Shake Up

Though it has only been two days since my last post, it feels like a week has passed. Lots going on energetically! I will share the last couple of posts in my personal journal to give you an idea of what I have been experiencing.

Journal Entry – December 20, 2018

Yesterday and for a couple of days before I have been experiencing odd emotions and energy. I’m uncertain to what it is all related to. Mostly I have a feeling of “I can’t do this for much longer”. It feels like I am about to crack, or like something is going to break soon. It is like a pressure building and I sense it. Is it mine? The world’s? I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Sometimes, when I feel this emotion/energy I cry, other times I feel like I need to run but can’t. There is definitely a “pressure” with it. Yesterday, at work, is when it hit me. I thought about going to my husband and saying, “I can’t take it anymore” and just walking away from everything – out of the office and home I suppose. An internal voice reassured me and I calmed substantially and returned to “normal” but the memory remained.

I questioned the source of this feeling/energy and could not locate it. The fact that I greeted this morning with tears probably has something to do with it. 

Dream: Ice Cream for Breakfast

This dream began with me meeting with a woman whose specialty was a specific kind of Tantric massage. There was a lot of time spent adjusting my body and settling in. She explained that I needed to be receptive, to relax, and set me up with my head on something often used for babies. I recall her brushing my side with her fingers and feeling an electricity. Every time I got close to relaxing something would interrupt the process – either the wrong position or some nearby noise or person.

There was a family with a baby nearby having a picnic. Me and the woman were set up in a parking space (slow down, heal). She had put down a blanket and set up the entire area very nicely. The family’s car was beyond my feet (we were horizontal across two parking spots). As I lay down and was receiving the woman’s massage I turned my head and encountered the driver’s side mirror of a car. I looked up and behind me and saw the driver giving me an irritated look. So, I told the woman we needed to move and so we did and the driver pulled into the spot.

There was a commotion then from the driver and the family about the baby. I got upset and asked, “Why is everyone always worried about the baby?” Eventually the lady giving massage handed me keys and left. It felt abrupt, like too much was on my mind distracting me. The keys seemed to be mine and how they felt in my hand was memorable.

Then I was watching from above as I traveled along a highway (life path). I was talking to a man as if on the phone, telling him where I was going. As I drove/flew I came to an intersection and said, “I’m home. This was the faster route.” At the intersection I slowed. A familiar man was in the intersection directing traffic.Two individuals walked through, one right past my window. I drove straight through and the man smiled at me as I passed him.

I remember walking into a restaurant and seeing a young blonde man sitting at at table. I asked him if it was too early for lunch (it was around 9:30am) and he said it was. I had wanted to order a sandwich but was fine with breakfast. I sat down with him and asked for a menu. All that was on it were a few breakfast (new beginnings) selections and the rest was ice cream. As I waited for my fried egg (fertility, birth) and toast I saw the man was eating ice cream (good fortune). Three other men joined us, all eating ice cream. I mentioned it was not a healthy breakfast. The oldest of the men, whose appearance shifted from blonde to brown hair, said it had protein in it – double the amount. This man was attractive and I liked his energy. When the man left my husband took his seat and then the man had nowhere to sit.

I got up to leave through the front door. When I walked up to it, a large wooden door appeared that was locked with a latch. I unlatched it and walked in. Inside was a woman sitting at a table. The lights were dim but it felt warm inside, as if a fire were lighting it. The woman recognized me but I felt to be intruding since I unlocked the door to enter. She welcomed me and we went and sat down with another women.

The first woman (aspect of self) talked and talked about the healing she had just been through – how she was overwhelmed with all the anxiety she had taken on from the people she had been helping. I mentioned I had not gone to the healing. The woman talked and talked and even interrupted me when I tried to talk about my own experiences. She said, “I just want to be with my babies” and I saw dolls and doll clothes she would iron over and over until perfect. My advice was to focus on what made her happy. She agreed.

The woman left and the other woman and I were alone. She felt to be a friend I had not seen in a while. The other woman asked me how I was and opened her arms to hug me. I said, “I’m not doing well….” and burst into tears as I hugged her. I felt overwhelmed by life, feeling I could not pretend anymore. I woke up sobbing, pillow wet with tears.

