Back in the Saddle

Today I did a mediumship reading via Skype. I was a bit worried about it beforehand considering the funk I’ve been in, but I had scheduled it last week and my husband was already preparing to take the kids for the day so I could have ample time to prepare.

Prior to the reading I tried to remember how I did mediumship readings in the past. I knew I had a system, but the specifics were lost to me. I swore that I had Spirit line up a certain way. I felt the urge to write this out for reference before the reading. Good thing I did because I had it backward!

The picture below is my system. The double line in the middle represents the sitter – the one receiving the reading. Spirit lines up according to relation to the sitter with Spirit Guides presenting themselves “above” the sitter. As the medium, I experience Spirit to my right and left as well as above and below so the system works well if Spirit cooperates. My biggest issue is that “friends” will often align with the sitter’s family and thus be out of place. I usually later find out that they were considered family. Sigh.

Spirit Guides

Unfortunately, I had to delay the reading because my daughter had a hissy fit about a change in her schedule and the energy of the house was all jagged because of it. Then, when I called the sitter her Skype was not working properly and it took almost a half hour to resolve the situation. Turns out her new laptop’s camera was not functioning so I suggested she use her phone. It worked like a charm.

The reading itself started off okay. I had a woman in Spirit hanging around on my left ahead of time, which is not unusual. Additional Spirit joined and situated themselves according to the above chart. Success #1.

The issues began to arise when I forgot to ask Spirit to designate a spokesperson. This is a necessary step because without someone to “lead” the group in Spirit then you have a mess. As is typical, they began speaking over the top of one another rather than waiting their turn. This is a normal issue for a person new to mediumship but should not have been an issue for me! Yet, there it was in my face and causing problems. I should have known such issues could arise because I have not been flexing my mediumship muscles for the last 10 years. Strike #1.

The first messages were smooth and without issue. The woman in Spirit had been visiting the sitter and saw the day’s events. She described them in detail to me in both words and visuals. All were validated by the sitter. I ended up with such a strong connection at that time that I began to feel extremely hot (sweating buckets) and then was hit with tons of emotion. I actually started crying. Overwhelmed I shut down a bit, disrupting the connection. Strike #2.

Then the others in Spirit began to speak over each other. One would say something that would trigger another and they were say something and the next thing I knew the three woman seemed like one and I was confused and flustered.

Thankfully, I caught on to the mistake I made and asked them to form a line and restarted the reading from a point of validation. This is when a good connection came through and many points were validated. I also closed my eyes as I relayed the information. This helped me shut out all distractions. Success #2.

In the end I had given the messages from three women in Spirit, the last being the strongest. The sitter validated the information. She even showed me the ring I had seen in a vision. It looked identical to what I was shown! She told me the woman was not family, but a friend. Yet the woman in Spirit came in on the maternal family side! Upon further inspection it was learned that she had a “family connection”.

I asked her if there was anyone in Spirit who she had hoped to hear from who had not come through. There was but she was not stressing over it and we moved on.

This is when the sitter brought in her son and began asking me questions about her and her son’s future. With the focus off of mediumship all kinds of accurate info came through, some so accurate that even I was floored by it. And the information was coming not from her guides or mine but from…..yep – Spirit! And who? A male on her paternal side who had kept silent and undetectable for the entire reading! The information flowing through was very personal and from when her son was a child.

I quickly honed in on this male in Spirit but did not request he prove his identity. Instead I gave her my impressions of him and continued to answer their questions as they asked them. It was determined that he was one of the people she had hoped to connect to. Success #3.

I concluded that the women in the sitter’s family were much more dominant and outspoken than the men! lol She confirmed. Ha!

The reading lasted almost 2 hours because of the psychic component at the end, but all in all I had more successes than failures. There will be another reading scheduled soon, this time with more family members present.

What I (Re)Learned

I need to stop stressing and having certain expectations of myself. My stress creates a block. But then I knew this already.

The messages will not make sense to me and may not make sense to the sitter until later. Validation should not be sought after or expected but appreciated when offered.

I run the show, not Spirit. I set the stage and it determines the outcome of the reading. I cannot depend on my guidance to step in. Even if I asked them to, they wouldn’t anyway.

The messages I pass on to the sitter are often messages for me as well. It is never a one-way street.

Allow the emotion – feel it, cry if I need to. If I become overheated and uncomfortable it is because I am resisting. The emotion indicates a good, solid connection. My fear of looking stupid and crying breaks that connection and prevents further connection. It is through feelings and sensations that I can experience first-hand what Spirit felt/feels. This is also the primary method of communication from Spirit. For example, if they died of a heart attack then it is easier for them to communicate that by sending me the feeling of a tight chest and an image of a hospital than it is for them to say, “I died in a hospital from a massive heart attack.” No, it’s not pleasant but it is very, very effective.

Every vision, every word, every sensation should be communicated whether it makes sense to me or not. It IS relevant. For example, I heard, “Mickey Mouse”. Rather than say, “I just heard Mickey Mouse. Does that make sense to you?” I said, “Have you ever been to Disney World?” Disney World was not even part of the message! Yes, they had been there, but it was when I said, “Mickey Mouse” that the sitter lit up and laughed and told me an entire story about her son and Mickey Mouse. Spirit Knows what they are doing. It is not my place to interpret any of the information. I am just a channel.

