January 6 Dreams

Halfway through 12 days of dream journaling. Not feeling especially convinced that my dreams are a reflection of the coming 12 months. But then who knows? If they are, thus far May seems to be a humdinger and June not much better.

I’ve been sleeping really well at least. Deep, restful sleep that makes me want to linger in bed, warm and cozy, dozing on and off for as long as possible. This morning I wished I could sleep forever.

Dream: Tall Grass

Much of this dream is hazy but I recall enough of it to recount it. I remember driving through an unfamiliar city and going into a restaurant. My children were on my mind and so I ordered takeout for them on my way out because I knew when I got home they would be hungry. I ordered three hot dogs (masculinity and sexual energy) and remember they were just tossed together in a bag so that the wieners and buns were separated (disconnect with masculine side or sexuality).

Then I was in the car (life path). My husband was driving (husband in control) and we to go pick up my daughter. I protested saying we needed to pick up our other child and it made more sense to go get him now since we were closer. He argued a bit and then ignored me so I gave up trying to convince him otherwise, accepting that we would be late. The road ahead was dark and seemed long and unfamiliar (venturing into unknown, fear, apprehension).

The dream shifted again and I was walking with a group of people. I think my mom and step-father were with me. We walked past an old man who was obviously a bit senile (waste of ability) because he was jabbering to himself. Concerned that he may be lost I retrieved him and brought him with us as we walked. My mom questioned me about this and I said it was the right thing to do. She didn’t object.

We walked for a while, me alongside the old man. He appeared to be getting better. He was acknowledging my kindness, thanking me and talking about bible study. I remember my mom and step-father interrupting because of a specific course they were signed up for. The old man said the $50 course was worthless because the men who taught it no longer went to their church. It was $50 down the drain. My mom mentioned that they might as well tear up their course packets.

By this time we had made it to a vast field of very green, neck high grass (protection). It was grass unlike any I had ever seen. I waded through it, unable to see ahead of me because the grass was too tall, and worried of what I might be stepping on/in because I couldn’t see the ground either. The old man was ahead of me and I heard him caution me about stopping. He said if anyone stopped for too long then their face and jawline would be covered in biting gnats (nagging or annoying issues) that caused severe pain. I remember seeing a visual in my mind of a bird-like jawline being attacked by tiny gnats. It didn’t look painful but I didn’t want to find out so I kept moving but never made it out of the grass because I woke up.

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Dream: Singing Our Song

This dream began in the living area of my grandparent’s underground house. I was standing in front of a man I recognized but memory of his face is hazy now. We were having a heart-to-heart, catching up and expressing our feelings about our shared situation. My memory of our interaction is hazy. I mainly recall him by his energy.

The part of our conversation that is clear to me is him saying to me, “I’m sorry, but I can’t wait for you anymore.” I could feel his emotion and knew he was genuine in his apology. The feeling from him was that it was unfair for him to wait around, stalling his life and happiness, until I could figure things out. Not realizing he was doing this I immediately felt awful for holding him back. That was never my intention.

He continued to apologize, specifically for causing me pain. I can’t recall his exact words but it was something like, “If I had known I was hurting you I would have let you be.” The feeling from him was that he had been wracked with guilt over our situation. I understood all to well – “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” Or as my guides pointed out to me at one point, “Quite a conundrum you have.” Yeah and that’s an understatement.

I could feel the emotion behind his words. I could not deny the pain I experienced but I did not blame him. I saw the pain as a part of the process; unavoidable considering the circumstances and necessary to the process.

I went up to him, caressed his cheek and said, “It was worth it. And I would do it over and over again.” With my words I communicated much more. My memory here is of how it felt in that moment. I wanted him to know that the love I had/have for him was well worth every.single painful moment. I also let him know that it was okay for him to move on. He didn’t have to wait for me. I didn’t want him to wait for me. I wanted him to be happy.

It felt like goodbye but I knew it wasn’t. It was merely that we had different “courses” (“we have different courses” is what I remember saying in the dream at one point).

There was so much more going on behind the dream it is mind boggling! I saw a chart of some kind, similar to a timeline, like a life path or (haha) “course”. There were rectangular boxes indicating moments along this line of varying widths and heights. There were two boxes that were double, maybe triple, the size of the other boxes. These represented our time together. Beyond the two boxes the sizes again shrunk, indicating a divergence.

What is interesting is the way I experienced the emotion of our communication. Though we were talking in words we were also singing the most beautiful duet I have ever heard. I heard a melody and words but they are lost to my memory now. However, what I do remember about the song we sang was that it made the entire space we occupied vibrate. Not only could I feel it but I could also hear it. It was in the background throughout our conversation and sounded like a million cicadas only louder and much faster. I have heard the sound before in dreams and OBEs and it is always awe inspiring. There is a color with it, too: Gold.

The feeling that remains even now is just how much I enjoyed singing our song, especially singing it with him. There is nothing more beautiful to me.

As he was leaving I felt a twinge of sadness. I saw a glimpse of a woman sitting in a pick-up and thought he must have found someone. I was grateful he would no longer be alone but I envied the woman.

Alone, I kept singing our song. In fact, I sang it for the rest of the dream. It reminds me of a pair of songbirds. Together they sing their song. It is unique to only them. When separated they sing it alone so that the other can always hear and find their way back. That is what it felt like I was doing in the dream.

I walked to the kitchen area of my grandparent’s house and was greeted by my grandmother (feminine aspect). She was very gentle with me as she guided me into a bedroom (private self), the bedroom my grandfather (masculine aspect) occupied in life. The bed was unmade (secrets exposed), as if someone had been sleeping in it. She instructed me to rest, though I never heard words. It felt like she was taking care of me, just like she did in life. I remember seeing others in the kitchen sitting at the table. It was “family” and they were waiting for me. I only recall a tall man whose energy felt a whole lot like my grandfather’s.