December 21st

After the company Christmas party last night something odd happened. I was in bed attempting to sleep when I heard what sounded like a child crying hysterically. Thinking it might be one of my children or some other child who needed help, I flew out of bed and went to the window to see. I saw a blur of a person running down the sidewalk crying and screaming. Without thinking, I ran downstairs and outside, no shoes or glasses on. I yelled out to her, “Do you need help?” I asked a couple of times. The girl stopped and turned to me. She said something about her boyfriend through tears. I went up to her and she hugged me tight. She was young and well dressed with brown hair. I asked her what happened and she pointed to a car I had not seen. It was parked in the middle of the street, running, both doors open, with lights still on. She told me her boyfriend just stopped the car and jumped out and ran away. I told her it would be okay and that the first thing was to move the car. I asked if she was okay to drive and she said she was. So she got in the car and moved it out of the road and turned it off. Then she wanted to chase after him again, saying that she was worried about him being all alone and cold. I asked if he was drunk and on drugs and she said, “No he’s depressed.” I was able to get her to stay by her the car and not chase after him. She told me she was 21 and from a nearby town. She also told me her name but I forgot it.

Then we saw a man in the distance run across the road and then hide behind a tree. She yelled, “Jordan? Is that you?” I said to her, “I thought he ran that way?” She said, “I did, too. Maybe that’s not him.” I tried to get her to come into my house to calm down and she wouldn’t leave the car because he might come back. I asked her to wait by the car while and I went in to get my shoes. When I came back I saw the car driving away slowly.

It took me over two hours to go to sleep after that. I worried about her and worried I misread the situation. I kept thinking she would come back. I kept listening for her. I was upset with myself for not remembering her name. Just lots of “what if” type thoughts. But most of all, I could not understand my own actions completely. I did not for once think that I could be in harm. When I say I sprinted downstairs to help, I am not exaggerating. I ran as fast as I could and out the door and up to her. Barefoot. lol I also couldn’t see very well (no glasses on) yet I went right up to her and then hugged her back without restraint. In fact, when I think of how I felt, it felt like she was my own child even though she very obviously wasn’t. My only focus was on making sure she was okay. And when it was all over I was emotional and worried for her, as if she were my own daughter. It took me a while to shake the feeling. It felt very much like it does when I give a mediumship reading and connect with Spirit – the residual connection must be cut in order to properly recover.

I assume her boyfriend returned and she was relieved. And in the end I did exactly what I was suppose to do – console a frantic child and keep her safe. She was going to run after him, in the wrong direction, in the dark not knowing where she was. He obviously ran around the block and circled back to where he left his car. My best guess is that he was being dramatic to make a point. I was sad that she played right into his hands. I felt her innocence and naivety so completely and understood. And all the things I should have said but didn’t ran over and over through my mind. The urge to protect her and help her still is very real to me. When I go through my memory and see her and her energy, I think of how beautiful she is and how I hope she knows she is cherished.

The next morning I talked to my husband about what happened. I had awakened him when I came in to put on my shoes and asked him to help but he never came down because they drove away. My husband asked me, “Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” And I did ask myself that because the whole thing was just so bizarre and unreal. In many ways it felt just like many of my lucid dreams and OBEs, the kind where I am working to rescue lost souls. 

Ultimately, I fell asleep by putting in earplugs to drown out the sounds from the street (I kept thinking I would hear her crying again) but I slept fitfully.

I had an experience not long after where I was laying on my side facing my night stand. I saw a man laying parallel to me and smiling, hand under his chin. He looked like he was playing around and teasing me. I still remember his face. Seeing him I questioned why he was there and how because he would have had to be floating to be where he was. I knew something was off and this peaked my lucidity. I “blinked” and he vanished. Not long after I woke up feeling energetically weird and knew I had been OOB but the experience had been so real that I was a bit shaken.

Note: When proof-reading this part of my post about the man laying there I got memory of the song from Aladdin, Friend Like Me, and memory of how in the movie the genie often was in a similar position – floating in air but laying down. Considering I got this message before, it is likely one of my guides being silly.


