From Ecstasy to Tears

It seems the Kundalini is not letting up. I had another visit last night. She seems to be more intense with each visit and I ever more enchanted by her. I anticipated her this time, though.

I can’t recall the specifics of the dream I was having when she visited. There is a vague memory of circling a room and of circles in general. Even I seemed to be a circle with no beginning or end, just a continuous loop of energy.

My lucidity was peaked when my root chakra began to expand with a pleasurable energy. It moved upward and each of my other chakras expanded in a similar fashion. The energy would pulsate, rising and falling, each rise bringing more lucidity and more ecstasy. At the time I remember I had a male partner but only recall that he also was circular and seemed to curl around my own energy. My memory now only gives me a golden and white glow of our combined energies, a few flashes of his face and the sensation of kissing.

The energy rose to my heart chakra this time, waking me up prematurely. It has been so long since my heart has activated like this that it triggered too much lucidity. When I woke the Kundalini did not stop but continued her enchantment of me. I did not resist nor would I expect anyone in a similar situation would for the experience is beyond extraordinary. Whenever I feel it I think, “How can anyone survive this?” Yet every time I do survive.

I happened to check the clock – 1:30am. Over the next hour the Kundalini raged.  My lower chakras were all exploding with a pleasurable energy and my heart was super expanded, surging upward into my throat to the point of sending shooting pain into my left ear for a few seconds. No matter how I moved my body (yes I could move) she raged and did not stop even when I began to try to sleep.

Interestingly, there was communication during this time from my guide, Chris. It was more that I had sudden Knowing and he would confirm, though. I knew the warning I had not long ago about October – that I would “die” this month – was about the Kundalini. I had no doubt. The Kundalini feels so different, so much more comfortable now, that I can’t help but think something big is on the horizon. Even as I had these thoughts she raged and I, despite experiencing her amazing power, was able to think and communicate without being completely overcome. It’s like I’m getting use to her, something I didn’t think was possible.

Two songs came to my mind as well. The first was one that has already come about – “I know I can treat you better than he can”. However, there was another line from a song after – “By the time we are through the world will never ever be the same….”

Dreams and Tears

Somehow I was able to fall to sleep. I recall drifting in and out of sleep for a while because the Kundalini from my heart chakra would pull me out of sleep, burning pleasurably in my chest. There is nothing like the heart bliss. I love it so!

The first dream I had was located on a craft of some sort, either that or a train because I was inside a very narrow, white, metallic room with a bed. My “husband” was with me. We had just been married. He wanted me to do something with crystals and showed me a small, heart-shaped one, I believe it was amethyst. He wanted me to place it on my root chakra and do a ceremony with him.

I agreed and we went into a room where we sat down to do the ceremony. He positioned the crystal but I had no reaction to it. I told him it was likely I needed a different one and suggested Carnelian. Then others began to come into the space and sit in a circle with us. Someone brought in salt and poured it around the outer edge and then everyone began to chant a prayer and mudra in ancient Sanskrit. I was caught off guard, and sat there bewildered as more people, mostly women, joined and expanded the circle.

Then an older man who I knew was called Orin, came into the circle carrying a fish bowl with three goldfish (an important emotional matter) in it. I said to him that he was the only other Orin I had ever known besides my own son. He ignored me and asked me, “What do you think would happen to this fishe’s eyes if I squeezed them?” He did this as he asked. I watched as the fish exploded. The evil intent from him came at me like a forceful wind. My reaction was to take the bowl from him and leave the room. I said to him, “How can you be so cruel?” Then I burst into tears. The feeling I had was that the fish in the bowl represented my children and that this man intended them harm and would do so without a thought. To think he could do something like that was incomprehensible to me.

I woke up crying and the feeling in my chest remained. It was like my heart was being gouged out. The tears lasted for a while and the Kundalini energy was gone. It was 4:30am.

I returned to sleep and fell into another dream. I had just moved into an apartment (financial or emotional state) with my new husband. Unfortunately he changed his mind about being with me and at the last minute left me alone in a brand new apartment without a job or money or anything. I was beside myself with worry about how I would manage. A stranger then appeared at my doorstep with his young daughter and told me he was to be my roommate. I let him in and he took a bedroom. He was older than me, with dark hair and seemed to be of another ethnicity, perhaps Indian. He was very kind, though, and I felt reassured with him there.

I was completely alone and super depressed. The man was friendly and compassionate and I grew to trust him as a friend. I recall laying with my head on his shoulder in his bed and feeling comforted. I also remember becoming hopeful of my future despite being all alone.

I woke from this dream feeling confused. The night began with Kundalini ecstasy and then quickly turned into a night of tears. Was this the Kundalini doing it’s work, clearing away blockages? It appears my upsets are still clearing. I fear being abandoned and left all alone. I also have issue with how heartless mankind can be.

