Yesterday we had a small family birthday party for my youngest, Elek. It was a Thomas the Train theme and quite cute. I had been feeling off most of the day but as the time of the party approach I shifted into party mode and began to prepare for the guests with gusto. This is not normal for me. I typically don’t want a full house as the energies are overwhelming even when it is my own family.
I prepared the food trays and got everything ready and barely noticed the high energies coming in with my guests. My children, my three nephews and niece (all under the age of 7) were there along with my mom, step-dad, brother and sister-in-law, my sister and my husband. My daughter invited her best friend from down the street at the last minute (my suggestion). So that means 14 people including me were present. Being everyone was family (except one) it was strangely comfortable and balanced energy-wise. Not the normal intensity that tends to accompany the baggage only family can carry.
After the crazy wild present opening and eating of the cake, I made coffee only to forget the actual coffee. lol Then, after correcting my mistake, I had a cup with my mom and step-dad as we watched the kids wreak havoc on the living room. My mom came up to me and said, “You sure have grown up……matured.” I said, “Why do you say that?” She said, “You are sitting down calmly with all this (motions to mess) around you. You don’t normally do that. You usually just have to tidy up. Now you are just sitting and waiting until the end.” I laughed and said, “There’s no point and besides I’m enjoying watching them.” Then I told her, “I haven’t washed the wood floor in I don’t know how long…” We got a good laugh out of that.
One of the presents my son received was the Pie Face Game. The kids were all gathered around it having a blast. I suddenly felt like a child, too, and challenged my husband to a match. He got pie face. hehe Again, not a normal thing for me to do…. There’s a video but I’m not sharing (sorry). BTW you have to play that game if you haven’t. Super fun!
The last guests didn’t leave until more than three hours after the party started. Before then, my other SIL came and had cake and picked up her kids. I was busily making dinner and still calm and collected – just content with the the way things were.
After the party I was happy to clean up. No exhaustion or irritability.
It’s not that I am a grump or mean party host, it’s just that I tend to hide when there are lots of people around and when I am out and about I don’t say much and keep my energy to myself.
Is this a permanent change? I don’t know. I am reminded of the comments and dream messages where I was told, “You have changed. You are calmer.”
Surprisingly, my afternoon cup of coffee had no affect on me and I fell asleep without issue.
The first half of the night all I recall are the messages and conversations that remained upon waking. There was discussion about the Kundalini along with very muted Kundalini energy again. When I woke up suddenly at 11:11pm I knew that my demands for it to stop were not going to be met. In fact, the message was that there was no turning back. Once it (the K) started, it didn’t stop until it was done. I requested all contracts and “mission assignments” to be deleted and/or retracted, too. This, I feel is still being negotiated. My main request was for the amazing bliss of the Kundalini to never return. I don’t think that will happen. Sigh. That may be why it is being muted, though. I will take what I can get.
I ended up in a dream sequence where I was in a world where there had been a major disaster and people were gathering in small communities. Everyone contributed. Money wasn’t used. A man was sitting in the center of the room meditating. He had been meditating three days straight. When he woke he was unsteady and a lot of attention was given to him to help him recuperate. The rest of the group were women and the place we occupied was a tall structure made of wood that resembled a barn.
Then I was looking for a winter coat with my friend. We seemed to look for hours for the perfect one. I chose a grey one with a black collar. Coats are protection.
In another dream I was standing next to a bright red corvette that looked more like a Porsche. It was to be driven to the southeastern U.S. I saw the map and everything. A dotted line crossed through the southern states (LA, MS, AL, GA) and circled up through the Carolinas. I remember talking to a man about my travels and actually being in one of those states, but not sure which one. My husband and I ended up in a restaurant eating alligator (I know weird!). He ate it but I abstained. I have eaten alligator in real life and knew it was not very good and too spicy. Alligators symbolize treachery and deceit.
When I woke up I was angry. I was trying to once again asking for a shut down of all my spiritual experiences but every time I thought of how that might turn out I got a sick feeling and felt like dying. Not a good sign. But I am struggling still with existing in-between. Why can’t it just be one way all the time?
A song came into my head then, one I haven’t heard in a long time. I kept hearing, “Borderline. Feel like I’m gonna lose my mind.” Sometimes I hate the music messages I receive.