How has 2019 been treating you?
I have been okay but it has been touch and go. On the 30th my inner thighs were extremely sore to the point that it hurt even when I was not moving – probably a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. I had knelt down to clean something and when I got up I was in pain. So I did about an hour of yoga, which helped a bit. Afterward, I experienced something akin to a mild stomach flu that lasted only 4 hours. It came with an awful headache, chills, diarrhea, slight nausea and extreme thirst.
1/31/18 went by without incident but yesterday was energetically intense. The entire day I felt this strange inner, energetic icky feeling that seemed to coincide with interaction with my husband. He was extra pushy and his energy felt similar. By evening the feeling was unavoidable and strong enough that I began to feel like my entire world would disintegrate at any minute. The feeling is a sense of imminent destruction, like something bad is about to happen. It’s kinda like two magnets repelling one another. It is the same feeling I’ve been having for weeks. It has made me want to up and run. It has made me feel like I am going to pass out. It has made me feel panicky, crazy and broken to the point of tears.
Last night, with the feeling sitting on me like a huge weight I felt like it was going to break me. I asked my guidance for help and felt to focus on my core, which I did, and the feeling lifted.
Dream: Ride Home
The dream began with me deciding not to wait for the bus (temporary setbacks) anymore. Instead, I would walk down the road to catch it on another, earlier part of the route. As I walked I checked my watch and saw I had 10 minutes which I knew was enough time.
The road was familiar, one I had walked and ran more times than I can count. It was dark but the sun was beginning to rise in the distance so there was enough light to see by. I heard a noise that was alarming and saw a huge tiger (power and one’s ability to exert power in a situation) running toward me in the far distance. As it grew closer I could hear a noise from behind me calling to the big cat and it responded in kind. I said to myself aloud, “He is after the other tiger, not me” and kept walking. The big cat ran past me and continued behind me toward its intended target. Thankful, I shuddered at how massive it was and the thought of what could have happened if he had decided he wanted me.
The light increased and I saw tall flowers (hidden potential, love, happiness) ahead of me. They towered two feet above my head and seemed to have been placed there purposefully like a living bouquet. Awed by their beauty I began to pick my favorites, collecting mostly red ones and a large sunflower. With my bouquet in hand I heard sirens (caution) and spotted emergency lights coming toward me on the road. I hid behind the large flowers trying not to be seen and dropped my bouquet as I watched the police car slowly drive by. I worried I would be seen but the police car continued on but not after altering the scene.
The road was suddenly full of people, all heading toward the bus like I was. Most had stopped to rest along the way and taken seats in what appeared to be a subway or train car. I spotted a beautiful butterfly (transformation) that looked fake it was so perfect. A little girl grabbed it gently and I yelled out to her to be careful or she might hurt it. A woman nearby said, “Don’t worry. She handles them all the time.” The girl took the butterfly, which was extra large like the flowers I had just been picking, and gently set it on a table. I took out my camera to take a picture and the butterfly transformed into a silver beetle. Upon inspection, the beetle (values and beliefs being compromised) looked to have a design on its back like a puzzle or a maze. It was flat and moved oddly, six legs would pop out of hiding when it moved and then disappear when it stopped. Fascinated, I watched it for a while until a head popped out on a long neck and stared at me with two beady eyes and a turtle-like (slow down) face.
Suddenly acutely aware of the time, I realized I was late and would miss the bus if I didn’t get moving. I headed down the road and through rows of people sitting in seats and stopped in my tracks when I realized I had forgotten my backpack. I had left it among the tall flowers. I looked ahead and knew the bus was soon to arrive. I asked people around me if they had seen my backpack (burdens, responsibilities) but they ignored me, eyes focused on a screen ahead of them playing a movie. I eventually yelled but none noticed me.
I ran back toward the flowers, spotted my backpack and grabbed it but at the same time I heard the bus arrive. I turned to look and saw it leave. I had missed it.
Disappointed, I knew I had to go back up the road to try and catch it at the normal stop in front of my home. Knowing if I walked I would never make it, I sought out someone with a car. I asked loudly as I pointed up the road, “Is anyone heading back that way?” A young girl, possibly the one who had grabbed the butterfly, said to me, “I will take you home.” Relieved I looked for her and spotted her standing near a woman. She was very small, about the size of a 5 year-old child. Her brown hair was in low pigtails that touched her shoulders and she had a hairband around her forehead.
I smiled at her and said, “Thank you so much. I don’t remember my name but people call me Dayna.” She smiled at me and looked at the woman next to her. She said, “I don’t remember my name either.” The woman smiled encouragingly and said, “His name is Anaya Seth, but everyone calls him Seth.” The realization hit me that this little “girl” was actually a boy named Seth. The name struck a chord and lucidity hit me all at once and woke me up. Note: The name Anaya means “completely free”.
When I woke up I wondered about my dream for a bit and heard a voice respond to my thoughts with, “You’re living a lie.” Not sure it was true I thought a bit and then asked, “Okay. What is my truth then?” I was reminded that I had been shown my truth and I replied that no specifics about how to live it had ever been received. Within the conversation I fell into the in-between where I was speaking to a young girl who resembled me and telling her what to do. Of course, I don’t remember what I told her but instead a song was playing in the background of my mind. Right before I heard the song I was wondering again what my truth was. As if to answer my question I heard, “She’s got both feet on the ground……she’s got her head in the clouds….this girl is on fire….”
Wide awake I continued to consider the dream and message. I was reminded of a Kundalini video I recently viewed in which it was mentioned that a person who resists the urge to change that comes with the Kundalini will experience a split feeling until they make the changes needed to align with their truth.
I requested help in determining the changes I need to make. It may seem obvious what I should do, but I don’t feel it is that simple. Tearing down everything that is my life is not something I desire, nor do I think it is necessary. It seems an insurmountable task to even confront one change that is needed, much less all of the changes that are needed. But if I continue to feel this icky feeling inside, if it continues to make me feel unable to physically stay where I am with more intensity than it already has, I will either experience a mental breakdown or I will act upon it (or both).