January 5 Dream and Message

Before I get into the dream/message I want to relay to you some things that happened yesterday.

At some point mid-day yesterday I received the message “Challenges” out of the blue while reading some random post online. The word was in the background but appeared to “pop” out at me. I tried to shrug it off but there was a strange feeling that followed me the rest of the day seeming to remind me of the message.

For over a week I’ve had strange heart fluttering/palpitations that come and go. Well yesterday the fluttering in my heart was happening more than usual. For example, in about 45 minutes I had at least three incidences. They don’t last long or make me dizzy or anything, but I usually only get them as I am falling asleep. These happened while I was sitting and watching T.V.

The message “challenges” came to mind every time I felt my heart doing weird things. I knew it was likely nothing but that I should go to the doctor just to make sure. I won’t go to a doctor, though, because if it is what my mom has then they will put me on beta-blockers. I won’t take that kind of life-long medication if they prescribe it. Nope. Could health be one one of my challenges this year? Maybe.

My decision made, I still felt the heart flutters on and off until bedtime but ignored them. The feeling hung around like a heavy blanket. It was really irritating and got more intense as the night neared.

I noticed a strange “coincidence” that evening as well. If you read yesterday’s dream post then you know I had discussed my husband being a plumber. It likely was bleed-through from a couple of days ago when I noticed our garbage disposal was leaking. Since my husband was away camping he opted to fix the issue last night. I told him to not replace the disposal (I rarely if ever used it) but put in a regular drain instead. He did this despite him wanting to get a new disposal.

The disposal had leaked water all over the base of the cabinet. The old house owners had put down 2×4’s to repair previous water damage and those boards were completely warped. So, I suggested we replace them. When my husband removed the boards he was greeted with this:


He said it was a cesspool under the boards. I had actually assumed this based up the poor workmanship of the previous owner. He always half-assed all the repairs and this one was no different. Covering up wet, rotting wood is never a good idea. My husband said it was full of dead and live bugs of all kinds and smelled horrific.

This odd “coincidence” seemed like a message to me. What exactly the message is, I’m not yet sure but it can’t be a positive one. If this has been under our kitchen sink since we moved in we could have been exposed to all sorts of nasty stuff for nearly 4 years. Ahhh!

Dream: Orientation

I know I woke up crying in the middle of the night again, but I don’t know why. There was dream recall at the time and I took a mental note, but the memory did not stick. I remember a suggestion from my guides last Fall about keeping a notebook handy. I should have listened. My dream recall has sucked lately.

The last dream of the night was vivid, though. In it I was walking down familiar school hallways. It was the first public school I had ever worked at and I was walking down memory lane in the dream looking for my old classroom. When I located it I noted it was across the hall from my first boyfriend post divorce. The dream scene was replaced with a raging river scene (ready to confront life’s challenges). It was as if the hallway turned into the river. Then the scene disappeared and I was once again walking the hall and locating my old classroom.

I walked into a classroom that was not my old room. Inside a woman was waiting for me. I recognized her and greeted her warmly, hugging her tightly. I remember her with dark hair but her appearance shifted between a black woman and a white woman. I think I may have been seeing both her appearances – the one she takes in Spirit and the one of her human self.

She mentioned she was now in HR and had only the one job rather than juggling several. She was much happier. I was pleased to hear this. Her job with me was to orient me on my new job. I told her that I was surprised they had chosen me for the position but was happy they had. The position was obviously counselor.

We were interrupted by a group of young girls. They asked me to help them determine whether a test question required a paragraph answer or not. I spent some time going over it with them, explaining how they could decipher questions and feeling I had a good handle on the situation. I recall that the questions were all math (logic) questions and eventually handed them a printout of the steps they needed to follow.

When they left the room me and the woman continued our conversation. I don’t remember the specifics but there is memory of us discussing a decision I had made early in my career. I had opted to stay in a job despite wanting to leave early on. This was/is my tendency because I get bored easily and want to “run” at the first sign of trouble. Thus, early on in my career I jumped from school to school about every 9 months to a year.

The woman congratulated me on staying with the same employer for 8 years. I remember thinking there was a lesson in it that I had learned and repeating that lesson to her. It was something like, “It is easy to run away from your problems, but if you stick it out you are sure to be rewarded for your efforts.” I was proud for sticking it out as long as I had and knew this new opportunity was with the same district I spent those 8 years at. It surprised me that I would take a job so far from my home. Was I really going to commute almost an hour one-way to work every day?

The woman had to go and left me with a number to reach her. She said, “You can reach me anytime at 4392.” I said, “What?” not understanding the 4 digits. She repeated it and then I repeated it to myself.

I walked toward the front office. A blonde woman stopped me and said, “Good to see you back. Will you be available today?” I said, “No but probably tomorrow.” She smiled and walked on. I felt welcomed and this in turned made me feel excited for the future.

As we headed down the hallway I ran into another past acquaintance. I called her name and she turned and smiled. She welcomed me but seemed overly preoccupied and busy. I could tell she was in a hurry. I walked with her down a corridor that headed toward a basement area.

In this basement was a arcade (look back on previous time when you found joy) full of games and kids playing them. I happily joined in as did my coworker. I remember seeing lights flashing on a skee ball type game. I tossed a ball into one of the openings. The lights flashing reminded me of the lights one sees when they hit jackpot (take a chance on life) on a slot machine.

I left and walked toward the office with my coworker. We ran into a tall black man and stopped to talk. I inquired about the other counselor and was told by the man, “She didn’t make it. It was too much for her.” I was sad to hear this news and mentioned that it was a surprise since she had spent 8 years preparing in some military-type training program.

When we got to the office I was awakened by my son who was awake way too early.

Messages from the In-Between

I was able to stay in bed but couldn’t sleep. The dream kept going through my head and messages kept coming in. The number 4392 was repeated to me at one point, waking me up. Another time I was reading the label on a pill bottle. I read aloud, “Sword fight.” With this came the image of a sword and I knew the message was that I needed to fight for what I wanted. This woke me up immediately but I fell back into the in-between quickly. Then I was discussing with someone the return to work and saw the number 56. I saw it as a salary but I am sure it was not that. I also kept seeing a calendar in my head with the month of May lit up.

Finally, the most obvious message was when I heard a masculine voice yell at me. He said, “Get out! I’m telling you, GET OUT!” This woke me straight away.