I got into the bed (since it is not my bed it represent consequences of my actions) and my grandmother put the covers over me. And then I slept (peace of mind). It was so nice, so peaceful, warm and safe. I wanted to stay forever.

Then I became aware of needing to “wake up”. I knew it was time to get out of bed. It felt like it was 7am, or at least the number 7 was prominent. My grandmother was encouraging me, her voice soft but firm, saying, “It’s time to get up now. It’s time to get up.” The feeling was that I had an appointment to go to, or at least somewhere to go.

I sat up on the right side of the bed and thought, “This was my Granddaddy’s bed.” I remember thinking about how in waking life the thought of sleeping in his old bed and in his old room made me shudder. It felt wrong. Yet here I was waking up in his old room and in his old bed!

Eventually I got up. My grandmother immediately began to make the bed (security). I helped her. Normally I wouldn’t have helped but in the dream I was honored to help her, remembering how she generously devoted her life to helping others, especially her family. Side by side we made the bed……. And I was still singing.

Note: The bed part of this dreams seems to go along with the saying, “You’ve made your bed now lie in it.” The fact that I am in my grandparents house, grandfather’s bed, indicates that I need to confront family issues specifically and many relate to the masculine.

Music Message

When I awoke I was sad. It felt like the dream was indicating a goodbye. It felt so final and I grieved, though not as intensely as I have in the past. It’s as if my pain and grief is all used up. A well run dry from overuse.

A song was going through my mind, specifically the part, “Thunder only happens when it’s raining. Players only love you when they’re playing. Women, they will come and they will go. When the rain washes you clean you’ll know.”

I didn’t understand the song when I heard it but now I think I do. Everything is temporary in this life. Change is the only constant. The last two lines are what I think the message sender wanted me to know, especially “when the rain washes you clean you’ll know.”

It really is all about timing and readiness. And when the time is right and am I ready, I will know.

 

 

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January 5 Dream and Message

Before I get into the dream/message I want to relay to you some things that happened yesterday.

At some point mid-day yesterday I received the message “Challenges” out of the blue while reading some random post online. The word was in the background but appeared to “pop” out at me. I tried to shrug it off but there was a strange feeling that followed me the rest of the day seeming to remind me of the message.

For over a week I’ve had strange heart fluttering/palpitations that come and go. Well yesterday the fluttering in my heart was happening more than usual. For example, in about 45 minutes I had at least three incidences. They don’t last long or make me dizzy or anything, but I usually only get them as I am falling asleep. These happened while I was sitting and watching T.V.

The message “challenges” came to mind every time I felt my heart doing weird things. I knew it was likely nothing but that I should go to the doctor just to make sure. I won’t go to a doctor, though, because if it is what my mom has then they will put me on beta-blockers. I won’t take that kind of life-long medication if they prescribe it. Nope. Could health be one one of my challenges this year? Maybe.

My decision made, I still felt the heart flutters on and off until bedtime but ignored them. The feeling hung around like a heavy blanket. It was really irritating and got more intense as the night neared.

I noticed a strange “coincidence” that evening as well. If you read yesterday’s dream post then you know I had discussed my husband being a plumber. It likely was bleed-through from a couple of days ago when I noticed our garbage disposal was leaking. Since my husband was away camping he opted to fix the issue last night. I told him to not replace the disposal (I rarely if ever used it) but put in a regular drain instead. He did this despite him wanting to get a new disposal.

The disposal had leaked water all over the base of the cabinet. The old house owners had put down 2×4’s to repair previous water damage and those boards were completely warped. So, I suggested we replace them. When my husband removed the boards he was greeted with this:

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He said it was a cesspool under the boards. I had actually assumed this based up the poor workmanship of the previous owner. He always half-assed all the repairs and this one was no different. Covering up wet, rotting wood is never a good idea. My husband said it was full of dead and live bugs of all kinds and smelled horrific.

This odd “coincidence” seemed like a message to me. What exactly the message is, I’m not yet sure but it can’t be a positive one. If this has been under our kitchen sink since we moved in we could have been exposed to all sorts of nasty stuff for nearly 4 years. Ahhh!

Dream: Orientation

I know I woke up crying in the middle of the night again, but I don’t know why. There was dream recall at the time and I took a mental note, but the memory did not stick. I remember a suggestion from my guides last Fall about keeping a notebook handy. I should have listened. My dream recall has sucked lately.

The last dream of the night was vivid, though. In it I was walking down familiar school hallways. It was the first public school I had ever worked at and I was walking down memory lane in the dream looking for my old classroom. When I located it I noted it was across the hall from my first boyfriend post divorce. The dream scene was replaced with a raging river scene (ready to confront life’s challenges). It was as if the hallway turned into the river. Then the scene disappeared and I was once again walking the hall and locating my old classroom.

I walked into a classroom that was not my old room. Inside a woman was waiting for me. I recognized her and greeted her warmly, hugging her tightly. I remember her with dark hair but her appearance shifted between a black woman and a white woman. I think I may have been seeing both her appearances – the one she takes in Spirit and the one of her human self.

She mentioned she was now in HR and had only the one job rather than juggling several. She was much happier. I was pleased to hear this. Her job with me was to orient me on my new job. I told her that I was surprised they had chosen me for the position but was happy they had. The position was obviously counselor.

