Back in the Saddle

Today I did a mediumship reading via Skype. I was a bit worried about it beforehand considering the funk I’ve been in, but I had scheduled it last week and my husband was already preparing to take the kids for the day so I could have ample time to prepare.

Prior to the reading I tried to remember how I did mediumship readings in the past. I knew I had a system, but the specifics were lost to me. I swore that I had Spirit line up a certain way. I felt the urge to write this out for reference before the reading. Good thing I did because I had it backward!

The picture below is my system. The double line in the middle represents the sitter – the one receiving the reading. Spirit lines up according to relation to the sitter with Spirit Guides presenting themselves “above” the sitter. As the medium, I experience Spirit to my right and left as well as above and below so the system works well if Spirit cooperates. My biggest issue is that “friends” will often align with the sitter’s family and thus be out of place. I usually later find out that they were considered family. Sigh.

Spirit Guides

Unfortunately, I had to delay the reading because my daughter had a hissy fit about a change in her schedule and the energy of the house was all jagged because of it. Then, when I called the sitter her Skype was not working properly and it took almost a half hour to resolve the situation. Turns out her new laptop’s camera was not functioning so I suggested she use her phone. It worked like a charm.

The reading itself started off okay. I had a woman in Spirit hanging around on my left ahead of time, which is not unusual. Additional Spirit joined and situated themselves according to the above chart. Success #1.

The issues began to arise when I forgot to ask Spirit to designate a spokesperson. This is a necessary step because without someone to “lead” the group in Spirit then you have a mess. As is typical, they began speaking over the top of one another rather than waiting their turn. This is a normal issue for a person new to mediumship but should not have been an issue for me! Yet, there it was in my face and causing problems. I should have known such issues could arise because I have not been flexing my mediumship muscles for the last 10 years. Strike #1.

The first messages were smooth and without issue. The woman in Spirit had been visiting the sitter and saw the day’s events. She described them in detail to me in both words and visuals. All were validated by the sitter. I ended up with such a strong connection at that time that I began to feel extremely hot (sweating buckets) and then was hit with tons of emotion. I actually started crying. Overwhelmed I shut down a bit, disrupting the connection. Strike #2.

Then the others in Spirit began to speak over each other. One would say something that would trigger another and they were say something and the next thing I knew the three woman seemed like one and I was confused and flustered.

Thankfully, I caught on to the mistake I made and asked them to form a line and restarted the reading from a point of validation. This is when a good connection came through and many points were validated. I also closed my eyes as I relayed the information. This helped me shut out all distractions. Success #2.

In the end I had given the messages from three women in Spirit, the last being the strongest. The sitter validated the information. She even showed me the ring I had seen in a vision. It looked identical to what I was shown! She told me the woman was not family, but a friend. Yet the woman in Spirit came in on the maternal family side! Upon further inspection it was learned that she had a “family connection”.

I asked her if there was anyone in Spirit who she had hoped to hear from who had not come through. There was but she was not stressing over it and we moved on.

This is when the sitter brought in her son and began asking me questions about her and her son’s future. With the focus off of mediumship all kinds of accurate info came through, some so accurate that even I was floored by it. And the information was coming not from her guides or mine but from…..yep – Spirit! And who? A male on her paternal side who had kept silent and undetectable for the entire reading! The information flowing through was very personal and from when her son was a child.

I quickly honed in on this male in Spirit but did not request he prove his identity. Instead I gave her my impressions of him and continued to answer their questions as they asked them. It was determined that he was one of the people she had hoped to connect to. Success #3.

I concluded that the women in the sitter’s family were much more dominant and outspoken than the men! lol She confirmed. Ha!

The reading lasted almost 2 hours because of the psychic component at the end, but all in all I had more successes than failures. There will be another reading scheduled soon, this time with more family members present.

What I (Re)Learned

I need to stop stressing and having certain expectations of myself. My stress creates a block. But then I knew this already.

The messages will not make sense to me and may not make sense to the sitter until later. Validation should not be sought after or expected but appreciated when offered.

I run the show, not Spirit. I set the stage and it determines the outcome of the reading. I cannot depend on my guidance to step in. Even if I asked them to, they wouldn’t anyway.