Then I woke up crying again from the only dream from the night that I remember. In it I was helping people but can’t recall specifically why or how. The end is the most memorable now. I was in a scene reminiscent of Star Wars standing on a white platform that stretched out as far as I could see. Two people were with me asking me to handle a man who looked similar to Luke Skywalker but he felt to be my father. I felt I had to do what they were asking or they would do it. Whatever I was doing was using something akin to “the Force” but the term wasn’t used, actually no words were. So I “pushed” him out of my dimension and into another one. I saw him vanish. I was emotional for doing it and cried. As I woke in tears I heard “One of” and then saw IX. I thought, “One of nine?”

It felt like I was saving the man somehow, that it was something that had to be done. Yet I was so sad to do it. 

Considerations – Shake Up

I have also had other energetic “things” going on in between all this and still do. My best guess is that my heart is really open right now. When I was doing yoga last night the online teacher said to listen to my body and let it tell me what areas needed special care. My heart came to mind.

Last night’s bizarre experience in THIS reality was really a shake up for me. In many ways I feel like I walked into another world, or maybe I somehow merged my two realities and so experienced something akin to walking between dimensions and maybe that is what the Star Wars dream was all about. I was fully awake and in my body. It DID happen. There is a young women out there who in that moment needed consoling and I rushed to provide it as if I had been programmed to do so. Not just as mother but for some other reason. Maybe a reason I will never know but she will, or maybe she won’t either.

Happy winter solstice.




This morning I transitioned from the dreamstate into the in-between. A tunnel appeared before me and within it a vision of a beautiful mountain lake. Everything had a purple/pink cast to it. The lake itself was indigo with purple and pink highlights. The sky mirrored this. The mountains were not towering high like the Rockies but subtler with varying shades of greenery. It was a peaceful, beautiful scene. I felt myself pulled into this window but my awareness peaked and so I did not go OOB.

Before I was pulled into full, waking consciousness, I found myself standing on the shore of this lake with a humanoid Being who felt very masculine to me. He towered above me, though, a good two or more feet. His form was very human-like, with broad shoulders, two arms, two legs, hands, feet and a head, but his arms were much longer than a human’s would be in proportion to his body and his head had no hair and appeared more rounded.

We stood and talked for a while. I took his hand and told him I wanted to go Home, that I disliked this human disconnect and empty feeling. I longed for the connection of Home – the love and deep friendship and peace that came with it. He acknowledged me and explained that I was here to learn, which I know already, but his explanation was more accepted than previous ones I have gotten. I understand now why I am here with more depth than ever before. It is a feeling I feel in my core and it always arises when my purpose is explored or questioned.

This masculine presence explained to me that the human experience was unique and valuable, far beyond experiences in other realities and in other bodies. This came after I requested to change bodies, to get out of this human one. I seemed to remember the freedom innate in other forms and it contrasted greatly with the human form.

Timestreams were then discussed. It was explained that though we exist in multiple dimensions simultaneously, the human Timestream is separate from the other Timestreams (his wording not mine). I saw the Timestreams. They looked like colored waves of water or streamers floating or vibrating to their own rhythm and time. Most of the colors I saw resembled the lake vision in color – purple, blue, pink. This separateness is only present in our awareness here. When we extract ourselves from the human awareness we then can travel amidst all Timestreams and select ones we wish to experience at will.

Infinity was explored as well, or Remembered is a better word. As was perfection and the paradox of being perfect Beings attempting to perfect our reaction (experiences in) to the finite, which is impossible but achievable at the same time. It seemed as though our task/purpose as infinite Beings is to attempt to create perfection out of the imperfect. The feat seems insurmountable but within I found complete understanding and acceptance. It is not the end result that is important but the path we travel to get to an end that will never come. We are Builders and Creators but destruction is inherent in the process and all results are honored for their exquisiteness as if a dessert whose every bite is savored and relished.

I was then reminded of the vision I had yesterday. I saw the Earth going dark six times, one after the other. At the time I assumed the darkness was created by a great event like an eclipse. This morning, though, I realized it was likely much simpler than that. The darkness comes every night. What I was seeing was the passage of day into night six times. So the passing of six days. The lesson was that I need to take what I am shown at face value rather than looking for some deeper meaning.

