OBE and Message: Propitiatory Flushing of System

It’s been a crazy busy day today so am just now getting to record this mornings adventures.

First, though, I took my NASM personal trainer certification exam this morning at 11:30am. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to have been because of all my mommy duties and such getting in the way. I also kept putting off studying because I just didn’t want to. lol I didn’t get to study until late last night and got too tired to continue. Then this morning the kids were making so much noise that I opted to drive to the test site early and study in the car. I studied maybe 30 minutes and then went in to test. Finished the test in under an hour and then was handed this:


They couldn’t tell me my score because only people who fail find out how many they missed (huh?). I suspect that I got around an 80% based upon the questions I was unsure of. Overall, the test looked exactly like the multiple practice exams I took when cramming. Good thing I have a great memory! 😀

After the test my husband and I went to visit my BIL and SIL who just welcomed a little boy into their family on January 27. He weighed just under 8lbs. I got to hold him for a bit and he is so sweet, but what little newborn isn’t? As first-time parents (both in their 40s) they have been majorly stressed over everything but seemed to be adjusting.

When we arrived home we picked up my nephew for a sleepover and now it is already dark. The day slipped by much faster than anticipated.

Dream and Message

I was awakened at 5am by a dream in which I was at a job interview inside a school. The woman interviewing me was very nice and told me there were plenty of jobs available. I remember saying I preferred an elementary school and her mentioning how my DAEP (district alternative education program) experience would be helpful.

A male teacher entered the dream and it shifted dramatically. One second I was in the school and the next I was saw the male teacher standing by a concrete column under an overpass (critical life junction). He was holding a blonde, female teacher’s hand when a massive flash flood (emotional overwhelm) came through and pummeled them. He tried to hold onto her but the gloves (caution) she was wearing slipped off her hands and lost her. Within seconds the water disappeared and it was bone dry. The female teacher was nowhere to be found and the male was bruised up. All that was left of the teacher was a red coat (protection).

Then the male teacher was talking to me about the school where we worked. I saw in front of me a map of the inside and the three stories. In the center of each floor there was a cafeteria (issues). I was told that we would meet on the top floor. We discussed my memories of the school and I mentioned how this new school had a class to teach students how to bake cakes (something eating me up inside). Then there appeared a vision of a three layered, chocolate cake. It seemed that the cake represented the “floors” of the school. The male teacher said to me, “Remember, you go straight up.” When he said this my lucidity came on suddenly and I knew the cake was the body and the path I was to take was straight up and out.

Not sure what to think I began to wake up with questions. I heard, “Propitiatory flushing of system”.

For some odd reason this message really freaked me out. Nonetheless, I returned to sleep quite easily.

OBE: Out of Place

I was in my mom’s house inside the bathroom sitting on the toilet (release of emotions). To my right was a portion of stale (old, forgotten) hot dog (sexual desire). I fiddled with it and it stuck to the counter. I remember thinking, “Ewww” and wondering who would leave food by the toilet. When I got up to flush the toilet the tank portion was wobbly and off-center. I corrected it and left the bathroom to go to my bedroom.

Inside the bedroom I stood and looked around curiously. The entire space began to vacillate and shift, the lights seeming to almost strobe. I remember thinking, “I can leave my body.” So that is what I did. I walked right out of it and stood facing the window. Everything was bright gold, shiny and brilliant but did not hurt my eyes. My vision was perfect. I was able to distinguish colors that normally I would not. I also think I was perceiving sound with my eyes, which I have done before. It was as if all my perceptions were tuned up and super keen. When I tried to move it felt like the entire room moved with me. The constant shifting became noticeable on an energetic level – like I became the room and the room became me. The vibrations were revved up to an uncomfortable intensity and my vision was moving/shifting with them. If an energy body can become dizzy then that is what happened to mine. The feeling was uncomfortable and foreign and I thought, “I don’t want to do this.” I backed up and into my body which was waiting sitting on the bed.

There was a nearly indistinguishable blackness, like I blinked, and then I re-entered the dream, stood up and walked into the kitchen. There was a man sitting at the table about to eat coconut (leisure activity needed) cereal. I suggested he pour coconut milk on it. He did and tasted it. I don’t think he liked it.

I woke up hearing part of a song going through my head, “I’m way too good at goodbyes….”

A strange feeling accompanied it and I remembered the message I had gotten earlier and seeing the black cake from the first dream. I wondered about the message and heard, “Proprietor.” I thought maybe it meant that propitiatory was the wrong word, but upon inspection they may be interchangeable. It felt, though, like I was being instructed on where to go at a certain moment in time. And when I sought out my guidance I felt a familiar sensation, one that indicated I had many more guides around me than is usual.


Hints of Something to Come

After a little over 24 hours of feeling like I was finally getting over my cold and intestinal problems, I was hit in the middle of the night with a resurgence of intestinal issues. They continue with less severity this morning as I hack and cough up the last remnants of the cold I had.

On top of it all my acne seems to be returning. Same spots, same weird, tiny bumps that don’t go away. I realized this morning that the acne spots first started after I moved to this house/location and I have been sick much more frequently than any other time in my life. Makes me wonder if there is something here, something in the water or the house itself (physical, emotional, spiritual) that is triggering these physical reactions in me. It is, by the way, a #11 address. hmmmm

Hints of Something to Come

I had some odd occurrences yesterday that I should mention before I go into my dream last night.

