OMG I’m so tired! Finally got sleep last night but it has been a long time coming. 4 straight days of hardly any sleep adds up. I forgot to mention that I’ve also had a headache on and off, mostly at night, all four days and the last two days I’ve had a horrible crick in my neck that makes it hurt to look anywhere but “straight ahead”. Yeah, I didn’t miss the message in that last part. Look straight ahead. No looking back or to the side. Ha!
Our puppy Monty is a handful and does not want to sleep at night. Instead he sleep during the day and whines most of the night. When he plays he is adorable, attacking with a full-on pounce like a cat and then growling and barking at his prey, a tiny stuffed bear. He is learning his name and coming more when called already and started to recognize that grass = potty, not the floor.
Last night I woke suddenly at 11pm from a very deep sleep and flew out of bed to go down and check on Monty. Turns out he had an accident in his kennel/crate and so it was good I woke up like I did. Mommy instincts must be on for him because then I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about him. lol I had to remind myself I needed the sleep and staying up worrying over a whining puppy would do neither of us any good. It was the “cry it out” method for puppy and sleep for me!
My husband was up around 4am yelling at my daughter to go tend to Monty so I know his whining woke him up. I was grateful that I wasn’t asked to do it and fell back to sleep.
Dream: Let Go of Time and Possibility
I’ve not been remembering my dreams of late but this one is very memorable. The first thing I recall is being taken to a neighborhood (aspects of subconscious) that was newly constructed. The houses were on rolling hills and we were heading to a house on the hilltop. I remember commenting on the locating saying I would not want a house on the hill (struggles to get to goal) but I knew why someone would: the view.
Inside the house I realized I was with my mom and family. A realtor (new sense of self) had brought us to a house to sell us on his proposal. I sat on the sofa very tired and overheard what was proposed. He wanted my mom to sell her land to him so his company could build a neighborhood like the one we were in. In exchange he would pay off all her debt but 10%. Her mortgage would be gone and she would be set for the rest of her life. The houses he would build would be spaced far apart and not be many, just enough to make a small neighborhood. I remember telling my mom I had many dreams about just such a future for the family land and suggested a location.
I became very tired (resisting awareness) and took a nap on the sofa. When I woke up I was disoriented and irritated that they woke me up. I recall seeing the owner of the house leave and wondering why he didn’t care that I was making a mess of his living room. I had pillows and blankets (comfort) all bundled around me.
The realtor was very insistent that I participate in the negotiations for this “deal”. Sleepy-eyed I followed everyone into the kitchen and sat down at a bench-like table. There was a contract to be signed and the only person left to sign was me. I recall hearing more details but not caring or being excited about any of it. I asked, “When will construction begin?” He said, “Oh we won’t be breaking ground until 2036.” I remember thinking that was a long time. He then gave me some advice, “I suggest you let go of time and possibility.”
This message woke me up somewhat in the dream and I repeated it to myself as I walked out of the house to look at the neighborhood. I saw a garbage truck (get rid of old habits) in the distance and followed the sidewalk as I repeated it over and over. I was carrying a handful of chicken strips (cowardliness) in my hand and lost a few, bent down and picked them up and then saw a couple more ahead of me on the path. I heard again, “Let go of Time and Possibility.”
I woke up groggy hearing a song verse in my head, “And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time….” The verse repeated over and over along with the message and the date, 2036.
Conversation with Husband
The dream reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband last night. We were talking about human conditioning and it’s affects on life and individual happiness. Specifically we were in agreement that we have been brainwashed into believing that the ultimate goal in life is to experience as much pleasure as possible, specifically pleasure in sex. In our own ways we have both gotten to the point that we are rejecting much of our attitudes and beliefs about sex. I am in a place where I am trying to fill in the gaps left by rejecting these ideas, searching for meaning and trying to make sense of what life has to offer once these ideas are removed. My husband seems to have already found his own answer though I am unclear of what it is still.
I was philosophizing for much of the conversation discussing my observations in this lifetime. We discussed what it is to “live” and I offered two options – the “safe” route and the “go for it”, Seize the Day options. The former tends toward a gentle, consistent curve if one were to view as a chart or graph. The latter is a spike that drops down quickly. Both have the same end one is just more extreme than the other. I asked my husband which life he prefers: the intense and exciting one or the “boring”, safe and consistent one?
He said he prefers the intense one and that he believes everyone prefers it. I disagreed. He went on to discuss how life in the present has removed much of what creates the excitement of the intense one. We live longer, we are more “secure”, we no longer have to fight for our existence like in the past. I told him that time and time again I opt for the safe path but that I suspect the reason for that is that I have already lived many of the more extreme lives and am now taking a break. I asked him if he could see how we might choose to experience both types of lives and how both offered their own unique lessons? He said he could see that. I said it is likely that part of the lesson is in being willing to experience either type of lifetime without desiring what we don’t have – to be happy with what we have when we have it.
Nonetheless, we both have this inborn, human drive toward seeking pleasure. It is always there and is the origin of human suffering. The key is to not be the effect of it.
By the end of our conversation I had the answer to questions I have been asking myself for a while now. I have been unable to understand why my soul put me through everything it did in 2015-2016. Why would I be exposed to the feelings I had, feelings I did not even know existed prior to that time? Why would I feel the entire time that giving into them was “bad” and that I should avoid them at all costs? Where did the seemingly irrational fear come from?
It all goes back to something I asked a while ago when I was asked by my guidance that infamous question: What do you want? I said I wanted a connection with my husband. I wanted our relationship to be what it should be. In my mind I was unsure of what this even meant by my heart knew. I recognized that what I had asked for was much bigger than I could have imagined. So big that it required me to rectify the split between my spiritual and physical selves. I told my husband about this split and how I felt that when I was whole (meaning my spiritual and physical selves are in balance) much of our (me and his) issues would be resolved.
During my conversation with my husband I could see how my request was also shaping his life and that his lesson was similar to my own. He was learning it in his own way, separate from me and that is how it should be. His challenges are not the same as my own. Yet there we were, together, connecting and recognizing our lesson is one in the same.
We discussed many other things and had an enjoyable evening of sharing and communicating. Communication is what our relationship has always been built upon and when we are in good communication it is obvious to us both why we are together in this life. I was able to see more clearly the path I chose to take with him and why. It is the “longer” more “secure” path – yes – but one of the advantages of this path is the extended lessons it brings. Lessons one will not have the opportunity to learn via the shorter, more exciting paths.
The message from my dream is asking me to put aside my considerations of time and possibility. My interpretation is that this means I need to stop hoping for the possible outcomes that come with the passage of time. Let go of Time – stop thinking “what if” or “when ____ happens then _____ happens.” Let go of Possibility – stop the wishful thinking; the could’ve, should’ve thinking. Part of me feels that letting go of these things means letting go of my hope. It doesn’t.
In considering the Time portion of the message I came across a message from Eron given to me a while back. Time is nothing but a preoccupation of thought. So, let go of Time, let go of preoccupation of thought. Interesting!
I am reminded of a dream fragment from a couple of nights ago. I was talking to a person who had lost their left arm and possibly their legs, too. Their message to me was, “You never know when your time here will end. So live life like there’s no tomorrow.”
The combination of the two messages is one I’ve heard many times before: Live in the Now. Be present in the Now. What’s even funnier here is that my husband and I had a conversation about that very subject the day after the dream with the one armed person. Ha!