I was surprised and blown away last night. It’s been a very long time since the Kundalini visited and she came in like a lion. Pounce!
Before I get into that, I knew something was upcoming, though I didn’t post here, obviously. I keep a private blog and wrote some of the messages I received there. I received messages throughout May indicating more “work” needed to be done along with dreams where I continuously pushed away encounters of the Divine or Kundalini kind, waking myself up in outright protest. There were several discussions with guidance about “getting back to work”, all of which I casually acknowledged and ultimately I agreed to move forward. I had no idea really what the specific “work” would be but was told I would need another “catalyst” (God help me). I noted that my guidance told me, “It is not meant to hurt you” and I understood any hurt I experienced in the past was of my own doing.
I’ve been really good at ignoring any hints and external/internal messages up until now. I figured it best to focus on living and not get too caught up analyzing messages that could be interpreted multiple ways. In fact, I realize now, after the fact, that yesterday I received a major hint via song that I noticed but ignored outright. The song was In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. There was a line from it that I kept singing wrong. I sang, “I’ve been waiting for this summer for all my life…..” Obviously, “summer” should have been “moment”. It so happens today is the last day of school for my kids. Summer is officially here.
I crawled into bed and prepared for my nightly meditation. Even before I could close my eyes I was hit with fantastic waves of energy spreading from the center of my spine outward. It was like a blanket of tingly energy hugs wrapping around me over and over in waves. I perceived in front of me, standing in a circle, five Beings, and immediately knew something was up. My partner in Spirit was close and the message was clear that something was coming. What? I had no clue and didn’t attempt to inquire.
The next thing I recall is working with my own energy body. I took a small, sphere of blue light, no bigger than the palm of my hand. Inside it had a white light that looked like a lightning bolt that pulsated and shifted. I used this sphere of blue light to interact with other spheres on my body, specifically one that was white with a golden lining. The sensation of this work was very pleasant. I cannot recall the details of the process except that I started at my head and worked my way down. My physical body responded so intensely to the stimulation of the energy body that it woke me up in orgasmic waves of bliss. Upon waking I knew I had been doing the work on myself as the part of me residing outside of myself. My memory is of two overlapping experiences, which is bizarre in and of itself yet felt completely normal. So normal, in fact, that I returned to sleep almost instantly.
Kundalini Dream: Returned
The beginning of this dream is fuzzy. I remember being with my brother and asking him if I could play his saxophone (a deep connection with someone). He handed it to me and I put my fingers on the keys remembering the sequences of the notes to play the scale. I commented that it had been a long time since I had played and hoped I could remember how. The mouthpiece was not right, however, and I noticed the screws were loose. I informed my brother and showed him the screws. I don’t remember hearing the notes but I do remember playing the scale and it feeling familiar.
The next thing I recall is having a conversation with a friend of mine. She was blonde and slender – very beautiful. She mentioned a birthday party (coming to terms with self) we had all attended and a gift she had been given. It seemed like I had given her the gift (sacrifice made for another). She had decided to return it for reasons unknown and was talking to me about her decision. She informed me that initially when she tried to return it she changed her mind. I told her I understood, that it was a difficult decision but that she should do what she felt was right for her. I felt in no way insulted by her decision to give back what I had gifted to her.
Then she was telling me that she exchanged her gift for something else and handed me the left over money. It was $2. I took the money and she left, satisfied with her decision.
After this I entered into a void where I received a phone call (communication). It was from my physical counterpart. He was checking in on me and asking me to fill him in on what had transpired regarding a “story” I had shared with him long ago. This part is hazy but the feelings are not. I was nervous and undecided as to whether I should tell what happened. I felt embarrassed about the rest of the story because my actions were below what I expected of myself. I had failed. Miserably. And it was difficult to confront and to tell him about how I felt and what I did. To do so would force me to confront my own disappointment and failure.
Then we were face-to-face sitting on the steps of a swimming pool (cleansing, renewal, need to understand feelings). No one else was with us and as far as I know we were both completely naked (of course, right? lol). I called him by name and we hugged. He seemed very amused but kept it to himself only allowing a smirk or two to show now and then. I could feel his amusement but did not take offense because there was compassion and love behind it.