The Experiencer and the Observer

A realization I’ve been having of late has been that I am experiencing this life now in two ways simultaneously. Life is viewed/experienced both as the Experiencer and the Observer. The Experiencer is familiar because that has been the viewpoint I have taken for the majority of this lifetime. Now, however, I am aware of the Observer as a constant. I am both Experiencer and Observer and recognize the purpose of both within this human experience.

The Observer viewpoint wants only to sit back and let the Experiencer experience life. She does not wish to interfere in the daily on-goings, actions and words, routines and challenges. Her job is similar to that of a scientist who is observing a closed experiment. She jots down observations, draws conclusions and makes hypotheses. Her viewpoint is objective.

The Experiencer is human and very reactive. She is suppose to react. Her job is to play her role and provide data to the Observer for improvement in the greater game. Her viewpoint is subjective.

Being able to view my life as both, simultaneously, is strange in a sense but perfectly normal at the same time. I have been doing this the entire time but was not aware of the Objective side except occasionally through glimpses here and there.

The Objective me has been with this body the whole time. I am aware of myself as this aspect. Fully. She is patient, focused, results-oriented and detailed. She makes adjustments to the experiement that then trickle down to the Experiencer as alterations in the path. Some are major, most are minor.

Currently, as the Experiencer, I am now able to identify the feelings and intuitions I have long had in this life as my “instructions” from the Observer. Before, the identification of these intuitions were lost on me resulting in mostly confusion and tantrums/resistance/impatience. For example, currently I feel as if in a void, and though I wish to take action I feel unmotivated toward any considered changes. There are often feelings of upset, irritation and impatience surfacing as a result. The Objective me understands the void feeling as an instruction to “take no new action” and “continue on course”. This Objective side learns a great deal from these periods and makes adjustments accordingly when learning plateaus.

As a result of this perception shift there is an increase of acceptance and balance within. I always thought the goal was to be the Observer but am learning this is only partially true. The Observer has its part to play as does the Experiencer. We are partners.

New Awareness – Embracing Multiple Me’s

Last night I once again did the pyramid visualization meditation before bed. This time, however, the pyramid began to spin very quickly to the right. I did not intend this, just saw it happening. It then slowed and I began to drift into the in-between.

New Awareness

I don’t know what I did in the in-between. It is like I have amnesia. I recall pictures and conversations occurring, similar to a light dream state, but that is all. What I do remember is suddenly opening my eyes and coming back to full awareness. When I did this I felt energy come in from both my left and my right. What is crazy about this is that I recognized the energy as me. In fact, I recognized it as distinct pieces of me coming in from somewhere outside of me.

At first I was nervous about it because the energy was so intense. When it returned to me it felt like it added something to me; like I grew larger because of it, but not in a bad way. The thought crossed my mind that I had just taken on another Spirit; that Spirit was piggybacking on me. Yet there was a calmness that remained with me and those thoughts just dissolved as if they were “nothing of note”.

It was then that I Remembered, or maybe I was told and it seemed like a memory, that I had been practicing in previous nights over the last week or so how to control my energy, or “essence” may be a better word. It is complex and something far above my human comprehension, but it is something my heart understands. In fact, when I Remembered these “sessions” I felt assured that whatever I just experienced was not to be feared but to be embraced. I was re-learning an important skill that had been lost.

The feeling of being “broken up” and then reconstituted was the beginning stages of these lessons. Now instead of feeling hundreds of pieces I feel only a few. What is most interesting is that in these few I recognized them to all be me. It was like I could transfer into any of them and have a different perspective, similar to the OBE where I met myself and did exactly that.

Visions and Dreams

In my sleep and in-between states after that I received messages, some not so good by the looks of them.


In one in-between flash of a vision, I was presented with a long list. The top of the list had the title, “Recruits”. As I read it, I woke fully from my reverie and was a bit startled. I had an instant memory of the messages I had received about there being spiritual soldiers sent to Earth to help. Was this that list of soldiers?