The messages I pass on to the sitter are often messages for me as well. It is never a one-way street.

Allow the emotion – feel it, cry if I need to. If I become overheated and uncomfortable it is because I am resisting. The emotion indicates a good, solid connection. My fear of looking stupid and crying breaks that connection and prevents further connection. It is through feelings and sensations that I can experience first-hand what Spirit felt/feels. This is also the primary method of communication from Spirit. For example, if they died of a heart attack then it is easier for them to communicate that by sending me the feeling of a tight chest and an image of a hospital than it is for them to say, “I died in a hospital from a massive heart attack.” No, it’s not pleasant but it is very, very effective.

Every vision, every word, every sensation should be communicated whether it makes sense to me or not. It IS relevant. For example, I heard, “Mickey Mouse”. Rather than say, “I just heard Mickey Mouse. Does that make sense to you?” I said, “Have you ever been to Disney World?” Disney World was not even part of the message! Yes, they had been there, but it was when I said, “Mickey Mouse” that the sitter lit up and laughed and told me an entire story about her son and Mickey Mouse. Spirit Knows what they are doing. It is not my place to interpret any of the information. I am just a channel.

When I relax and just enjoy the interaction the blocks vanish and the energy and messages flow.












Surprise Visit from Spirit

Just posting this because it is so rare and was quite a surprise.

I was sitting outside this afternoon and out of the blue I was approached on the right by a man in Spirit. He was quite strong (energetically) and very obviously not a guide. He was also very tall as I could sense him standing next to me. I did not try to see him as he was quite vocal. The first thing he said to me was, “Hi, my name is Bob.”

Right then, my dreams from last night came back to me. In one I was talking with a female couple about how I use to walk into places and immediately pick up Spirit and bravely approach people and pass on messages. I told the couple, “I don’t know why, but that doesn’t happen anymore.” Of course I do know why it happens. I don’t want it to.

Now here was “Bob” next to me. I sent to him a query, “My Dad’s name was….” and he immediately said, “I’m not him. I’m Bob Hutchinson.”

I sent back, “Okay. Good. But I don’t do mediumship anymore.” He said back, “Don’t you?” lol That got me thinking, hmm I guess I do if this is happening.

I tried to ignore him but he didn’t go away. I was smoking (yeah, yeah sheesh) and he said to me, “You knows that’s bad for you.” I sent back, “Tell me about it” and then thought, “No, don’t” because I know how literal Spirit can be. He said to me, “I’m not like that (literal). I’m still transitioning.”

His energy was so strong that I kept waiting for him to start throwing it at me to show me how he died, etc. But he didn’t. Instead he said, “I can wait. I’ll be back.” lolol

And then he left. Just like that. No pushing. No nudging. Just a “Hi, here I am and now I’m going”.

I already like him.

In case you’re curious, “transitioning” means that Bob likely died not long ago. Depending on the individual, the transition period can be anywhere from days to weeks and sometimes even months.

When he left my Companion was there on my left saying, “Do you feel it?” Hmmm. Well I felt that anyway. But then it was obvious that the energy had taken a dramatic shift from this morning. My energy had shifted, in a good way.

Then I wondered if I was going to have a parade of Spirits coming to visit. God I hope not.

FYI – When I give readings, err when I gave readings, my Companion would stand on my left and Spirit would come in on the right. I am not sure why this is but I believe it has to do with receptivity. My Companion acts as my Gatekeeper. He won’t let anyone bad through but he doesn’t control those he lets through. I have to do that. If I get overwhelmed I will ask him to close the gates but that doesn’t always work if he wants me to pay attention. Sigh.

Why this is happening today, I have no clue. It has been so energetically dead for me that all of this seems very out of place.

If you know who Bob is, feel free to email me. I will say that it may not be his name he gave me, though. Usually Spirit gives me the name of someone they knew. They don’t often come right out and give me their own name. BUT this could be one of those rare occasions. Who knows. 🙂




Dream: You Have Been Transferred

Things have finally started to settle down. I am getting a full 8 hours of sleep at night now and my dreams have returned. Unfortunately, I am still waking up wide awake at 5:30am.

