Discouraging Dreams

It was a rough night for me.

Dream: Harvesting the Field

I was with another person walking alongside a field of grass that had been cut low. They were talking about the harvest and how a new crop of shrimp had just come in. I looked and sure enough there were very tiny shrimp laying in a grid pattern all across the field. The shrimp looked as if it had already been cooked. Tiny, popcorn shrimp. I was shocked and asked where the shrimp had come from. I was told it had popped up through the surface, as if the field was really an ocean.

I wandered into the field. The ground was firm, so no ocean underneath. Still a bit confused, I walked the rows of shrimp. They soon turned into other things and I stopped and looked at my feet noticing the shrimp had morphed into something else. Looking closely, I saw what resembled an eel and I mentioned this to my friend. I bent down and touched it. It was slimy but firm, similar to a slug and resembling a slug. Yet I continued to think of it as an eel. It was dark colored and I could not distinguish the head from the tail. My friend was very encouraged by this development.

The garden soon turned into a store with isles of miscellaneous items. I walked the isles and saw that most of the items were partially used or damaged. I was told I could take whatever I wanted so I investigated, looking for anything I might want. The isle I found myself on had oral hygiene items like toothpaste and mouthwash. I picked up some Listerine that was half full and then grabbed another bottle of a different kind of mouthwash and combined the two to make it a full bottle.

I ran into a friend I use to go to high school with and we talked for some time about her marriage to one of our classmates. They had married right out of high school and started a family only to separate sometime later. I listened as she told me her story and was surprised to hear their marriage had failed.

eel-1Dream: 3 Years

Still inside the store, I wandered down an isle and ran into a couple who wanted to talk to me. They were standing next to a bicycle. They wanted to talk to me about a relationship issue and potential outcomes. The news was not good, at least I didn’t take it as good. There was an entire recalling of a past relationship I had with a man soon after my spiritual awakening. I had struggled with our separation and the topic of discussion centered on how I handled that particular difficulty. I re-experienced that period in my life and got very upset at the prospects of something like that happening again because I had been miserable for several months. Never before nor since has a breakup resulted in that much agony for me.

There was mention of what I would do if this particular person came back into my life. I recall seeing him years later and much older and discussing how very unlikely it would be that I would ever hear from him again. There was a phone in this discussion and I remember not knowing how he would even know my number. I had memory of how nasty I had been to him the last time we talked and knew I would not welcome communication from him. The purpose of all of this was to help me recognize my tendency to get angry and cut off communication when I am hurt. But it was also to show me how resilient I am because I had thought that breakup would surely kill me, but it didn’t. I survived. Though I may see anger as a negative emotion, it actually gave me the strength to get past the impasse I faced at that particular time in my life.

I found myself standing there with the couple feeling extremely dissuaded, though from what course of action I am not sure. I looked at the bicycle and noticed it had turned to ash. It was still standing but had I touched it, it would have disintegrated before my eyes.

The discussion continued and I was told to expect my current situation to continue for sometime. I got 3 years as the very longest period it could span. This caused me much upset. I felt as if all of the life had drained out of me. Three years seemed an eternity to me.

I woke up feeling discouraged and apathetic with tears in my eyes. I found it difficult to shake the apathetic feeling I had. I remember thinking, “This is surely going to kill me.” My guidance said to me,”What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” To make it clear, I repeated to him, “This is going to kill me. I won’t make it. This is too much.”

It has taken me some time to get past the feeling I woke with. I am not feeling especially encouraged about moving forward with life right now. Whatever the dream discussion brought up has me feeling completely hopeless.


First dream: 

Field – going through a period of personal growth
Shrimp – feeling overpowered and/or insignificant
Slug – progressing through life very slowly, almost painfully slow
Eel – trouble with commitment; one who escapes responsibility or culpability
Store – emotionally/physically drained, searching for solutions
Mouthwash – think before you speak (totally my problem all.the.time)

Considerations about this dream: I am being asked to step up and take responsibility for my life/choices. Avoiding things will not help but only lead to more of the same. Need to confront issues head on and stop pushing off making a decision. I need to be careful of what I say so as to not end up regretting it.

Second dream:

Store – still searching for solutions
Bicycle – need to devote more time to myself; more leisurely pursuits needed
Ash – feeling the good times are over and nothing of value is left in my life; can also represent the end of a relationship, the dashing of all hopes, bitter change and life disruption.