Burning Earth

I awoke from a disturbing semi-lucid dream. I clearly recall being embraced in silken-looking, translucent white wings or petals. They wrapped around me and I called them by a name which I cannot remember now. They were not connected to a person, but appeared to be part of a system of transport into space. In fact, I was floating in space and looking down at Earth. Except Earth was not its normal beautiful green and blue with swirls of white. No. This Earth appeared to be molten lava, a swirling mass of red and black. It was horrifying yet I was not horrified.

Rescue Capsule

I had a detailed dream in which I was a teacher with students. The students had discovered a room and gone into it without permission. I found them and went inside this room. Yet when I went inside, the room was not a room at all but a tall, cone-shaped capsule with stairs that spiraled upward. The student had gone up the stairs and I had to get them down. I explained that this capsule was only for use in emergencies. It was meant to evacuate and not a playground. I was very serious but the students were not.

I remember the capsule very clearly. It was made of a silver metal and there was paneling, some of which contained controls and buttons. I remember when I looked up the stairs that it was not time to go “up”, yet that going up those stairs meant freedom, or at least something better than what was down below.

butterflySo Many Questions

My third-eye continues to blaze, though not all day now. It seems to come on suddenly without warning, and then tones down.

There is also ear ringing that comes on suddenly as well. Last night I had ear ringing and distinctly felt the presence of Spirit to my left. She knelt down and put her hand on my left arm and asked, “Do you see me?” I told her, “No. I’m sorry. I can only feel you”. I did not try to continue the conversation for I was about to meditate and did not want the distraction.

All these strange changes and energy experiences have left me with so many questions. I don’t understand what is happening and I want to know. I ask questions in meditation and then I have the strange visions and dreams. I was told that I needed to be able to transfer 50% of myself into something, what it is I am not sure. I saw it, but forgot most of it as I became startled by it. However, this transfer of Self is why I am practicing the manipulation of my essence (can’t really adequately describe it).

I am surprised I have not convinced myself that I am crazy with all this going on. I am actually fascinated, especially by the experience I had last night of being three me’s all at once. It felt so natural and normal – yet it wasn’t, at least not to this part of me.


This morning this was revealed to me quite suddenly when I responded to a comment on FB:

There is a major purging of karmic debts, past life and current life issues, going on right now. We are being encouraged to let go of old habits and patterns and move into the “new”. To do this we have to be fully present in our bodies and in the moment.

There are multidimensional cross-overs occurring. This happened to me all day yesterday, as if I was/am working on several aspects of myself and synchronizing them. I spent most of the day yesterday doing this and was aware of it happening as time kept hiccuping/slowing down/speeding up and in those moments things were revealed to be let go of.

I spent most of the day yesterday walking around in a strange state of in-between. Life seemed very dream-like for the most part. At times different aspects of my day would be suddenly very clear, as if they were plucked out of my “dream” and presented to me for analysis. When this occurred, it was like time slowed down and I was standing face to face with some detail or consideration for inspection.

Crying Baby

In one instance I was at Target randomly walking around, not really sure why I was there. I heard a very small infant crying and this caught my attention. Time slowed down.

I saw the mother walking with a very new newborn on her shoulder. From that point on, I was tuned to this child and his mother and the moments ticked by very slowly.

As I exited the store the mother was checking out and the baby was wailing louder and most insistently. The mother said, “We are leaving now. It’s okay” and walked out of the store. I followed behind, observing as she threw a baby blanket right over his face and he stopped crying.

I became overly concerned then that the baby would suffocate and I had huge sympathy for the baby. I watched as the mother walked to her car.

I contemplated this for a while. I felt “off” and analyzed why. What was it that was causing this feeling and this obsession with the baby? It was then that my memory was flooded with images of other babies, other lifetimes, other situations. I recognized this was being presented to me for inspection. When I let it go, the concern for the baby vanished and in its place was the thought, “Things like that happen all the time and they shouldn’t. Children are tossed away, put into trashcans, thrown into deep wells, slaughtered in front of their mothers. It doesn’t have to be like this. It won’t always be like this”. It was an understanding that humanity was ready to move past this; to take a stand. That I was ready to take a stand.


As the day progressed, the slowed time continued to occur in blips, each time revealing something for inspection. Communication came in knowingness and understanding. It was/is very surreal.

