My perception seems to be shifting. I think it has been going on for some time now but only now am I starting to recognize it as such. Let me explain.
I am finding that I am not motivated to do things for myself as I once use to be. I have always been a very, very selfish person. I struggle with my selfishness problem. Motherhood made my problem even more painfully obvious to me. Yet, even motherhood did not bring about such a dramatic shift in my perception. It helped, yes, but that alone cannot be blamed for this change.
I am by no means saying I am no longer selfish BUT my selfish thoughts are matter-of-factually slammed down by the other Me almost immediately. What is even funnier and out of character for me is that I step back humbly and accept it most of the time. Other times I still argue with myself; yet ultimately I back down.
Above all else, though, the perception shift seems to be that I am becoming less me and more Me. I don’t know how else to put it. The me who wants all the attention, all the credit, all the notice is being overtaken by a Me that wants to give all that away.
It makes me want to cry – in joy and grief at the same time. I am at a loss.