Once an Empath, Always an Empath

Odd clearing dreams the last three nights! Weird progressions mixed with strange mixes of symbolism and characters. Twice now I’ve awakened in tears, too. Seems a purging at a deep level is occurring and I suspect the majority of it is not my personal stuff.

Dreams from 1-08-19

The main one was about J (the lady with cancer who I came to help out at work), only I kept calling her “June”. I remember tending to her and visiting her over a course of time. Each time she seemed okay but was getting gradually worse. Toward the end it looked like she was dying but she would recover and hold on. This happened over and over again and it upset me. I kept crying in my dream and it woke me up in tears. I felt so sad and the sadness was from watching the deterioration of a human life. It also was odd to me that I kept calling her June. I think it may have to do with the time of her death. I wonder, will she hold on that long?

The next dream was about this illness that would cause people to go insane and kill others. I was running and hid in a bathroom where I suddenly needed to take a huge poop, which I did right in front of two other females. There was a child with me and another women. The woman seemed to have the illness and kept grabbing her face and looking off into the distance with terror in her eyes.

When I woke the Coldplay song Don’t Panic – “We live in a beautiful world” – was going through my head as was the song, “You’re amazing, just the way you are…..”

1-10-19

Strange dream about the car last night. I got into the Prius and noticed the gas was all gone. It was so empty that the car was dying and re-starting again and again. Thankfully I was at the gas station and pulled up to the pump. While I was searching for money I saw I had forgotten my billfold, checkbook and phone. My purse was practically empty. I opened the center compartment to see if my husband had left his wallet and it was there along with his phone. I remember thinking of my options after cussing silently to myself. I had no way to contact anyone. The only person’s number I had memorized was my husband’s and his phone was with me. I figured I would have to walk to get help and leave the car at the station.

Then I thought to check in his wallet and found wads of money – $100, $50 and tons of ones. Amazed that he had so much and relieved that I was not stuck there, I prepared to get out and pump some gas. As I opened the door and went to the pump someone was opening my trunk. I yelled at them to stop and just as I did I saw another person jump into the passenger side of the car, grab my coat and run away. I yelled at her as I closed my trunk. Then someone jumped into the driver’s side, locked the door and grabbed the wallet with money. They looked at me as I realized they had everything of mine and my husband’s along with the car key. I had been targeted and fallen for it.

I had a vision too that is mostly lost to me now. It was of what looked like chunks of beeswax filled with honey. It was in blocks and they were stacking one on top of the other. The message I felt it relayed was that this year will be emotional – but good emotion (sweet like honey). It felt like I would meet someone who could reciprocate my desires/needs.

Last Night

Dream 1

The first dream I recall is of being in a living room with a man and woman. They were nurses or healers tending to me. I was welcomed in and asked to take a seat. I sat in a large, plush chair. They were very kind to me as they asked me how I’d been and took an inventory of my symptoms. I don’t remember much here except feeling a strong desire to go poop. I remember telling the male nurse and him encouraging me to do so right there in the chair. So, I did, and in the dream it was very real-like and memorable. I remember feeling very odd being in front of them and in a nice, plush chair like that. The chair was brown I believe.

When finished I sat in my poop as we talked some more (ick!). When it was time to leave I remember mentioning the mess and both nurses told me not to worry. They helped me stand and I had absolutely nothing – no mess at all – on my yoga pants. There was one tiny wet spot that I wiped off but that was it. I thought it very strange that I had been sitting in my own shit (lol) for so long and did not have any on me! The two nurses took the chair over to a bathroom and set it down. I remember seeing the pile of crap in the chair and commenting, “At least it wasn’t diarrhea!” As I left the place I noted the chair sitting by the toilet, soiled but salvageable and thinking the whole situation very odd.

Dream 2

In the next dream I recall I walked into a hotel room where a man was standing and waiting. I was instructed to make him a drink. He wanted Vodka and OJ. I did not know where the Vodka was so he helped me search the bottles until we found it. Then I poured him a drink but when adding the OJ I grabbed some other liquor – Cognac or something – but caught myself before pouring it in. There was another man in the room who commented on my lack of experience. I told him I worked for the hotel but not usually in that capacity.

Then I was with several others who worked with me. We were all overworked and mistreated. It felt like we had no choice. There was a woman who controlled all of us. She was very selfish – evil even – and worked us until we either died or could not work anymore, in which case she would “get rid of us”.

I lay on the floor next to a young man who was very skinny and gawky. I knew him and snuggled up against him. We were both naked for some reason and he allowed me to snuggle but it got to much for him and he rolled over, back to me. I felt huge amounts of sympathy for him and apologized, saying, “I’m sorry. You’re probably not ready for that yet.” I sensed he had suffered much abuse and humiliation, just like the rest of us.

The scene shifted and I was with the evil woman. She was nicely dressed with dark hair wearing Victorian Era clothing that was a deep red velvet with black lace trim. I was dressed similarly and doing as she told me, which I think involved walking the streets and tending to men’s needs. I only remember being forced to walk around and serve others for hours without rest, food or drink. I watched from outside myself as I fell and got up again and again. My legs had bruises all over them and my back hurt really bad. Each time I fell I got up again because I knew if I didn’t she would have someone get rid of me. So I kept getting up even though I began to vomit all over myself.

Eventually, I stumbled and hit my head on a wall going in and out of consciousness. I fell, falling into a lunge position. I heaved but nothing came out. I heard the woman yelling at me to get up and sensed men nearby ready to take me away when I passed out. The woman began to leave, turning her back on me and saying something nasty indicating she was done with me.

In a final surge of energy fueled by my will to live and take back my power, I grabbed a pole with an ornamental tip made of mahogany. I lunged forward, aimed it at the woman and drove it through her solar plexus. I pushed until it stopped, embedded in a wall. The woman was skewered and died while looking at me with shock in her eyes.

The dream shifted and I was floating over a nice house on the edge of the water. I was being told it was the woman’s house and though it looked plain on the outside, inside it was grand like the inside of a mansion. The woman did this purposefully so that no one knew her true nature. There was a boat ramp that shone a brilliant white stretched out over the water. I landed on it as the man with me told me, “What is on the outside very seldom matches what is on the inside”.

The man (guide) with me seemed to be gone and in the same instance my friends from the hotel landed on the ramp in front of me. The gawky young man stood in front of me and a woman was to his right. They both congratulated me. I hugged the man, wrapping my arms around him. He said to me, “You did a good job!” When he said this, his words struck me deeply. I could feel him very physically and I began to tremble and then shake in his arms. My entire body shook so intensely that I clung to him so that I would not collapse at his feet. I began to sob uncontrollably as I clung to him. The feeling was a mixture of relief and reunion. I felt this man knew very intimately my deepest hurt because he had experienced it, too. He shared it with me. He KNEW and because of that I felt immense relief at not being alone. So I was able to release emotions long suppressed. Emotion that I hid from others because I knew they would not understand and would judge me.

When I woke I wished that I had someone in my life who understood me like the man in my dream did. I suddenly wanted to reach out to a person I knew understood. In my mind I began to write a letter sharing my experiences and many other things that I would not – could not – share with others. It felt good thinking about this. Real. What I shared in my mind was not my stuff but a sense of the other’s stuff – issues, feelings, fears, hurt….guilt and shame. I knew I had taken on these things in an attempt to help. My guidance pointed it out to me and I said, “I know.” In my heart I know I would take it all on if I had to.

Advertisements