First off, two days ago while running errands I once again had one of those near-panic attacks, well more than one. This time, however, I recognized something – well some things. The panic attack episodes started after the heart connection in 2015 and escalated to the point of making me feel almost incapable of going out of the house. When I have them it is as if a switch is flipped and I become overly aware of my surroundings, like waaaay too open and overstimulated. It seems like part of me arrives or awakens in this body unexpectedly. I feel her arrive. Then I hear/feel that part of myself begin to worry and panic similar to waking up in a bad dream and not knowing how she got there. At the same time a calming energy seems to descend and I hear/feel myself being consoled and reminded it will pass. Then the anxiety passes and I return to a normal feeling as that other part seems to leave. It is so weird! But now it happens so frequently that I am use to it and even though the anxiety still comes on it never lasts or sets in fully. I never know when it will happen, just that it will happen when not inside my home.

I wonder, who is it that is panicking? Is it even me like I assume? Or someone else or some other aspect? Is this part of the soul exchange process somehow?

Then, two nights ago as I was watching Netflix (Shannara Chronicles this time) out of the blue I could feel the feelings of my Companion wash over me. I could feel his love and admiration for me and began to giggle out loud as I was embraced by his energy. As energy spread over me, I looked down at my body and felt an overwhelming attraction to myself, as if I were in love with my body, with everything that I AM. There came with this a sense of playfulness and joy. I felt like a child in a sense but also extremely attracted to myself in a sexual and romantic way. The playfulness was the strongest and I ignored my show, closing my eyes and surrendering to the feeling. My whole body was tingling and blissed-out and remained that way for some time.

The overwhelming attraction and love for myself was so unusual for me and I thought to my Companion, “I am feeling what you feel for me.” He said to me, “I am YOU.” In hearing him say this I knew he was right and what I was feeling were my true feelings for myself and all that I AM. I can’t explain it any other way because, as is the norm, words just aren’t enough. I felt for myself a twin flame/heart connection kind of magnetic attraction and did not reject it but fully surrendered and accepted it. There is nothing in this physical world more beautiful and …… I AM.

I managed to fall asleep with few dreams. The dreams I did have are similar to the one below, indicating an internal separation in process. It is hard to explain but I actually built a fence between myself and my “sister” in one dream and in another I was taking care of baby peacocks (birth, new growth), keeping them from being eaten by cats. In another I was with my “crazy” sister. I spent a long time consoling her. She felt everyone was abandoning her, she was all alone, unloved and had no friends. She was highly self-destructive and deteriorating quickly.

Image result for congratulations text pic

When I woke there was no lingering in the in-between. I was wide awake and thinking of my dreams. There was a peculiar feeling I couldn’t identify. Out of the blue and barely noticeable there came a vision in front of my eyes. A very small word outlined in a glowing white box: Congratulations. This caught me off guard because I was not in the in-between. I wondered, “Congratulations for what?” I heard back, “You have surpassed hurdles unseen.” Not able to identify these “hurdles” I went back to thinking of my dreams. Then I heard, “We have something to show you.” I thought, “Okay” and then went back to thinking of my dreams. lol

Another vision came to me then. I saw a pile of stuffed toys, all of which were action heroes – superman, batman, spiderman, etc. It was odd and I wondered about it. Then the Coldplay song came to mind, “I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts…..I want something just like this.” I laughed aloud at this but recognized my subconscious created it. It wasn’t a message from some “guide” but from ME.

Again, though, I heard a message, almost indistinguishable, come through like a conversation I was having. I heard, “Tomorrow” and then after a couple of minutes, “Some of the benefits and securities will be refined.” Considering how odd the message was, I figured it was time to get up and face the day.


Dream: Get Out!

This dream began with me being in a hurry to get somewhere but not really worrying about being late. I kept telling myself, “No need to rush. You’ll get there when you get there” which is how I have been handling lateness in my waking life for sometime now.

I went into the bathroom and prepared to take a shower. What is odd here is that I had with me all my personal toiletries in a bag despite there being an entire set already in the bathroom. Both sets felt like mine but when I saw the set in the bathroom I dismissed it knowing my set was better suited to me. I took my shampoo (new image/self) and toiletries and replaced the other toiletries (old image/self) one by one.

I vaguely remember taking a shower (spiritual renewal and forgiveness) and feeling each distinct stream of water hit my face and body. It was a refreshing, calming feeling – a familiar feeling. In the background I could hear voices speaking to me like distant memories or echoes. They were asking me questions in a disapproving tone and judging me for my actions and decisions. It felt like these people were my physical family – mother and husband specifically. I ignored the voices, though, and focused on the warmth and comfort of the water.

Then I was inside a house selecting clothing (public self) to wear. The entire time my mother (mother aspect) seemed to be shadowing me, asking me questions and judging my actions in a passive-aggressive way. She kept suggesting this or that but never directly saying she disapproved. The main thing I remember her saying is that I would be late if I didn’t hurry. Again, I ignored her, focusing instead on the clothing I would wear. I couldn’t find what I needed, though.

I left the house I was in and headed to an apartment. The apartment was very nice (life improvement), nicer than any apartment I have ever lived in. Two bodyguard-looking men (feeling insecure or unsure about life) met me there. They wore all black and had ear pieces in. One handed me a cell phone and said, “Looks like he’s following through.” I read what was on the screen and said, “Yeah.” The screen had a legal letter and I remember it said “petition” and “claimant” on it and that my husband was accusing me of being “homosexual” (self-love, self-acceptance) as a reason for divorce. There was a feeling of finality here as well as Knowing of what was to come. The sense was of my entire life crashing down on me but I was in total acceptance.

