So 2017 is now behind us. Hallelujah! Doing the happy dance over here. I am SO happy 2017 is over. Not that is was all terrible but it was mostly a very tough year for me. It was all about letting go, healing, peeling off more layers of illusion/false Self, and difficult inner work. If I look back at this time last year it still makes me shudder a bit. I would not wish what I went through on even my worst enemies. I hope to never experience that kind of pain again.
I had a Knowing yesterday that someone in my family will pass this year, someone not close to me but close to my mom or MIL. It was not disturbing to me but I know it will be to someone close to me – not my immediate family, though (husband and children). My grandmother has sisters who survived her and they are all getting up there in age. Similarly, my MIL has family that is pretty old. We all contemplated who it might be but didn’t linger on it. What will be, will be. As always, I don’t see death as a grievous thing but as a release; freedom from the limitations of the body and this physical existence.
A comment was left not long ago about how the first 12 days of the new year tell of the coming months. One’s dreams provide a sneak peak at what to expect. So, I have decided to record what dreams I remember over the next 12 days. Maybe I will be shown what is coming? Maybe not. We’ll see how it pans out.
I can’t recall my dreams at all for some reason. All I remember is waking up in tears at one point. It is odd that I don’t recall why. I woke the night of the 31st in tears, too. Maybe the full moon is pulling it out of me yet again. I had hoped 2018 would mark the end of the teary dreams. Guess not.
When I woke at 5am I was wide awake and feeling disappointed and sad. I rolled over on my right side and fell into thoughts of the year ahead. It wasn’t long until I shifted OOB and into a dark room.
My energy was low and so it was difficult to remain OOB. I would shift into the dark room, roam about for a bit trying to get my bearings, and then shift back into my body temporarily. I did this approximately 5 times for varying lengths of time.
I don’t remember much except the dark, unfamiliar room which I assumed was a version of my bedroom. There was an excursion out of my room and the house but it was short-lived. As soon as I attempted to fly out the window I felt to hover as if stuck in place and then my vision blacked out completely as I shifted back into body. Then there was one instance where a black man was sitting in the middle of the room smoking a strange looking pipe. It resembled a large, perfectly cylindrical stick with a tiny mouthpiece on the end. He smoked it and then offered it to me. I politely refused and went back into body.
The final OBE was the longest and most memorable. I exited my body thinking, “I need to do something to stay longer.” Then I drifted over to the stairs and decided to jump down rather than “walk”. I hesitated feeling it was not advisable but then pushed past the consideration and jumped over. The fall down was bumpy as if my considerations paused the fall.
When I got to the bottom I headed toward the front door. Remembering I needed to do something to increase my energy I looked down at my hand. I was wearing green garden gloves so had to take them off to look at my hand. Oddly I don’t recall what my ungloved hand looked like but looking at it seemed to work.
I floated out the front door and noticed the front lawn was different. Instead of grass it was stones separated by dark mulch. When I looked up I could see the night sky but the stars were not as brilliant as they should be. I looked harder, trying to get the sky to clarify but it never did.
I floated out toward the street and immediately noticed the streets were covered in clear ice. Delighted I thought, “I can ice skate!” I went down to the street and began to try and skate only since I had astral legs it was more of a sliding motion. I tried to get my feet to work but gave up quickly and just enjoyed slipping and sliding down the street.
I skated for some time and ended up wondering where I was going. I paused and looked up at the sky again. The stars were still muted it seemed and I focused on them again to try and get them to shine more brightly without success. Then my vision blanked out but instead of it turning black and shifting back in body my vision became white and the outline of petals began to form. It was as if I was looking into the center of a white lotus or similar flower. Fascinated, I stared into the white petals and they shifted and morphed into the outline of a distant scene. The more I looked, the more the scene solidified and I realized I was being offered the opportunity to shift to a higher level of astral via some kind of portal.
Despite being given the opportunity to shift to a new scene I opted out. There was a strong sense of boredom over all of it. I can’t recall my exact thought but it was something like, “No matter where I go it won’t matter or change anything in my physical life so why bother?”
I felt myself shift back into my body and it took a bit for my energy to stabilize. I felt bored and disappointed by the experience and my thoughts were on the coming year. I felt 2018 was not going to offer me anything except more struggle and upset.
OBEs offer similar insight into one’s waking life as do dreams. In this case I was unable to maintain my energy and my vision was dark most of the time. This indicates that I am unwilling to see something as it is; so my confront is low. The low energy indicates a lack of motivation. The pipe symbolizes satisfaction, comfort and contentment in life. The fact that I refuse to smoke it indicates I feel none of those things or am not open to receiving them.
The fact that I can’t see the stars as brilliantly symbolizes my life outlook. Life is dull rather than brilliant. The ice on the road indicates I am not feeling that I am making progress in life. Ice skating means I need to proceed with caution in some situation or relationship.
Finally, the fact that I do not take the opportunity presented and shift into a different, higher scene, indicates my overall feelings toward life at this point in my journey.