Since I had been getting so much communication from voices and odd visions I surrounded myself in light and put up protection just in case I was being bothered by Spirit that were not guides.

But the “Get out” message bothered me. Get out of what? My bed? I was reminded of the second memorable audible message I received from Spirit, one that woke me up from deep sleep (the first was “Hold on” when I was in the midst of a car accident). I heard, “GET OUT NOW”, twice. At that point in my life I saw it as a message from God and didn’t hesitate to get out of my situation (left Alaska within a week and eventually left my marriage).

Surely this message was not meant in the same way? Surely I was making it up somehow or Spirit was playing games with me.

But it was so audible. So in my face. Just like the first one. The only difference is I’ve had so many messages in the years since that first one, that they have become “normal”. I had no reaction other than to think immediately someone in Spirit was playing with me and so surround myself in protection. Shows how my experiences have shaped me. Shows how wary I have become over the years.

As I woke the same song was going through my head as yesterday morning, only this time it was, “My love (song says “life”) is brilliant, my love is true. I saw an angel, of that I’m sure….and I can’t wait to see you again….” Though the last part is different than the song lyrics.

I’m not sure what to make of the dream and messages. Is this what is going to happen in May this year? We’ll see I guess.


January 4 Dream: Visiting Alaska

I had a nice evening to myself last night while my husband and kids went camping at a state park. While it is nice outside, it is rather chilly and I do not find camping any fun when I am freezing my butt off.

My evening was rather uneventful spiritually speaking. Though I would have liked a lucid dream or OBE, even better some Kundalini, I was just too tired from the previous sleepless night.

Dream: Visiting Alaska 

The dream began with me discussing a ticket to Alaska with a man, who I called my husband but he didn’t resemble my husband at all. He asked me if I wanted to go with him to Alaska and I said I didn’t. It seemed like we would go there separately, him months ahead of me.

He gave me my ticket (start of new endeavor) and I saw in my mind a map of the U.S. I recall seeing the Great Lakes region of the U.S. and feeling like I had taken this journey before. In fact, an OBE of hovering over this exact region came to mind in the dream but in that memory the place was being bombed and it was very cold.

I knew I was revisiting a school I had attended in Alaska for a year. I “landed” outside a university building that was quite comfortable feeling to me, though I have never seen such a place in this physical life. It was green and pleasant with blue skies and a collegiate feel all around. Everyone felt young, inspired and eager to learn. Overall my feeling was of pleasure mixed with nostalgia. Happy memories, though I can’t recall even one, only a sense of spending time in this place.

There was someone with me, a young girl who I thought of as my daughter but I can’t get memory of what she looked like. Even in the dream it was like she was a bright golden shadow just out of sight. I was talking to someone other than my daughter, too, but can’t recall a face or gender. Upon reflection I think I was talking to my “husband” and the result of our discussion was the dream, like the discussion produced the imagery.

I remember talking about the weather (state of mind) and how it was 60 degrees (hope) there but snow was expected. The warm weather was the result of a warm front that had come in from the south. My daughter and I walked along a path lined with flowers and shrubs, enjoying the beautiful place and reminiscing. I wanted to take a picture of her (remember a certain version of myself) so we walked down near the water’s edge.

A man was standing alone by a bench (procrastination) on the path. He was a normal looking, dark haired man with a nice smile. When I saw him I immediately started talking with him as if we were old friends. I told him we wanted to take a picture by the water (wanting to remember something) and asked if he would take it for us. My daughter (vague memory here of pretty blonde woman with sparkling eyes) stood by the water and we snapped a picture. The resulting image only showed trees and flowers, though, which disappointed me. The man was very encouraging and began asking me questions about my visit so that I soon forgot all about the photo, instead focusing on the beautiful coastline and picturesque scenery of the area (need to focus on the positive).

Again there was mention of the weather (emotional state of mind) and how unusual it was for the time of year. I remember talking to him about my past schooling there. I had spent a year there and had hoped I would run into someone I knew from that time. I recall walking along the wide, open corridors of the university and looking at all the faces I encountered seeking out a familiar one. That’s when it occurred to me that I had not made any significant friends or acquaintances during my time there so it was unlikely I would meet someone I knew. Part of me considered I might be sad at my lack of friends but I paid that part no attention. I felt perfectly comfortable not having made any personal connections.

Still talking with the man we discussed how he had come to be there. He said he worked for an “organization”, which he shortened to “org”, and would only be visiting for a short time. I remember him saying he thought “orgs” did a lot of good and I agreed with him that they did make a positive impact. It felt like orgs were business while at the same community groups of well-intentioned citizens looking to make the world a better place.

He mentioned that he was training to become a plumber (dealing with emotional issues). I asked him, “Journeyman or Master?” He looked at me, surprised, and said, “Ah! How do you know that?” I said, “My husband is Journeyman….well actually Master but he didn’t keep up with his certification requirements.”

By this time he and I had walked into the university bookstore/exchange. I had been browsing and selected a shiny, silver jewelry (sense of self-worth) set consisting of a necklace, bracelet and earrings. I handed the woman the set noticed the earrings (desire for acceptance and affection) were missing. I told her, “It looks like the earrings are missing.” She said, “Do you still want it?” I said, “Sure. I don’t need the earrings anyway.”

When I attempted to pay I opened my wallet (self identity or financial situation) and found all of my cards had been removed (emotional void or empty feeling). There was absolutely nothing inside, not even my driver’s license. At first I was surprised but then I remembered that I had purposefully left them all behind. The man noticed I did not have my debit card. I told him, “It’s okay. I brought plenty of cash (self-worth, confidence, self-love) with me.” I looked back down at my wallet and saw the empty slots dotted with tiny, white or pale pink flowers (love, joy, happiness, overcoming grief/sadness) and felt completely at ease with my situation. I didn’t need credit or debit cards. I could sense a part of myself that would normally be very uneasy with such a situation, but I was not.

Eventually the man was join by his wife and child (a daughter I think) and told me he had to leave and had enjoyed our time together. When I saw that he was married with a family I was a bit disappointed. I believe someone said to me, “Looks like he is married. I could tell he was interested in you, though.” I remember considering how it might have been to have him as a life partner. I thought he and I were a good match and it was too bad that we had to go our separate ways. I also recall being asked, “Did you know him?” I said, “I don’t think so.” Yet I found it odd that I went right up to him and started talking to him.