We were interrupted by a group of young girls. They asked me to help them determine whether a test question required a paragraph answer or not. I spent some time going over it with them, explaining how they could decipher questions and feeling I had a good handle on the situation. I recall that the questions were all math (logic) questions and eventually handed them a printout of the steps they needed to follow.

When they left the room me and the woman continued our conversation. I don’t remember the specifics but there is memory of us discussing a decision I had made early in my career. I had opted to stay in a job despite wanting to leave early on. This was/is my tendency because I get bored easily and want to “run” at the first sign of trouble. Thus, early on in my career I jumped from school to school about every 9 months to a year.

The woman congratulated me on staying with the same employer for 8 years. I remember thinking there was a lesson in it that I had learned and repeating that lesson to her. It was something like, “It is easy to run away from your problems, but if you stick it out you are sure to be rewarded for your efforts.” I was proud for sticking it out as long as I had and knew this new opportunity was with the same district I spent those 8 years at. It surprised me that I would take a job so far from my home. Was I really going to commute almost an hour one-way to work every day?

The woman had to go and left me with a number to reach her. She said, “You can reach me anytime at 4392.” I said, “What?” not understanding the 4 digits. She repeated it and then I repeated it to myself.

I walked toward the front office. A blonde woman stopped me and said, “Good to see you back. Will you be available today?” I said, “No but probably tomorrow.” She smiled and walked on. I felt welcomed and this in turned made me feel excited for the future.

As we headed down the hallway I ran into another past acquaintance. I called her name and she turned and smiled. She welcomed me but seemed overly preoccupied and busy. I could tell she was in a hurry. I walked with her down a corridor that headed toward a basement area.

In this basement was a arcade (look back on previous time when you found joy) full of games and kids playing them. I happily joined in as did my coworker. I remember seeing lights flashing on a skee ball type game. I tossed a ball into one of the openings. The lights flashing reminded me of the lights one sees when they hit jackpot (take a chance on life) on a slot machine.

I left and walked toward the office with my coworker. We ran into a tall black man and stopped to talk. I inquired about the other counselor and was told by the man, “She didn’t make it. It was too much for her.” I was sad to hear this news and mentioned that it was a surprise since she had spent 8 years preparing in some military-type training program.

When we got to the office I was awakened by my son who was awake way too early.

Messages from the In-Between

I was able to stay in bed but couldn’t sleep. The dream kept going through my head and messages kept coming in. The number 4392 was repeated to me at one point, waking me up. Another time I was reading the label on a pill bottle. I read aloud, “Sword fight.” With this came the image of a sword and I knew the message was that I needed to fight for what I wanted. This woke me up immediately but I fell back into the in-between quickly. Then I was discussing with someone the return to work and saw the number 56. I saw it as a salary but I am sure it was not that. I also kept seeing a calendar in my head with the month of May lit up.

Finally, the most obvious message was when I heard a masculine voice yell at me. He said, “Get out! I’m telling you, GET OUT!” This woke me straight away.

Since I had been getting so much communication from voices and odd visions I surrounded myself in light and put up protection just in case I was being bothered by Spirit that were not guides.

But the “Get out” message bothered me. Get out of what? My bed? I was reminded of the second memorable audible message I received from Spirit, one that woke me up from deep sleep (the first was “Hold on” when I was in the midst of a car accident). I heard, “GET OUT NOW”, twice. At that point in my life I saw it as a message from God and didn’t hesitate to get out of my situation (left Alaska within a week and eventually left my marriage).

Surely this message was not meant in the same way? Surely I was making it up somehow or Spirit was playing games with me.

But it was so audible. So in my face. Just like the first one. The only difference is I’ve had so many messages in the years since that first one, that they have become “normal”. I had no reaction other than to think immediately someone in Spirit was playing with me and so surround myself in protection. Shows how my experiences have shaped me. Shows how wary I have become over the years.

As I woke the same song was going through my head as yesterday morning, only this time it was, “My love (song says “life”) is brilliant, my love is true. I saw an angel, of that I’m sure….and I can’t wait to see you again….” Though the last part is different than the song lyrics.

I’m not sure what to make of the dream and messages. Is this what is going to happen in May this year? We’ll see I guess.

January 4 Dream: Visiting Alaska

I had a nice evening to myself last night while my husband and kids went camping at a state park. While it is nice outside, it is rather chilly and I do not find camping any fun when I am freezing my butt off.

My evening was rather uneventful spiritually speaking. Though I would have liked a lucid dream or OBE, even better some Kundalini, I was just too tired from the previous sleepless night.

Dream: Visiting Alaska 

The dream began with me discussing a ticket to Alaska with a man, who I called my husband but he didn’t resemble my husband at all. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to Alaska and I said I didn’t. It seemed like we would go there separately, him months ahead of me.

He gave me my ticket (start of new endeavor) and I saw in my mind a map of the U.S. I recall seeing the Great Lakes region of the U.S. and feeling like I had taken this journey before. In fact, an OBE of hovering over this exact region came to mind in the dream but in that memory the place was being bombed and it was very cold.

I knew I was revisiting a school I had attended in Alaska for a year. I “landed” outside a university building that was quite comfortable feeling to me, though I have never seen such a place in this physical life. It was green and pleasant with blue skies and a collegiate feel all around. Everyone felt young, inspired and eager to learn. Overall my feeling was of pleasure mixed with nostalgia. Happy memories, though I can’t recall even one, only a sense of spending time in this place.

There was someone with me, a young girl who I thought of as my daughter but I can’t get memory of what she looked like. Even in the dream it was like she was a bright golden shadow just out of sight. I was talking to someone other than my daughter, too, but can’t recall a face or gender. Upon reflection I think I was talking to my “husband” and the result of our discussion was the dream, like the discussion produced the imagery.

