Wow. I don’t even know where to start for this post! SO much going on, this time mostly spiritually but also in this physical reality experience.
My me-time is so preciously scarce since I started working full-time that I don’t get to blog near as much as I would like. I tend to use my me-time to exercise, do yoga, and be with my kids. That leaves close to no time to write, though I do sneak it in on my private blog/journal when something pops up that I feel I need to document. Usually I jot some things down on a piece of paper as I rush to get ready in the morning and then write a quick account in my private blog when I get to work.
But I’m not complaining. I am enjoying life much more now. Busy = no time to over think things (my nemesis).
There are now SIX planets retrograde and I think the day Uranus went retrograde was when I started noticing a shift in my universe. It started with the sudden onset of post-nasal drip on Tuesday night alongside a nasty sinus headache. That night I didn’t sleep. The next morning my head felt to be in a vice and my throat hurt from the post-nasal drip. I felt like shit but took some Ibuprofen and went to work anyway. The Ibuprofen lessened the pain but I felt wiped out and zoned out most of the day. That night I took a dose of NyQuil and passed out. The next morning, as if by a miracle, I was cured! I have no idea if I was actually sick, if it was allergies or if something spiritual (ascension flu) was the culprit. I may never know, but afterward was when the vivid dreams started.
I’m still not sure how to relay all that occurred but I will do my best to organize it in a way that makes sense to you all while not eliminating too much detail/importance.
The night of the 6th I was browsing FB and ran into a video of The Tonight Show with Will Ferrell. I rarely watch videos like this but this one I did. I liked it so much I shared it. I thought nothing of it at the time. Here is the video. Make sure to watch until the end:
That night I had this dream:
I was with my family waiting on my husband to get ready so we could go fishing (bring up repressed emotions for inspection). He was taking a long time, purposefully it seemed. It was getting later and later so I opted to go fishing without him. I took the kids with me and we drove off.
On the way we ended up on a mountain road. The mountains were a rusty red color and it was like we were in Arizona. At one point we stopped and Orren wandered across the road to look over the edge. I went to grab him with my other two kids. Somehow all three kids ended up falling over the edge (difficult time/fear of what lies ahead). I dropped a cardboard box (attempts to preserve and protect aspect of life) over the edge. They clung to it and I pulled them up. In the dream it was a heart pounding, scary experience.
We then headed back stopping at a restaurant on the mountain. Inside we ran into my husband who had followed us to catch up. He was hanging out with two cyclists in their gear being social with them. Me and my daughter looked through a store in the restaurant at a menu of items. The items were Thanksgiving meals made to order ahead of the holidays. The prices for a full meal were around $300. I opted not to buy anything and a nice lady gave us a beautiful metal container with scallops (female sexuality) inside as a gift. She told us how to make them, indicating how long to cook and giving us tips to make a quick meal with red sauce. The scallops were very memorable. I tasted one in the dream.
We then ran into a family who had moved to the area. A map was out and they were talking about what school the daughter would go to. A woman pointed to a school on the outskirts of town and I said it was likely new and had lots of kids like schools do these days. The girl would be in 10th grade and I commented on how I would be nervous to go to a school with so many kids. I told them of my teaching experience and how I was intimidated by all the tall (looking down on self) students. The mother and daughter looked bored and the mother said, “Well we aren’t worried about it.” As they turned their backs on me as if shunning me I noticed they were both very tall and said, “You shouldn’t worry. You are tall.”
As I woke the song, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” was going through my head. I fell into the in-between and got another message to go with it but can’t recall it now. It was something about getting ready to deal with change.
Then, I had a mini-dream where I let my dog outside and he wouldn’t go. I saw a big skunk (not expressing my true feelings even though I don’t agree with something) in the yard and it woke me.
Later, I told my husband about the song and how I had watched a FB video of it the night before. I shared it with him and explained how I it was going through my head when I woke and how I believe it was meant to warn me of coming change.
When we got to work the secretary had music on. Guess what song was playing? Yep. Weird!!!!!!!! Take a look at the lyrics, too.
Throughout the day I saw at least three skunk references, too. The basic message of the skunk is, “Do no harm”.
Blast from the Past
To continue the intensity of Tuesday (7th, Uranus retro), that morning I woke up with a song on my mind that had nothing to do with my dreams or anything. In fact, it was completely out of place. The words, “‘Cause I miss you…so I turned the radio on….” were repeating in my mind. Here’s the song:
When I got downstairs there was a FB messenger message from my high school best friend. I have not heard from her in years! Her message was:
“Listening to Counting Crows tonight and thinking of you. Hope you are well.”
When I saw the message I knew song I heard upon waking was about her missing me/thinking about me. “Cause I miss you….turn the radio on…” Ha! It would have been even more awesome had I heard a Counting Crows song when I woke. lol
It took me a couple of days to reply to her because it caught me so off guard. She wants to meet up for lunch in a couple of weeks. I have mixed feelings about it. We are so different now, our lives went in opposite directions. But we live literally 10 minutes from each other so there is no reason not to reconnect.