When it was time to leave it felt like the scene became smaller, or maybe I got larger. As it disappeared below me I recall trying to figure out where exactly this “Alaska” was because I saw the Great Lakes region on the map. Apparently I had spent a whole year there. I assumed “Alaska” was a reflection of the year I actually lived in Alaska. It had been composed of many difficult lessons. Perhaps I was reflecting on that time in my life?

As my consciousness shifted back to my body I recall saying, “I don’t know what to do…..” I heard back from a masculine voice, “Do what you came here to do.” This brought me fully out of my reverie. The line of a song was repeating in my mind: “And I don’t know what to do….cause I’ll never be with you.”


Based upon my dreams these first four nights of the new year, I’m not sure they are giving me glimpses of each month of this coming year. It feels more like lessons in my dreams than anything else. If this month is reflective of April then perhaps in April I will be sorting through relationship issues and patterns. April is the month my ex-husband was born. He still lives in Alaska and though I only spent a year there, it was probably the most challenging year of my life (well until 2017 that is lol).

The main feeling I had upon waking was sadness. The song seemed to intensify that feeling. I am still a bit sad by it. It feels like I missed an opportunity; a big “could have been” that will follow me the rest of my life.

Overall the dream seems positive so I guess that is a good thing. I was told, “Do what you came here to do”. I responded with, “What is that?” So, of course, I’ve been thinking about that most of the morning. What am I here to do? If I felt a “calling” or felt drawn to or pulled to do a particular thing, then it would make things so much easier. All I know is that I am here to help but the “how” has always been a mystery. I feel like a feather in the wind, going wherever the wind takes me. It makes for a very frustrating journey.






January 3 Dreams: House of Spiders

I couldn’t sleep last night. It was not because I wasn’t tired.

First, the events leading up to my inability to sleep.

My husband has a two week Christmas break that goes along with the schools in the area. Every year he uses the break to stay as busy as he can. This usually means he still takes business calls and does work from home. It also means he has one or more projects he is juggling. These projects are not work related. For example, this year he decided he would add onto the tree house he built in our back yard. The kids never use it but he thought it would be great to make another higher level. The level is so high that it scares me to climb up to it. It’s too high for little kids.

He’s finished the tree house two days ago. Yesterday he opted to get out his chainsaw and randomly cut down trees. This took him all day to do. His next plan is to build a retaining wall and fence. I don’t know how he will accomplish this when he has a camping trip planned today.

In the meantime he invited two boys to spend the night without telling me. I had been out doing errands and when I returned my house was in chaos and my husband was still outside cutting down trees. Normally it would not be an issue to have a sleepover going on but the entire break my husband has hardly been in the house. He doesn’t help watch the children or do anything to assist me. Yet he invites two additional children over while I’m out, doesn’t supervise them and had no intention of helping supervise them.

In additional to all of the above, my youngest got overtired and came to me at 6pm complaining of an earache. He fell asleep with some coddling only to be awakened by my daughter and her tantrum throwing. From around 7pm until 10pm he was inconsolable. My husband was in his office room working the entire evening. When I asked him for help with our youngest he told me, “Just let him cry.” The sleepover was in full swing by this time as well and my daughter was still crying over a lie she had been caught in.

I tried to juggle all of it but eventually lost my cool and left our youngest in the office on the bed. He was still crying but since it was in my husband’s work space he had to take time to console him or else go insane by the crying. For about an hour this worked and I got some peace but it didn’t last.

I heard our youngest crying and so went to investigate. I nearly got run over by the two boys who were sleeping over. Our middle son has passed out in bed and so the two were running all over the house screaming. They had completely trashed a bedroom in the process.  I found my husband asleep on the sofa next to a very upset, wailing in pain little boy. How he could sleep through the crying, I don’t know!

Within minutes I was able to calm our son and get him to sleep. My husband got up in a zombie-like state and went upstairs, oblivious to me and our son.

By the time I was able to get to bed I was exhausted. Yet when I tried to sleep I would be bombarded with strange images of enormous toys and other imaginary things. The feeling I had was of being super hyper. No matter how I tried I could not get the energy to dissipate and the images continued to plague me. One time I was nearing sleep when a giant toy threw an object at me in my near-dreamstate. I swear I felt it when it hit me in the face!

After a couple of hours of unsettling images of giant toys and strange energy I pleaded with my guides to help me. I realized soon after that I was somehow picking up on the boys and their dreams/thoughts/energy. I was advised to protect and ground my energy. I tried this but kept being pulled into their dream imagery. Eventually, though, I was able to stave off the worst of it and began to settle down.

It was 2am before the images and energy stopped. I still felt uneasy, though. I decided to lay on my back and just rest/mediate for a while. My guide was helping me the entire time. What I recall next is speaking in a foreign language that I thought of as “Native American” though I cannot say that was the language for sure. In front of me I could see a golden tablet filled with symbols/letters of an unknown language. My guide was speaking the language with me. I have no idea what we were saying but I remember knowing what I was saying was special and helpful. I also felt my guide and I were not alone. There was a circle of others surrounding us.

Image result for image of 0s and 1s

Eventually I became super aware of what was going on and felt the familiar heavy blanket of energy indicative of the trance state. It did not come on gradually either. It was instantaneous to the point that it startled me. Along with the strange energy came hypnagogia – millions of 1’s and 0’s in random order. As I looked into the images I saw pictures take form. All of it was typical of deep trance. I knew I was one step away from being able to exit my body consciously. However, I could not get my mind to settle. The energy, images and overall sensation was too alerting to my conscious mind.

I emerged from the trance state and re-entered it more times than I could count after that. I know I was receptive to messages at this time but all I remember now is Knowing/saying to someone that I could not bring the memories back with me. It was like I was purposefully being kept just on the verge of sleep most of the night. There was a strong sense of connecting with the minds of others in my house. It was unsettling and uncomfortable to me to the point of scaring me several times. I felt unable to control this odd telepathy. I felt too wide open, too receptive. There was also the familiar sensation of the energy mask across my face the whole time. My entire head was ablaze with energy and it was not welcome. I wanted it all to STOP.