Considerations about this dream: When I woke up I was in agony over the prospect of never feeling Alive again. I felt as if my heart had been torn from my chest and stomped upon. I felt alone and isolated from my soul family. I felt cheated. The feeling of loss was such that I did not feel I would recover from it. Thus, my statement about it killing me. It did not help that I had spent much of this dream discussing a past relationship breakup that had been devastating to me. The idea was that whatever I am going through/will continue to go through, will be much more devastating and last much longer than the past one. It is not easy to swallow such news.


OBE: World Summit

When I woke this morning at 6:30am I was talking with one of my guides. We were having a conversation about what is coming. Though I don’t recall the entire conversation or the exact subject, I can remember enough to know that it was a continuation of the extensive exploration of a certain topic the night before. I remember saying, “I don’t want to focus on the physical.” With this was a thought about how when life gets busy, my spiritual experiences (OBE’s, in-between states, Kundalini, etc) come to a near standstill. It’s not that they stop occurring, but that I am so focused on mundane matters that I miss or bypass the spiritual experiences that I normally would notice.

Suffice it to say, I was not in a very good mood when I woke up. lol

After getting up and having to do some last minute school preparations for my kids, I decided to go back to bed. This almost never happens but this morning I felt like I needed the extra rest.


Within minutes of laying down I entered the in-between. I received various messages as the conversation with my guidance continued.

I had a vision of two crescent moons facing each other. They were coming closer together and when their ends touched a sparkling of energy began to explode out of the center of them. What resulted was a brilliantly white full moon that resembled the Yin and Yang symbol but without the black and white coloring.

I remember hearing that both sides carried something that was needed for the “mission”. I was not able to remember what I contributed despite hearing it clearly word-for-word. Why does that happen every.single.time!?!! Anyway, I heard what the other half was to contribute: Courage. I remember thinking, “Good because I’m a coward!” LOL There was a reminder to not sell myself short.

In another message I was told and simultaneously remembered, “I’ve practiced for this.” There was a Knowing then that I had been preparing for the coming decision and subsequent life changes it would create for a very long time. I wish I recalled what the scenario was but all I had was a Knowing and it settled my worries immediately. I remember thinking it was “crazy” to Know such a thing but at the same time it made total sense to me that we would rehearse important life decisions prior to and during life. I tried to remember these rehearsals but my memory was blank. Go figure!

In another vision I was sitting in the front seat of a car with my dear friend, Angela. She was in the driver’s seat. I opened up my purse and pulled out a large tube of lipstick. It was the length of my forearm. When I opened it up it was a pinkish-red and smelled like watermelon. There was a vision here of me throwing a watermelon and watching it crack open. I gave it to her as a gift and she accepted. Then she turned to me and said, “Let’s cook some cauliflower.” I said, “Cauliflower? Okay.” lol

Then I was trying to kill a cockroach and it hid inside one of my daughter’s Barbie cars. I took the car and put it in a kiddie pool to try and drown him. lol

OBE: World Summit

After this I was at a large warehouse. My consciousness ventured through the double doors to look inside. It was massive and the floors were pure ice. I thought/said, “It looks like an ice rink.” In the center of the rink was a table that was as long as the rink. It was lined with chairs and I remember thinking, “There is going to be a gathering.” I wondered who was going to be meeting there.

I became very aware at this point. I could feel my physical body very acutely but I was also very aware of floating just inches above it. I knew I was OOB but I wanted to know what the vision was about and if I distanced myself from my physical body I would lose the scene and any chance of retrieving the information being relayed to me. So I remained hovering over my physical body and calmed myself so as to remain OOB as long as I could.

I began to hear a conversation between several men that I could not see. They were gathering for a world summit meeting to discuss the state of the world and what could be done about it. The feeling from the men was that the meeting would be a waste of time. No one would agree on anything and if they couldn’t then the world would be none the better for their trying. This was not mentioned in words, instead it was more of a Knowing that was relayed to me. One man asked another man, “Where is the Chairman?” Another man answered and said, “I don’t know but he should be here soon.” Then another voice said, “What’s his name again?” I heard a man answer, “His name is Crow.” My immediate thought when I heard the name Crow was, “Eat crow.”

