Yesterday I was hit with a wave of exhaustion along with dry eyes, lack of motivation and an overall feeling of sluggishness. I had not thought anything of it until I went outside with my kids. When I came home all my energy had returned and I felt full of motivation. Within an hour, though, I was back to lounging on the sofa feeling lethargic. This is when I browsed my WP Reader and found a repost of Diane Canfield mentioning a huge wave had come in and was causing all the same symptoms in her. I remember reading this part – The best thing to do in these situations is to go outside and ground with bare feet – and thinking, “No wonder I felt so good after going to the park! 🙂
By evening the exhaustion was full-on but when I tried to sleep I couldn’t. I struggled to stay out of cyclic thoughts impinging on my happy place. It was not difficult and eventually I drifted off into sleep.
Mom’s New Car
I had dreams involving my family last night. The first was about my physical family. I dreamed I visited my mom and she was in an unfamiliar car (life path). I asked her where her old car was. She told me she and her husband had failed to pay the $400 payment and it was repossessed (unforeseen changes). When I asked how many payments she missed she told me just one and said they were demanding she pay $13k in a lump sum. The feeling was that they had come upon bad times. I remember that my mom was using a walker (persistence) and struggling to get around and that my sister and her family were still living with them.
Traveling by Plane
Then I was traveling by airplane (in control of life) with a woman. We were on the plane and it kept being delayed (moments of feeling out of control) by 10 minutes at each of its numerous stops. It felt like I we were on our way to Montana (higher consciousness) but I don’t remember ever getting there. At one stop I recall they built a wall (obstacles) around me that shifted into an elevator (elevation of consciousness). I was in it and seemed transported elsewhere briefly but I can’t remember where. I recall a conversation with the woman (alternate version of myself). She had chosen to go on a trip alone. I asked her, “What about your children?” I was concerned that she had left them behind. She seemed unaffected and intent on her travel plans.
When I awoke I knew I had entered into another purging cycle and was reminded that I would be doing massive clearing that could become uncomfortable. The above dreams were still vivid, especially the last one. I somehow knew I had traveled to Atlanta, GA.
The song Landslide was going through my head when I awoke as well. Specifically, “I’ve been afraid of changin’ cause I built my life around you.”
The feeling from this song was that changes are coming. This particular message is almost continuous lately but so far I’m not noticing any significant changes to myself or my life. We’ll see what happens I guess.
I fell back to sleep and found myself at my mom’s house at a big party. Inside were people that I seemed to know and I mingled with them all feeling quite happy and carefree. I went to the back and there was an enclosed room where the porch normally is. When I entered there were people lounging on white sofas and the room all turned in my direction and greeted me as if they all knew me. A tall man with dark hair and a beard approached me. He seemed familiar to me and we embraced. I remember him being quite large around the midsection.
The next thing I knew he was passionately kissing me and I did not resist. The people in the room were applauding and I heard someone comment that it was about time. They even took photographs of us.
The man then talked to me for a while but I only remember sections of our conversation. We stayed close while we talked, his hands on my waist. I remember feeling he was relieved to finally be so close to me. He wanted me to agree to be with him (as his partner) and I told him I couldn’t, that I was already promised to someone (my husband who was not there). He got exasperated with me but did not get angry. He asked me, “Why do you keep inviting me here, then?” I looked up at him and said, “I don’t. She does.” He turned around and walked away. I remember not caring one bit and thinking about how he was not my type at all, too large and hairy. lol
As I was leaving a woman who had taken a photo of us was commenting on how she wanted to share the photo. I told her she couldn’t and got upset with her, worried my partner would find out.
I continued to mingle with everyone, going from group to group and talking with them, asking them if they wanted a tour and being completely at ease as a social butterfly. I remember saying that we had sold the house and the buyers had renovated it, giving it impressive upgrades only to sell it back to us. The back had been transformed with a greenhouse and a large deck but someone had spray painted their initials on the deck in blue. I remember talking about how it was the perfect layout for a wedding, mentioning I was to be married soon.
Then a woman who reminded me of my best friend from high school arrived. She was intoxicated (acting recklessly) and said she had recently been to Tokyo. She took the trip on a whim and left her kids behind. I asked her about her kids and she was unconcerned about leaving them. Eventually she wandered off, too drunk to converse, and I went back into the house looking for the bearded man. I couldn’t find him and the people sitting on the white sofa were different. They asked me if I would add my name and contact info to a sheet they were passing around. They all knew my spiritual gifts and many were interested in booking a session with me. This made me a bit uneasy but I filled out the sheet anyway. I realized the bearded man had left and worried I had hurt his feelings.
When I woke the above song was still on my mind but so was the dream, especially the bearded man. He was familiar and reminded me of a guide I have often seen. I somehow knew the man in this dream was an alternate version of that guide, as if the guide was the higher self and the man in this dream the human version. I also knew that my higher self was the one who invited him to the “party”. I wondered why she would do that when she knows I am promised to another. The feeling from the bearded man was that he has an interest in me as a partner. “Partner” here is in the sense of coming into Union – as in masculine and feminine; Hieros Gamos. I felt disinterest and knew I was “promised” to someone else who I considered my husband, but I also knew he was not my human husband. Yet I had this strange curiosity for this man. A part of me wants to partner with every male it seems even if no magnetic attraction is felt. Why am I so promiscuous when this version of myself!? lol
I also recognized that my mom’s house is representing “Home”. This is common in my dreams and OBEs and I know the actual scene is very different from the dream one. The people are my soul family, in this case extended family. The drunk friend is likely an aspect of me and again I have concern for her children while she is unconcerned about leaving them.
The part about the group wanting my services is likely a reflection of current life events. I have been getting request for mediumship. The most recent is a group Skype reading request from a past client of mine. She knew me years and years ago from 2003-2004. I am not 100% sure I am ready for such a huge undertaking. Not only have I not given a mediumship reading in quite some time but I’ve not done a group one since my trip to the UK in 2004. My small self is afraid by my Higher Self is encouraging and confident suggesting that no matter the outcome the experience is one I should have.
What my guidance has to say about some of my above questions is this:
They say I am not spiritually promiscuous but rather openly expressive of the Divine Love that I am. This love is not limited to just one other but I am approaching it as the human version of myself does. This dream was to bring into my awareness the limitation I am placing on myself and others.
My Home is a feeling, not a location, and so the human aspect manifests their interpretation of Home in the dreamstate. Currently I identify my mom’s house as my home – my safe place and where I feel I most belong. This indicates there is still a desire to be accepted by my mother. So in actuality I identify my mom as Home here in the physical.
There are inner-conflicts being displayed in this dream. The dream brings them into my human conscious awareness so they can be handled more effectively. There are two problems surfacing for inspection: 1. My desire for Hieros Gamos is in direct conflict with my human role as mother and 2. My spiritual work conflicts with the expectations I feel from my human family. The dream is showing me how my human self wishes to address these issues. The drunken friend is symbolic of the me that wants to rush into a decision, tossing her concerns for her children in order to have what she wants. I cannot communicate with her in the dream because she is too intoxicated indicating that I am not in control of this aspect. The other issue is shown as me being open to exploring the use of my gifts again but reluctantly. This area seems to be less conflicted than the former.
There is no right or wrong way to handle either. The dream is merely asking me to observe and reflect in order to make an informed decision. In the end, it is always my choice.