I remember talking about the weather (state of mind) and how it was 60 degrees (hope) there but snow was expected. The warm weather was the result of a warm front that had come in from the south. My daughter and I walked along a path lined with flowers and shrubs, enjoying the beautiful place and reminiscing. I wanted to take a picture of her (remember a certain version of myself) so we walked down near the water’s edge.

A man was standing alone by a bench (procrastination) on the path. He was a normal looking, dark haired man with a nice smile. When I saw him I immediately started talking with him as if we were old friends. I told him we wanted to take a picture by the water (wanting to remember something) and asked if he would take it for us. My daughter (vague memory here of pretty blonde woman with sparkling eyes) stood by the water and we snapped a picture. The resulting image only showed trees and flowers, though, which disappointed me. The man was very encouraging and began asking me questions about my visit so that I soon forgot all about the photo, instead focusing on the beautiful coastline and picturesque scenery of the area (need to focus on the positive).

Again there was mention of the weather (emotional state of mind) and how unusual it was for the time of year. I remember talking to him about my past schooling there. I had spent a year there and had hoped I would run into someone I knew from that time. I recall walking along the wide, open corridors of the university and looking at all the faces I encountered seeking out a familiar one. That’s when it occurred to me that I had not made any significant friends or acquaintances during my time there so it was unlikely I would meet someone I knew. Part of me considered I might be sad at my lack of friends but I paid that part no attention. I felt perfectly comfortable not having made any personal connections.

Still talking with the man we discussed how he had come to be there. He said he worked for an “organization”, which he shortened to “org”, and would only be visiting for a short time. I remember him saying he thought “orgs” did a lot of good and I agreed with him that they did make a positive impact. It felt like orgs were business while at the same community groups of well-intentioned citizens looking to make the world a better place.

He mentioned that he was training to become a plumber (dealing with emotional issues). I asked him, “Journeyman or Master?” He looked at me, surprised, and said, “Ah! How do you know that?” I said, “My husband is Journeyman….well actually Master but he didn’t keep up with his certification requirements.”

By this time he and I had walked into the university bookstore/exchange. I had been browsing and selected a shiny, silver jewelry (sense of self-worth) set consisting of a necklace, bracelet and earrings. I handed the woman the set noticed the earrings (desire for acceptance and affection) were missing. I told her, “It looks like the earrings are missing.” She said, “Do you still want it?” I said, “Sure. I don’t need the earrings anyway.”

When I attempted to pay I opened my wallet (self identity or financial situation) and found all of my cards had been removed (emotional void or empty feeling). There was absolutely nothing inside, not even my driver’s license. At first I was surprised but then I remembered that I had purposefully left them all behind. The man noticed I did not have my debit card. I told him, “It’s okay. I brought plenty of cash (self-worth, confidence, self-love) with me.” I looked back down at my wallet and saw the empty slots dotted with tiny, white or pale pink flowers (love, joy, happiness, overcoming grief/sadness) and felt completely at ease with my situation. I didn’t need credit or debit cards. I could sense a part of myself that would normally be very uneasy with such a situation, but I was not.

Eventually the man was join by his wife and child (a daughter I think) and told me he had to leave and had enjoyed our time together. When I saw that he was married with a family I was a bit disappointed. I believe someone said to me, “Looks like he is married. I could tell he was interested in you, though.” I remember considering how it might have been to have him as a life partner. I thought he and I were a good match and it was too bad that we had to go our separate ways. I also recall being asked, “Did you know him?” I said, “I don’t think so.” Yet I found it odd that I went right up to him and started talking to him.

When it was time to leave it felt like the scene became smaller, or maybe I got larger. As it disappeared below me I recall trying to figure out where exactly this “Alaska” was because I saw the Great Lakes region on the map. Apparently I had spent a whole year there. I assumed “Alaska” was a reflection of the year I actually lived in Alaska. It had been composed of many difficult lessons. Perhaps I was reflecting on that time in my life?

As my consciousness shifted back to my body I recall saying, “I don’t know what to do…..” I heard back from a masculine voice, “Do what you came here to do.” This brought me fully out of my reverie. The line of a song was repeating in my mind: “And I don’t know what to do….cause I’ll never be with you.”

Reflection

Based upon my dreams these first four nights of the new year, I’m not sure they are giving me glimpses of each month of this coming year. It feels more like lessons in my dreams than anything else. If this month is reflective of April then perhaps in April I will be sorting through relationship issues and patterns. April is the month my ex-husband was born. He still lives in Alaska and though I only spent a year there, it was probably the most challenging year of my life (well until 2017 that is lol).

The main feeling I had upon waking was sadness. The song seemed to intensify that feeling. I am still a bit sad by it. It feels like I missed an opportunity; a big “could have been” that will follow me the rest of my life.

Overall the dream seems positive so I guess that is a good thing. I was told, “Do what you came here to do”. I responded with, “What is that?” So, of course, I’ve been thinking about that most of the morning. What am I here to do? If I felt a “calling” or felt drawn to or pulled to do a particular thing, then it would make things so much easier. All I know is that I am here to help but the “how” has always been a mystery. I feel like a feather in the wind, going wherever the wind takes me. It makes for a very frustrating journey.

 

 

 

 

 

January 3 Dreams: House of Spiders

I couldn’t sleep last night. It was not because I wasn’t tired.

First, the events leading up to my inability to sleep.

My husband has a two week Christmas break that goes along with the schools in the area. Every year he uses the break to stay as busy as he can. This usually means he still takes business calls and does work from home. It also means he has one or more projects he is juggling. These projects are not work related. For example, this year he decided he would add onto the tree house he built in our back yard. The kids never use it but he thought it would be great to make another higher level. The level is so high that it scares me to climb up to it. It’s too high for little kids.