Dream: House of Spiders

At some point this morning I was allowed to enter into some dreams. The main dream I recall is of visiting a house that had a massive spider infestation (feeling trapped in a situation or relationship). Most of the spiders stayed hidden in the attic (hidden/repressed). However, as the dream progressed the spider problem became greater to the point that they were coming out in plain sight (made to see the issue).

There was a story playing out with the spider house. In it I was visiting a couple and the husband seemed to have an interest in me. It made me uncomfortable, especially when he became more open about his intentions. I remember he took me in a car to his place of work. I was watching his infant son (innocence, warmth, vulnerability) and keeping an eye on things. The whole time there was a feeling of wrongness but now all I can recall is the spiders. They were everywhere.

Eventually there was discussion about fogging the house to rid it of the spiders. The spider infestation was spreading and had to be stopped. When this information was presented I remember feeling guilty for my interactions with the husband even though I had done nothing wrong.

Dream: Closed Christmas Toy Factory

In this dream I arrived at a factory (repetitious thinking and old ways of doing things) with a little girl and her mother. The factory was solid gray (depression, fear, confusion) with no windows. It looked very bleak. As we walked inside we saw signs that it was closed for the rest of the year. It was like a Santa’s workshop attraction and was open only during the Christmas (associated with family) holiday season.

Despite it being closed we walked up a long, solid gray ramp (struggles toward goal) and into an area with a couple of tables. The little girl sat down at one of the tables. She had with her a doll she had brought along. She put to doll under her chair. The mother approached and asked the girl where he doll was. The girl pointed to it and the mother picked it up. The doll came to life (need to escape current problems/responsibilities) and was moving like a real person. She was a miniature human, perfect in every way.


When I woke it was 6:30am and despite not getting much sleep I was wide awake again. My thoughts were on my life, things that were bothering me and that I needed to get done. My third-eye was active and I was hearing a song in my mind – Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy. Over and over I heard: Anywhere I go there you are. It didn’t make sense to hear that song again.

I had a familiar feeling, one I haven’t had in a long time. It wasn’t overly strong but it was noticeable. I felt a need to get out. I recalled a day last week, one I didn’t write about for an inability to express what I was feeling. It relates to the Kundalini and how it has changed me. I sought help in a FB group because I needed to know what my future might hold. The answers I got were not helpful or promising and I ended up in tears from the frustration and inability to cope. My guides interrupted my tears and said, “Your life is not in balance.” What they said felt right but still I had/have no idea how to bring it into balance.

Upon waking my mind felt like a jumble of too many problems or things that are wrong. There is a part of me that feels I am being trodden upon by my life and should stand up for myself. She is demanding I take action. There is another part that feels unable to do anything about anything. The apathy is killer and I am suffocated by it every time. I feel weak, destroyed, beaten down by life. I keep hoping someone or something will come in and save me from it. No one comes. Nothing changes.

In considering my dreams and how they may be giving me an idea of what to expect in March this year, I am not feeling too optimistic.



Jan. 2 Dreams and Strangeness

It’s been unusually cold here in Texas for several days in a row now. The high yesterday was 30 degrees but I don’t think it ever got that warm. The lows have been in teens and twenties. We had snow on New Year’s eve, but only a trace amount. Just enough to make the rooftops white the next morning. It will be below freezing in the evenings until this Friday. I want it to be Spring so bad. I hate cold weather.

This morning my husband calls out to me saying, “Hey Dayna. Do you think this is some kind of sign?” I said, “Maybe? What is it?” He brings to me a completely frozen dove saying, “It froze to death perched on a branch.”


When I looked at it, it looked like it was taking a nap. You can see in the image above that it looks almost peaceful. I told my husband, “Yeah, it’s a sign.” I didn’t tell him what sign, though. It seems like an omen of endings. I have gotten it myself before.

My daughter went into grief over it, crying and saying, “You poor thing. You didn’t do anything to deserve this!” She then had tons of questions about why he died. I explained that he was not able to huddle with others doves and so, being alone, he froze to death. I also said he was likely sick or weak to begin with. She wanted to bring him inside and let him thaw out, as if it would bring him back to life. She’s so sweet.

I’ve been going stir crazy. I hate the cold so I avoid going outside. It’s created a cabin fever feeling in all of us except my husband who has been happily working on a tree house outside (he’s nuts). Yesterday, sick of being stuck inside, I ventured out on a run. It was so cold my eyelashes stuck together when I blinked. The run wasn’t too miserable but I would rather it be too hot than not feel parts of my body. lol

Dream: Reunion

As I mentioned in my last post, I will be keeping track of my dreams for the first 12 days of this year. January 1st brought OBEs. January 2nd brought vivid dreams.

This dream began in the parking lot of a school. My intention for visiting was to check on some job vacancies I had heard were there. The positions were temporary, part-time teacher/assistant ones. The entire dream I carried with me a neatly folded full-size quilt/blanket (warmth, love, security, protection).

Inside the place resembled a mixture of various schools I have worked at in this lifetime. I walked down a long hall and encountered several past acquaintances. One was my ex-principal and another a male history teacher I once knew. Each time the encounters were pleasant, as if I was reuniting with them on the Other Side. Neither of us held any grudges or negative feelings despite having history with each other that was not all positive.

I went into a classroom and walked between desks of students. The class was the classroom of a familiar ex-coworker. We jabbered and I looked curiously at the desk of a female student in front of me. She had a small dish with two broken eggs (breaking out of one’s shell) in it. Assuming it was trash, I picked it up and disposed of it.

I walked over to talk to the teacher. She greeted me and asked me questions about my life, catching up on all that she had missed in the 4 or so years since we had seen each other. Another male teacher, the history one I had already spoken to, dropped in and joined us. The both mentioned that two science teachers had resigned. The name of my high school science teacher was mentioned as one of them. The history teacher asked me why I was there and I told him I was looking into working again. He seemed to try and dissuade me by saying the two positions were already filled. Then he asked if I thought of returning to school. I said I already had a Master’s degree and didn’t see the point. I then said that I was only looking for temporary work, like three months max, because I didn’t feel full-time work suited me anymore. He nodded in agreement and understanding. Throughout the conversation I was completely relaxed and accepting of whatever came to pass. If I didn’t get work, I was okay. If I did, I was okay, too. There was a sense that I didn’t need to work right now but that I could if I wanted to.