Deceased Loved Ones in Dreams

For the last few nights I have had dreams in which I met up with deceased loved ones. I specifically recall dreams with my father and my grandmother in them. In a dream last night I saw both my grandmother and my father in the same dream but in different parts of it. I remember acknowledging my grandmother when I accidentally noticed her sitting across from me at a table. I said, “I didn’t know you were here!” but I don’t remember anything else we talked about. When I saw my father it was in a similar situation but I knew he was there and was quite comfortable with it, as if he had always been there and not died at all.

I have not seen my father in my dreams or astral in a very long time. I want to say about 10 years. My grandmother just passed away last year and so this was one of the first times I have seen her in my dreams. I have had contact with both of them via my mediumship ability while completely awake and doing other things. My grandmother in particular was quite demanding of my attention after she crossed over. My father was as well (he was my first Spirit connection), but I actually asked my father to stop coming to talk because it caused me so much emotional upset. So he chose to visit me while I was astral projecting or dreaming so that it was less emotionally upsetting.

I have a vague recollection of seeing others who have passed in my dreams lately, too. I think my husband’s boss and wife both have visited me, as well as my great uncle. I remember my great uncle gave me information about my great aunt, my grandmother’s sister passing away soon. I also got information about my own aunt, my Mom’s sister, and health issues she would have.

What is odd is that I had not memory of most of these dreams during the time period in which my sleep was interrupted by the strange vibrations and experiences, yet now they seem to be returning to me. But they are so weird! Why would all my family be visiting me now?

Dream: You Have Been Transferred

One strange dream from last night came with a message.

In the dream, I was with Tom Cruise (this is the second dream with him in it!) and he and I were dating. I remember him being very ambivalent towards me. I recognized this and so was hesitant to get close to him.

He took me to a place where I ran into my grandmother. I remember being in a room of a large building, like a mall, that had a kitchen sink and I was cleaning the dishes and talking to my grandmother about something, kind of like small talk and relationship advice.

Then Tom showed me a cell phone that had a message on it, like a fax receipt. He said, “Look! You have been transferred!” He acted like it was a big deal and showed much excitement about it. When I saw it I felt like it was not good news and was not pleased.

This message stood out to me for some reason, as did the fact that Tom Cruise was there. I don’t have any sexual attraction to the actor and don’t know why he keeps showing up in my dreams.

More Light Codes

When I awoke from this dream, I was seeing light codes. They began in the light, cascading down from above. As I awakened the light turned dark and the code became gray. It flowed down around me like a waterfall. My third eye was pulsing with energy as was the back top section of my head. I have no idea the meaning of the codes. They just looked like squiggly lines, circles, and shapes moving down around me in my vision.

Controlling My Own Energy

One last interesting change: Last night before bed while meditating and connecting with my Companion, I had an unexpected breakthrough.

My typically meditation involves me laying on my back with my eyes closed and focusing on my third eye and heart simultaneously. When I do this, my third eye lights up immediately or intensifies (it seems to be active most of the day now anyway). Then my heart will light up, as if in response to my third eye. Sometimes my second chakra will light up with energy as well. It is at this point that communication with my Team, Council and/or Companion in initiated. This has been my nightly routine for a little over 2 weeks now, maybe longer (lost track).

What is different about last night is that I began to focus on the energy and will it to build up. When I did this there was an intent to connect with my Divinity. My second chakra had been warm and tingly but when I began to focus on building the energy, there was a spreading out of warmth from my heart chakra and I could feel the energy rising up from my root to meet it. My second chakra seemed to vibrate more intensely because of this. All the while my entire head was buzzing. It felt wonderful and was beautiful. I felt my entire being vibrating with warmth and love.

I realized while this was happening that I was doing this and had always been able to do it. It was so easy to move the energy! Unfortunately, my mind began to wander and the intensity subsided.

Results of the Shift

For the past two nights I have dreamed of past acquaintances, both of which died suddenly and unexpectedly. At first I thought it to be a coincidence, but after last night’s dream I have changed my mind.

“I Can’t Get Through”

I almost missed the visit and message last night since it was muddled up with a longer dream I was having. However, upon waking it was clearly separate from the rest of the dreams I had.

The specific memory I have was of seeing this person, who I knew while growing up and who died in 2012. His daughter, my best friend from school, was in my dream as well. He was trying to talk to her; to get her attention. I don’t recall the specifics of what he was trying to tell her, but I do recall seeing his face covered in disappointment. I asked him what was wrong and he told me, “I can’t get through”.

