Struggling Today

Woke this an unsettling realization, but one I’ve had in the past and so am not too surprised is coming back to say taunt me. It is basically that the spiritual path, though one I am and will likely be drawn to my entire life, will not be the career I want it to be. Instead, it will likely be a hobby, side-project – whatever you want to call it – overshadowed by my sense of responsibility to my family and the roles I play within in. This issue was actually brought up to me in an astrological reading last year as one of the obstacles I have created in this life.

Sun and moon both conjunct outer planets. This creates a feeling of being overshadowed by a greater archetype which can eclipse my individual right to pursue my own goals. Particularly with Saturn I can feel that my responsibilities outweigh my right to achieve my own personal well-being, creative self and happiness. With the moon conjunct Neptune, there are always those at a greater need than myself. It would cause me to feel that I need to be there in a compassionate way to serve selflessly rather than realizing my own emotional independence and well-being. It is easy for archetypes that are carried like that to overshadow the self. Challenge for me to disengage myself from my greater mission to serve in order to address my own personal, individual, creative development. The more I have the courage to put my own well-being at the same level as the well-being of others, the more balance will be achieved and then I won’t be defined by the greater mission. I will be defined as a human being who is a living example of those archetypes

The way this realization hit me was strange. I woke from a string of dreams that seemed to have nothing at all to do with the realization.

Dreams

At first I seemed to be visiting the past. I was wearing a cossetted dress and talking to another girl about what a girl could and could not do. I was breaking with what was accepted. I recall hearing a chorus singing, “It is Well With My Soul” and then I was in charge of inoculating (development on mental and spiritual level) the women with a Tetanus booster but the needle to the syringe was retracting and so I was unable to administer any shots. All along there was a string attached to the syringe. The string was covered in very large, black ants (hard work). Somewhere in the dream I also went to visit my father (he died in 1995) but he wasn’t there. Instead there was a 3yr old boy who I spoke to. I asked him if he could write his name (Remembering Self) and he told me, “No, I can’t yet but I’m trying.” In the house where the boy lived there was an attic space (connection to Higher Self) that had been renovated to store my dad’s things. Inside there were mounted animals, specifically I recall a full-body mount of a moose (elders, individual power).

The feeling upon waking was disappointment. My thoughts were centered around all the spiritual projects I have planned or am working on. My oracle deck was one. Last night I had looked online to get ideas and the sheer number of self-published decks amazed me. It became apparent to me that it was very unlikely I would ever make any significant profit form my deck. I was sad to think of all my hard work amounting to nothing. My guidance asked, “But did you enjoy creating it?” I replied that I did. They asked me if I had expected to make money or get recognition. I said I had not. My intention was to enjoy myself and express my creativity. In this I realized the deck had already served its purpose. Yet for some reason I was still very disappointed.

Then my thoughts went to my YouTube videos. Last night I received my very first thumbs down. Normally it would not bother me in the least but for some reason last night it did. I began to try and figure out what I had done wrong but at the same time I was also not at all rattled. Again my thoughts turned to whether I enjoyed making the video and that being all that mattered.

After reviewing all of the above I started thinking about recent requests for mediumship and invitations from others to partner up with them on spiritual projects. I also began think about my “purpose” and how recently I thought I had finally found it because of the pure joy that rose from within me in considering it. Yet what my heart told me about my purpose was not coming into fruition. It has just stagnated and all paths leading to it have appeared to be closed to me. A big “Dead End” sign is all that is there. In fact, everywhere I look I see “DEAD END”.

I started looking for paths that didn’t dead end. The spiritual paths in front of me seem to lead nowhere. There isn’t a dead end but they meander this way and I can’t see where they lead or if it is what I want. The path I thought was my primary one, the one leading to my purpose in this lifetime, appears to be a dead end. It feels that way anyway. I can try and pave a path in that direction but it feels wrong. In fact, every time I think of that path it feels wrong. I get a big “NOT YET”. Why?

The only path that I can conceive of other than the ones above is the same career path I have been on my entire life. Yet there is no spark in my heart for that path. I feel dead even considering traveling it again. Yet when I look down it I can see it leads somewhere and that somewhere is not back to where I am now. The feeling from it is that it is not a dead end. Maybe not, but is it where I want to go? No. But if I don’t travel that path, then I am left just standing here where I currently am looking ahead, waiting for a path to materialize in front of me. That won’t happen, I am sure of it. So maybe I am just not seeing a path? Maybe it is hidden from me?

saturn

Or maybe this dilemma aligns with what I quoted above from my forecast last year? Perhaps I am hung up in an archetype and cannot find within myself the drive to follow my own path because I feel so obligated and responsible for everyone else in my life? It seems that is it and honestly I just don’t have that drive. My family overrides anything I want for myself. It just feels so wrong, like I am betraying them and that feeling is the worst. Every time I consider a scenario where I am happy and doing what makes me happy I feel it is somehow “wrong”. Yet that is what my heart is aching to do and when I close myself off to that I feel absolutely dead inside.

My guidance reminds me to follow my joy – that which brings me excitement and makes me feel alive. They want me to follow it blindly it seems, to trust that the path will lead me to what I seek. I see others doing it, and at times I’ve felt brave and determined to do it. But those times are fleeting and I end up back to where I am now. Waiting. Staring ahead and unable to make a decision that feels right.

I assume that Saturn has something to do with all this inner conflict. I am reminded of the ants in my dream. Ants = work and community/collective. And strangely one of the thoughts that comes to mind is that the new 5D world and relationships center around community. Working together toward a common purpose. Thus all the potential “partnership” opportunities coming up for me lately. There is a hint from my guidance that coming at my problem from the traditional, 3D perspective, will get me nowhere. Coming at it from a 5D perspective is what is advised. Yet what the hell does that even mean?