He’s finished the tree house two days ago. Yesterday he opted to get out his chainsaw and randomly cut down trees. This took him all day to do. His next plan is to build a retaining wall and fence. I don’t know how he will accomplish this when he has a camping trip planned today.

In the meantime he invited two boys to spend the night without telling me. I had been out doing errands and when I returned my house was in chaos and my husband was still outside cutting down trees. Normally it would not be an issue to have a sleepover going on but the entire break my husband has hardly been in the house. He doesn’t help watch the children or do anything to assist me. Yet he invites two additional children over while I’m out, doesn’t supervise them and had no intention of helping supervise them.

In additional to all of the above, my youngest got overtired and came to me at 6pm complaining of an earache. He fell asleep with some coddling only to be awakened by my daughter and her tantrum throwing. From around 7pm until 10pm he was inconsolable. My husband was in his office room working the entire evening. When I asked him for help with our youngest he told me, “Just let him cry.” The sleepover was in full swing by this time as well and my daughter was still crying over a lie she had been caught in.

I tried to juggle all of it but eventually lost my cool and left our youngest in the office on the bed. He was still crying but since it was in my husband’s work space he had to take time to console him or else go insane by the crying. For about an hour this worked and I got some peace but it didn’t last.

I heard our youngest crying and so went to investigate. I nearly got run over by the two boys who were sleeping over. Our middle son has passed out in bed and so the two were running all over the house screaming. They had completely trashed a bedroom in the process.  I found my husband asleep on the sofa next to a very upset, wailing in pain little boy. How he could sleep through the crying, I don’t know!

Within minutes I was able to calm our son and get him to sleep. My husband got up in a zombie-like state and went upstairs, oblivious to me and our son.

By the time I was able to get to bed I was exhausted. Yet when I tried to sleep I would be bombarded with strange images of enormous toys and other imaginary things. The feeling I had was of being super hyper. No matter how I tried I could not get the energy to dissipate and the images continued to plague me. One time I was nearing sleep when a giant toy threw an object at me in my near-dreamstate. I swear I felt it when it hit me in the face!

After a couple of hours of unsettling images of giant toys and strange energy I pleaded with my guides to help me. I realized soon after that I was somehow picking up on the boys and their dreams/thoughts/energy. I was advised to protect and ground my energy. I tried this but kept being pulled into their dream imagery. Eventually, though, I was able to stave off the worst of it and began to settle down.

It was 2am before the images and energy stopped. I still felt uneasy, though. I decided to lay on my back and just rest/mediate for a while. My guide was helping me the entire time. What I recall next is speaking in a foreign language that I thought of as “Native American” though I cannot say that was the language for sure. In front of me I could see a golden tablet filled with symbols/letters of an unknown language. My guide was speaking the language with me. I have no idea what we were saying but I remember knowing what I was saying was special and helpful. I also felt my guide and I were not alone. There was a circle of others surrounding us.

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Eventually I became super aware of what was going on and felt the familiar heavy blanket of energy indicative of the trance state. It did not come on gradually either. It was instantaneous to the point that it startled me. Along with the strange energy came hypnagogia – millions of 1’s and 0’s in random order. As I looked into the images I saw pictures take form. All of it was typical of deep trance. I knew I was one step away from being able to exit my body consciously. However, I could not get my mind to settle. The energy, images and overall sensation was too alerting to my conscious mind.

I emerged from the trance state and re-entered it more times than I could count after that. I know I was receptive to messages at this time but all I remember now is Knowing/saying to someone that I could not bring the memories back with me. It was like I was purposefully being kept just on the verge of sleep most of the night. There was a strong sense of connecting with the minds of others in my house. It was unsettling and uncomfortable to me to the point of scaring me several times. I felt unable to control this odd telepathy. I felt too wide open, too receptive. There was also the familiar sensation of the energy mask across my face the whole time. My entire head was ablaze with energy and it was not welcome. I wanted it all to STOP.

Dream: House of Spiders

At some point this morning I was allowed to enter into some dreams. The main dream I recall is of visiting a house that had a massive spider infestation (feeling trapped in a situation or relationship). Most of the spiders stayed hidden in the attic (hidden/repressed). However, as the dream progressed the spider problem became greater to the point that they were coming out in plain sight (made to see the issue).

There was a story playing out with the spider house. In it I was visiting a couple and the husband seemed to have an interest in me. It made me uncomfortable, especially when he became more open about his intentions. I remember he took me in a car to his place of work. I was watching his infant son (innocence, warmth, vulnerability) and keeping an eye on things. The whole time there was a feeling of wrongness but now all I can recall is the spiders. They were everywhere.

Eventually there was discussion about fogging the house to rid it of the spiders. The spider infestation was spreading and had to be stopped. When this information was presented I remember feeling guilty for my interactions with the husband even though I had done nothing wrong.

Dream: Closed Christmas Toy Factory

In this dream I arrived at a factory (repetitious thinking and old ways of doing things) with a little girl and her mother. The factory was solid gray (depression, fear, confusion) with no windows. It looked very bleak. As we walked inside we saw signs that it was closed for the rest of the year. It was like a Santa’s workshop attraction and was open only during the Christmas (associated with family) holiday season.

Despite it being closed we walked up a long, solid gray ramp (struggles toward goal) and into an area with a couple of tables. The little girl sat down at one of the tables. She had with her a doll she had brought along. She put to doll under her chair. The mother approached and asked the girl where he doll was. The girl pointed to it and the mother picked it up. The doll came to life (need to escape current problems/responsibilities) and was moving like a real person. She was a miniature human, perfect in every way.