At this point, aware that I was overthinking and needed to not focus on what was being said, my attention was drawn to my root chakra which was exploding out toward my feet. Recognizing I was focusing too much on that, I began to try and not focus on anything and calm my mind. When I did this I could feel the energy of transition that indicates both leaving the body and returning to it. I did not want to return to my body so I pulled away from my physical body and headed toward the bedroom door. As I grabbed onto the doorknob I began to feel my heart pounding in my chest as if I were in my physical body. I recognized I was still to close to my body and needed to get further away. Yet the pounding of my heart was intense and with it came sensations from my body indicating that my arm was going numb. It was such an odd experience to feel both bodies simultaneously. Unfortunately, my body’s communication was too strong. The need to “fix” it was more than the need to explore the astral and so I made the decision to go back to my body.

When I settled back in my body my heart was not pounding but my arm was numb and my bladder was uncomfortably full. There was energy all around my head, indicating re-entry via my crown.




Lucid Dream: Panther

I couldn’t sleep last night. I was wound up, bursting with energy. I think I finally fell asleep around 2am. I don’t feel tired this morning despite waking at 7am.

Lucid Dream: Panther

I was having a dream where I was talking with someone about happiness. I had a realization which I stated in the dream. It was something like, “No wonder I’m never happy. My expectations ruin it for me.” This statement brought on lucidity and the scene shifted.

I was in a car with two other women. One was a black women with exceptionally long dreadlocks. She was quite pretty and I remember wishing I looked like her. We were talking about various things, but I can’t recall the discussion now other than remembering something about a grocery store and a full versus empty shopping cart.

The black woman was driving the car and going quite fast. She made a turn at a very high speed and the car fish tailed to a stop in the ditch next to the gate leading onto some rural property. It looked like a ranch of some sort out in the middle of nowhere. When I realized the car was swerving and might crash, I escaped out the window and floated next to the car watching it come to a stop.

Then I was standing on the gravel road in between the fence posts that marked the entrance to the ranch. I saw this massive, black panther standing in front of me. It was huge and had massive canines. I was nervous and looked to see if I could find my companions but they had vanished. I was alone, face-to-face with a black panther!

The large cat rushed toward me and I huddled down to protect myself. It pounced and landed on my back and then put its massive mouth over my head as if it were going to eat me. But rather than eat me, it seemed to be playing with me and felt more like a dog than a cat. I could feel the weight of it on my back and feel the heat of its breath and its massive teeth.

I wast thinking, “Is he friendly?” Nothing he did indicated that he was going to hurt me, yet I was still not sure. I stood up and he let me stand. For some reason he was playfully jumping around like a dog waiting for his owner to throw a stick for him to fetch. I got it in my mind to pick up a rock and throw it. When I did, the panther chased after the rock. I remember thinking, “How do I get out of here?” Despite the panther being friendly, all I could think of was how to get away from him.

The large cat came loping back with the rock and dropped it at my feet, asking me to throw it again. I was plotting my escape when I felt the energy of re-entry into my physical body pull me out of the scene.


Upon return to my body I was hit with intense hypnagogic imagery. It was all in black, white and gray and there were symbols strategically placed in a grid pattern that covered my entire visual field. It had depth (3D) and reminded me of coordinates or the plotting of some kind of graph. The symbols were varied and it was most definitely some kind of language. What language, I don’t know. I recall seeing the number 3 but it was not numerical. As I try to remember the symbols, Ancient Cyrillic comes to mind. Just so happens that the 3 is one of the symbols in this language. hahaha


My entire crown was lit up with so much energy it felt as if my head were going to explode. It didn’t hurt but it was uncomfortable and my entire body stiffened making it impossible to relax.

I tried to direct the images I was seeing by willing them to change. I tried to give them color. I tried to shift it into a scene or a picture that I could walk into. Nothing worked. The only change that resulted was that the symbols were replaced by millions of tiny 3D bubbles all in gray and white. They started out tiny and got larger and larger until at the top of my visual field they seemed to pop or burst open. Circles upon circles upon circles.


Dream: Strawberry Field and Message

I saw in front of me a field of beautiful, red, ripe strawberries. They were lined up and perfect in every way. When I saw them, though, I rejected them. There is no way strawberries could be that perfect. I replaced the image with a field of half rotten strawberries. The rows and columns had huge gaps in them where the strawberries had been taken out. To me this felt more comfortable but there was most definitely an upset with this scene. I preferred the first but felt it was impossible. It made more sense that the strawberries be imperfect, rotting or missing.