This is what I wrote in my private blog:
Woke up crying and feeling a familiar pain.
I only recall a brief part of this dream. I was outside my grandmother’s garden. It looked like it did when I was little, green and full of life. I heard a ruckus and saw some kids messing with a large cat (cougar). It jumped over the fence and came toward me, most of it’s tail skinned of flesh. I scolded the kids saying, “Why did you do that?” I felt sorry for the cat.
I was in a large, open room with a group of people I recognized. We were all enjoying our OOB freedom and many of them didn’t even realize they were OOB. I can’t recall the specifics of our discussion but the feeling I had was happy and care-free.
At one point the discussion shifted to being able to talk to Spirit, or those who were unreachable from where we were. I told the group I could contact and talk to Spirit. They didn’t believe me. One did, though, and said they had recently lost their mother and could I contact her. I took the opportunity to show the group I could. When I “called’ to Spirit I took my hand, palm facing down, and slammed it against the ground invoking Spirit. When my palm contacted the ground there was a lightening flash of white light. When the light faded a pile of clothes and bones was left on the ground. I said it indicated that Spirit had not transition and to wait for her.
I recall sitting in a living room with someone next to me, likely my guide. Projecting on the wall were all my memories. It reminded me of the old movie projectors the way the image shifted and jumped about. I recall seeing my BIL and being focused on him. The film was paused and I was asked why I preferred to focus on him rather than another image. I could not see the image I was avoiding. In my memory it is a just a big, black, moving blob almost like an ink blot. The feeling when I tried to focus on it was what I recall the most. It was very familiar and I had thought it resolved. But in touching up it, it was like a wound partially healed being poked and prodded again until it bled. The pain of it hit me full force and I began to cry. The feeling is so hard to describe. It is so agonizing that even as I type this I struggle not to burst into tears. I miss him (the person the blob represents) so much that it is beyond my ability to manage. I don’t know how to process it, at least not in this human body. The closest I can come to describing the feeling is how a child must feel when they are ripped out of their mother’s arms unexpectedly and not allowed to return. They can see their mother, they know she is alive and well, but they are not allowed to return to her.
As I cried I was asked to consider focusing more on this blacked out memory. In my attempt to do as I was advised, a rush of memory hit me. The only thing I recall of the memory was the insurmountable pain, resulting regret and the conclusion that I had made the wrong decision. I remember saying, “I shouldn’t have. My heart will never stop breaking now.”
My guidance continued to nudge me. I said, “I can’t. I don’t think I am capable of it in this form (body).” The emotion was overwhelming and woke me. I continued to cry, my heart breaking over and over again.
As I woke a song crept into my mind, slowly as if in the background, becoming louder and louder. It was the music to Madonna’s “Open Your Heart” and the chorus repeated, “Open your heart to me, I hold the lock and you hold the key.” Then, behind that, another song merged with it – “Just say you won’t let go…..”
As you can imagine this only made my crying worse. As I lingered in bed, trying to compose myself and breathe (stopped up nose), I realized that the Love that seemed to be the source of all the pain I was experiencing could not exist within this form(body) – this character I am playing in this life. The two are not compatible. I struggle because the Love I feel cannot exist in the presence of fear. Thus, the pain is the result of the incompatibility. Yet life is all about survival and with survival comes fear – fear of so many things related to survival. I saw no way of ever fully embodying the Love while in this body. The task seemed impossible.
The agony of this realization made my heart hurt even more. It was as if my chest were being stabbed thousands of times and never allowed to heal. Still the hardest part to endure was – IS – the heartsickness; I have never missed someone/something so much. Everyday that passes, everyday apart, I die a little more.
It was painfully obvious that I was being asked to “open my heart” again; that I had closed it off to protect myself but in doing so was preventing progress in the intended direction. I need to open up but when I try it is just too painful and I feel decimated all over again. I realize that if I don’t open up on my own that I will be forced to. I told my guidance I don’t want that but at this time I am not sure I can avoid it. Doing it on my own seems impossible.
What I don’t understand is why this is happening now. I have finally been feeling a connection to my husband again. I have finally accepted my life “as is”, devoid of the kind of Love I now know exists. I am appreciating what I have, who is in my life and the path I chose.
In the in-between I heard, “Panoramic Airways.” I took this to mean a bigger picture is available to be viewed.
Almost forgot! I got a mini-OBE this morning. Unexpected and with a message: “Wait for it.”
It was mostly hynagogic imagery of birthday cards. The first was a moving picture I can’t recall except that it was colorful and about a birthday. The second was childish drawings of elephants (like Dumbo). Throughout it I was talking to someone and I heard then reply, “Wait for it….” When nothing happened except more images, I realized I was was OOB but had not exited. So I looked beyond the images and a room scene materialized. I exited my body and out I went. My first thought was, “Wow, I am really stable!” My astral form was solid and my perceptions 100%. I was in my mom’s bedroom and so headed directly to the front door. When I reached it I got a message as I was sucked back into my body. It was a feeling more than words that said, “Nope.” lol