Afterward

When I woke it was 6:30am and despite not getting much sleep I was wide awake again. My thoughts were on my life, things that were bothering me and that I needed to get done. My third-eye was active and I was hearing a song in my mind – Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy. Over and over I heard: Anywhere I go there you are. It didn’t make sense to hear that song again.

I had a familiar feeling, one I haven’t had in a long time. It wasn’t overly strong but it was noticeable. I felt a need to get out. I recalled a day last week, one I didn’t write about for an inability to express what I was feeling. It relates to the Kundalini and how it has changed me. I sought help in a FB group because I needed to know what my future might hold. The answers I got were not helpful or promising and I ended up in tears from the frustration and inability to cope. My guides interrupted my tears and said, “Your life is not in balance.” What they said felt right but still I had/have no idea how to bring it into balance.

Upon waking my mind felt like a jumble of too many problems or things that are wrong. There is a part of me that feels I am being trodden upon by my life and should stand up for myself. She is demanding I take action. There is another part that feels unable to do anything about anything. The apathy is killer and I am suffocated by it every time. I feel weak, destroyed, beaten down by life. I keep hoping someone or something will come in and save me from it. No one comes. Nothing changes.

In considering my dreams and how they may be giving me an idea of what to expect in March this year, I am not feeling too optimistic.

 

 

Jan. 2 Dreams and Strangeness

It’s been unusually cold here in Texas for several days in a row now. The high yesterday was 30 degrees but I don’t think it ever got that warm. The lows have been in teens and twenties. We had snow on New Year’s eve, but only a trace amount. Just enough to make the rooftops white the next morning. It will be below freezing in the evenings until this Friday. I want it to be Spring so bad. I hate cold weather.

This morning my husband calls out to me saying, “Hey Dayna. Do you think this is some kind of sign?” I said, “Maybe? What is it?” He brings to me a completely frozen dove saying, “It froze to death perched on a branch.”

deaddove

When I looked at it, it looked like it was taking a nap. You can see in the image above that it looks almost peaceful. I told my husband, “Yeah, it’s a sign.” I didn’t tell him what sign, though. It seems like an omen of endings. I have gotten it myself before.

My daughter went into grief over it, crying and saying, “You poor thing. You didn’t do anything to deserve this!” She then had tons of questions about why he died. I explained that he was not able to huddle with others doves and so, being alone, he froze to death. I also said he was likely sick or weak to begin with. She wanted to bring him inside and let him thaw out, as if it would bring him back to life. She’s so sweet.

I’ve been going stir crazy. I hate the cold so I avoid going outside. It’s created a cabin fever feeling in all of us except my husband who has been happily working on a tree house outside (he’s nuts). Yesterday, sick of being stuck inside, I ventured out on a run. It was so cold my eyelashes stuck together when I blinked. The run wasn’t too miserable but I would rather it be too hot than not feel parts of my body. lol

Dream: Reunion

As I mentioned in my last post, I will be keeping track of my dreams for the first 12 days of this year. January 1st brought OBEs. January 2nd brought vivid dreams.

This dream began in the parking lot of a school. My intention for visiting was to check on some job vacancies I had heard were there. The positions were temporary, part-time teacher/assistant ones. The entire dream I carried with me a neatly folded full-size quilt/blanket (warmth, love, security, protection).

Inside the place resembled a mixture of various schools I have worked at in this lifetime. I walked down a long hall and encountered several past acquaintances. One was my ex-principal and another a male history teacher I once knew. Each time the encounters were pleasant, as if I was reuniting with them on the Other Side. Neither of us held any grudges or negative feelings despite having history with each other that was not all positive.

I went into a classroom and walked between desks of students. The class was the classroom of a familiar ex-coworker. We jabbered and I looked curiously at the desk of a female student in front of me. She had a small dish with two broken eggs (breaking out of one’s shell) in it. Assuming it was trash, I picked it up and disposed of it.

I walked over to talk to the teacher. She greeted me and asked me questions about my life, catching up on all that she had missed in the 4 or so years since we had seen each other. Another male teacher, the history one I had already spoken to, dropped in and joined us. The both mentioned that two science teachers had resigned. The name of my high school science teacher was mentioned as one of them. The history teacher asked me why I was there and I told him I was looking into working again. He seemed to try and dissuade me by saying the two positions were already filled. Then he asked if I thought of returning to school. I said I already had a Master’s degree and didn’t see the point. I then said that I was only looking for temporary work, like three months max, because I didn’t feel full-time work suited me anymore. He nodded in agreement and understanding. Throughout the conversation I was completely relaxed and accepting of whatever came to pass. If I didn’t get work, I was okay. If I did, I was okay, too. There was a sense that I didn’t need to work right now but that I could if I wanted to.

Then the student whose desk I had cleaned off interrupted. She said she was not finished with the eggs I tossed. I apologized after I saw every student had two broken eggs in a dish on their desk. I said, “Oh, I’m sorry! You are all conducting an experiment, aren’t you?” I picked the broken eggs out of the trash and returned them to her.

I spoke with the teacher of the class again. For some reason there was a completely naked baby boy (innocent/vulnerable/masculine aspect of self) laying near her desk. When I saw him I thought he was cute and so made some cooing noises. This upset him and he began to cry (part of self that is deprived and needs attention). The teacher consoled him and told me that he was particular about people. She told me I should not have growled at him. I said I didn’t and repeated to her the noise I made but it did sound like a growl. When I looked at the baby it had morphed into a toddler sized girl (feminine aspect of self) and said something to me I can’t recall now.

