doing, all the healing, purging, integration, acceleration and accommodation of new energies, it has all been to update and bring into alignment our “form”. Form here does not only refer to our biological form, this is also applicable, but also to our energetic structure. We have been making adjustment to our “form” so that we can fulfill our “function” here, whatever that function may be. Function = mission. We are now at the point where we can begin our work and fulfill our intended mission(s) here.

Not all of us are ready yet. Our form must be tweaked and calibrated, adjustments may still be needed before we are 100% ready to jump into action. Action here doesn’t necessarily mean we are to make drastic, overnight change.  Though some of us may feel a near compulsion to do so, it is not advised. Think of this time period as a trial run where we try out our new form, get use to it and make adjustments to our lives to accommodate it.

Thus, the focus on 3D life again. We can’t know the exact applications (and implications) of our new form without taking it for a test drive in 3D. Yes, we have had many similar periods of more focus on 3D life, but this one is different. There will be less resistance, less fear and less internal conflict this time. Less doesn’t mean “none”, though. It all depends on your individual progress and readiness.

For me, personally, I am surprising myself. This weekend I have been extra busy and focused on 3D life. The most out-of-character thing I did was spontaneously invite my BIL’s and their families over for BBQ. I did this without taking to my husband first. Usually he is the social one and does the invites with resistance from me. Similarly, I let my daughter’s friend sleepover and took them shopping, buying them matching shirts. All the while my husband was putting in a new sprinkler line (my idea) and there was mud and mess going through my kitchen and living area. Total chaos that didn’t trigger me like usual. Finally, I decided to stop worrying over a large debt my husband and I owe, announcing to him that I was fine with us just paying the interest over time and that I was not going to stress over it anymore. Ha!

It is the focus on 3D that will help us to notice that we have changed and for the better. It also helps us see where we have more work to do.


Tantrum-Throwing Portal Energies

Oh man, have you felt the swirling, shifting energies? It feels like somebody is stirring the pot. You know how when you let something sit long enough, all the dense material sinks to the bottom? And when you stir it then it comes back up? That’s what is going on now, and boy is it ever bringing out some Ego fits!

Yesterday I had a good day. Productive. These shifting energies don’t affect me like they use to. I sense the shift, I sense the Ego, but I have learned ways of channeling the energy. I create upon it or focus my attention in some way so as to move past the unsettling energy without incidents I will later regret. While I create, I transmute. It is a whole lot easier than allowing the Ego to take hold and throw its fits.

Yet mid-day I had an unfortunate run-in with these energies manifesting in those around me. It came from a comment someone directed at me on the internet. When I read it I literally felt the energy as it made impact. Dense, heavy, bottom-of-the-pot messy energy. It was slung toward me with force and when it impacted my heart I held my breath. Whoa!

I was in the middle of editing an image for my Oracle deck and had to stop. There was no way I was putting that kind of energy into one of my cards. I pulled away from the computer and took a walk to the other side of the house. I knew not to respond or react. To let it sit and feel through the energies that were slung at me. Interestingly, it was the Blue Avian card I was editing. Their message is the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 🙂

The impact of the negative onslaught did not last. It maybe took up 5 minutes of my day, or less. As it dissipated I recognized what was going on in the individual who threw that negativity at me. I became aware of her entire situation, her life patterns, her pain. And as I allowed myself to feel it, feel her, there was compassion. I held no resentment toward her because I understood why she was reacting the way she was. I have been there before. I can relate. So, sending love her way, I moved on with my day.

The Spring Equinox portal potential is intense because we are pulling off layers, stripping away the False Self. What does the False Self do in response? It throws tantrums, acts up, rears its ugly head. The best way to deal with it is to show it love and compassion but also be firm with it, much like you would be with a resistant child who just doesn’t know when to stop pushing your buttons. You can’t lose your temper. You can’t react. You just allow and eventually the tantrums stop. The False Self gives up and gives in. It’s hard to not react, though. Trust me, I wanted to tell that woman how it “really was” but then I knew better. Would she have listened to reason when in such a state? No.

If you think of the False Self as a child and you are a parent or have worked with children, then you already have the tools you need. Children are easily distracted and if you can get them to focus on something fun, something they enjoy or are curious about, then they quickly move past their upset. My three-year-old is a perfect example. He will throw a fit over losing the TV. If I ignored him, he goes on and on and nearly drives me insane. If I go to him and offer him an alternative, one that is positive and fun, then he stops and becomes interested. Then he is his happy, cooperative self. Similarly, the False Self will respond in kind.

So you need to know what makes you happy, what you enjoy and what brings you into a higher vibration. These things work wonders when the energies are like they are. If you feel your Ego/False Self growing unsettled then it is good time to throw yourself into something enjoyable.