The bodyguards also mentioned to me that I was behind on my assignments. I acknowledged them and then rushed to the closet to look for a shirt. My mother intercepted me though and began to make ultimatums to get my attention. Her main upset was that I was behind on my assignments and would ultimately “fail”. She told me she couldn’t accept my behavior anymore and insisted that it was time for me to “get out”.

I went into a huge walk-in (may indicate soul exchange) closet (unveiling of previously hidden aspects). I looked through the clothes but couldn’t find what I was looking for. There were many long, sleeveless dresses (feminine), some dress shirts and a bunch of trousers. The shirt I had put on was long-sleeved (protection from adversaries) and too hot (heated emotions) but all the clothes in the closet were also too warm for the weather. Eventually I opted for a wrinkled (wisdom, learning from past), indigo (spirituality), short-sleeved (freedom) blouse noting that it was too dressy for the pants I was wearing. I put it on not caring how I appeared and left.

On my way out I heard my mom yell angrily, “Get out and don’t ever come back.” I knew she meant what she said but felt I had to do what I was doing regardless of what she thought. There was a Knowing I didn’t belong there anyway.

Then I received notice from my teacher that I was failing her math class (lessons in logic), the last class before I received my degree. The class end date was in 4 weeks but on the calendar in my mind I saw the month of July which is much further off than 4 weeks. I was told that I would have to score a 103 on the final to pass the class. I knew this was impossible. The most I could possibly score was a 98 and even that was unlikely. I remember sitting at a picnic table (unity and togetherness) in a park (period of readjustment after serious personal conflict) telling a man that it was okay if I didn’t get my degree. I already had a Master’s degree and so another one wouldn’t make much of a difference. The man said to me, “But you are only one class away from finishing. If you stop now you will have to start all over again.” I didn’t care.


I woke up in an alarmed state thinking, “Oh shit.” It seemed like the dream was about going over choices/decisions and the aftermath that would result. I was so self-assured in the dream, easily ignoring all the “voices” of disapproval and judgment. The decisions I made in the dream involved very out of character things for my personality. It felt like a complete disconnect from the important people in my life. The disapproval of my mom was the main “voice” of disapproval I heard though other family members (sisters mostly) were audible as well. If my mom were to issue an ultimatum like that it would devastate me – or would it? Even as I type this I am feel able to accept her doing something like that. Huh?

After waking and while getting my kids off to school, I was wondering, “Okay. It’s tomorrow but nothing happened.” Not long after that I realized a song was going through my mind over and over, “I gotta feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night. Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night…..” 🙂 I’ve been feeling like dancing all morning. lol




Weekly Light Code Oracle Practice Runs and Opportunity for a FREE Reading

Sharing for those who don’t follow my main site. 🙂


Hey everyone! I wanted to let you all know, in case you don’t already, that I have been pulling three cards from my Light Code Oracle deck each week for the past three weeks. I place a picture of the three cards on my Facebook community pages for A Walk-In Life and Living Life In-Between. The way it works is that you look at the cards for a moment, allowing the cards to draw you in. Whichever card “calls” to you is the card you are meant to receive a message from. A day after I post the three cards I reveal each one and their corresponding message.

Below are the cards for this week (January 28th-February 3) so you can practice:


The card numbers read left to right. So card #1 is the card on the far left, card #2 is in the middle and card #3 is…

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Kundalini Dream – On to the Fourth Clearing

Had trouble falling asleep last night. I was wide awake and had activity in my heart and crown chakras. I opted to meditate as a solution but it didn’t help. Instead I got more intense energy swirling and my mind was really active.

My guidance came through at one point and informed me that I had a surprise coming soon. I replied, “Okay. I would love to meet God in an OBE….or have another blissgasm.” I heard in response, “Soon.” I thought back to them, “Soon? Your soon? That could be a year or more from now.” They replied, “No, yours.” I thought, “If it’s my soon then it would be tonight.” I felt a time period of three days from that point and accepted it.

Soon after I drifted off to sleep.

Kundalini Dream: History Class

The dream began inside a typical high school or college classroom environment. The color of everything had a golden hue to it. I was sitting in a desk in the first row probably three or four seats from the front. A male teacher with brown hair was up in front of the class. He looked to be in his mid-twenties to early thirties and was quite “normal” in appearance. My dream memory of him reminds me of a Ken doll – very clean cut and nicely dressed.

The teacher instructed the class to get out our textbooks and go to page 240. A female student sitting to my right looked over at me and gave me a look that said, “What are you doing? Do what the teacher says.” I ignored her and made no move to get my textbook which was sitting on the left side of my deck. It seemed like I was the “bad” student, which is the opposite of how I was in school growing up.

When he noticed I was not following instructions he called me out, asking me if I understood his instructions. I said, “Yes, I did.” He said, “If you don’t complete the assignment you will receive a zero.” I said, “I don’t care. I’ve already taken this class.”

There was again a look from the student to my right. She had dark hair and mocha colored skin and seemed very concerned for me. Something about her changed my mind and I exhaled as if saying, “Oh alright. Fine. I’ll comply just for my own amusement.”

The teacher began to talk about the chapter we were in. It felt like the first chapter of the textbook despite being on page 240. I don’t remember looking at the textbook but listening to the teacher. His words slowly shifted into visuals in my mind as he spoke. His questions to me eventually morphing into my own voice as if I was talking to myself.

I could see a giant landmass and was asked to identify it. I responded, “Pangaea.” We discussed the biological organisms that occupied Pangaea. He asked me, “What did they consume?” I gave him the name of some algae but I don’t recall it now. I only remember seeing them as if under a microscope.