The teacher asked me about my sister (aspect of self) and I told her she had joined the Air Force back in mid-October, 2017. The teacher asked what she was trained in and I said, “Mostly militia tactics.” Somehow, though, the conversation seemed to shift to indicate that both myself and the teacher were trained for the militia and were on stand-by until needed. It felt like in the meantime we were to busy ourselves with other things until we were “called to duty”.

As I was leaving I realized I did not have my blanket with me. I searched for it and found it laying on the floor between two student desks. I was very pleasant to the students as I left, saying goodbye, smiling and mentioning I enjoyed my visit and would like to return for another.

astrology+space-800x400

Interpretation

When I woke I was in a pleasant mood despite how odd the dream was. It seemed like I had been interacting with people from my past, doing some kind of life review with them and catching up. The part about me looking for work was likely a discussion of my considerations right now in waking life. I have been again feeling a need to work but not feeling it is right, feeling unmotivated and disinterested.

The part that really stood out to me and that was on my mind when I awoke was the part about being trained military but in standby mode, awaiting a call to duty. It felt like me and the others in my dream had been trained in the same “tactics” and were currently on standby. We could do whatever we liked while on standby. There was not set agenda while we waited. It was like we were on leave (vacation) for an indeterminate amount of time.

The blanket symbol is significant. Usually I am wrapped up in a blanket indicating a fear of the unknown. But in this dream I was carrying it, neatly folded, at my side and at one point had to look for it because I left it behind. This indicates that I am not feeling a need for security or protection from the unknown. I am breaking out of my shell (the egg symbolism comes in here).

Recent Experiences

Last night, as with other recent nights, my attention keeps being shifted to a guide/Spirit/Being to my left. The sense of him is distant, as if he is purposefully standing just outside my energy field. I assume he does this so that I am not startled by the enormity of his energy. I will explain why I think this is a bit later.

The way he grabs my attention is interesting. Usually I am thinking or doing something that keeps my conscious mind occupied like watching T.V. or making dinner. Then, quite oddly, I will have a thought, usually in the form of a memory, that does not fit with what I am doing/experience in the physical present moment.

Last night I was watching Netflix and had let my left arm and hand hang over the side of the bed. I don’t normally do this and am not sure why I did this in that moment but I suddenly became acutely aware that my hand was there and outstretched as if to hold another’s hand. With this awareness I saw, like a movie in my mind, another hand reaching toward mine but the hand had three very long fingers with overly large fingertips on it. The hand was a bluish green color and familiar.

Along with this vision I had memory of an OBE I had a while ago. In it I was taken aboard a ship and saw a Being that was very unusual in appearance. Others told me he was a certain race of E.T. based upon my description of him but my mind is blank on the name of that race at the moment (very odd!). Mostly I recall his color which was a bluish green, his overly large head and long, frog-like fingers but I also recall the symbols on the ship and the stars of space through the porthole of the craft we were in.

I withdrew my hand and ignored the visions and memories feeling that I was crazy to consider any of it as my reality and returned to watching my show.

Not long after, fully immersed in my show, another memory presented itself. This time it was the memory of when I first received the name Elohim. I had never heard the word before, had no idea what it meant and since the name came with such an intense shot to the heart, it scared the crap out of me.

Well, you can imagine my reaction to this memory. Part of me was unconcerned and accepting. The other was saying, “Oh no. I’m not falling for this again. I am making this all up. It’s some kind of dream-schizophrenic episode and I will NOT be fooled into thinking any of it is real. Not again. Nope.”

It didn’t help that I was hit with a strange, surreal feeling, like this reality is just a dream construct and the memory I was having was the real deal. The disconnected feeling was super strong and it caused me to withdraw immediately from the Spirit/Being that was visiting.

He said to me, “We are One” and other things like, “You will see me again soon”, “Contact”, and “You are not listening.” I tried not to hear/listen but it was impossible. The messages and connection felt just like it did when I was visited before.

I almost didn’t write about this but felt I should because who knows where it might lead. Maybe I am experiencing some kind a dream-schizophrenic episode? Maybe I am mentally split to the point that I am bordering on a complete break with reality? I tried to rationalize it away with it all being a mental illness, but honestly I can’t do that completely. Either it is a real, spiritual experience or it is some kind of mass-hysteria-dream-psychosis that needs to go in the DSM-V as a new mental illness! Whatever it is, it is MY experience and I don’t know what the &*%@ to do about it!!!!

When I first had this “contact” experience with Elohim it led to all kinds of crAzY shit – Kundalini, heart connections, strange OBEs on board spacecraft and meetings with E.T.s/Beings. Most of it was good, exciting, wonderful, but then there was the big, life-altering stuff that ultimately led to horrendous pain and suffering on my part. To allow myself to believe/listen/accept this return of “contact” was to allow the potential of a repeat of all that I just mentioned. Not sure I am up to that again, especially the painful parts.

Ultimately, I recognized that I am where I am in life – not working, stay at home mom, isolated/hermit-like – for a reason. STILL. It is obvious that whatever I am going through necessitates these things because if I were to work or interact with others beyond my family and close friends/acquaintances, I may be exposed to that which I am not yet ready for. I assume heart-connections but it could be various other things and it could also be that others are not ready for me. Whatever the reasons it makes sense and so be it.

 

 

 

 

Welcome 2018! – Multiple OBEs

So 2017 is now behind us. Hallelujah! Doing the happy dance over here. I am SO happy 2017 is over. Not that is was all terrible but it was mostly a very tough year for me. It was all about letting go, healing, peeling off more layers of illusion/false Self, and difficult inner work. If I look back at this time last year it still makes me shudder a bit. I would not wish what I went through on even my worst enemies. I hope to never experience that kind of pain again.