Later, as I watched T.V., I became suddenly tired, my eyes drooping and my head feeling heavy with energy. I wanted to watch my show, but it seemed I was being told not to. In fact, I got the feeling that I needed to lay down.

I finally conceded and went upstairs to lay down. When I did, I felt strong sensations in my body – physical ones that were unfamiliar and odd. Specifically, my eyes hurt. I wanted to shield them but even this did not help. I also had a strange feeling in my right side that is hard to describe. It was not in a specific place but it made every position I laid in uncomfortable. These sensations were especially noticeable if I laid on my back.

Eventually I must have fallen asleep because I heard distinctly: “Don’t question the question until it has been thoroughly analyzed”. This brought on full awareness and I could not settle back down. All the strange sensations had vanished.

It was only later today that all these events began to make sense. I am putting the pieces of me back together. They have been long scattered over many lifetimes, making the completeness that is me difficult to access in this physical incarnation. Each slowing down of time, each inspection of emotion and thought, each connection made brings back an aspect of the Self that was lost back into the whole. This is the synchronization of the Self. Piece by piece brought into alignment and made whole.

It is this completeness that is the goal.

Dream: Back to School (again)

I’ve been very tired lately. This is probably because of being sick with a cold (in July?) and then doing a pretty intense workout in hopes of clearing up the cold quicker. This morning a two-day headache is gone, I’m feeling better and have a slightly pleasant buzzing in my crown chakra.

Dream: Life Scenarios

My dreams were quite vivid last night for some reason. I recall two, the first of which is almost faded completely from my memory now.

In this particular dream I was observing how choices affect life outcomes. Since I don’t remember the specifics now, I will say that I was both an observer and a participant in the dream. At one point I was pulled out of the dream and asked to observe the multiple directions the life of the individual could take. I saw at least 12 or 13, all shooting off from a particular point like roads at an intersection. It resembled a wheel with spokes, the center being the defining moment when the choices were made.

I recognized within the dream the life scenarios I was viewing and the extent of the lesson was a bit overwhelming. To think that all these off-shoots were possible and likely occurring at the same time. If you have seen the show Sliders, then you will get an idea of what this might look like.

When I awoke from the dream my first thought was that I had been given a glimpse of multidimensional me. I was also reminded of my recent very lucid OBEs in which I was experiencing an alternate version of reality, one in which I had gone a completely different direction with my life.

Dream: Back to School (again)

This dream began with me entering a dorm room where I met up with several other people. It was furnished with two twin beds with white sheets and there was a small window that revealed we were on an upper level.

Discussion was about school and settling in. There was with me a very muscular black man who was the main focus of my attention, but there was also a woman. The black man laid down in the bed and I went up close to him and took a good look at him. He was not wearing a shirt and his muscles were very defined. I remember that he was very firm with me, though I don’t remember now what he said to me. It was not that he was unhappy with me but more that he wanted me to pay attention.

I noticed he had a large, reddish colored mole just under his right eye. I wondered about it briefly but was interrupted.

“What will you do now?” the woman asked. I could barely perceive her silhouette to my left.

At this time I found myself laying in the bed where the man had been and looking up at the ceiling. I said, “He will be my boyfriend”, jokingly, but I suddenly knew it was true.

The woman then began to talk to me about registration, telling me that I needed to be there at 6:30am. She spoke about receiving a message and I told her, “You get messages like once a week. No one ever calls or leaves me a message anymore”.

I realized it was nearly 6:30 and looked out the window to make sure. When I did, I saw the moon. It was extremely large! I remarked in surprise, pointing at it. When I looked closer it turned into an outline of Earth, each continent numbered, as if labeled.

I said, “Oh, I guess it is a hologram”. I looked and saw a balcony far below where a projector was set up. This was the source of the image.

The image then changed to that of an alien space craft lit up with all sorts of colors. It then morphed into another craft but I lost interest at that point.

It was then time for me to go and so I left, worrying briefly about where the Student Union was located.

When I arrived I had with me all three of my children. I browsed the books and knew which ones I needed. I also knew I had plenty of money to pay for them and that this part was “easy”.