When I relax and just enjoy the interaction the blocks vanish and the energy and messages flow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funk

July 1st here I am. Graduated. Supposedly. I don’t feel graduated. I haven’t had any significant experiences or insight to conclude that anything close to a graduation happened. Perhaps it was only for my “brother” and I am having to take summer school to make up credits? I must have missed the blue bus in that dream the other day and have to wait for the next one. I think I’ve missed every bus that has ever come around. I should probably just hitch a ride or walk to my destination.

Funk

I’ve been in a funk lately or something like it. Spiritually all is quiet. Sleep is super deep and I am still fighting off the cold, or maybe it is now allergies. My sore throat is on and off again and I am still coughing, experiencing runny/dry eyes, congestion and just general malaise. Last night my ears were giving me issues. My left ear was ringing and my right ear was itching really horribly (hate that!). On top of all of the above, my sleep is horrible – constantly interrupted and not restful.

On top of all the weird physical symptoms that I’m having there has been an increase in anxiety related to my gym visits. It’s really putting a kink in my routine. I have been writing about the low blood sugar episodes and panic attacks at the gym for a while. Well, it seems that the anxiety has now extended to anything related to the gym from the trip there, to time at the gym, to the trip home. In fact, just driving through the intersection I go through on the way home from the gym incites anxiety when I’m not even going to the gym! It is so bad that just thinking about going to the gym puts a knot in my stomach. My solution has been to work out at home but yesterday I was determined to go to the gym and fight this stupid anxiety response with immersion therapy. I had my husband drop me off and pick me up to eliminate the drive anxiety. Thankfully, there was no incident at the gym but I was nervous the whole time. It really sucks and I am at a loss as to why it is happening now. I just want to get my gym fix already!

Most mornings I have been waking up feeling disinterest in life and forcing myself to find something to occupy my time so as to not get caught up in the monkey mind. I admit, I have been avoiding meditation and have blocked my guidance from coming through even when in a relaxed state. I just don’t want to know and don’t care to hear what they have to say right now. I feel like what they are going to tell me is something I don’t want to hear – bad news that I just don’t want to confront. They have to resort to messages in my dreams and through music and instant Knowing.

For example, the last two mornings I’ve heard this message, “I cross my heart and I hope to die…” I understood it to mean that what I have been told is true and to not give up hope. This is the song it is from. Again not exactly one of my favorites though I do like Maroon 5:

Last night I had several interesting dreams.

Dream: Four Lives in One

I experienced strange delirious states in this dream. One minute I would be talking to someone and in the midst of that interaction begin to make no sense to that situation because I was fully engaged in another one. I would catch myself and apologize only to end up doing it again. I resembled a crazy person.

All in all I was aware of four different “lives” I was living throughout the dream. Each time I would catch myself in one I would shift back to the preferred one but then get distracted back into another one. This dream was so unsettling it woke me up.

Dream: Evacuation

At one point I was in my mom’s house talking to family. They were going on a tour of the capitol ( personal finances) and would be gone all day. They asked if I wanted to go and I said I wanted to stay home. The entire time I was checking my phone and intending to text my partner. All I wanted to do was meet up with him and I couldn’t wait for my family to leave.

Somehow I ended up going with them when they left. I ended up inside a hotel that resembled a mansion (current relationship is in a rut). Inside I was in the dining room (important decision being made) and watched an old man go and tape off the table his family was to sit at. He also grabbed a huge umbrella (shielding self from emotion), snatching it before an old woman could get it. The feeling was that the mansion was a shelter (looking for security) and space was limited.

Then the place was empty – evacuated (isolating self from emotions). The group that had been there left in a hurry and we were left to deal with a huge group of people (conflict of ideas and interests) who had been locked out of the mansion before the evacuation. They wanted what was inside and were coming over the hill by the hundreds. Looking out at the people coming our way I said, “We should just let them in.”

Dream: The MRS

I heard very loud rock music playing and yelled to my husband to turn it down. I got up and locked my bedroom door. When I did I saw in large letters, “MRS”. I ignored it and went back to bed.

Then my husband was pounding on the locked door. He gained access and I got up and locked it again, using a key code. I changed the code and he would break in. This happened over and over to the point that I eventually gave up.

The scene shifted and we were shopping in a liquor store (lacking enthusiasm in life). I remember seeing an isle of liquor and thinking of the bottles as trees (can’t see forest for the trees). At the checkout I spoke to a man and a woman. The man had set out samples of a honey (be more assertive/communicate) treat and was commenting on how fast people were eating them. I mentioned it was too tempting being it was honey and then casually mentioned my concerns about my health. The woman said they did chest scans (feeling overwhelmed and in danger) but that I was still young enough not to worry about radiation (negativity in life/feeling overwhelmed). I mentioned my age and she reconsidered asking me if I had blood-work (revitalizing life force) recently. I said I had it during my pregnancies. She said I was probably okay because it would have registered on the tests.

Interpretation

This last dream appears to be insight into what it is that I am avoiding in my life. The MRS band message was interesting and the most vivid part of the dream. I had no idea such a band even existed! And they are also from Austin! The band says that they want to help women see themselves as always being “enough”. Considering I have been working through my issues with self-worth, this makes sense.

The locked door and continual break-in’s by my husband is likely a message that I cannot lock out my problems forever. They will continue to “force their way in” until I deal with them.

The final liquor store part seems to be guidance on how to handle my current issues.

Vision

I returned to the funeral of my grandfather. I remembered the whole thing but specifically walking by his open casket and seeing him dead. I then recalled my grandmother’s funeral and seeing her inside an open casket, too. It was an odd vision to have and I was surprised I recalled both funerals so vividly. This vision goes along with similar “death” messages I’ve been getting for some time.