Sorry I’ve been so quiet. I’ve been struggling through an intense physical and emotional purging these last six days or so. It all was building up prior to that but got especially intense around May 1st.
As I mentioned previously, I have been struggling with a string of illnesses. First a lingering head cold (which is STILL lingering) and then intestinal complications that stretched out for days. Well, that wasn’t the end of it. My entire family got a nasty stomach bug. It started with my son Sunday night and on Tuesday the rest of us got it one-by-one within hours of each other. I had naively thought I was immune, assuming I was the one who gave it to the rest of the family so was surprised when I came down with it.
Every time I get the stomach bug I think it is the worst. The last time I had it I was five months pregnant with my youngest (over 3 years ago). Pregnant with the stomach bug is awful and potentially dangerous. I thought at the time it was the worst I had ever felt. Well, I was wrong. This hit me so hard and so violently that I nearly passed out. Twice. I was sweating profusely, my head felt ice cold, I couldn’t see and when I could see the room was spinning and I couldn’t judge distance properly. It literally seemed at the time that I was about to be sucked into an abyss where death was awaiting me. And then after the vomiting stage was over I was extremely weak to the point that walking a few steps would incite dizziness, rapid heartbeat, and breathlessness.
Through all of it I was still coughing, courtesy of the ever-lingering cold that doesn’t go away.
To top it all I got an awful sore throat the day after the stomach bug. Thankfully that has now subsided.
Amidst all of this illness I went through a gauntlet of emotional upheaval. Mostly the emotional purging occurred during sleep. I would wake up crying, sometimes multiple times in one night, from dreams that often disappeared as soon as I tried to recall them. If I did recall them, the dreams were confusing or linked to past experiences that I thought I had long put behind me.
To top it all off, the Kundalini has been active. This time, however, it has been painful, or at least what I recall of it has been. It started out with just some energy fluctuations and surges. Then I got sick. Since the stomach flu I have now had two instances where I have experienced pain from the Kundalini energy. It feels like someone sticks their hand into a chakra and then twists forcefully. The specific areas of this pain are the root, sacral and solar plexus.
This is the first time I have had physical illness mixed in with an intense emotional purging. The two together are extreme but not as bad as last November and December.
On to the Next Section – The Molt
So what is going on? This is the Reset I wrote about last week. Clearing out lingering blockages in preparation for whatever comes next. All of the emotional purging is to clear away the last vestiges of the False Self. Those patterns, beliefs and falsehoods that are the basis of the illusory reality it clings to. And man oh man am I ever hanging on.
This is also the result of the next section of the Equinox Portal that is available to us through mid-summer. I am told there are two in this month alone, with the third opening just as May ends and June begins. One right after the other. I am not sure I can handle it if it is more of what I just went though, though. This is intense! Yet I know it needs to be this intense to release the vice grip of the False Self. I see an image of a hand holding tightly to something and another hand releasing the grip finger by finger.
All in all I feel like I am in my death throes. I wake up most mornings thinking, “I am dying.” I even had a dream where I was in a hospital talking to a nurse whose job it was to educate the dying on the death process. WTF right!? During the day I often feel like my body is dying, too. It is a very real feeling but then at the same time I am not concerned one bit. Totally accepting of whatever fate awaits me. It is like I am molting, shedding my human skin.
Here are some examples of the dreams I’ve been having, the ones I have recalled that is:
I am my sister talking to my mother. I am telling her I can’t stay very long and I only came to check-in and see how everyone is doing. I am asked to stay and I begin to cry. I wake up crying and feeling as if I am dying from the inside out.
I am with my aunt in a darkened library. I am crying and hysterical. I ask her to help me. I say, “Why is he here? I just want him to go away and leave me alone. Make him go away!” She says, “Remember when I visited 10 weeks ago? It was nice, wasn’t it?” I stop crying and smile and say, “Yes, it was.” Then I return to crying. I feel beside myself with angst. I wake up in tears. My pillow is soaked.
I was inside a car with someone who I couldn’t see but knew was a woman. There was a tiny brown snake that resembled a large worm in the crease of the seat. Then there were many little worm-like snakes all over. I knew they were extremely poisonous so was using scientific-looking tongs to pick them off one-by-one.
I was sitting on my bed clearing dirt off of it with my hands. I noticed my dog Trooper in the room. I went up to him and hugged him close. He felt skinny and fragile. He stared into my eyes for a long time and I knew he was communicating with me. He was telling me he was sick, that he didn’t feel good and that it was time for him to go (to die).” I hugged him close again and thought, “It’s okay if you want to go. I will be alright.” But instead I looked into his eyes and said, “Thank you for being my companion.”
I woke up crying but understood that this was him showing me that in life he had also stared at me and communicated the same message. I had given him what he wanted. Sometimes when we think we are hurting another we are actually helping them.
Signs and Symbols
Angel number 53 – Received over a week ago. Preparing me for “change” and “major life challenges”.
Angel number 250 – Received this morning. Unexpected good is coming from unexpected sources.
Dead Dove – Received before stomach flu (May 1st). A dove flew into bedroom window and died on the spot. Symbol of lost love, endings.
Vesica Pisces – Kids got Fidget Spinners. When I played with one I saw it formed a Vesica Pisces and knew it was a message.
Sun and Moon – Seeing the sun and moon right next to each other in the sky.
11, 111, & 1111 – A near constant right now, especially 11 and 111.