When I awoke I knew the dream represented another round of learning that was about to begin. I was/am not very pleased about it. The cycle never seems to end. My guide reminded me that learning is why I am here. He communicated that learning is Us.

I recognized the black man from my dream. I recall many encounters with him since 2003. I suspect that my guides have changed for the time being and he is back for whatever it is he does. Though I don’t remember much about him, I do recall there being a strong sexual component. This was in the past, though. I do not know if this is his main role or not. I doubt it.

There is also the 630 number. It appeared the night before as well, suggesting there is a message in it. It’s meaning can be found here. I have grown tired of these number messages as most of them mean the same thing: stay focused on your current path, trust you are on the right path, and your guides and angels are assisting you.

OBE: Set Three

I settled back into my body briefly and thought about the odd OBEs I had just had. I concluded that I was being allowed to see a multidimensional aspect of myself. Curious, I fell back into the vibrations and left my body to see if I could find out more about this “other” me.

Warning: These OBEs are disturbing.

Murder and Deception

I found myself back in a discussion with my mother. Again, I noted her appearance and how different, how good, she looked.

She was again complaining about the new version of some program that had come out and how much work it would take her to redo her website. This is not like my mom at all as her career was education and she knows nothing about web design! She repeated the name of the program several times, and I tried to remember it but all I recall now is the number 8.

When she left the room, I began to walk down the hallway into an area of the house I had not yet explored. There was carpet under my feet and walls to either side of me. I looked up and was face-to-face with a man. Startled, I stared at him but he did not seem to see me.

He had medium brown hair and a beard and was very nice looking. I thought to myself, “He is me” and concluded that I was being allowed to watch this other version of me in another version of my life.

The same young, blonde girl from the other OBE approached him. I knew her name this time: Amber Crystal. She was again talking non-stop about something and did not notice the man’s obvious irritation. She was showing him this wooden object that looked like some kind of lever or maybe a giant corkscrew. She handed the object to the man who took it. He was more and more irritated by this time.

I recall switching from the observer me into the man at this time. I knew his thoughts. He thought about knocking the girl on the side of the head with the wooden object. I heard him think, “Oh well. Why not?” Then he took the object and hit her in the side of the head with so much force it knocked her down. He/I stood over her and watched the blood trickle down the side of her head. She was obviously unconscious, but was she dead?

At that moment, another blonde girl approached. I knew immediately that she was the older daughter, about 17, and her name was Stephanie. She said to him, “You weren’t suppose to do that yet!” He said to her, “I couldn’t help it. She wouldn’t shut up”. I got a feeling that they had planned to kill her but that he had done it prematurely. Why they were doing it, I didn’t know.

The older girl was upset and the man was irritated at her. He began to walk past her as she was saying something to him. He took the corkscrew and shoved it right between her eyes and left it there. She stood there stunned with it sticking out of her head. I don’t know if it killed her as my vision blacked out and I returned to my body.


I found myself sitting on a bed that looked into another room. The room was vivid with a golden hue and there was a small baby on the floor playing. I remembered the last OBE and I was overcome with an impulsive urge to harm myself. I reached over and grabbed a heavy chisel and began to stab my right thigh with it over and over again. At first I thought it would hurt, but I felt nothing, only pressure, and even though I stabbed my flesh, there was no blood. It only left behind marks.

I stabbed and stabbed, the whole time watching the baby and thinking, “They are nothing more than animals”. Where this thought came from, I don’t know, but I was totally comfortable with thinking it and with stabbing myself. When I saw the baby I literally thought it a nuisance, like a mongrel on the street.

I then began to molest myself with the chisel, curious if it would hurt since it had not hurt to stab myself. I had no concern at all for my body nor was I feeling ashamed of what I was doing to myself. It felt like I was trying to punish myself but even that was not a thought.

I awoke with a pain in my second chakra as energy shot up from my root. My head was buzzing with energy that was so intense it nearly hurt. I was confused about the OBE. Why did I do that? Weird! Yet I had no feeling of shame or guilt at what I had just experienced/done. It seemed more like I had been someone else; not myself at all.

I did not go OOB after that but instead fell to sleep and awoke with a line from a song going through my head, “Won’t you lay me, won’t you lay me down”.

