Meant to post yesterday on 11/11 but had a rough start and then got distracted as the day progressed. Had many realizations hit me on the 10th and then that evening had some difficulties that I won’t speak of on here because I don’t feel as “safe” on WP to be fully open about some of my private life as I do on Blogger. I will post a more personal account on Blogger later today if I have time.
Just a note: I find it interesting that though WP is what everyone polled said they preferred, I find I get 1/3 or less of the page views here that I do on Blogger. I get likes and comments on WP, which is nice for the interaction and I wish I could get that on Blogger, too, but the stats say it all. For example, my last post on Blogger got 60 views the day it was posted. My last one here on WP got 10. HUGE difference. Not sure why the difference, though.
Tears, Dreams and Finality
Like I’ve mentioned previously, I’ve been so involved in the mundane that spiritual messages tend to come from synchronicities and the like and are much less direct than they have been in the past. I think I miss messages throughout my day and don’t consciously recognize them as such until later when suddenly I am in the Know and am hit with a realization. This is what happened on the 10th and then yesterday. It was just a Knowing as pieces of memories mixed with syncs kept bombarding me until I recognized the message.
The night of the 10th was rough and then when I woke I had been crying in my dreams again. Basically it all began with FB showing me memories and these memories were like the nail that sealed the coffin before burial – burial of a process, of me, of something that I don’t even have words for. As it is I have been struggling to find something – anything – to look forward to in my life so that I want to get out of bed in the morning. Lately I just want to stay in bed and dream because in my dreams the heavy feeling of life is gone and I feel free to be myself and experience joy and love in a very real way. Even if I end up in tears from my dreams it is better than when I experience them in waking reality. There is a deeper understanding and acceptance of the emotion than when I am awake.
My dreams the night of the 10th were a hodgepodge of strangeness. In them there seemed to be an attempt from my guidance to find something for me to look forward to, some goal or aspiration to keep me going a bit longer.
In one dream I was in a plastic surgery office considering a boob job (lol) and though it was appealing to me to further create on my body I rejected it because, well, it is just a body and will get old regardless of how much I try and stall the aging process.
In another dream I had been thrown into a pit completely naked (exposed). There was a woman/man with me and she/he was my friend. I was also both male and female. This other person was there to help and as I fell to the ground in tears she/he placed a blanket (warmth, security) over me and asked me to look at the exit behind us. It was a tunnel (brand new awareness) through the earth. She/he explained the tunnel was dug by me and meant for my escape.
Finally, in yet another dream, I was cleaning a bathroom (purification) that had layers and layers of dust (neglect) on it. There was an old computer (communication) that had fingerprints inside the monitor. There were also small figurines – toys – that I picked up and placed to the side. One was of am injured pony (playful aspect of self), another of a child (inner child), and yet another of a woman. The woman seemed to show relief as I united them all. I placed her carefully in the lap of another. I then saw the figure turn and look at me and then lean back with relief as she rested in the arms of the other. I remember thinking, “She is alive!”
Dream: A Lifetime in Dreamtime
Last night’s dreams were unexpected, specifically one. In this dream I was inside what appeared to be a medical-like setting with many rooms and hallways laid out as if in a high-rise office building. I was in a room with a man alongside another man who was holding a pointer in his hand while he referred to several monitors/screens in front of us. The monitors were full of data about my life. It is hard to recall the specifics of the data now but I do know it was about my relationship with my husband and how it was designed to play out in a certain way. It irks me that I can’t remember it now! I was very matter-of-fact regarding this info and acknowledged my responsibility and part in everything even those things that normally I would refute.
The man with the pointer asked me some questions that I recall vividly. In one question he said, “Do you remember what your role is here?” I looked at my husband in the dream and said, “Hmmmm. I believe he is a PA (as physician assistant).” Then I laughed out loud and said, “That is fitting!” What is funny is my husband appeared to be anaten (unaware or unconscious). I watched as he walked into another room. He was wearing all white, doctor’s garb.
I was questioned again about my role. I said after some contemplation, “I am a geneticist.” Knowing this pleased me and I laughed with understanding. With continued prompting I remembered: “This is my life when I sleep…..and when I sleep here I go there (as in physicality).” Remembering this cued lucidity and a full-on Knowing came to me as if I had all along been asleep to finally awaken to a brand new day.