Someone was with me and they were trying to convince me that the first field of strawberries was a possibility. I don’t recall how he looked, just his energy. He had such hope and his belief was stronger than my own. He took my hand and said to me, “Let’s pave a new path.” I let him take my hand but I did not go with him. What he was promising was a fantasy world. I would be stupid to follow him. Yet not going with him was agonizing.

I woke up feeling really awful and hopeless.

Dream: Protection

Meant to share this earlier.

Dream: Protection

I’m inside a house that is unfamiliar. It is a small house and there is a section (fireplace?) that is barred on three sides with wrought iron decorative railing/fencing. One section, however, is missing. The missing section is pointed out to me by my adviser. He shows me via telepathy a visual of someone sneaking into the house and taking it. This someone comes into the house frequently and takes things. Little things usually, so no one will notice them missing. The person is taking bigger things now, feeling brazen. The reason this someone can get inside is because the door was left unlocked. In fact, all the windows and doors to the house were unlocked. I remember stating that my husband is the culprit. He purposefully leaves the doors and windows unlocked. He does this with his car, too.

I walked across the street to an identical house. The door is wide open. Unlocked. I feel upset by this. I shut the door and there is concern. What will this person take next? How can I assure they won’t get back in when my husband purposefully leaves everything unlocked?


When I awoke from this dream I was concerned and a bit alarmed. My first thought was that I needed to put up protection, like the invoking the violet flame or putting a bubble of protective energy around myself. But this didn’t make sense. I felt protected in that way. So what is this dream about?

Then I thought that I needed to change all the passwords on my accounts. I did this, this morning just in case. lol Can’t be too careful.

The dream kept returning to me despite being lost more than once. I suspect there is a message in there about my marriage since it is my husband who leaves everything unlocked. Robbery symbolizes an identity crisis or loss in life. Leaving something unlocked represents a kind of insecurity; being left wide open to outside threat. I also feel I have no control over the actions of my husband based upon the second house and my feelings about it being left unlocked.

In considering this, I will say that recently our relationship has shifted quite a bit. My husband is being more allowing of my spiritual connections and beliefs. Not that he agrees with them, but that he is allowing me to have that, to be who I am. Of course, when it gets in the way of his wants and beliefs he quickly shifts gears. I don’t know what to think of it all really. Perhaps this is why I feel unable to control him in the dream? I don’t know what to expect anymore.

It could also be that I am letting my husband be in control of me/my life/my path and should not be. Perhaps he is a threat that I am not seeing? The allowance of him into my space is potentially harmful. He is stealing from me. Hmmm. Something to consider………Ugh that interpretation feels spot on. What do I do what that??? [insert expletives]. How do you lock out a spouse? Okay, don’t answer that question it’s rhetorical. Really. lol


Dreams: Renewing Vows and Cat and Owl

Some more vivid dreams.

Dream: Renewing Vows

I was in a small dress shop with an older girlfriend and her daughter. She was taking me to the dresses, discussing which one’s we would buy. They had chosen these very gaudy, gowns with petticoats that made it nearly impossible for them to sit down. I remember saying that I wanted something less dressy, more casual. I looked at a slinky gown of white and gold. The older lady friend said, “Are you sure? You should go all-out for this!” I knew the event we were preparing for was my marriage ceremony, only this one was a renewal ceremony. We were already married.

We entered a restaurant and sat down at a table together to have dinner. Everyone seemed quite happy and excited but I was not feeling this way. I don’t remember what everyone was talking about but I felt like a whole lot of time was missing from my memory. I didn’t remember getting married and I definitely would not hang out with people like this. Who were they anyway?

My husband, who I did not recognize and seems only like a blur in my memory now, offered me a drink. It was orange colored and he said it was alcoholic. He said, “Give it a try. It is good. See for yourself.” I took the small cup of orange liquid and drank it. It tasted like juice. I said, “There’s no way this is alcoholic.” Everyone laughed but me.


The feeling here is that I was being reminded that my Counterpart and I were married and had been since the beginning of time. I do not recall this, of course, but a part of me does. In this dream the upcoming marriage was being discussed and was considered a renewal of vows because that is technically what it is. I was not comfortable with the situation because I have so many gaps in my memory that none of it fits. So I was downplaying the whole thing, thus choosing a less gaudy dress than the others. The orange drink is curious. I fully expected a strong alcoholic flavor but instead tasted the most sweetest juice I had ever tasted. Orange as a color denotes feeling fully alive.