If anything, it appeared the OBE was meant to help clear a blockage in my first and second chakras. I believe I was allowed to view a dark side of myself. Thankfully, I did not reject it but allowed myself to be an emotionally objective observer.

OBEs: Set Two

After the OBE with the dogs, I came back into my body and settled there for a while, my guide close. He communicated to me without words and I was filled with a sudden knowingness that these experiences were to show me something important. At this time I felt my crown covered in buzzing energy. The energy was almost painful it was so intense.

By this time I was laying on my back and the vibrations were coming in waves, though I had to focus on them to tell they were there. When I did focus on them, they came on so intensely that I thought I would be propelled OOB. Thankfully, when I didn’t focus on them, they became muted.

Christmas Gift #2

At one point I saw through closed eyes again and this was how I knew I was OOB. I immediately got up and OOB and walked into the next room. This time I could see very clearly and saw in the middle of the room a huge Christmas tree shining brightly with a golden color. However, the tree had no lights or decorations.

Under the tree were tons of gifts piled up and wrapped beautifully. I inspected the gifts and read again my name on the tag of one of them, a small, rectangular box. It said, “To: Dayna From: Your Spirit Guide”. Smiling I left it there and browsed the other gifts. I read the tag of one and it said, “To: Bishop _______ From: Steven”. I could not make out the name of the bishop but smiled as I recognized there were gifts for others there, too.

I walked over to the fireplace mantel and just looked around for a while. I had a peaceful, serene feeling at this time and did not want for anything. My vision then blacked out and I felt the energy announcing a return to my body.

When I returned Steven asked, “Did you get my gift?” I said, “Yes”. He asked, “Did you open it?” I said, “No”. He asked, “Why not?” and I told him, “Because I wasn’t allowed to last time”. I figured that if I tried to open it that I would prematurely end my OBE like last time.

I again asked, “What is it?” He said, “You have it already. It is within you”. Puzzled, I returned to my reverie and let the vibrations wash over me.

Multidimensional Me

The next series of OBEs are different in that they appear to be a different version of my life. There are several OBEs so this will just be the first two as they are short.

In the first one, a scene opened up in front of me and I saw a much thinner version of my mother leaning over a sofa and looking at me. I felt as if I were just transported to this scene as there were no vibrations or shifts noticeable, just opening my eyes to another place.

My mom was talking to me about her life, saying something about a certain internet program coming out with an new version and how it would mess up her website. She said she had planned it for four months and now had to start over.

She went on to talk about my grandparents as if they were alive. I said to her, “Mom, Nanny and Grandaddy are dead”. She looked at me like I was talking nonsense and continued on, talking about other things in her life. She mentioned feeling alone and wishing she had someone. I told her, “Mom, you got married last year. Remember?” I gave her the name of her husband and she said, “Oh that would be nice. He and I dated when we were in high school”. I told her, “You should call him”.

I watched my mom intently during this OBE as she looked so different from real life. She was thinner and it looked like she had spent a lot of money on her appearance – face lifts, skin treatments, exercise and maybe even a tummy tuck. Her hair was short and styled and her clothes were very upscale. I do not recall moving at all during this OBE, just having a conversation.

My Other Family

When my mom left the room there was a shift and then I was back in the same room. I began to explore. What was this interesting, new place? Who lives here?

I wandered the house I was in, moving from the upscale living area to another connecting room. In this room there were large, floor to ceiling windows that lead to an outside space. The floors made of high-end wood and the decor was similarly priced. The color scheme was light beige and cream and the furniture was very nice, definitely not a home with young children in it!

A blonde girl of about 9 or 10 years old ran up to me. She spoke to me as if I were her parent, talking a million miles an hour. Her bubbly personality was catching and I smiled as she went on and on about something I do not remember now.

As I listened to her, I tried to remember how she looked. Her hair was long and blonde with a slight wave and she had it pulled back away from her eyes and pinned with two small barrettes. Her face was not familiar to me and resembled my ex husband. I wondered briefly if I was being allowed to look at my life had I stayed with him. Was this our daughter? I concluded that I was definitely being allowed to see an alternate version of myself and that life.