My personal memory of him was blurred but I do recall trying very hard to get a good look at him because I recognized him. He looked like I last recall and I was happy to see him. But his disappointment was strong and that, I think, is why I remember.

Plans, Plans

The night before last I had a very in-depth dream in which I discussed the building of a house with someone I knew in life. He had also passed away and this was not the first time I had seen him in my dreams.

He was not trying to pass on a message – at least not that I recall. Instead, he was telling me of all the plans he had never gotten the chance to act upon. He was very enthusiastic. This is also how I remember him in life.

It seemed he came to talk to me as he asked me why I moved my family from our old place. I don’t remember my answer now. Instead, I just recall seeing him and his beaming smile. It was obvious he was very happy on the Other Side. He was also “whole”, which he had not been in life.

Understanding: Widespread Results of the Shift

It did not take me long to put the two night’s visits together. There was a reason for these encounters.

The every increasing energy shifts and changes brought about via the shift has not gone unnoticed by those who do not believe in the ascension. Most don’t even know about it. Yet, they feel it and they are distraught. They do not understand they are clearing out their past – their hurts, their disappointments, their upsets, their “sins”, their karma. All they know is that they are haunted by a feeling of emptiness and an upset over things they should be able to put behind them.

Their loves ones on the Other Side are trying to reach out to them. They should be able to. The veil is thin enough now that entering the subconscious via dreams to pass on messages is easier now than ever. Unfortunately, the messages don’t always get through. The mind blocks them. And if the messages do get through, disbelief and doubt toss them out.

This is why my friend’s father was so disappointed. He was showing me his attempts have not worked. He wondered, “Why can you see me but she cannot?

He knew the answer. She doesn’t believe in God or the afterlife for one. This was what he taught her, too. How could she ever receive a message from someone who is just gone? And if the message does make it through, she will toss it out, figuring it just a creation of her own mind. Unfortunately, this only creates more grief and more blocks and thus the cycle continues.

I recognized his appeal to me: talk to her, get her to see I am still here, I still exist.

I told him I won’t do it. Even if she did listen to me, she would still have those same blocks. She just does not believe.


I am finding it harder and harder to follow others communications regarding ascension. I honestly have not felt a part of this current ascension wave from the beginning but since I was experiencing kundalini again, I figured I must be.

I finally just meditated upon it, asking simply, “Am I part of the current ascension wave”. I got a distinct and resonating “No”.

I was/am not surprised. I think I knew it all along.


So what wave am I a part of?

The answer was immediate as well: 1997.

Wow. I was so young then, only three years out of high school and getting married for the first time. A baby, really.

I always assumed my awakening was in 2003 because that is when my world was turned upside down. However, now that I think about it, there were many events prior to that which suggested much, much more had been going on prior to 2003.

What happened? Nothing mind-blowing, really. I met my ex-husband and, although I liked him and did love him I knew instantly that he was not the “one”. I recall having a conversation with myself about it, actually. This would have been in the Spring of 1997. I knew instantly that I would have to wait a very long time before meeting the “one” (this is what I called my current husband at the time). When I wondered when I would meet the “one” I knew it would not be until I was in my 30s. To an 18-year-old that is a painfully long wait. So I chose to marry my ex, knowing fully that I would not be with him “til death do us part”. It was not an easy decision.

I had vivid dreams the entire time I was married and recall continuing to have conversations with “myself” as I suffered through our time together. The knowingness I had back then was as strong as it is now. It is odd to think back to that time because when I remember the conversations I had with myself, all that is left is a strong knowing that I had agreed prior to this life to be with my ex, to serve a specific purpose while with him and to learn my own, difficult lessons.

Other Differences

There are other aspects of my own experiences which do not go along with what I read of the experiences of others who are ascending now.