There is just memory of being fascinated with the subject, the ecosystem and organisms. It seemed like I was learning a history unknown to man and so my full attention was on every detail. Sadly, my memory of these details is gone now.

Then I was talking to the girl next to me about lunch. I asked her what the lunch was like. Did they have enough food or would I be hungry when lunch was over? I specifically asked if the cafeteria served food on trays or if we could go from station to station and fill up our trays as many times as we liked. She confirmed that it was the latter and this satisfied me. I felt like the school wasn’t so bad.

We must have been released for lunch because I was in the cafeteria walking alongside the girl student. I don’t remember eating, though. Instead I ran into a guy I knew and followed him to a find a private place to talk. He and I were long-time friends and lovers and our intention was to sneak off someplace and fool around. lol

I can’t recall what he looked like now but I remember that when we met up we immediately embraced and kissed. The weird thing is that when we kissed he seemed to put his finger in my anus. lol When he did this the energy in my root chakra began to build up and my throat chakra lit up as well.

Surprised I pulled back and asked him, “Why did you do that?” He said, “I like it.” It felt like he wanted my permission to continue to do it. I said, “Oh okay. If you want.” lol

Then we were in my house (my Soul/Self) and I was undressing in the bathroom (purification and self-renewal). The door was open and I could see into the bedroom (intimate part of Self). The house felt to be mine specifically, not my parent’s like one would assume considering I was just in a school environment. Again everything had a golden hue to it.

As I stripped off my clothing I remember my friend calling out to me from the bedroom. I yelled back that I needed to pee. I used the toilet quickly and looked down at my feet preparing to take off my socks (warmth and comfort). My socks went all the way up to my knees and were a mottled brown and made of a thick material, like wool, so very warm. I decided to keep my socks on and knew my friend would do the same. In fact, I had a “memory” of us together both wearing socks and nothing else. lol

When I went into the bedroom my memory of the dream goes dark. All I recall is the effects of our lovemaking – energy swirling and intensifying in different areas of my body. I felt something inserted where my anus would be on my physical body. At the same time it felt like something was inserted from the opposite side but not in the vagina as one would assume, but higher up where my pubic bone is. When the two met a very pleasant energy resulted and felt to roll and rumble in a big, swirling spherical mass of energy.

At the exact same moment something felt to be inserted in my throat region only it was not down through my mouth as it was the last time I had this kind of “work” done. The trigger seemed to come from within. If I had to say where it originated from I would say my spine, up near where my neck meets my head.

These two areas swirled so intensely that it began to wake me up but not before I noticed other chakras activating, specifically the heart, crown and solar plexus.

I shifted in and out of the in-between, the energy continuing to swirl and expand. I was too aware, however, and ultimately had to shift position. Usually shifting position stops the energy, but this time it continued on for a bit after.

kundalini (2)

Music Message 

My “friend” from the dream was with me when I awoke meaning this particular guide was also my dream “lover”. I connected the message prior to sleep to the activity of the Kundalini and thought, “This must be my surprise.” I suspect that the “three days” is also relevant but may only be related to the full moon and eclipse on the 31st.

It was 5am and I was still tired and so rolled over to attempt sleep. But my mind was on the dream and on something I had considered last night. I’ve been waking early quite a bit, usually between 4:30-5:30am. Afterward I cannot return to sleep but linger in the in-between until I finally wake. I thought it may be a good idea to take advantage of that time by inserting a spiritual practice of some sort like meditation. So, that is what I did only my left nostril was completely clogged and really irritating me. Have you ever tried to meditate with some physical ailment like half your nose clogged? Nearly impossible!

So the meditation part went out the window. My left nostril has been clogged from the beginning of this cold but lately it is only when I am laying down. So irritating!!!

I lingered in bed and somehow drifted into the in-between long enough to recall a conversation.

My guide and I were discussing the Kundalini process, specifically the clearing of the heart chakra. I was told the 4th clearing was on its way. There are 5 total I think, so this is good news (I hope). The history of this clearing was also discussed. I remember saying to my guide, “2013-2015” and knowing it was a preparation period leading up to the first heart opening. I don’t recall specifically when my heart first “opened” but I recall that after the birth of my youngest in 2014 that the Kundalini began to rev up. It seems the trigger for my heart opening was getting pregnant in 2013. Prior to that I had a trigger in 2002-2003 – divorce. Then the heart connection was the trigger at the end of 2015. So that’s three “triggers” and three heart openings. I wonder if I will need a trigger for this one?

In recognizing just how very long the Kundalini process had been going on, I became a bit discouraged. I said, “It’s taking forever.” My guidance replied, “You will complete in this lifetime.” My response to this was, “Then I will die, right?” lol I saw myself as being a very old woman so death would be the logical next step. My guidance remained silent. So I said, “What is the point then?” – meaning why do all this work and then just die when it concludes?!

It seemed like things could move faster, in fact I knew they could. All I needed was a catalyst. I wondered about it, then. Previously I was told two are better than one, meaning that two working together toward similar goals allow for acceleration of the process. Working as a team the two propel one another forward. Working alone takes longer.

Not longer after these thoughts a song came to mind – “I walk alone…..”:

So guessing that I am out of luck. No physical connection with another human walking a similar path is coming along to propel me forward this time. Sigh. That trigger was so much more fun/interesting/exciting than divorce or pregnancy.


Intensity Overload, Metallic Energy and $200 for the Blonde Who Breaks Rules

CrAzY energy right now! Whew! I’m actually flying high now compared to before. Feeling almost 100% now and grateful for it.

