Shifting Perspective

My perception seems to be shifting. I think it has been going on for some time now but only now am I starting to recognize it as such. Let me explain.

I am finding that I am not motivated to do things for myself as I once use to be. I have always been a very, very selfish person. I struggle with my selfishness problem. Motherhood made my problem even more painfully obvious to me. Yet, even motherhood did not bring about such a dramatic shift in my perception. It helped, yes, but that alone cannot be blamed for this change.

I am by no means saying I am no longer selfish BUT my selfish thoughts are matter-of-factually slammed down by the other Me almost immediately. What is even funnier and out of character for me is that I step back humbly and accept it most of the time. Other times I still argue with myself; yet ultimately I back down.

Above all else, though, the perception shift seems to be that I am becoming less me and more Me. I don’t know how else to put it. The me who wants all the attention, all the credit, all the notice is being overtaken by a Me that wants to give all that away.

It makes me want to cry – in joy and grief at the same time. I am at a loss.

Swamp Man

Besides the two OBEs I had last night/this morning, I also had vivid dreams in between. In fact, I was dreaming and waking and dreaming and waking all night long. I don’t feel very rested this morning.

Swamp Man

This dream was set in the country. I was with other people talking about different plots of land; farms that were being renovated.

We walked to a small farm that was hidden amidst trees. There was a rundown one-room cabin that no one lived in and I wandered off to explore.

I came upon what appeared to be an animal covered in mud. I was standing atop a hill of dirt and leaves and looked down at him. I had pity for him and so fed him some grass, which he ate. He then moved closer and I finally recognized him as a man. I said, “You’re human!” I could see his face showing through some patches of mud and slime.

Now friends, we walked toward the house that was being renovated and discussed the plumbing. He showed me how they had hooked up the hot water heater and I saw this pump at the base of the house with pipes coming out. He mentioned that the pipes leaked and I saw they were leaking at the joints. We discusses probable solutions and I told him that it made more sense to just rip out all the old plumbing and replace it rather than try to fix really old, brittle pipes.

The Swamp Man then embraced me and I was caught up in an intense energy that woke me up. This is when I felt intense energy sensations and went OOB for the first of two times that night.

Heroine Addict

I was with a group of people inside an apartment in the Projects. No one was inside and we were going to make a recipe and needed specific ingredients. I recall looking for cornmeal and searching through food on the counter and finding some. There was a conversation about being lied to about the results achieved from using this particular recipe.

I was then watching an older, light skinned, African American woman talking to a man. Her face was very vivid in the dream. She had her hair underneath a cloth and was about 50 years of age. She was a Heroine addict but did not appear to be high.

The man with her was interrogating her about our recent visit. What was interesting was how clean her apartment was and how high class it appeared. I could see the other apartments around hers and they were also very high class and upscale. I remember thinking, “They sure have it nice here”.

Shower

The dreams continued but I will skip to the last one.

There was this very large, glass encased shower. It was the size of a small office. A woman and a man were going inside. I was also inside at times and recall the water coming out of a shower head high above us. It was misting and we were all asked to inhale the midst. This was linked to the heroine dream and I recall thinking this was a way to detox.

I had the idea to change the flow and when I did the mist stopped and a flood of water came out. It was suggested to me that this was not best and so I turned it back to the mist.

It was then that I noticed the man in the shower was the Swamp Man from my previous dream. There he was covered in mud and in front of him was an older woman whose nakedness was very obvious. They embraced and the woman’s breasts pressed up against the Swamp Man and he kissed them. I was completely grossed out by this! The woman caressed the man’s head and I saw the mud begin to come off. There was a bright blue, scaly patch on his head that seemed to glow. I noticed it with great interest and came in for a closer look. It was then that I saw who the Swamp Man really was – he was the man who called himself “Tom Arnold” from my previous OBE!

I immediately awoke from the dream overcome with such loss that I cannot explain. I recognized my guide from the dream and began to talk with him about what was going on. I felt such loss, as if I had let myself down. I did not understand why I was failing at this task!

There was energy all over me, specifically at my crown and the back of my head. I also felt it intensely in my throat, which is a first for me.

I asked “Tom” why he was all covered in mud. He said, “You don’t want to see me”. I also knew this meant there was something about myself I did not want to see. Our conversation revealed that I am afraid to really “see” myself. I am also afraid to trust myself.

I cannot see the truth in the world and in others if I cannot see it within myself.

I was told that I am close and to not despair. But how could I not? The feeling of failure was so intense that I could not return to sleep. As I tried, I was asked to consider how I could lift my spirits, and thus my energy. I resolved to focus upon my family. When I finally fell asleep, I went OOB and had my second OBE of the night.

City of Gold

I had a lot happen last night so this post will focus only upon the OBEs I had.