  • Spirit Guided Ascension – My guide experiences are surreal and mind blowing. I have met few who have the relationship with their guides that I do. As far as I can tell, it is not a normal ascension experience to have your guide bring you “in-between” and tell you what is to come or have conversations with you.
  • Instantaneous Spiritual Ability – And when I say “instantaneous” I mean it! I did not need to learn how to use my gifts, I just knew how to use them as if I had been using them my entire life. I did not have to take a class or have a mentor, unless you count my guides and “astral classes”. 🙂 I have yet to find anyone who came into their gifts mid-life like I did. Most were either born with their gifts or were taught or developed them over time.
  • OBEs – My ascension experience is very much interconnected with leaving my body. There are few (can only think of one right now) who has established a similar connection. Even in the early days, when I did mediumship readings in spiritual chatrooms, it was not common to find individuals openly discussing their astral adventures.
  • Remembering – I am aware of the mile makers in my life and have been since a very early age. What I mean by this is that I remember the major aspects of my life plan. I don’t remember them all, of course, but I was always able to look ahead at specific things and see or be told what would come. I find it amazing still that I knew about my future daughter from my early teens and had her name picked out by my junior year in high school. I have since seen my husbands, other children (even though I denied the third), deaths of family members, career changes, major moves, past lives and between lives.

There are likely more differences but for now these are the main ones. I am not trying to make myself look better by pointing these out. My Ego is in check. I am merely trying to determine why I am feeling the way I am feeling towards the ascension “movement” that is so popular. As an answer, I was shown these differences and asked to consider them. Perhaps I am in a different “group” whose members I have yet to meet? That seems likely. I have met one other person (you know who you are) who I feel may be part of this unique group. I hope soon to meet the other members. If not, I am fine on my own. I like being alone (never thought I would say that! ha!).

Finally, I may just not know of others who have experienced the shift in consciousness like I have. It is very possible that there are others who have had all the above similar experiences. If you are one of them, I would love to hear form you.

Emotional Objectivity

I had difficulty sleeping last night. I kept waking up and then slept very lightly.

Grandmother’s Funeral

I had another vivid dream about my grandmother. This time we were all in her house and her casket was in the middle of the room. I remember calculating the time it had been since December, when she died (which is not true, she died in May). I counted seven months which means it was July, 2015.

The most vivid part of the dream was going into the room where the casket had been and seeing all the boxes and things piled up. I was talking to my mom, the whole time breathing through my mouth as I knew the body had been there some time. I asked her, “Does it smell?” She said, “No”. So I breathed though my nose and it was fine. The closer I got to the place where the casket had been, the more I began to smell the smell of rotting flesh. I commented on it and my Mom said, “It does not smell!” very obviously irritated. The smell was very real to me and I can still smell it! Gross!

Then I was sorting through a freezer and my grandmother was there. I remember seeing her and thinking it odd that she was there but that it was as it should be since it was her stuff.

I awoke suddenly to hypnagogic imagery and buzzing energy all over my body. In the imagery I saw trees, a garden, pathways. But soon just fell asleep only to wake several more times and get very little sleep.

Emotional Objectivity

Although I do not recall my other dreams, I do recall what was being worked on. I awoke feeling unable to accomplish the goal which was emotional balance and objectivity. Basically, I was being taught how to have emotion without being the effect of the emotion. I was stating very firmly my opinion that doing this would be an injustice to my life experience. Emotional up’s and down’s are what make life interesting and fun, right? However, I know that I will not proceed to the next level without mastering emotional objectivity. It seems so impossible!

It is okay to have emotion but it is not okay to let your emotion control your experiences. As a life experiencer, we choose to come to Earth to master life and one of the biggest challenges is emotional objectivity. While out of the body we have no problem doing this but while in it, well we often get caught up in our emotion. I was being taught last night how to better control my emotional reactions. I can do it if I try hard, but it is one of those things that takes lots of effort in the beginning and it is so much easier to fall back into old habits. I am trying, though.

Cat Mystery Solved

I have been having cats in both my dreams and OBEs for some time now. It has gotten really irritating. Well, today I think I understand what they were trying to tell me.

The Woes of a Child

I got to meet a wonderful girl today. She taught me so much! What did she teach me? That I am not alone. Neither is she.

I listened as this girl told me about how I would think she was crazy. I listened as she told me how the Bible warned against “bad” spirits. I listened when she told me she was sometimes called “Cat lady”. I listened and was amazed.

I watched as I listened. Watched as she refused to look me in the eye. What did she think I was going to see in there? Her soul? Perhaps. I can definitely understand that.