I didn’t wake up feeling too grand, though. Had some doubt creeping in because of something that happened last night.

Tuesday I was invited to a FB group called “Be Your Own Twin Flame” by a member of the walk-in group I’m a part of. I didn’t know her but agreed because the title seemed like a group I might be interested in. I browsed it and noticed there wasn’t too much interaction. Pretty much all the posts were by the woman who invited me to the group. She later sent me an email encouraging me to post a little about myself. So I thought, “Why not?” I posted a link to my blog and introduced myself and let it be.

Then last night she sent me a message. I am not going to cut and paste it because I do not want to subject you to the energy behind it. To summarize, she told me that she deleted my post from her group because she felt I was still in 3D, full of Ego, and in separation from All. She said she wants her group to have only 5D communication and any communication that is not of 5D and part of the One would be removed. Then she invited me to post again but only from my heart and Oneness.

When I received the email the energy felt really weird, so much so that it felt to blast me with a strange metallic surge that left me with a metallic taste in my mouth. My first inclination was to stop reading it immediately but I kept on and stupidly subjected myself to the energy.

I felt myself react defensively at first. Mostly, I wanted to completely withdraw from the online world and go into hiding again, which is odd. Thankfully there was a softness from within that soothed me and asked me to “stand down”. It did not take me long to realize I had been triggered, but why?

Later, after contemplating the feelings I was having, it occurred to me that the reasoning of the message was all wrong. 5D is not about rejecting 3D altogether. It is not about separation from other humans or humanity. This woman was using 5D as a justification to set herself apart from others. To perpetuate the “Us” versus “Them” syndrome humans so frequently fall victim to. She insinuated that Ego was not allowed. It was to be eliminated altogether and any indication of its existence in a post meant the person was still in 3D and not yet elevated to the 5D level.

But then there was the metallic feeling and taste in the energy that hit me when I first read her message. What was that all about? I remember thinking right after the experience, “If this is what 5D is all about, I want no part of it.” lol

I felt so disturbed I actually blocked her. I have never blocked anyone in my life but I felt so dirtied, so contaminated by her energy that I wanted to ensure she never messaged me again.

I am also concerned for all the others who are following this woman.

When I went to sleep I asked for clarity on the situation. Was I just reacting to her email because she made me feel wrong? Was it all an Ego reaction? Or is there something I am missing?

When I awoke I felt no clearer than when I went to bed. My dreams didn’t seem to point to an answer and again I was doubtful and questioning everything. Maybe I should withdraw from the online social media world? I felt rejected. I hate that feeling and my tendency is to withdraw from the source of the rejection.

My guidance asked me, “Remember to focus on that which makes you feel good, not on what doesn’t.” I remembered and immediately shifted to doing just that. I enjoy connecting with others. I love the spiritual. Writing in my blog is one of the highlights of my day. I enjoy all of it, so why stop just because of one rotten apple?

My day just got better after that.

Random Luck or Message?

Around lunchtime I decided to go for a short run-walk. I am still recovering from my illnesses so a full run is not a good idea. Even a run-walk is challenging lately.

Around a half mile into my run I began to notice my thought patterns. What I was thinking about use to cause me upset in the past but now I have gotten so use to it that I hardly even notice despite these thoughts occurring daily, multiple times a day. Yet I noticed this time. With this noticing I realized I was in full acceptance, no longer rejecting or resisting this new reality. Smiling I looked up and saw something laying on the road:


They were laying in the road just like in this picture. When I saw them I stopped and thought, “That can’t be what I think it is.” When I got closer and I realized it was two $100 bills I picked them up and stashed them in my leggings and continued on my way. I did check to see if anyone was around but there was no one. Not even a parked car around.

I was in shock for about another half mile. A strange surreal feeling fell over me. Was I dreaming? Did it even happen? Reality check time!

Eventually I convinced myself it hadn’t happened and the money had to be fake. Never would I be so lucky. The most money I’ve ever found was $10 that flew into my car on a windy day.

So I stopped and checked my leggings. Yep. Two $100 bills. Security strip and everything. No doubt about it. lol I kept the money in my hand from that moment on, though, because my leggings didn’t have pockets and I didn’t want it falling out through my pant leg. lol I also think I did this so that it stayed real to me. The whole thing really shifted my reality. BIG TIME.

Then I felt guilty. Maybe someone is looking for their lost money? I should turn back and check. So I ran around the block and went back to where I thought I had found the money. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember exactly where I was when I found it and since there were no new cars parked or people around looking I kept running. What was I going to do? Knock on all the houses asking if they lost money? I found it in the road, so not by a particular house and there weren’t any cars around either.

Not long after opting to just keep the money I noticed something on the ground. I swear it said, “Blondes break rules.” I thought to myself, “That did NOT say what I think it said.” I laughed aloud to myself and turned around to check. This is what it was:


I picked it up and took it with me just because and laughed for another half mile.

I kept run-walking for another mile and then ended off. My heart rate was higher than normal and I was feeling anxious for no reason. Not anxious because I did something wrong, though. Anxious because I felt different somehow.

I knew I needed to eat and settle down. I also could not help but think that the money and the Starbucks trash was more than just a message that I was breaking some unwritten rule by keeping the money. In fact, I knew that wasn’t the message. What was the message then?

As I cooled down I mulled over the events of my run specifically focusing on my thoughts prior to finding the money. I recalled that I had felt an urge to look up and pay attention, but what was I thinking about immediately before that? When I realized I was thinking about everything that transpired from December, 2015 to present – this entire crazy personal spiritual transformation I have been going through – I understood the real message.