Then the student whose desk I had cleaned off interrupted. She said she was not finished with the eggs I tossed. I apologized after I saw every student had two broken eggs in a dish on their desk. I said, “Oh, I’m sorry! You are all conducting an experiment, aren’t you?” I picked the broken eggs out of the trash and returned them to her.

I spoke with the teacher of the class again. For some reason there was a completely naked baby boy (innocent/vulnerable/masculine aspect of self) laying near her desk. When I saw him I thought he was cute and so made some cooing noises. This upset him and he began to cry (part of self that is deprived and needs attention). The teacher consoled him and told me that he was particular about people. She told me I should not have growled at him. I said I didn’t and repeated to her the noise I made but it did sound like a growl. When I looked at the baby it had morphed into a toddler sized girl (feminine aspect of self) and said something to me I can’t recall now.

The teacher asked me about my sister (aspect of self) and I told her she had joined the Air Force back in mid-October, 2017. The teacher asked what she was trained in and I said, “Mostly militia tactics.” Somehow, though, the conversation seemed to shift to indicate that both myself and the teacher were trained for the militia and were on stand-by until needed. It felt like in the meantime we were to busy ourselves with other things until we were “called to duty”.

As I was leaving I realized I did not have my blanket with me. I searched for it and found it laying on the floor between two student desks. I was very pleasant to the students as I left, saying goodbye, smiling and mentioning I enjoyed my visit and would like to return for another.



When I woke I was in a pleasant mood despite how odd the dream was. It seemed like I had been interacting with people from my past, doing some kind of life review with them and catching up. The part about me looking for work was likely a discussion of my considerations right now in waking life. I have been again feeling a need to work but not feeling it is right, feeling unmotivated and disinterested.

The part that really stood out to me and that was on my mind when I awoke was the part about being trained military but in standby mode, awaiting a call to duty. It felt like me and the others in my dream had been trained in the same “tactics” and were currently on standby. We could do whatever we liked while on standby. There was not set agenda while we waited. It was like we were on leave (vacation) for an indeterminate amount of time.

The blanket symbol is significant. Usually I am wrapped up in a blanket indicating a fear of the unknown. But in this dream I was carrying it, neatly folded, at my side and at one point had to look for it because I left it behind. This indicates that I am not feeling a need for security or protection from the unknown. I am breaking out of my shell (the egg symbolism comes in here).

Recent Experiences

Last night, as with other recent nights, my attention keeps being shifted to a guide/Spirit/Being to my left. The sense of him is distant, as if he is purposefully standing just outside my energy field. I assume he does this so that I am not startled by the enormity of his energy. I will explain why I think this is a bit later.

The way he grabs my attention is interesting. Usually I am thinking or doing something that keeps my conscious mind occupied like watching T.V. or making dinner. Then, quite oddly, I will have a thought, usually in the form of a memory, that does not fit with what I am doing/experience in the physical present moment.

Last night I was watching Netflix and had let my left arm and hand hang over the side of the bed. I don’t normally do this and am not sure why I did this in that moment but I suddenly became acutely aware that my hand was there and outstretched as if to hold another’s hand. With this awareness I saw, like a movie in my mind, another hand reaching toward mine but the hand had three very long fingers with overly large fingertips on it. The hand was a bluish green color and familiar.

Along with this vision I had memory of an OBE I had a while ago. In it I was taken aboard a ship and saw a Being that was very unusual in appearance. Others told me he was a certain race of E.T. based upon my description of him but my mind is blank on the name of that race at the moment (very odd!). Mostly I recall his color which was a bluish green, his overly large head and long, frog-like fingers but I also recall the symbols on the ship and the stars of space through the porthole of the craft we were in.

I withdrew my hand and ignored the visions and memories feeling that I was crazy to consider any of it as my reality and returned to watching my show.

Not long after, fully immersed in my show, another memory presented itself. This time it was the memory of when I first received the name Elohim. I had never heard the word before, had no idea what it meant and since the name came with such an intense shot to the heart, it scared the crap out of me.

Well, you can imagine my reaction to this memory. Part of me was unconcerned and accepting. The other was saying, “Oh no. I’m not falling for this again. I am making this all up. It’s some kind of dream-schizophrenic episode and I will NOT be fooled into thinking any of it is real. Not again. Nope.”

It didn’t help that I was hit with a strange, surreal feeling, like this reality is just a dream construct and the memory I was having was the real deal. The disconnected feeling was super strong and it caused me to withdraw immediately from the Spirit/Being that was visiting.

He said to me, “We are One” and other things like, “You will see me again soon”, “Contact”, and “You are not listening.” I tried not to hear/listen but it was impossible. The messages and connection felt just like it did when I was visited before.

I almost didn’t write about this but felt I should because who knows where it might lead. Maybe I am experiencing some kind a dream-schizophrenic episode? Maybe I am mentally split to the point that I am bordering on a complete break with reality? I tried to rationalize it away with it all being a mental illness, but honestly I can’t do that completely. Either it is a real, spiritual experience or it is some kind of mass-hysteria-dream-psychosis that needs to go in the DSM-V as a new mental illness! Whatever it is, it is MY experience and I don’t know what the &*%@ to do about it!!!!

When I first had this “contact” experience with Elohim it led to all kinds of crAzY shit – Kundalini, heart connections, strange OBEs on board spacecraft and meetings with E.T.s/Beings. Most of it was good, exciting, wonderful, but then there was the big, life-altering stuff that ultimately led to horrendous pain and suffering on my part. To allow myself to believe/listen/accept this return of “contact” was to allow the potential of a repeat of all that I just mentioned. Not sure I am up to that again, especially the painful parts.

Ultimately, I recognized that I am where I am in life – not working, stay at home mom, isolated/hermit-like – for a reason. STILL. It is obvious that whatever I am going through necessitates these things because if I were to work or interact with others beyond my family and close friends/acquaintances, I may be exposed to that which I am not yet ready for. I assume heart-connections but it could be various other things and it could also be that others are not ready for me. Whatever the reasons it makes sense and so be it.