Dream: Cat and Owl

The scene was inside an unfamiliar house. I was with my sister-in-law and she was talking about having another baby. She was also very concerned about money, trying to figure out where all of hers went and how to make ends meet. I was helping her with her considerations and talking to her about her budget.

I began to get semi-lucid in this dream. The signs were there to wake me up within the dream, but I never quite caught on.

I went into a room and then turned around and the door was missing. This made me feel very off and I got dizzy and disoriented within the dream for a moment. I touched the wall to reestablish myself in the scene. I could feel the texture and coolness of it and see the beige coloring. Afterward, I spotted the door and went back through it. My SIL said to me, “Hey, didn’t you go in the door over there? How did you come out here?” I was as confused as she was.

Then I was outside standing in the middle of a sidewalk. I was talking to someone but can’t remember about what and I do not remember seeing anyone there. Right in front of me, standing there staring at me, was the largest owl I had ever seen. He just stared at me and seemed almost like a statue except that he would occasionally blink his eyes. He was probably about the height of a small child, so very large. Larger than any owl I had ever seen.

I remember thinking I should take a picture because this was by far the strangest thing I had ever seen. At this point I was convinced the dream was real – this was really happening. Then a very large, orange, tabby cat approached me. He was nice but also way bigger than any normal cat should be. He came up to me purring and I petted him on the head but had the thought I should be careful because cats can be unpredictable and he might decide to bite me for no reason.

Then the cat went and stood right next to the massive owl and they both just stared at me.


When I awoke from this dream I felt myself come back into my body similar to what I feel when returning from an OBE. Yet I was not lucid enough in the dream to recognize this.

The owl is still very vivid in my mind. He was HUGE. And so strange. His head was very smooth with no feathers poking up indicative of the Great Horned Own who is my main animal totem. He was the typical mottled brown I am use to seeing and his eyes were yellowish.

Owls are symbolic of the subconscious, of expanded awareness, mysticism, and all things spiritual. They can see “beyond”.

The orange cat was also huge and stood nearly the same height as the owl. I have not seen cats for a while in my dreams. They typically symbolize feminine sexuality and sensuality. The orange, like in the dream before, is feeling alive and tuned into one’ senses. I kept worrying it would bite me, probably because I am worried my own sexual tendencies will bite me if I give into them. lol

Dreams from Last Night

Dreams from last night. Probably why I woke up in a bad mood. lol

Dream: Keys to Any Car

I was in a mall-type environment at a gathering of teachers. While waiting I browsed a shop and dilly dallied around a while trying to decide whether I wanted to buy anything there or not. There were candles and other novelty items. I remember looking at a pillow for my daughter with a unicorn on it. It was $12 and I thought that too much.

I left the store to find some food but the food court there was made up of fast food type places, all of which I wanted nothing to do with. I wandered here and there, stepping over a bunch of sleeping people laid out on the floor. What was odd here is the floor was bright white and all the people were laying under white blankets.

I finally went through some doors that led to the parking lot. Suddenly I was not alone. There was a man with me who I never saw directly. We seemed to share thoughts. I remember thinking, ” I forgot where I parked my car.” I held my key fob in my hand and pressed it, hoping it would make my car beep and flash its lights. It did make a car’s lights flash and I heard a strange beeping that seemed similar to Morse Code. I went up to the car but since it wasn’t mine (it was a Datsun), I stepped back. My friend said, “Looks like your keys fit this car.” I said, “But it’s not mine.” He said, “It could be yours.” Then he held out his hand and there were two more key fobs. One was black, the other silver and much smaller. I looked at it and remember thinking, “All of these cars are mine.”  This is when I realized the entire parking lot was dusted in snow.

I went back inside and all the food shops were closing up. I was really hungry by this time and wished I had just gotten some of the Asian food there. I saw the Asian shop closing up and asked a young Asian lady why she was closing. She said, “It’s 1pm. Closing time.”


Mall = choices and decisions in one’s life.

Pillow = comfort, relaxation and taking it easy on one’s self. Looks like I don’t want to take it easy on myself.

12 = message from one’s guides to not be hindered by old habits that need to be changed. Try to look at new experiences in a positive way.

Unicorn = idealism, hope and/or insight into a situation. It can also represent one-sided views.

White = purity, new beginnings, awakening, or a blank slate.

Sleeping people = aspects of my subconscious that I am not alert to. I see it as me not wanting to be alert to them because I avoid them.

Keys = opportunity.