The $100 bills were both on the road but separated by about a foot. I kept thinking, “OMG I found $200”, but really I found 2, $100 bills. In numerology you add the digits of a number to get it down to one number. So you can get the number 2 two ways, one of them is by adding 1+1. I could see the $100 bills then as representing the two 1’s of an 11. 11’s have been following me around since 2015 and continue to do so. However, what I feel the message was this time was that the two 1’s here are indicating two separate, whole individuals.

The “Blonde breaks rules” message on the trash was about me but not about keeping the money. The “rules” here represent beliefs and belief systems. I have been and am breaking through them and the end result will be – maybe already is? – Wholeness.

When I realized the message I began to feel stranger than I already was. My anxiety was increasing and I had to get a grip on it before I ended up in a panic attack. Then my right ear began to ring. I’ve been experiencing ear ringing a lot, though.

It took a while for the strange anxiety to subside. Then I went and laid in the warm sun on a blanket spread out on the grass for a while.


There is more to this message, much, much more but I haven’t received it all yet. The energies during and after my run hit me hard, too. It was as if I was stuck by lightening again except this time it wasn’t via the Kundalini like I am so use to.

I know I have recently gone through a major download, so major that it knocked me on my butt for two weeks straight. Illness was the main symptom – my throat and root chakras the main focus, but I have also been experiencing some crazy ear ringing and on and off exhaustion. Then there are the dreams, messages, super empathy, and clarity. All of it points to a download/upgrade, or whatever you want to call it.

There was an incident a couple of days ago where I noticed a deep humming coming from my right. It seemed off in the distance and as I focused on it, it grew louder and louder until it turned into a distinct, high pitched ringing in my right ear. I kept expecting Spirit to audibly speak to me which is unusual because I have never associated ear ringing with Spirit audibly speaking to me. But this was different. I fully expected to hear a message. Huh?

All of this and then the woman at Pet’s Mart stalking me for not watching my son (weird) and then the metallic taste from reading a message on FB, I can’t help but wonder what is going on. Is it me? Is it the world? Both?

My intuition tells me to stay on my toes – to keep looking, keep noticing, because there is more being conveyed to me via this experience than I realize.

P.S. The featured image for this post is a quote that popped up this morning when I was uploading an image from Canva. I noticed it and wrote it down because it felt important.





Recovery Needed

The purging continues. It feels like the moon has been full all month! Waving my white flag over here.

Yesterday I was led to read some older posts in this blog, some from last Fall, some from this month. It occurred to me that this particular purging cycle was pointed out to me in September last year. I mention “Capricorn” both in a lucid dream and toward the end of the post.

…..when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn.

Then there was the goat reference brought up recently which has been following me around since 2013. I had been looking at my Twitter analytics, checking out my top posts, and was focusing primarily on those posts. I found a recent OBE where I assumed a goat was running toward me but it was two dogs. These reference go all the way back to last summer. Love how my dreams reveal future events, I just wish I was able to recognize all the message at the time they are given. So frustrating! But then, even if I knew, would I be able to do anything about it? No.

So goats, Capricorn, hmmm maybe there is a connection? The experiences in the post I quoted above was intense. I appeared to be planning my own physical death. What is interesting is that yesterday, when I re-read it I had been thinking of all the recent physical issues I’ve been having and thought to myself, “Maybe this is it? Maybe I am dying?” It sure felt like it.

Dream: Blankets

I don’t remember many of my dreams but the last is vivid in my mind. The dream began with me being oriented to a new job. It was in an education setting but I was not a teacher. I seemed to be assisting with various tasks, things I didn’t want to do. The lady I was assisting gave tests to children. They were simple tests where the child looked at card and gave the name of what was on it. The cards had pictures of various vegetables on them, specifically zucchini squash. I saw the results of some of the students’ tests. One in particular had a very low score while another had a very high one.

My job was to prepare the cards. I walked toward an area of the office with a huge Rolodex full of cards inserted in plastic sleeves. Somehow the Rolodex hit a cabinet and the cards scattered all over the floor. I got upset and overwhelmed and so just left the mess for someone else to clean up. I didn’t get in trouble for doing this.

While working at my desk I saw my file along with some others in manila folders. I noticed that it had my previous job title written next to my name. It said, “Secretary”. I knew my current position was not secretary (need to ask for help) and that when I was rehired I had to take a lower position. It wasn’t a punishment just a condition of my employment.

Then I was as if a blank screen came down on the current scene and when it was lifted I was elsewhere. This time I was in a living area with family. It felt safe and comfortable. The lights were off except for the television screen which was about to play a movie. My ex-BIL was there visiting. I sat on the sofa bed but then had to move to avoid the blanket (security, love, protection, warmth) he was about to put on it. I mentioned the blanket and he said he always brought a blanket so that he would be more comfortable wherever he stayed. I remember feeling so much love for him. A beautiful feeling of safety, warmth and love spread over me as if I were snuggled in the blankets he had laid on the sofa. Memories of when he was in my life, married to my sister, and all the good times we had together came flooding into my mind. He was always so pleasant and accommodating. Never once complaining of my presence or making me feel unwanted in their house. He was/is a good man.

There were thoughts then about how I missed him and those times in my life. I began to grieve and tears poured out of my eyes. I remember feeling an abundance of feelings and having two different sets of thoughts. One grieved for the past another was grieving for the loss of my security blanket – the love, friendship, safety and Divine connection of Home.