I had a Knowing yesterday that someone in my family will pass this year, someone not close to me but close to my mom or MIL. It was not disturbing to me but I know it will be to someone close to me – not my immediate family, though (husband and children). My grandmother has sisters who survived her and they are all getting up there in age. Similarly, my MIL has family that is pretty old. We all contemplated who it might be but didn’t linger on it. What will be, will be. As always, I don’t see death as a grievous thing but as a release; freedom from the limitations of the body and this physical existence.

A comment was left not long ago about how the first 12 days of the new year tell of the coming months. One’s dreams provide a sneak peak at what to expect. So, I have decided to record what dreams I remember over the next 12 days. Maybe I will be shown what is coming? Maybe not. We’ll see how it pans out.

Multiple OBEs

I can’t recall my dreams at all for some reason. All I remember is waking up in tears at one point. It is odd that I don’t recall why. I woke the night of the 31st in tears, too. Maybe the full moon is pulling it out of me yet again. I had hoped 2018 would mark the end of the teary dreams. Guess not.

When I woke at 5am I was wide awake and feeling disappointed and sad. I rolled over on my right side and fell into thoughts of the year ahead. It wasn’t long until I shifted OOB and into a dark room.

My energy was low and so it was difficult to remain OOB. I would shift into the dark room, roam about for a bit trying to get my bearings, and then shift back into my body temporarily. I did this approximately 5 times for varying lengths of time.

I don’t remember much except the dark, unfamiliar room which I assumed was a version of my bedroom. There was an excursion out of my room and the house but it was short-lived. As soon as I attempted to fly out the window I felt to hover as if stuck in place and then my vision blacked out completely as I shifted back into body. Then there was one instance where a black man was sitting in the middle of the room smoking a strange looking pipe. It resembled a large, perfectly cylindrical stick with a tiny mouthpiece on the end. He smoked it and then offered it to me. I politely refused and went back into body.

The final OBE was the longest and most memorable. I exited my body thinking, “I need to do something to stay longer.” Then I drifted over to the stairs and decided to jump down rather than “walk”. I hesitated feeling it was not advisable but then pushed past the consideration and jumped over. The fall down was bumpy as if my considerations paused the fall.

When I got to the bottom I headed toward the front door. Remembering I needed to do something to increase my energy I looked down at my hand. I was wearing green garden gloves so had to take them off to look at my hand. Oddly I don’t recall what my ungloved hand looked like but looking at it seemed to work.

I floated out the front door and noticed the front lawn was different. Instead of grass it was stones separated by dark mulch. When I looked up I could see the night sky but the stars were not as brilliant as they should be. I looked harder, trying to get the sky to clarify but it never did.

I floated out toward the street and immediately noticed the streets were covered in clear ice. Delighted I thought, “I can ice skate!” I went down to the street and began to try and skate only since I had astral legs it was more of a sliding motion. I tried to get my feet to work but gave up quickly and just enjoyed slipping and sliding down the street.

I skated for some time and ended up wondering where I was going. I paused and looked up at the sky again. The stars were still muted it seemed and I focused on them again to try and get them to shine more brightly without success. Then my vision blanked out but instead of it turning black and shifting back in body my vision became white and the outline of petals began to form. It was as if I was looking into the center of a white lotus or similar flower. Fascinated, I stared into the white petals and they shifted and morphed into the outline of a distant scene. The more I looked, the more the scene solidified and I realized I was being offered the opportunity to shift to a higher level of astral via some kind of portal.

Despite being given the opportunity to shift to a new scene I opted out. There was a strong sense of boredom over all of it. I can’t recall my exact thought but it was something like, “No matter where I go it won’t matter or change anything in my physical life so why bother?”

I felt myself shift back into my body and it took a bit for my energy to stabilize. I felt bored and disappointed by the experience and my thoughts were on the coming year. I felt 2018 was not going to offer me anything except more struggle and upset.

Interpretation

OBEs offer similar insight into one’s waking life as do dreams. In this case I was unable to maintain my energy and my vision was dark most of the time. This indicates that I am unwilling to see something as it is; so my confront is low. The low energy indicates a lack of motivation. The pipe symbolizes satisfaction, comfort and contentment in life. The fact that I refuse to smoke it indicates I feel none of those things or am not open to receiving them.

The fact that I can’t see the stars as brilliantly symbolizes my life outlook. Life is dull rather than brilliant. The ice on the road indicates I am not feeling that I am making progress in life. Ice skating means I need to proceed with caution in some situation or relationship.

Finally, the fact that I do not take the opportunity presented and shift into a different, higher scene, indicates my overall feelings toward life at this point in my journey.

 

2018 Forecast – The Themes of Family and Togetherness

Wishing you all a happy and prosperous 2018!

DaynaSpirit

Ready to say goodbye to 2017? I know I am! Wow, what a challenging year! With the January full moon scheduled for New Year’s day, 2018 is already indicating that it is time to wipe the slate clean, leave the past in the past and look ahead to the future.

In a recent 2018 forecast I did for a friend it was made clear to me that one of 2018’s main themes is “family”. For everyone this theme will manifest differently depending on what issues are present; however, it is clear that family will be the area of challenge for most.

Image result for osho zen tarot we are the world card Image source: Osho Zen Tarot 

Along with the theme of family was the theme of “togetherness”. It presented itself as the “We are the world” card (Osho Zen Tarot). This hints that not only will we as individuals need to “stick together’ but also that events in the world…

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