Lost Car = dissatisfaction with some aspect of life. It means I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go. This is my life story. lol

Snow = inhibitions. Something is holding me back.

Food = nourishment of one’s body, mind, soul, emotions, etc. I was wishing I had not delayed so long in choosing the food I wanted to eat.

Dream: Adopted Girl

I was presented with a tiny, Australian Shepherd puppy, a tri-colored one. I cradled it in my arms and saw it quite clearly. So cute! Someone was taking newborn photos of it and as soon as I recognized this, the puppy turned into a newborn baby girl. There was discussion as to whether I wanted to keep it. At first I wanted to. She was so cute. But then I worried about her being adopted. Who was her mother? What would she look like? What would she be like? Yet I kept snuggling her close. I instantly loved her.

Then it was like some time passed and I was inside this room with so many people that it almost seemed crowded. We were all sitting on couches with giant pillows. The main color was green but I also saw some in blue. I was discussing my baby with someone and ended up on a walkway in my mind during this discussion. I was with children who were running and playing. I ran after them and came upon a small, shrub-like tree laden with tiny, green, round fruit. I said, “Wow! There are 50 fruits on this tree!” The man with me said, “Yes, it’s an old avocado tree.” I said, “I love avocado!” He said, “Look on the ground. There may be some ripe ones still.” I looked and found several large avocados but they were all over ripe and no good for eating. The man said, “The tree is very old and nearing the end of its life.”

Then I was back in the room with all the people but I was sitting right in the middle of the avocado tree. I reached down and felt the over ripe avocados below me. Then, I saw very clearly a young woman with very white blonde hair. I knew instantly she was my daughter, the one who had just been a baby. I saw another blonde girl on the other side of the room. She was a bit younger and I knew she was the girl’s sister. What was odd is that everyone in the room had dark hair except these two girls (an myself I assume). The girl who was my daughter had earned the reputation of being very sexually promiscuous, unfortunately. I was not unhappy about it but remember seeing her flaunting her breasts and thinking she was very beautiful.


Puppy = playfulness or a blossoming friendship.

Baby = innocence and new beginnings. The fact that I was questioning whether to keep her indicates my uncertainty regarding the new beginning.

Pillows (again) = I need to take it easy, relax.

Green = healing

Blue = communication.

Avocado = rewards for hard work and persistence towards a goal. Being those on the tree were still maturing indicates that there is still some time to go before this goal is reached. The ones over ripe could indicate goals that have already been reached, the rewards for which have not yet been acknowledged.

Tree = hopes, desires, knowledge, self-development and individuation. Since the tree is nearing the end of its life it could indicate that this time in my life is nearing its end as well.

Hair = sensuality, seduction, vanity. Being it is white it could indicate potential exists here. I suspect that I am still struggling with these aspects of myself and so seeing it as my daughter.

images (1)Dream: School Bus

I was flying with a girl near a highway overpass. It was crowded with cars and we both flew up and selected a blue car to follow. I remember becoming the car and speeding down the road.

Then I was inside a school bus. My husband was driving. He was driving very reckless and was not being very nice, yelling about the traffic, etc. I remember looking out of the window at one point and seeing a family sitting in the back of a trailer. They were helping their son sell hamburgers to people so he could earn extra money. I remember being very impressed and telling my husband. He only focused on the fact that they were selling hamburgers which were not good for people.

The traffic slowed and I saw the cars stopped ahead. My husband yelled to me, “What road should we be on! Tell me now! Hurry! What road??” I could see highway 79 and told him, “79. Take that exit.” I pointed and he followed and I felt the bus lurch as he swerved and then slowed to take the exit. The last thing I remember was noticing that the exit had what appeared to be fencing on either side and a very sharp, 90 degree turn.


Car = life path. Being it is one on the highway overpass, perhaps I am choosing the “high road”? lol

Blue = communication.

School bus = indicates that an important life journey is about to take place, one that is needed for my spiritual growth. Considering my husband is driving and not being nice, I do not think I  will like this path. lol

Hamburger = dissatisfaction with some situation or relationship in your life. I know what that is. I talk about selling them and my husband doesn’t like it. Ha!

79 = shedding old aspects of life that no longer suit me or my True Self. It indicates that certain issues are coming to an end allowing for the new to come into my life.

Fence = obstacle that is standing in my way; feeling “fenced in” or confined within a relationship.