When I woke up I was still crying. The only reason I stopped crying was because my nose was so stuffed up I couldn’t breathe. There were two distinctly separate feelings of loss. As I consider the feelings, which are still very real to me, my mind is blown. It is so clear to me what I experienced/witnessed that I am not sure if I should be happy and relieved or freaked out.

While laying there considering my dream experience and the grief I felt, my guidance was nearby. I shifted in and out of the in-between as we talked. Much of our conversation is lost to me now which saddens me because I had some really cool messages/realizations during that time. One I only half remember. In it I was placing a stamp on a letter to mail and said aloud, “This is my last stamp”. Then I recognized what the stamp represented and told my guide. I was like a child in class who just understood the lesson and proudly states their understanding to their teacher. I said, “I created that visual and the stamp represents _________! I did it!” My guide said back, “Yes you did. Very well done.” lol

I remember asking my guidance for help. The tears, the intense dreamtime work and my life feeling so very wrong lately is starting to get to me. Everything feels so absolutely wrong!

The number 54 was another vision I received. You can read what it means. I don’t have the energy to write it out right now.

Recovery Needed

The physical symptoms are beginning to take their toll. I weighed 128lbs when the sickness began and this morning weighed 124lbs . I look like a skinny, sickly, bony anorexic! The intestinal issues are better but still there. It is like my body can’t tolerate anything I eat, no matter how healthy or wholesome. I don’t know what to do except stop eating most every food I have been eating. But I have to eat something!

This morning I thought, “There needs to be a place where people like me can go to recover. Like maybe an ascension recovery center or a Kundalini recovery center….. Just a spiritual recovery center.” In my mind I was thinking of what it would be like – a place where someone could go to heal and process for as long as it took. There would be no expectations, no specific schedules, just a quiet, safe place with provided meals, individual rooms and tons of nature and space. Like a retreat but specifically focused on those struggling with what I am…whatever that is. There would be support given, but what kind I am unsure.

I asked my guidance for insight, whatever they could give. My guidance said, “Acceleration” which I understood as, “Your path is accelerating.” I was like, “Huh? WTF! Why!?” The response was that I had agreed to it. Ugh! I would do that, wouldn’t I!

I couldn’t go back to sleep. It was 5am and I was wide awake. This is day…IDK but it’s been going on a while. I hate morning “briefings”. I want to sleep!

As I lay there I began to think about the spiritual recovery center I feel I need right now. Long ago, during my first awakening, I had a business concept, a plan, that never came to fruition. The name of the business was, “Azna Spiritual Salon”. The concept was a place where all spiritual services were accessible, like a beauty salon but catering to spiritual needs. “Azna” means “Balance” but I can’t remember in what language now. I will have to go look through my journals from that time period.

This morning I was thinking, “I could create a spiritual recovery center focused on what I am going through right now. There will be more going through this and they will need a place to go to recover. Somewhere safe and quiet.” But my thoughts went to, “What am I going through exactly? And how the hell can I help others if I can’t help myself? I don’t have any idea what to do to fix myself! Until I do, I can’t help anyone else.”

I received information recently (when I can’t recall) that soon, in the near future, there would be a big wave of people going through what I am. They will need help. It feels like part of my job is to determine what that help looks like. To create a program for recovery. Hahaha It seems so absurd to me because if I knew how to help I would be helping myself right now.

What I do know is that I need to find a place to recover. Whatever is happening to me requires this. So if you know anyone who is willing to take me in for a month or so, someone who lives in the country or near lots of natural beauty, I would love to find a place I can retreat to and get myself sorted out. I know I need to just be for a while, and not just a day or two. I need a long while. So wherever I go, whomever helps me, needs to understand that I won’t be able to help out other than to to pay for my food and lodging. The energy must be high and the people high energy as well – empathic like me and understanding.

I laugh aloud to think any place like this even exists. I am not a rich person, in fact I have little money of my own, so not sure how I will repay someone for their hospitality. I will just leave it to the Universe to sort out I guess.

This song was repeating through my mind again, specifically, “Don’t know what I’m gonna do about this feeling inside. Yes it’s true – loneliness took me for a ride….”







Today has been a rough one so far. WTF is going on?

Firstly, I woke up in a rotten mood with all kinds of “oh poor me” thoughts and wanting to give up on life. I’m saying to myself, “I can’t do this anymore. There’s just too much to do. I’m overwhelmed.” I want to curl up in a ball and die. The other me is going, “Whaaaat!??? We were doing so good! Get out of bed and get over it.” lol

The overwhelm followed me downstairs. My husband hadn’t woken up and my two oldest were up alone preparing for school. So I had to help them and had to literally put shoes on my son because he was outright refusing to get them or even wear them. Then I discovered he lost his brand new coat (on-going coat loss issues…this is like the 3rd coat lost now). The bus comes to our front door but they still nearly missed it and my son left his glasses. I nearly fell to the floor in a heap from the overwhelm. I had thoughts like, “I can barely take care of myself how the hell can I take care of three kids? I can’t remember everything for them every day, all the time. I need help! I can’t do this….” Blah, blah. You get it. I felt like a total failure on the verge of complete mental breakdown.

Things got a bit better after I had my coffee but I got in my mind that humans were a lost cause, only caring about external validation and whether they were liked or not. Everyone always wants something from everyone else. It’s rampant. A disease. I even made up a song I was singing to myself to try and make light of the very “sad” situation here on Earth. In fact the song chorus was, “Humans are so sad…” lol

Then I nearly forgot Monty had a vet appointment so rushed there without issue. The appointment went okay except I had to take my youngest because I had not planned ahead and gotten my husband’s help. Taking a 3-year-old with a puppy to the vet is challenging. He threw a tantrum over not being able to hold the leash in the parking lot. Sigh.