He told me that he had decided to return his gift and showed me a mental image of the gift. It looked like a large, glowing, white book. He mentioned he was on his way to another birthday party but had decided at the last minute to come see me instead. I told him he should go and not waste his time on me, that I would be fine. He insisted on staying telling me I was much more important and he didn’t want to go to the party anyway.
We hugged and kissed many times. I could not believe he was there and kept staring at his face and he kept smirking and chuckling at my reaction (typical). The entire time I was overcome with desire. It was hitting me in waves, intoxicating and familiar. I could feel tears slowly streaming down my face. I was so completely happy.
I heard a male voice say very clearly, “Don’t cry….” With this I was pulled into waking reality, face wet with tears. All my lower chakras were on fire and I was in a state of mild shock. I remember thinking, “Holy Jesus, F*(^% God!”
I couldn’t sleep for a while after that, which is usual after a jolt of Kundalini like that. My partner talked me through it and I reminded myself to not confuse dream reality with waking reality. I told myself multiple times, “It was just a dream.”
Somehow I returned to sleep and fell into a dream about school. I was reminded that I had enrolled in a class early in January but had missed six classes. I saw a calendar in my head and the date was around January 9th. The next class was scheduled for this Friday yet it felt like it was still January. I made the excuse of being caught up in family obligations, totally forgetting that I had class.
The woman I was talking to told me that it looked like I had paid $700 (understanding, wisdom, rewards) toward another class – a special choir (harmony/balance). I asked her if there was any way I could make up the 6 classes I had missed. I mentioned the class by name but only remember that it had the word “education” in it. I assumed the past homework was research papers. I told her I could get a paper done in 5 hours. She said the papers were 5 pagers and that she doubted I could get all six of them done in time. I said I could email the professor but when I looked up the professor’s contact info the only info provided was for her teaching assistant.
Ultimately, I opted to drop all the classes and completely withdraw because I had missed so many classes and “already had my Master’s degree”.
In the end of the dream I returned to a space where I had left my open laptop, a fish aquarium with frogs (change/the unexpected) in it and a large, keyboard (harmony/balance) for playing music. The space felt like my old bedroom at my mom’s house. It was raining (renewal, grace) and I grabbed an umbrella to shield the computer from the rain only someone had already moved the laptop and keyboard. I thanked them (it was a woman) and then went to the aquarium and was told, “They are acting weird.” I said it was likely because they had gone without air and looked down into the tank. There were tiny frogs. I fed them and realized I had never fed them and they were starving.
Messages and Considerations
Every time I woke up last night it felt like I slept the whole night when in reality only an hour or two had passed. It was odd and my dream recall was extremely strong. I had two more dreams after the one above, but won’t recount them here because the symbolism is consistent.
There were messages coming through alongside the dreams. One message was of a coffee cup (awareness) with the word “NOW” written in big letters on the side.
I kept waking up in the midst of conversations with a masculine energy. In one instance he was saying, “We work together. I help you. You help me.”
Not long after that I received the message that I had not treated my body properly and it was too late now. It felt like I was being told that I had misused my preparation time so would have to do with what I had.
Upon waking I heard, “Gemini” and then, “June 15” but I kept thinking “January” instead of “June”. I heard the message twice which brought me out of my reverie and then heard, “You must have cash.” After this final message I couldn’t return to sleep.
I believe the “Gemini” part was for clarification and that January represents something that was going on in that month that was left unfinished or interrupted. The above dream suggests I look back at this past January and any unfinished lessons.
As for the Kundalini dream, the symbolism indicates that a gift was given and returned. The gift was from me to two others and they have both opted to return the gift. In the past I was told that the heart connection I experienced was a gift, so perhaps that is what the gift in the dream symbolizes? The “returned” part also seems to indicate a return to a path, at least that is what it felt like to me anyway.
My initial response to the dreams and returning Kundalini is mixed. The return of the Kundalini is wonderful but there is worry about what will result. The “follow the 8 winds” advice comes to mind. It is easy to say but hard to do in actuality, especially in the presence of the Kundalini.