The response I am getting is a feeling more than an answer in words. I feel very strongly the “community” aspect. 5D asks us to work together. 3D says “I”, 5D says “We”. I am being asked to inspect my life, to align it with 5D, and this is not an easy task because my life was built to align with 3D.

I ask, “How do I do that? What do I do?” The only answer I receive is to follow my joy. Focus on what makes me feel happy and alive and nothing else. From there everything will fall into place. But I want to know “HOW?” I want to see the steps, know the process, but I’m not getting specifics. It is frustrating me. It is like I am being told, “Wear this blindfold and follow the voice of your heart. Don’t worry about where you step. Trust we are guiding you where you are meant to go and that we will not let you fall.” Ha!

It reminds me of an experiment I did with my psychology students way back in 2003. I had them partner up. One wore the blindfold and the other led them around the school by telling them where to go and what to watch out for. They all had a blast and learned a lot about trusting their partner. Or maybe even that game of trust where you fall backwards and trust your partner will catch you. Yeah, I never could do that. lol

Right now I don’t feel I can do this. I think I am just too screwed up, too programmed in 3D. The saying that comes to mind is, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” I hear my guidance say, “Then you get a new dog.” Not even going to try and figure out what they mean by that (eyeroll).

 

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12 thoughts on “Struggling Today

  1. Durinda says:

    The same message has been coming through to me regarding community. Lately when I pull tarot cards the card that represents community has come up. I too am not 100% sure what that will look like at this time and I do tend to become frustrated. Sometimes I think because we try to understand the full picture that can be what causes the feeling of not moving forward. Just taking the steps toward things that bring us joy tends to open another doorway to the next step. Very much like your experiment with the blindfold. All we can do is our best. Much love.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dayna says:

      That’s good to know. For me, my joy comes from the impact on and contact I have with others. The more interaction (in-person more than not) the better. I am at my best and brightest when I am with people I have affinity for and who share a common purpose. Yet here I am feeling like I am wasting away grasping for what connections I can find via the internet. It’s pathetic and often I feel like time is running out. It feels like I won’t be taking any significant action until I’m well into my 50’s. Considering I have always felt I will be done with this life by my mid-sixties, that doesn’t give me much time at all. 😦

      Like

  2. herongrace says:

    OMGoddess I am loving this synchronicity! Yesterday my old dad who lives far away was texting me and sent me a photo from his phone for the first time. My sisters and I have tried unsuccessfully to teach him for years. So 14 hours ago I texted him saying “See you can teach an old dog new tricks!” I chuckled over it.
    Dayna with the north node just starting its journey through Leo, sign of creativity, children and your wonderful Sun sign, just follow your creative urges next 20 months or so.
    Have faith it will all work out. I think your cards are awesome!
    Hmmmm…play around “new tricks?”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dayna says:

      Whoa! Hahahah! That is synchronistic! At first I thought you were going to tell me something about your dad’s attic but instead it was the old dog tricks. lol

      And thank you on the cards. I can’t wait until they arrive so I can test them out. πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. Tammy says:

    I feel that anything relating to ‘money’ which is the 3d energy exchange is shifting, it’s shifting as money is just a physical manifest. But uuuuu know tht we are our higher selves now like 85% so our reward for intention in action is LOvE and joy and bliss. That’s your reward now…..
    Are u living self sufficiently??? How involved in 3d are you gal??? How much do u rely on money???
    Are ur kids in that world? Do they keep you in that world??
    I have never been able to make money or anything like that from anything spirit. I only channel things for souls that need it. It cannot be exchanged for money. Only free, unconditional. Because really we are all one, and u are just helping another version of yourself. Also u are existing in a star ship as u said watching this experience while experiencing it.
    You are currently deprogramming yourself. These ego thoughts u are clearing for everyone. That’s the job and u are being promoted lol.
    The less money we bring in the less the 3d balance to that needs to occur.
    I have just left my job as I was just holding the whole 3d movie with my energy no longer serves. Money will appear when it needs but I’m not worried.
    Once I made connections in a work scenario the physical structure holding it just started collapsing. Was just there for souls. Perfectly set up.
    Was never for the money.
    All the money did was manifest things to spend it on. But all part of it.
    The joy and connections was what I carry with.
    You have a little pack. You guys are a unit. And u are a kid too. That’s all your meant to be πŸ™‚
    Play play play

    Your dream times help me clear the whole concioussness!!!!
    I feel an ancient connection like Atlantas.
    You’ve always had the gift

    Love maat

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dayna says:

      Sorry I am just now replying but I wanted you to know that your comment resonates very much with me as does your energy and the name “Maat”. We likely do have an ancient connection. Blessed to have reconnected with you. ❀ Thank you for the wonderful advice and support.

      Like

  4. etherealbeingsinmylife says:

    Thank you.This is pretty much everything I have been feeling plus empty nest syndrome.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Tammy says:

    If u tune into the frequency of gratitude in faith…then all you have to do is hold that vibration and all will come to you…. That’s all. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Tammy says:

    Being patient floating around in a bubble if bliss eminating light….
    Doesn’t matter what your doing… The universe could put you in a place.. Anywhere… A school canteen shop or somewhere random. But whoever is meant to find you will…. The universe is sooooo synch at this moment.

    If u are here enough to see it unfold.

    U have already brought people together on this site. That’s pretty powerful…

    There is creativity floating around u. Brings waiting to be apart of it…

    Liked by 1 person

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