On the way to the car I let Monty sniff around in the parking lot. It was nearly empty with few cars so I just tried to enjoy walking around for a bit. Elek tried to pee when Monty did (boys!) and then he decided to run full-out in circles in the parking lot. I let him because no one was driving about where he was. It was empty and open and without any dangers.

Then I hear a woman yelling out, “Oh my God, she’s not watching her baby!” I paused and looked to see where it was coming from. A black SUV had stopped in front of Pet’s Mart and a woman was looking out the window at me. I thought, “Is she talking to me?” I turned and saw Elek running about happily, saw he was fine and in no danger and then looked at Monty thinking maybe the “baby” was him. But Monty was fine.” The woman yelled at me, “No, not him! You’re baby!” I knew she was talking to me then. The Leo in me was absolutely furious but the mommy in me was thinking, “Get them in the car.” The woman was still parked there staring at me. I could feel her eyes on us, watching. For all I knew she was going to drive up and give me a piece of her mind. I didn’t want a confrontation. I just wanted to get my boys home.

I got them both in the car and noticed the black SUV driving away slowly. I remember I was shaking a bit. Not sure exactly why. Maybe a bit of fear mixed with a bit of anger. Mostly I was shocked that someone would so easily judge me like that. The whole drive home I was thinking, “I should have flipped her off. I should have explained…no that would have been stupid….I should have…” Eventually I calmed down and thought, “No I did exactly the right thing.” But I was furious as her, at women like her, who jump to conclusions and decide they are mother of the year and the only ones who know how to take care of a child. Ultimately, I realize that if she was judging me that harshly then she is judging herself 10x more. I felt sorry for her and even imagined how she must be like with her kids. Helicopter parent popped into my mind, too. Sigh. I’ve been there. Terrified that any minute I would lose sight of my child and they would be hurt or worse. But I have three children now and by number 3 (and 2 boys) you kinda realize things, things that had I tried to explain to the woman she would never have understood.

Sadly, during that incident I got an awful headache that has still not lessened. 😦 Stupid humans. LOL


Elek with Monty at the Vet clinic.

I have since concluded that today is throwing at me things I need to work on. Not in a subtle way either. Yesterday was not much different but today life is doing what my guides and dreams usually do. Motherhood. Expectations. Beliefs. The need for external validation. All of it thrown in my face as soon as I woke up. And the day is only half over.

And then I wonder why the hell I opted to be an empath and feel people’s thoughts. Especially now. It is like people are throwing their thoughts and feelings at me. I am being bombarded constantly when I go out and even in my own home. I just want to find a shelter and hide there away from any other human-people. lol Give me my dog or any animal, but no humans please.

The incident with the woman in the parking lot showed me how much I absorbed others feelings/thoughts and take them on as my own. My immediate thought to her yelling at me was, “Am I a bad mom?” I let her thoughts/feelings override my own Knowing. I am a good mom. Yet in that moment I doubted it. Just for a split second but that is all it takes.

On the drive home I was wondering why people can’t just keep it all to themselves. Not just their words but their energy. Don’t they know others can feel it? And if they can’t withhold it, can’t they at least be aware of it and make adjustments? It’s not that difficult. Not really.

It’s like little Monty. He is very empathic. His reaction to humans is completely dependent upon the human interacting with him. If he senses anger, irritation, upset, anxiety, he responds in kind even if the emotion he senses is not directed at him. I’ve never had a dog as empathic as this little guy. It blows my mind.

So now I am wondering if I somehow became more empathic over this past year? Is this how I am going to be the rest of my time here? It is really starting to freak me out a bit. The way I receive communication from people both online and in person has changed. I can sense between the lines, between their words. I have always been able to do this but now, now I get complete thoughts, as if they are my own, but I recognize they aren’t. Sometimes they feel almost like a suggestion. Other time they a repetitive, like the intention from the person being sent in waves toward me.

For example, when I went to the CPR class, the teacher’s intentions and thoughts were coming to me. At first I was thinking to myself, “Hmmm. I wonder if I would like doing this for a living? It looks like it is something that suits me….” I had thoughts on and off throughout the class. At one point he began asking me personally about my teaching experience and digging a bit. Eventually I began to suspect the thoughts were not mine because of their repetitiveness and the instructors curiosity about me. I began to wonder, “Maybe he wants to know if I want to teach CPR like he does?” I never asked. I was dealing with overwhelm enough as it was.

At the end of the class he casually mentioned his business and asks the class as a whole, “If any of you is interested in doing what I do, contact me. I am trying to start my own business and branch out on my own.” I thought to myself, “It was him! I heard him wondering about me this whole time.” lol

This is just one example. If I am out and about I even sense what people in other cars are thinking/feeling. I can’t escape it. I am doomed.

I know there are worse things but honestly I don’t want it right now. I don’t want to have to protect myself or be constantly analyzing my own thoughts for intruding ones. I know others don’t mean to but it feels like they are pushing their thoughts and feelings at me. It isn’t just the normal empathic sense that I’m use to. It really feels like an all out attack sometimes. I know it’s not. They don’t know, but I am now starting to understand something my guidance mentioned at one point a while back. We humans do not realize how loud our thoughts and emotions are. We are constantly projecting! We are completely open books for anyone with any telepathic ability to manipulate. Ahhhhhh!