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11 thoughts on “From Ecstasy to Tears

  1. Aryn says:

    Thanks for your share! That, “I can treat you better than he can song” has come to me, too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. teleile says:

    Dayna, re your post on your other blog; the midlife crisis isn’t until age 42 – 43. BUT, it starts to be felt from 41. It’s not a ‘whammo’ sort of thing, where you wake up one morning and decide to become a trapeze artiste in Peru; there’s a lead-up of a year or more, in which you feel a bit weird, because you sense that life as you’ve known it just continuing as is for another twenty years isn’t going to cut it, but the change, the ‘new’ direction hasn’t appeared yet, so you feel weirdly lost, restless, fretful, map-less. (It reminds me very much of the transition stage during labour!) 🙂
    The midlife change happens when Uranus is opposite your natal Uranus. If you were 41 this past July/Aug, then your Uranus is at 3 Scorpio, so the opposition will be in spring 2019.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. teleile says:

    I wouldn’t worry about it; it’s a ‘crisis’ for those who’ve been suppressing things for a long time, and refusing to examine who they are. That’s not you: you have a lot of in-depth psychological awareness and the ability to look at and be analytical with yourself. It’s the people with no self knowledge who tend to, at 42, snap ‘I’m sick of it all!’, and do something mental like buy a motorbike and set off for the Andes. 🙂
    Your life will change, but not necessarily horribly. I went from living in a sleepy small town to running a business in London and travelling thousands of miles across Europe, and just totally unexpected life changes.
    The year or so before that 42 change can be hard to live through. Part of you senses amazing changes coming, but you’re never told in detail exactly what. (They must find it kicky to watch our shock, lol). So you feel a bit strange, and subconsciously you’re saying goodbye to a whole chapter of your life.
    A house move, sometimes a really dramatic one to far away, is a common way it works out, or a, not just career change, but whole lifestyle change. (Like going from banker to keeping chickens on a farm).
    A lot depends on the person though, for some it’s more an inner shift.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dayna says:

      I’m not really worried about it. Change is inevitable anyway, right? What you say sounds a whole lot like the message I recently received about this year being the year I will “die”. I also think our guidance does get a kick out of our “shock” and surprise at how our lives shift and change. We, do too, actually, we wrote it that way! lol

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      • teleile says:

        Yep. ‘It’s all good.’
        Oh yes, I forgot about that! You woke up knowing: ‘this is the year I will die.’ Not necessarily physically, though I’m sure like me, you have no fear of death. (I’m with Woody Allen though: ‘I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.’ 😀 We know we continue in other bodies, and many times over the decades I’ve wished I could! But it could equally well just be the death of the old you. I wouldn’t say your life is unpleasant, but in your current circumstances, a lot of your potential hasn’t come out yet, like a Ferrari stuck in traffic and having to go at 20 mph.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dayna says:

        Wow. That last thing you said about potential is similar to a message I got from my guides this morning.

        Like

  4. Not unlike my experience of ego death….which doesn’t really kill ego…it makes it more… mobile. After that, energy could flow just as strong as it needed to. This was all a run up to what I sensed I needed to do—drive the energy higher and ‘break on through.’ When I read about people trying to avoid the intensity I wonder how long they are delaying the inevitable and keeping themselves in a tight energetic condition whereby the K is so much more turbulent and intense, unaware that this can all get smoother once you get to that break-through. I let K break me. Let it break you, too. It’s coming, says the presumptuous so-n-so. Lol!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dayna says:

      That’s good to know. Thanks Parker. Perhaps then the “death” I have been warned of is indeed via the Kundalini and I like how you describe it as making the Ego more mobile. I am ready and open to whatever comes. I no longer fear the intensity, I welcome it. It is good to have others like yourself who understand the Kundalini. So thank you! I often feel so alone in all of this spiritual “stuff”, especially the Kundalini part. Like some kind of mutant. lol

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      • I actually feel an odd feeling of familiarity when I watch the X-Men (and Women!). I feel like this mutant!

        I don’t know why some teach avoiding the energy. Not me. I can feel it’s all to heal me. Some of it can be hard, but the bliss I feel softens us up enough so we can be “repaved” or made over. But it keeps on going, and I still have work for it to do. I look forward to it. But be careful, I got into very deep tsunami like waters at one point. But it broke me, and for as much as I struggled with it, I managed to learn and break the old stuff up. What happens when nothing is left…that was my fear…but it’s always brought better things, surprising things even as what was never mine drifted away. Watch for the places where energy is tight, resistance, the twinge in the neck (probably being released) I’m a very presumptuous person, but it’s only because I know when I’m sensing a true thing. Good luck on the journey. Keep telling your stories.

        Liked by 1 person

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