Dream: Double Dragon

I couldn’t sleep last night for a sore throat and severely watery eyes. Even sucking on a cough drop didn’t help. It was 2am before I fell asleep and I woke at 6am. 😦

Dream: Double Dragon

In this dream I recall being outside in the country walking along and then looking up in the sky to see two dragons (fiery personality, highly spiritual, good fortune). They seemed to be one but then not one, like flying so close they were one. I kept myself hidden under bushes, trees and such as I made my way through the country. I recall seeing the dragons several times. I wanted to stay hidden from them just in case they might eat me.

I encountered a crystal clear stream (profound understanding, emotion) running very swiftly downhill. It didn’t run through rocks or earth, though, but through a culvert or canal that shimmered with gold (spiritual reward) and crystal (unity with Higher Self) leafing. It went underground and I stepped into the shallow water and walked against the current up toward a small waterfall (letting go) that flowed out of an unknown source. Though it was underground it was very light and open inside with windows looking up and out onto the road the stream ran under.

Feet wet I crawled up a wall. Still on the lookout for the dragon I saw them in the distance to my left. So I grabbed onto little outcroppings in the wall of a building and crawled through a window. The building now reminds me of a castle (recognition for accomplishments).

Inside it was pristine, like a very fancy hotel (shift in personality). The windows opened up onto a veranda upon which I found myself. I walked through the glass doors and into the suite. I knew I had stayed there before. It was for couples and I remembered being with a partner though who that was specifically I do not recall.

I realized right away that the place had been locked up for the season. Everything was set up for the future guests – little welcome chocolates with note cards, flowers and fluffed pillows. It was very beautiful and a place I would love to stay at.

For some reason I became suspicious about the place being closed. It was too early in the season and so I investigated and soon found a young man laying on a sofa. I was with a woman and we discussed how it could have come to be that the place was closed down. She suggested the heir mismanaged the money and we went through photos of people from long ago.

The man on the sofa stirred. We suspected he was the heir and when he woke we confronted him about a murder (putting an end to something), though at the time there was no evidence of one. As we mentioned “murder” though there was a knife (aggression, need to be decisive) in his hand and it was found that he had stabbed (sexual domination) himself in an attempt to make it look like he was attacked. I remember there was blood (disappointment) all over his chest and we discussed how he could have stabbed himself in the heart and not died.

Changes of Note

When I woke this morning the dragons in the dream were vivid in my memory and made me think of Chinese astrology. I am a Dragon, specifically a Fire Dragon. My husband is also a Dragon. Whether that is significant or not, I don’t know, but it was on my mind upon waking.

It was curious to me that the dragons in my dream appeared as one. To me that seems to indicate a union of two aspects, likely masculine and feminine. The hotel I visited was one I had been to before, in my astral memories, and I had been with my partner. It seems to fit with the two dragons and the other dream symbols suggest my dream is about success in regards to some aspect of union.

In a conversation with my husband last night he brought to my attention positive changes he has seen in me. At first I didn’t know what he was talking about but later agreed with him. Mostly, the changes in me are that I am lighter, less prone to fixating on the negative, and less resistant. I have lost interest in fighting with my husband over any subject. It is just not worth my time or energy. I choose to focus on the things that lift me up and make me feel positive. This is a conscious decision I make over and over, day after day. If I find myself angry, upset, or fixating on something, then I make a conscious choice to let it go however I need to so that I feel relief.

I have completely let go of certain things that were weighing me down. As a result my mind is quieter and I am much more at peace with my life. That which use to bring me grief and heartache (heartsickness) no longer evokes those feelings but instead leaves me feeling calm and accepting. I recognize that the source of the connection, the Divine love and friendship that once caused me to feel like an insane drug addict (lol), is ME. I am the calm, the peace, the love, the friendship, the joy that I am seeking. It just isn’t as I assumed it would be. I kept thinking it was something I had to rise to, to obtain somehow through hard work and struggle. Slowly I am finding that access is granted via allowing, acceptance, patience, and nurturing of Self. It comes with ease and grace…..and I am slowly beginning to understand how to unlock mySelf from within…if that even makes sense. lol

Ultimately it all comes down to choosing in every moment what I want to experience; making a conscious CHOICE to flow with my life rather than against it. It isn’t as hard as it looks. The only time I really struggle (somewhat) is when I come up against something that triggers me in a negative way. It can be absolutely excruciating to let that go and allow things to flow as they are meant to. Giving others….ALLOWING others to have something at what my Ego thinks is my expense is not only difficult but sometimes scary as hell! It’s the giving up of my control….but no it isn’t. That’s a lie. It is better said that I trust that all will work out for everyone involved no matter how much my Ego interprets the present situation as being a threat to it. This trust involves knowing that no matter the outcome I CAN handle it and will never be given anything I cannot bear.

Someone once tried to explain the above to me and I just didn’t get it. I do now I think. Words just don’t explain it, though. You can say, “Live from the heart” but really it doesn’t mean anything until you have taken your own personal route to the heart and find yourself in it and finally understanding.



Message: Goodbye

Yesterday I got my permanent crown. It was a simple procedure that didn’t require numbing but I asked for it anyway just in case. Not sure if it was the Novocaine or what but afterward I got really tired. So tired that ended up dozing off a little later on in the day. I am not one to take naps so for me to doze off mid-afternoon is unusual, especially being I was not in my own home at the time!

Throughout the nap I had conversations and felt to be somewhere else. I remember telling someone something about it being the “end” more than once but the context of it is lost to me now. I only remember it startled me awake.

Dream: Biting Baby

I had a busy night full of dreams. This has been the norm for over a week now and though I have posted some of them here, most never get mentioned. There have been some dream symbols repeating themselves : helicopters, dogs, and water to name a few.

One particular dream woke me in tears in the middle of the night last night. It began quite spectacularly. I was with a man and we were riding some kind of unearthly animal. I never saw the animal but if I had to give it a name it would be a landstrider like from the Dark Crystal. It was very rabbit-like and could move swiftly but it also was very, very tall. So tall that me and my friend were miles above the earth. I was thrilled.

The next thing I recall is seeing this little baby (something about self that is vulnerable and pure). It had been neglected or something because it would try and bite (childishness, anger) everyone viciously. Eventually it had to be handed over to a dark skinned young man I called, “Derrick”. The young man took the baby in his arms, it bit him and he ignored it, kissing it over and over again and cradling it to him. I said, “Thank you, Derrick” and turned and walked away. I became very distraught and began to sob. It felt like the baby hated me. I continued to cry so hard that it woke me up.