Incentives Needed

The lack of motivation continues. In considering it further, I realize that I have been feeling this lack for some time. Months, years even. It is intricately linked to my dislike of being in this world, of participating in life. I struggle to find things that make me smile. Daily I search for them, hoping for a brief reprieve in this drudgery. Thankfully I am surrounded by my children and my youngest is a great source of joy. He is walking, talking, babbling joy.

Right now we all are in an integration stage, preparing for the next step or whatever you want to call. A friend of mine said it perfectly: Integration is being stuck on third base (I don’t know) until CONFIRMATION comes to the plate and drives you Home.

My dreams were indicative of my struggle with finding the motivation to move forward, to take the steps I need to take. When I awoke I heard my guides say, “We will give you incentives.” Hmmm. Intriguing.

Dream: In High School Again

Once again I found myself in the all-too-familiar dreamscape of high school. I was a student in a present-day high school taking all the courses I had already taken and blending in with the students there. I remember at one point getting a math assignment and feeling fed up with such assignments. I already knew how to do this level of math. It was 9th grade math. I was way beyond 9th grade – miles above it.

A fellow student gave me the last bunch of math problems – simple algebraic equations. I took the paper, sighed and rolled my eyes. The student asked me if I could do them. I said, “Of course, I can. I can do all of it. It is just tedious and time consuming.” In my mind I thought of how long it would take to solve each problem and just considering it made me tired.

I continued to talk to the student and others gathered around to listen to me. I remember telling the student my secret: I graduated high school already. Years ago. They asked how long ago and I said, “Well I graduated in 1994, so more than 20 years now.” They all gasped. lol In the dream I looked/felt young like them so I had no issue with being so old, but now I laugh because damn, I’m old now! lol

A young girl and I walked through the school together talking. She was African American with beautiful, shoulder length curls that hung in ringlets around her face. Exactly the way I wish I looked in this lifetime. We were going to a part of the school we were not allowed to go and I was excited to be doing something different. I remember we got to an area where there was a large bed and living area. Sitting at a desk was an dark complected teacher. She allowed us to leave and we exited the scene.

Dream: Water Park Prison

I was working at a water park. It was early in the morning and the water had not been turned on yet. I told some waiting children that the water would be on soon. I told them to watch the massive blue slides for signs of water turning on. When it did, the children were allowed to slide on them and for a moment I was one of those children, joyfully sliding down the slides.

I remember being at the front desk with others and offering to help. For some reason I ended up playing the role of waitress or servant, bringing drinks. It was like the front desk area turned into a restaurant. Interestingly, helping made me feel useful and needed so I found enjoyment in it.

Then I was inside a county jail that reminded me of a school except it was most definitely set up to imprison its occupants. I was there to visit a young Hispanic man. I remember that an older woman was with me and was helping me to get in since I was not suppose to be there visiting him. I remember little about our meeting now, but I do recall meeting with him. He was in the middle of eating his dinner but it was too early for dinner – around 4:30pm – and I apologized for interrupting it. He kept his head down and wouldn’t look at me, but my message to him was that I was there to get him out. He would be released soon.


In considering these dreams, it is obvious to me that I feel imprisoned in this Earth experience. Life is a drudgery. It isn’t a challenge anymore – or at least not a challenge that I find worthwhile. The problems I have I feel I can solve easily but I don’t see the point. If I have already graduated, what am I doing here still? I look at the math problems and feel as if all desire to live is sucked completely out of me. And I do feel I CAN solve them without issue, but the idea of taking the time to do so is exhausting.

The second dream is interesting. I think someone was trying to get me to see the fun that can be found in this “game”. Emotions (water) can be something exhilarating (water slide). One doesn’t have to drown in them. And the waitress part I think was me being shown that I found enjoyment in being of service – which I do.

The prison scene appears to be them showing me that I could help free others from the “prison-school”. Who it was I was visiting, I’m not sure, but I suspect it was someone who I felt I could help.

With that, I will add that I have been feeling a huge loss. The feeling of ALIVEness that came with the heart connection and kundalini episodes of the past 6 months is now gone. I feel it has been unfairly taken from me and without it, I don’t see anything ahead of me but a bleak,  uninteresting life. It seems always to happen this way for me. I am given a gift and then it is snatched away from me or I lose interest in it because it is no longer new. Similar to how a child plays with a new toy for a day or two and then it ends up under their bed, forgotten, and they seek out another new toy to play with. That’s me. Easily bored. Always wanting something new and exciting and without it sulking in the corner until I get what I want.