Wrapped in a Blanket

I had been dreaming and had an encounter that was sexual in nature that woke me up. When I awoke my body was abuzz with energy – vibrations on full force; head covered in energy; loud, high pitched ringing in the center of my head; third-eye, throat and second chakra buzzing pleasantly. I felt my guide near and so stated, “I want to astral”. While he was responding I rolled out of my body and off the side of the bed.

I immediately had full perceptions and was standing in the living area of my Mom’s house. A bit thrown off by this immediate trans-location, I took in my surroundings. It was light but not vividly bright and I could see the tile floor. In front of me was a medium-sized child wrapped in a green blanket. I did not recognize him but he came toward me and I ended up wrapped up with him. The speed of this occurrence surprised me and I went back into my body.

City of Gold

I awoke at 5am and my guide was close, talking to me. I will include what we discussed in another post, but I ended up going downstairs to get something to eat and then fell back to sleep. I again stated that I wanted to astral.

I became lucid within a dream and felt the vibrations signaling that I could exit. As soon as I intended, I was OOB.

For some reason this initial section of the OBE is blurry. At the time it was intensely vivid but now I can only grasps aspects of it. I know that I was inside a house that was similar to my Mom’s but wasn’t that house. I also recall that I stated out loud my intent which was, “I want to truly see myself”.

I recall mostly vivid colors – a golden yellow, orange, white swirls and other vivid colors. I also know I was flying and talking with my guide as I flew. I ended up outside at one point and saw the trees of my mother’s yard and the blue sky. I recall feeling very free and alive, as if I was the most powerful person in the world.

There was an instant when I began to feel my energy lag and my vision began to darken. I paused and stated to myself, “I need more energy” and then said, “More energy”. Before I was finished saying it I felt myself being pulled swiftly upward with such a velocity that my vision completely blacked out. At the same time I felt as if I were being pulled by my eyeballs and there was a sensations of them being peeled from the front to the back of my head. It was almost like someone had put hooks into my eyes and pulled; as if I were a fish being reeled in. Along with this weird feeling was the most massive amount of energy I think I have ever felt in astral. I cannot even describe it but at the time I thought that I was being taken to a different level or plane. I panicked at first but then let go, resolving to surrender to whatever was happening.

When the sensation of movement stopped, the energy settled down and my vision came back. I was standing in front of a mirror inside the house. There I saw myself looking back at myself as clear as day. My hair was a bit longer than it is now, maybe shoulder length, and my face had acne spots on it.

I smiled at myself and then said out loud, “Oh, so I am seeing myself! I get it”. I did not get disappointed even though I had meant something other than actually getting a visual glimpse of myself. I actually laughed at how literal requests are taken! I should have known!

I moved on from this point and flew out the window. I decided to state a different intent and said, “I want to see the past life that is most influencing me right now”. I actually reworded this a couple of times before settling on the final version.

When I was done stating my intent I heard voices of children and saw a young boy running below me. I quickly hid up under the tree canopy and watched as he and a group of boys rushed up underneath. Some had skateboards and at first I was afraid. I immediately told myself, “They are me” and calmed down, then went down to join them.

I talked to them for a bit, commenting on one boy’s skateboard. Then I invited them to come with me and we flew up into the air towards the road. One of the boys pointed to the sky and said, “That’s not good” and I looked and saw dark storm clouds in the distance. There was a shaft of energy shooting from the cloud straight into the ground. The energy was black mixed with other colors, especially white.

I told the boy, “Oh, that is a portal!” As I said it, the portal split off and became several small tornadoes. I had thought I would investigate but now thought different and so went the other way. The boys followed.

For a time I flew along with the boys and began to sing with all my heart, “I can see the light, oh-oh-oh”. The song was beautiful and I even heard voices accompanying me. Unfortunately, my vision began to falter despite singing. I was pulled upward very quickly once again and I just let it happen, dropping all resistance. My vision got dark but did not black out and I could sense the kids behind me. When my vision returned we were standing on a golden bridge that led into an entire city made of gold!

I went to explore the city and came upon a fountain made of gold. What was amazing about it is how detailed and intricate the design was. Below the surface of the clearest water I have ever seen was a golden, flowery mandala pattern. Fascinated, I went closer and attempted to put my foot into the water. When I did I felt an odd sensation and awoke in my body needing to swallow.

Factors Influencing Projection

Lucidity scale: 7

Intent stated?: Yes

Time to bed: 9pm

Time to wake: More times than I can count, last time was 5am

Meditation?: No

Physical Exercise?: None

Mood: normal

Body: None

Tiredness: Low

Number of wakings: 4+

Technique?: WBTB

Sleeping position: Back

Supplements: Multivitamin, Natural Calm 400mg, Sleepy Time Extra Tea, Biotin 1000mg, Evening Primrose Oil 1300mg, Vitamin E 400mg, Calcium 500mg, Vitamin D 350mg

Essential Oils: Whisper Blend