I watched as I saw her try to control the huge amounts of energy pouring through her little body. She did a good job, but I could still see as she shook, as if suddenly cold. When I asked her about it she looked confused and said, “I think I’m just cold” – I think. I asked her if she thought maybe it was because she was trying to hold in her emotions and told her it sometimes happened to me, too. She looked at me wide-eyed and said nothing, but I know she understood.

The story she told me was what brought on the shakes. She loved cats but one her beloved feline friends went missing one day. She couldn’t find him but she thinks he is still around, in Spirit. But then spirit is bad, she said, and so she must be crazy. I wanted to tell her she wasn’t crazy, that Spirit is real and not bad. I wanted to tell her I could sense Spirit near her and that was why she was shaking.

Then she told me of another cat friend and how he died. And then she told the story of how he came to visit her after she had hurt herself. She said she felt his fur as he rubbed up against her leg and she saw his coloring, black and white just like she remembered. Black and white.

I told her she wasn’t crazy. I told her she was special. Inside I was amazed and validated. It was a good day.

Other Realizations

I had another realization today. Hypoglycemia – low blood sugar. It’s symptoms are often mistaken for mental disorders. Why? Because they are the same symptoms!

  • Heart palpitations (rapid or irregular heartbeat)
  • Shaking
  • Sweating
  • Paleness, cold/clammy skin
  • Nausea
  • Seeing flashes of light.
  • Dilated pupils (a common fear-response symptom)
  • Moodiness
  • Negative attitude
  • Exaggeration of relatively minor problems
  • Hunger
  • Slurred speech, can be mistaken for drunkenness
  • Blank look, zombie-like behavior        *Source

Why does this matter? Because I have been diagnosed with depression, dysthymia, Bipolar II and General Anxiety at different times in my life. I was accurately diagnosed with hypoglycemia in 2005. I changed my eating, eating more frequently and eating better foods, and it helped – immensely. And now, as I have been going through similar symptoms from my past I realize that I have not been eating well again. And of course my mood changes are directly linked to my diet.

Another thing I realized (and don’t take offense if you are a firm believer in this) but when I was going through my spiritual awakening, prior to being diagnosed with hypoglycemia, I thought the crazy shaking feeling and other symptoms were because I was not “grounded”. Well that is what everyone told me anyway. Grounding is to connect your energy with the Earth to create a solid link, etc, etc. I never really understood it and it never really helped to do the grounding techniques people told me about. Now I know that my intuition was accurate. I didn’t need to ground, I just needed to eat!

Now the shaking from Spirit, that is a different shaking than caused by hypoglycemia, though I am sure low blood sugar just makes it worse. When Spirit connects with a medium, or someone receptive to them, they can overwhelm them with their energy and this overload causes the medium to shake as if they are very cold. Some will even say they are cold. It also comes with intense emotions that are confusing to an inexperienced medium. So don’t confused hypoglycemic shaking with those caused by Spirit – two totally different things.

Sinking In

So today has been full of “ah-ha’s” and I am still processing everything. On top of the major things, I also had a great conversation with a co-worker. I got chills as we talked and I knew it was a good thing. Chills, or psychic chills as some call them, is a phenomenon that occurs when your energy and the energy of another person(s) or a situation is significant in some way and your energy and the other energy “connect” in just the right way as to intensify the overall energy. It could be that there is a connection between you and an individual or that Truth has been revealed in some way. All in all, the chills I got were localized to my left shoulder, which always says to me that my guide is there reminding me, “This is GOOD”. It always fills me will joy and the sensations intensify. They feel wonderful, like I am loved. I love me some good psychic chills!!!

As the day sinks in more and more I am in awe of how things work. I am so dense and human; impatient and always complaining when things are slow or don’t go as fast as I want them to. It always surprised me when these kinds of things happen and then, of course, I want them all the time. But that is not how life works. There are valleys and hills and I just need to remember that and ride the roller coaster down and suck all the enjoyment out of it that I can to help me through the low times. At the top is the thrill and a voice says, “Bring it on!”. At the bottom there is the despair and a voice says, “Make it stop”. In between is the hard part because the voice says, “What next? What do I do now?” The endless in-between or so it seems.