There was more discussion after this. Mostly I remember being in complete agreement to my two lives and knowing that both existed independently of the other. In one I was a scientist – geneticist specifically – studying the “human genome”. In another I was living a human life as an experiment of theory and varying hypotheses. My husband in this life was chosen as my partner in both settings, literally “assisting” me in my scientific studies. I saw where I went to enter into this physical lifetime – a small room with a bed that consisted pf a hard, white rectangular platform that came out of the wall when a button was pushed. When I laid down on the platform I would transfer to physical reality.
Eventually the discussion and growing lucidity woke me and I lay stunned in my bed feeling strangely surreal. It felt so real that my husband in this lifetime was merely a coworker in the other reality, one who I was working with to achieve a specific result. Memory hit me of a beautiful swirl of stars and galaxies as viewed through the domed glass of a craft of some sort. It was clear I had not been in an “office building” at all but on board a large ship.
Despite all of this memory my mind was not changed. I still did not want to continue with this physical reality, “experiment” or not, and requested it be concluded. The reply was that to leave physicality was not an exit at all but merely a transition to the other reality permanently for a certain period of time and then a continuation of the experiment. You can image my disappointment at hearing this. lol Yet I understood without question. There is no end to any one reality, just a shift to another one. It’s as normal as the blinking of an eye and the “time” between transition the same.
I fell into the in-between and back into the long, white hallways of the ship. While there I continued to talk with my “teacher” but my perception shifted to a point outside of myself. There I saw my human body morph and change into a more angular version that glowed a golden hue that did not hurt my eyes. I could not make out any particular facial or bodily characteristics because the golden glow was so intense. With this came a memory that all human characteristics of this other reality were superimposed over the appearances of myself and others there to ensure acceptance of and corroboration with the human mind’s capabilities.
Once again I awoke and requested the “experiment” be concluded. And once again I drifted off.
Various Other Dreams
I was inside a large school (learning) setting working with students who were younger than me but appeared my same age. One in particular was smitten with me and kept by my side. I took my students into a room and was shown a large nest of spiders. Inside the nest were baby spiders (new or recent relationship) mixed with red wasps (negativity). I advised them to “burn the entire room”.
We entered a building and upon entry I was warned by a colleague dressed in black robes to be mindful of my smitten student as I could easily mislead him. I understood straight away as I recognized my own tendency to “play” with his very masculine, human side. So, I disconnected from him to keep him safe understanding my role as teacher and it’s implications to a “young new mind”.
Then I went into a large auditorium (need to learn something) and awaited a presentation. I sat down at a row of seats and opened my notebook to take notes. Then flames (invest self in efforts) burst forth from between the seats and I had to move my robe (I was wearing a black robe like a professor) and batted out the fire with it. I listened as the presenter, an acclaimed gentleman who was the founder of some specific technology that would help mankind, list out four “graduates”. He said there were 6 more slots to be filled. My understanding was that these graduates were “Masters” and that there were few in attendance on Earth these days. It appeared the speaker was inviting those in attendance to fill the other 6 seats, like a challenge being presented. I felt uncomfortably out of place, like a total novice. A freshman in a room full of seniors.
Again the dream shifted. I was in a room where there was an over sized statue of Buddha (finding calmness and inner strength) laying on his said. It was a dark, reddish color and I reached down to touch it. It felt like jelly. I asked a question and the statue spoke to me saying, “Please keep it down. You are hurting my ears.” I whispered an apology in awe that the statue was talking. I understood the statue was there as my mentor.
I then shifted into a dream where I was walking the hallways of a very ancient school. I seemed to be taking a tour but was unsure of what I was looking for. I distinctly recall walking past an open cage with ten or twelve small, colorful canaries (happiness, harmony, new relationship) sitting atop it. I was wearing green garden gloves (how I handle things) and they flocked to my hand looking for food. Yet they could not fly (restriction). Once, when I turned back to show a young girl the birds, I saw the mother bird being attacked by another bird. She was huge compared to the babies, the size of a chicken (cowardliness) , and could not fly either. All of them were flightless and I was sad for them.