Dream: Give Them a Chance

In this dream I was with a group walking through a mall/outlet store (choices and options in life) that was near empty. We entered into a store and there was food set out. I remember talking with family about Christmas presents. Certain family members and friends still don’t have gifts and I am not sure what to get them. I tend to leave the gift buying to my husband but he has yet to buy them gifts.

At one point there was a buffet (a relationship is consuming too much of my energy) of food – hummus, crackers (caring for needs of others over my own), cheeses and such. As I began to fill my plate someone said something to me who was friends with my husband and in-laws. I was very abrupt with him, much more than I would normally be to the point of meanness. At the time there was another woman there who pulled me to the side. While she was talking to me I saw a very old chalkboard (there is a lesson to be learned from this dream) that was an antique and very special. She asked me to consider something. She said, “Since you have to spend so much time with ‘these people’ (as in the group of friends of my husband/in-laws), don’t you think you should give them a chance?” I paused and considered what she was saying. In the dream it was like time stopped at this point and a huge spotlight (feeling overlooked in life) was shining on me.


Dream: Haunted School

I was walking the halls of a mansion (my greatest potential/growth) that was also a religious school (lessons). Inside were many young children (youth, playfulness, potential). I remember going into a room and helping with a geography (travel/movement) class at one point but I did not work there.

I felt very tired (not wanting to acknowledge something) throughout the dream and kept finding places to sleep. There were beds situated everywhere it seemed and I crawled into one that was occupied by a young boy with special needs. Odd things kept happening, though, like toys being moved and water flooding areas where there had not been water before.

I moved to another room to find some peace and quiet and got into bed (bed, peace and quiet, rest). While there I was awakened by a presence. Realizing it had to be a ghost (something is no longer attainable) I began to speak some kind of warding spell or something. I saw a crib (nurturing side) in the corner of the room and noticed an arm (nurturing ability) with no body. Whatever I said made it go away. It was at this point in the dream that I was certain the school was haunted (unfinished emotional business).

Opting to leave the room I headed down the hallway and in a corner sitting in a rocking chair (ease, comfort, relaxation) was a haggard old woman (inner feminine, wisdom). She had glowing eyes and gray, wispy hair. She pointed her finger at me and her face lit up in a grotesque smile. Unafraid I went straight up to her and said some words and put my hand up as if to ward her off. I can’t recall what happened next but there was no fear from the dream.

Dream Snippets and Messages

Several mini-dreams interwoven into the other dreams.

In one I was sitting in the back seat of a car. It was night and in the front seat were two very large Mexican men speaking Spanish. They felt like bodyguards to me and I was listening intently to what they were saying. I interrupted the man driving and repeated back to him the English translation of what he said. I can’t remember it now but I was excited that I understood every word he said. We talked a while in English and Spanish, practicing our languages on one another.

I was in a room in a high-rise. Behind me in the window I saw a big, black helicopter hovering. It felt ominous, like it was after me. Feeling stalked by a helicopter means I feel I am pursuing other peoples’ goals rather than my own.

In yet another snippet I was in a gym (applying lessons learned) and the weights I was using fell apart (something not going as planned). Then I was seeking out my sister’s Jeep (be more active in life) and it began to drive itself. I got control of it and then walked my bird (goals, aspirations, hopes) to where my sister was. The bird was on a leash (restricted) and tired itself out to the point of exhaustion. When I took it to a shallow fountain to refresh itself it morphed into a very tiny, Chihuahua (insecurity).

There was a comic book text bubble that formed in my vision. It said in large, comic book text: GOODBYE. This particular snippet was after the haunted school dream.

In another vision I saw a chain with seven links and was asked if I was ready to end this life. I replied that I was but I knew it was unlikely that “end” meant what I wanted it to.

Finally, I saw myself going up a hidden staircase (higher levels of understanding) to a room in the attic (connection to my Higher Self). I had locked a dog (protection) inside the room. I told whoever I was with that no one could use the stairs but me, only I had the key (access) to go up. However, my husband (masculine aspect) could use the stairs to leave and go down.


I’ve been having a strange feeling for several days now. It is a familiar feeling like something is about to happen; anticipatory. I keep finding myself focusing on Spirit to receive a message but never consciously receive anything. It’s like someone is saying, “Heads up!”

My dreams indicate an ending is approaching but what kind of ending is hard to say. There was a feeling this morning while I was in the in-between receiving all the odd messages and dream snippets that my healing period or whatever I have been going through is coming to an end. I am being “released” from treatment. It felt like I had been checked into a mental hospital and got my release papers. In fact, I have a vague memory of actually talking to a woman and getting my discharge papers but cannot place it as a dream or even an experience.

I’m not sure what the “Goodbye” was all about but it is the most vivid memory of the night. Goodbye could be confirmation that my healing guides/bodyguards are departing and leaving me to my path. As always the feeling is one of finality, like I will die any minute. Since I’ve had this feeling so many times now I know it is unlikely that my physical death is on the horizon.




New Knowing, Lessons and Acceleration

Lately I’ve been having a guide visit me, usually in the evenings while I am still awake, but sometimes also during the day at random moments. I have been having moments of Knowing hit me similar to other times in my life. In these instances I push away my automatic reaction which is to hold my breath and think, “Oh God.” lol But then I always think that before I get a grip on my thoughts.

A Knowing that has been frequent is the feeling that another round of spiritual acceleration is coming my way. Since I only have my previous experience as a gauge it is perfectly reasonable that I hold my breath when this Knowing strikes (tiny uncomfortable laugh here). I have not asked questions nor explored these moments of Knowing further. I don’t want to get caught in the trap of expectation again even if it is a fun game to play (very fun at times).

As I mentioned, a guide pops in during the day and did so several times yesterday at random times. Usually he responds to my thoughts. For example, yesterday I woke up intent on the job search I had begun the day before. With renewed spirit I was planning to apply for several positions “just because”. As I walked up the stairs I stopped mid-step from a feeling that came over me from above, like a descent of other-consciousness. Such shifts would be barely perceivable to someone unused to such things, but not me. The message that stopped me mid-stride was instantaneous and without words but the translation would be: Think. Do you really want this/these jobs?…..(no, not really was my answer)…..Then wait. The right job will come at the right time.” And with that I felt to relax tremendously, all at once completely comfortable with myself and my situation in that moment.

