Last night I struggled to fall asleep. It could have been my overactive mind which was going a 100 miles an hour. I was thinking of really random stuff, too. One minute I would be thinking of something going on presently and another I would jump to somewhere in my past. Even when my Companion stepped in and tried to help me clear my mind I would end up somewhere else in this lifetime mulling over this or that. I also had songs stuck in my head, which is infuriating when trying to get to sleep.
Sometime around midnight I finally drifted off.
I was with a male friend, a patriarch-type, driving/flying down a country road. We had to stop because the road leading to the place we were going was flooded. I wanted to drive through it but my friend said we had to wade through it because the water was too deep. I wanted nothing to do with getting wet and kept thinking of how cold the water was and how uncomfortable it would make me. He told me there was no other way and I recall watching myself wade through waist high, sometimes chest high, water to go to this white, plain looking house. My friend looked a lot like my neighbor, which was odd to me.
Then we were walking along the river. The water was up high. My friend pointed to a little chipmunk who was waterlogged on the banks of the river. He was exhausted but alive. He picked it up and tossed it back into the river and it swam back to the bank in a hurry, gulping water and panting. The message from my friend was something about how the chipmunk would just keep repeating the pattern regardless of how many times he was tossed back in.
This was a dream discussion with my Companion. I am avoiding certain emotions related to life issues (flooded road). I am told I must personally confront them (wade in the water) and doing so would lead to a breakthrough (feeling cold) and a spiritual rebirth (wet). Part of the discussion was how if I keep clinging to the past (chipmunk) and repeating patterns from it (returning to bank repeatedly) then I will get nowhere.
Dream: College Symposium
I was heading to class at a university but the door of the classroom had a note that class would be meeting elsewhere but it didn’t post the room number. Another woman approached and seemed to no where to go. I followed her but then seemed to morph into her telling the other me where the new class was.
We arrived and I met with my friend Sophia. We sat in auditorium style seats and waited for class to start. There was great anticipation here but I don’t know why. It seemed we were both excited and Sophia was telling me about something I can’t recall now.
This dream is all about personal growth and anxieties related to it.
I woke up wide-awake, my mind very active once again. The thoughts going through my mind were more incidents from the past that seemed random and unrelated. I recognized this and thought, “I’m doing some kind of life review again.” I remember my Companion asking me if I would allow him to take over. I didn’t hesitate to say, “Yes.” Then I started to feel my heart, third-eye and crown light up with energy. It created this warm area from my heart to the top of my head and it lulled me to sleep.
Somehow I ended up very lucid and suddenly realized I was laying in bed next to a naked man. I sat up and looked at the man in front of me. My vision would go in and out as I blinked my eyes and I felt extremely exhausted, fighting to stay away and aware. I knew I was OOB and was aware of my Companion speaking to me telepathically. He was not the man on the bed, though.
My Companion was asking me to explore the situation. His intentions became mine, like we were the same person. His thoughts were separate from mine and recognized as such but there was no lag between what he thought/intended and what I did. I didn’t question any of this. It felt natural.
I reached out and touched the man, my vision blinking on vividly. He looked like my current husband but I never saw the man’s face so I don’t know. I recall my Companion commenting on what was being seen. He said something about the body hair and the body suddenly seemed to have lots of body hair. I passed my hand lightly over the body from head to torso feeling the hair. The sensation was very real and again I thought about being OOB and taking over but then suddenly felt exhausted and without motivation to do anything but remain where I was.
Then I recall hearing there was no hair at all on the body and instantly it had no hair. I recall feeling the difference and noting it and discussing my preference and why I preferred one over the other. I preferred the hairy body to the hairless one.
Then the body suddenly was covered in red bumps likes warts. The body also resembled that of my ex-husband then for some reason. I recoiled from it and felt myself return to my body.
I was congratulated by my Companion upon my return to my body but I couldn’t recall why. Maybe it was some sort of test?
Then I remember what he asked me prior to the OBE. He had asked if he could “take over”. This didn’t mean he took over my body but that I followed his lead without question. On considering the experience it seems like I was practicing doing this. His thoughts/intentions became mine. Instead of me running the show I completely gave control over to him. This takes a huge amount of trust on my part.
The symbolism is interesting. Hair has to do with sexuality and one’s attitude. The loss of it may indicate a fear of losing my sexual attractiveness. Warts have to do with acknowledging the beauty within me and is a message to stop punishing myself. Since the body with the warts looked like my ex’s it could be that I am still holding onto something from that relationship and punishing myself for it.
Other Random Memories
I am still having dream amnesia, the kind where I will suddenly recall an entire dream sequence only to have it immediately vanish from my mind. This morning I had such a dream memory. I can’t remember it now (of course) but I knew instantly what it meant. It seems that I am being prepared to confront certain life problems that up to this point I have avoided confronting. Most of these issues are related to my family and the relationships I have with certain family members.
Issues coming up for resolution (yay?):
My sister and her husband (my first cousin) recently got evicted from their house for non-payment of rent of a substantial amount. Prior to this, my sister had reached out to me just to reconnect (or so I thought) and asked for money for rent after several days of positive interaction. I recoiled from this, sensing an old pattern of hers, and told her no. Several days later I found out from my mom they were evicted before my sister reconnected with me. I realized she never intended to use the money for rent. I was sad and disappointed that my sister had not changed.
Currently my sister and her family live with my mom because they couldn’t find a place to rent. My mom was against it but was pressured to let them move in by her husband. Her husband creates a whole other issue in and of itself, too. The last time I visited the energy was so unsettled and jagged at my mom’s that I knew I would not be able to visit for a while. We are opting not to spend Easter at my mom’s this year because of it.
On top of that, my sister texted me Wednesday to tell me she and her husband have been asked to be on a TLC show about cousin couples. She asked me if I would consent to an interview. After thinking about it I knew it would be a bad idea. In fact, the whole thing feels bad to me. I told her no and felt her energetic reaction which was not good. My mom consented to an interview, though. Supposedly my sister and her husband could make a substantial amount of money for being on the show.
As you can imagine this is really testing me with all the spiritual changes I am going through now. Testing whether I can remain balanced throughout all of this drama. My little self wants to be angry about how “unfair” it is that my sister be given so much money and opportunity when she obviously doesn’t deserve it. It wants to punish her and be “right” in some way. I am constantly having to rein in these reactive thoughts because they come with a very heavy, nasty feeling emotion. It seems like all this family stuff is coming now in order to test me, to see if I can avoid falling into old patterns and behaviors. Mostly I am handling it by avoidance at the moment but I know this won’t work forever. Thankfully, my Companion interjects whenever I begin to fall into old reactive thought patterns. I listen and the thoughts/feeling vanish. It is the most amazing thing but I don’t know how I will respond when face-to-face with my family. We’ll see I guess!
Actually everything is “good” on the surface. It is the stuff underneath that still needs resolution. Neither of us is pushing to resolve anything. I won’t go into anymore detail than that.