Prior to sleep last night I relaxed into a light meditation and had energy moving up and down my spine and through my body. This energy was brought on simply by my intention to feel it – to remember it. I wanted to see if I could “call it” and it worked. When the energy arrived so did the obvious presence of my current main guide who calls himself Chris. It felt like he was giving me a huge bliss hug. I told him, “I want the truth about myself and what is going on – all of it, even if it is something I don’t want to know.”
Dream: Hotel Guest
I recall being in another country. It felt like Europe and the time frame seemed to be Victorian or maybe later because of the type of clothing I observed around me. I was outside walking on cobblestone streets. In front of me was a large, stone building with stairs leading up to an entrance. The gray stone is still very vivid in my memory as is the heavy, wooden and ornately carved door I walked through.
I was with others in a group and we were staying in the building – a grand hotel (shift in personal identity, transition from old to new) – for the night. We were given rooms and keys and sent on our way. I remember my room number was 186 . I went looking for my room alongside a man with dark hair and a mustache. There was also another young woman with us. I could not find my room at first but finally located it. I remember wondering why the three of us were separated from the others in the group. I found out everyone had been separated into groups of 3 around the hotel. None of the groups were close to the others.
I wandered toward an open area noticing trays of food – candies (indulgences and forbidden pleasure). The candy was made to look like real fruit and placed on realistic leaves and trees. I selected some and ate it. A young girl with long, brown hair was there and spoke with me briefly. She was the one who told me about the groups being split up. This is also when I noticed we were both wearing corsets and elaborate gowns. Mine was yellow with white lace.
I stayed with the young girl for a while and we talked. She was telling me how she would never grow up and how she was stuck living life after life only as a child. Her age was approximately 12-13, maybe a bit older. I reassured her, seeming to know all about her plight. We sat together, me on the edge of a bed and her on a cushioned seat. I recall telling her how to stop the cycle she was in. My advice was for her to accept her life as it was, to accept that she would remain a child rather than resist it. If she did this, then the cycle would be broken and she would finally be able to exit into adulthood. Everything seemed crystal clear to me as I said this to her. I could see how many lives she had lived never growing into adulthood – hundreds of them.
While I was talking to the young girl I had some interruptions that were quite disturbing, though my reaction was to laugh. The first time it happened I was in the midst of telling the girl something and suddenly felt a large, cylindrical object inserted into my mouth and down my throat. In my mind I saw the bare chest of a man and then a very, very fat penis. I actually laughed when I saw the visual and knew who the man was. I said to him (after removing the object from my mouth), “Stop it. Not now.”
The girl I was talking to gave me a look like, “WTF?” LOL But I ignored the man and her look and kept talking.
Not long after I felt the object down my throat again and with it came a very strong feeling of sexual interest. Briefly, I felt pulled into the feeling. It was super intoxicating but I again rejected it. I pushed the man away and said to him, “I’m trying to tell her something!” Though it would seem I was irritated, I was actually smiling when I said it. It felt like a game between lovers, like he was trying to get my attention. And though what he was suggesting would be fun, I had “serious” things to say! lol
I remember the girl telling me how she felt stuck and then me telling her how to end the cycle. Accept it (her life) as is. Right after I said this I again felt something inserted into my throat but at the same time felt the feeling in my lower chakras that I had in the previous Kundalini dream. It was like my entire lower body became my root chakra and at the same time my upper chakras were melting down toward the lower chakras. Imagine yourself melting into your own center and you might get an idea of the sensation of it. I felt the two distinct energies converging in the space between my solar plexus and my heart chakra.
There was a surge of ecstasy that accompanied this. I felt like I was in the middle of an erotica film! All I wanted to do was surrender to this very “dirty” sexual game my partner was playing with me.
I woke up from the surge of ecstasy and it did not continue upon waking. My guide was nearby as I adjusted to wakefulness, energy still covering my body. The region between my solar plexus and heart was especially active and continued to feel pleasant for a while after I woke.
It was 4:30am when I looked at the clock. I told Chris, “What was that all about?” He said, “You wanted to know the truth.” I thought about it for a while and realized I had been talking to the girl, who was also me, and giving her the same advice I had been given previously – Accept it as it is. Apparently I am stuck in a cycle. This cycle keeps me from “growing into an adult”. The cycle involves rejection or non-acceptance of myself as a “child”. The advice is to accept myself as this “child” and only then will I grow into an adult.
Recognizing that, I questioned the strange method he used to get my attention in the dream. What was that all about?
He seemed amused. I received one word, “Lascivious.” HA! Yes indeed!! He said to me, “I will visit again soon.” Of course, I played along and encourage him feeling quite lascivious myself after the experience. lol
He said, “Sleep.” I said to him, “I’m still tired. I want to go back to sleep but you ruined it! How can I sleep after that!?” Yet not long after I did indeed fall asleep.
Dream: Pregnancy Advice
This time I was in a locker room (a new dream theme indicating need for time to recuperate/calm down) with a black woman who had just given birth. I noticed she was very tired and seemed sullen. I went up to her and hugged her, asking her if she was okay. We sat down on a bench and talked for a while. I told her she looked sad and advised her to give herself some time to adjust. “You just had a baby! Give yourself some time.” I said. I looked into her sad, brown eyes and felt so much love and compassion for her situation.
She stood up and stared blankly across the room. She said, “I know I just had a baby. It’s been 7 months but my body is still recovering.” I could feel her emptiness and apathy and sense that she wanted to do so much more but just couldn’t yet. I said, “This isn’t the end of your life, it’s the beginning.” In that instant I remembered how I felt after the birth of my first child. I felt like life as I knew it was over and knew I would never be able to live life for myself again. The recognition of my fate hit me hard and put me into a 9-month deep depression.
I took her hand and said, “You are sad.” She looked up at me, clarity in her eyes, and said, “Yes, but so are you.” This caught me off guard and the reality of the dream hit me full-on. Everything I said to the woman applied to me. Everything. I collapsed to the floor in heaving sobs and woke up feeling decimated.
Vision: Zebra Without Stripes
Wide awake again I recovered from my tears and let the messages sink in. 7 months echoed in my mind and I wondered about the symbolism. Did I give birth to a new version of myself but just not had time to fully recover from it? Am I grieving for what I lost like I did after the birth of my first child? Is this the beginning rather than the end like it seems?
I fell into the in-between while contemplating all of the above. I saw a herd of zebra (individualization, taking the middle ground, wild and free spirit). One was plucked up and out of the herd, it’s black stripes falling off and leaving it completely white. I knew the zebra lost its stripes and that it represented me.
By this time it was 6am and I was definitely not going to return to sleep. I still had lingering energy in my solar plexus and third-eye. My thoughts went to everything going on in my life and to the dreams and messages I just received. That’s when Chris said to me, “Doors will open now.” I felt in my heart that this was true. All I have to do is knock and they will open.