Similarly, one morning (can’t recall which now) I awoke with similar thoughts as is my norm – I don’t want to wake up. I want to go Home. etc, etc. Within moments I recognized these thoughts were not of the present moment but of some other – both past and future actually. Past in that I felt the heaviness of all the loss I’ve endured. Future in that I kept trying to conceive of something that had yet to transpire. It is quite an unsettled feeling and it was as if that feeling had a taste and my whole Being was aware of how bitter it was. I felt my guide then and told myself (as he also told me), “I am not in the present moment.” And with intent I self-corrected and found relief. I Knew that it was only in the present moment that I would find my next course of action. It would come clearly and without fear or other obstruction.

It was yesterday that I had the idea quite out of the blue to keep a notebook handy. I have yet to get one but the feeling was that I would recall better the messages and such I receive if I could write them down in that instant. There was the message, “You cannot expect yourself to remember it all” along with memories of all the “forgetfulness” I have suffered since having children (it’s ridiculous!). Also, a notebook would assure that I was not trying to keep the messages in my memory for long periods of time. This would, of course, take me out of the present moment!

This morning I am hearing the song I mentioned before over and over: “Giving up is letting go and moving to a better place…..” But rather than the “letting go part” I hear, “Is getting stronger”. Ha!

Now to the dreams…..my evenings are very full of them lately!

downloadDream: Driving a Bus

This dream was from two nights ago:

The dream began with me visiting a salon inside a woman’s house. My daughter had begged to come with me and the visit ended up being mostly for her when initially I had planned it for me alone. I recall her hair being changed and done up. There was also a bra (maternal instinct, protection) fitting for some reason, specifically for me. The woman measured around my chest area and came up with a new, smaller bra size. She suggested a bra that changed as needed – can’t recall the name now. I didn’t like it because it was a demi bra and could also be used for breast feeding (motherhood can be attractive?). I had no use for either.

We had to leave early to return my daughter to school before it let out. I drove her to the school and the dream gets hazy. What I recall most is that I ended up behind the wheel of a semi-truck (feeling over burdened, taken advantage of) and was receiving driving lessons from an male voice to my left. My main issue was arriving at intersections too fast and then fishtailing my way through the 90 degree turns. Advice was given to slow down after I almost rear ended a school bus.

Then I was driving a school bus (about to venture on an important life journey for personal growth) and approaching an intersection (decision/choice needs to be made to proceed). I slowed way down, so much so that I was too slow and missed the green light. I said, “That’s okay, we’ll just wait for the next light.”

There was a distinct feeling when driving both the truck and the bus. It was a feeling of having weight behind me like a long tail. I had to be conscious of the weight because it affected my speed and direction. Also, I was either not cautious at all or too cautious when driving. Both the bus and the truck were empty except for me.

Note: As I finished writing about the dream, my youngest came in with a toy school bus and played with it very loudly. LOL

Message: Reach

When I woke up the guide that was there prior to bed was very close. I was feeling once again depressed about life and asking for this experiment to end. He said, “We will help you.” I said, “Yeah, yeah. Like you’ve been helping so far?” I thought about how I had nothing to look forward to. He said to me, “Reach.” I understood what he meant immediately. He wanted me to reach for the things I wanted rather than do nothing.  At the time I thought about it and said, “Reach so that when I get something it is taken away or ends up being less than what I hoped? No thank you.”

The following is what I jotted down about it:

In my mind it just seems to make no sense to go through all the effort to get something only to have a huge let down in the end. That is what happens with everything. I get a job/new career, there is excitement and interest for a while and then I get bored and it ends. I have a relationship and it starts out exciting and then gets boring and I lose interest so it ends. Nothing seems to last so why bother?

Then there is the problem of determining what it is I want to reach for. The only thing I want right now is not good for me (in my opinion). To reach for it, to put myself out there by reaching, is too risky. What if I get refused? What if the reaction I get is disdain, boredom, disinterest? What if…..??? Take away that one thing and all else just seems pointless.


Dream: Jackpot

This was from this morning:

I was inside a public bathroom (purification/self-renewal) stall using the toilet. A baby (new beginnings) peeked over the top and the crawled into the stall with me and sat on my lap. He could talk and said something I can’t recall. My root chakra activated and he left. Confused I tried to make sense of it when another baby did the same thing. It was as if I was receiving “treatment” but it was uncomfortable to my human self because it was babies providing it!

Feeling revived from my experience I walked into a new scene where I was reporting for my new job. There was a long conveyor belt and cash register with a woman standing nearby. She oriented me on my new position. The job felt to be a mixture of personal trainer and something else, perhaps cashier because the word “checkout” kept coming to mind. All I recall now is my pay was $14/hr plus commission and I was pleased.

Then I was walking along city streets filled with people. My destination was my hotel (new state of mind, shift in personal identity) which was a large building that looked from another time. I realized I had forgotten my room key (access, wisdom, opportunity) and turned back. When I did I saw a man sitting near my stuff. He was listening to music from the 1980’s. I realized he was calling/serenading (expressing love) his love and said, “I don’t think songs from the 80’s will work.” lol He said, “Really? Oh.” He seemed sad.

As we stood there together he motioned to my bag and asked me, “Aren’t you afraid someone will steal it?” I looked and saw my purse next to a backpack about ten feet away. I said, “No. There is nothing of value in there anyway. Let them take it.” I then focused on my purse and realized I didn’t care if it was taken either.

I sat with him and watched older movies from a tiny phone-sized screen. I said, “Why don’t you buy a bigger screen like a computer?” I then told him about my laptop telling him it only cost me $500. He pulled out a device and it was odd to me. I said, “Is that a phone?” He said, “No.” It looked like a hand-held slot machine. I saw the top of it spin and reveal three gold images: jackpot (need to take a chance in life).

I turned and looked away but when I glanced back the whole place was dusted in snow (fresh new start). I said, “Is it just me or did everything suddenly turn white?” He said, “Not just you. It’s snowing.” He then said to me, “A great northern (progress) is coming in.” I saw in my mind a visual of the tops of mountains and a strong wind blew over the top carrying with it two feet of snow. I could feel the wind very strongly. It was powerful.

When I awoke I had the same Knowing I mentioned above. Things are about to accelerate.