How do you know your False Self is about to throw a fit? You feel unsettled. You may become fearful, confused, irritable, grumpy, quick to temper, and unmotivated. Mentally you may experience negative self-talk and doubts may creep in. For me the first sign is I feel unbalanced. It is energetic mostly at first and if I don’t respond and take immediate action against this feeling, then most if not all of the above results.

I also need to note here that if you have not taken care of your body (food, water, adequate rest) then you are more prone to falling into the False Self. Test it if you don’t believe me. It is the same with little children. Fits and tantrums are more prone to occur when they haven’t eaten or need to sleep.

Happy tantrum-throwing portal energies to everyone. You will make it. Be kind to yourself and others.




Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

The energy shifted early last night. In the midst of a geomagnetic storm, too. I was awakened at 11am from a Kundalini dream that drove me into wakefulness and a concierge of guides who wanted me to “Pay attention”. Messages were being thrown my way while I was still recovering from a powerful blast of heart bliss, one so powerful I was still reeling from it for a good 30 minutes afterward.

The messages were regarding my own path, but I’m sure others who have traveled a similar path to mine (Kundalini awakening) you will understand their messages well. Specifically I was told, “Remember your goal. We finish at Wholeness. It’s from the heart up from here. You cannot be distracted by desires or physical body responses. You must push past them. You must think through it.”

My response was to say, “How can I think through that!!!??” I was still breathless and unable to concentrate on what they were saying. When that heart bliss hits hard like it did last night there is really not much I can do but allow it. I could see how I was becoming distracted by the bliss but could not fathom ever being able to think whilst it was occurring. It seemed impossible.

I am reminded of the book by Gopi Krishna, Kundalini: The Evolutionary Energy in Man. Though I have not yet finished the book I read enough to know what it was my guidance was trying to get me to understand. Gopi writes of his Kundalini rising experience in the very first chapter. His method of handling it is the method my guidance wants me to apply. He fixes his focus on a lotus and though his mind does wander from that focus because of the amazing feelings brought on by the Kundalini energy, he is able to refix that focus on the lotus and achieve a full rising.

During one such spell of intense concentration I suddenly felt a strange sensation below the base of the spine, at the place touching the seat, while I sat cross-legged on a folded blanket spread on the floor. The sensation was so extraordinary and so pleasing that my attention was forcibly drawn towards it. The moment my attention was thus unexpectedly withdrawn from the point on which it was focused, the sensation ceased. Thinking it to be a trick played by my imagination to relax the tension, I dismissed the matter from my mind and brought my attention back to the point from which it had wandered. Again I fixed it on the lotus, and as the image grew clear and distinct at the top of my head, again the sensation occurred. This time I tried to maintain the fixity of my attention and succeeded for a few seconds, but the sensation extending upwards grew so intense and was so extraordinary, as compared to anything I had experienced before, that in spite of myself my mind went towards it, and at that very moment it again disappeared.  Chapter 1

My experiences with the Kundalini have not been as Gopi describes, though. When he focuses on the feeling it disappears. When I focus on the feeling it grows exponentially and a raging fire results, a fire of such intense pleasure that it leaves me wanting for more of it to the point that I feel like an addict. This fire almost never reaches above the heart chakra, though occasionally it has. When that happens it leaves me wishing to remain wherever it was it took me and all connection to physical experience and desire to remain in this physical body is lost. Gopi also describes a loss of desire after his Kundalini rising experience, but I did not read past his many reminiscences of his life to know what the result was. Perhaps I need to finish the book now? 🙂

So I asked my guidance to help me find a way to stop becoming distracted by the feeling, to “think past it.” I did not receive an answer that I am aware of other than the above book reference, though I did have many dreams leaving me with impressions that much discussion occurred between myself and my Companion Traveler about how to resolve the situation I find myself in.

I was reassured that I am capable of bypassing the physical body distractions and once I do that I will be “pleased with the results”. Funny how they downplay these experiences. “Pleased” is likely a huge understatement!

Another Section of Equinox Portal to Open April 7th

Interestingly, as I sat down to write about this experience I was told another portal opening is fast approaching. This one will open in the first week of April. I heard April 7th specifically. This is another section of the Equinox portal. When I see this portal I see a flower petal as before but it is overlapping the previous one. I understand that to mean that the previous portal remains open even after the next one is available, the second amplifying the energy of the first. This amplification will continue into July as each portal “petal” adds to the next. The center of this flowering portal will only be accessible when all sections are open and available. When this happens embodiment will be possible.

You may wonder how many sections there are, as did I. I heard “seven” with the eighth (center) achieving full amplification of energy.

We are peeling away layer after layer of False Self. That is what the petaled sections indicate to me – layers that will come off. At the center we access our True Self.