Interesting dream this morning that I wish to recount for documentation purposes. I think it is a good reflection of Venus retrograde’s current affects on me.
Dream: Good Morning
I was inside my dorm room in college and on the phone with an ex-boyfriend. He had called me and was asking me, “Can you come over…. now?” I knew he was only calling me because he had no one else to call and was feeling sexual and lonely. So basically he wanted a mutually beneficial sexual encounter with me. Our history together came to mind. When we broke up, he made it very clear his only intentions for me were as a casual,sexual partner. This was unacceptable to me and I was devastated by his announcement and decided to stay clear of him because of my strong desire to be with him and it’s destructive tendencies. I told him, “No. You know I can’t.You told me you had no romantic interest in me, remember?” It was very difficult to say because all I wanted to do was go to him. My resistance to going made me literally squirm in my skin.
I hung up the phone and said to someone (my guidance?), “Please help me get him out of my head, out of mind! I can’t take it anymore. I want him GONE!” I was desperate to be rid of him and all memory of him.
Then somehow I ended up meeting him, only it wasn’t him but someone like him. It was a casual encounter and he was heading to work. He told me, “I have to go to work but you can come with me. It only pays $10/hour, but it’s the best I can do until I graduate.” He mentioned his schedule was Monday – Saturday. I laughed and said, “Don’t forget Sunday.” He smirked and said, “Yeah.”
We drove into a mall and parked the car inside of it next to a row of tables where people were dining. I remember thinking it odd that we didn’t park in the garage. The car was a white station-wagon type car that I didn’t recognize. He took me through the mall and outside to a city street, pointing to where he worked. A huge sign read, “Good Morning” – the name of the business. He said he was the store manager.
We walked in through double glass doors through a small entryway and then into the main store. It looked like a diner. He sat down and was talking to his mother, who he introduced to me. He had with him a large, yellow dog, like a Labrador. What is odd here is that he shifted from being male into female with light hair. There was an invitation from him/her for us to be romantic and I resisted, feeling any connection to him/her would be destructive, just like the other man. Yet I was extremely drawn to him/her and found it difficult just being there. I wanted to leave but I wanted to stay and be with him/her. The whole time the visual shifted between this man and this woman, back and forth.
Eventually I felt like I needed to leave because there was an invitation being sent by the male version for us to be romantic partners yet his actions and words said, “We’re just friends”. His energy said one thing but his person said the opposite and it was unacceptable to me. So, I told him I had to go and said goodbye. I remember looking at the female version and seeing a bare back and noticing how large she was. I remember finding it unattractive and telling myself, “I’m not attracted to him. He’s not my type anyway. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.” That’s when I realized I was seeing both gender versions because a balance had been reached between masculine and feminine.
As I left through the front glass doors I was overcome with a feeling of being both male and female and of kissing someone that was not there, the energy very strange around my mouth and face. I ended up stopping in my tracks and pleading with my guidance, “I want him out of my head/mind. I just want all memory of him GONE! Please!” It was heartwreching because even as I asked I could not get him out of my mind.
When I went inside the mall I was disoriented and lost. I couldn’t find the car and wandered around noting I was on “Level 1”. I wondered if maybe we entered through the ground floor? Eventually I asked a woman for help, telling her I was lost and didn’t know where I had parked. She asked, “Where did you come in from?” I said, “I don’t know, some store. I entered from over there.” She said, “Was the store called ‘Good Morning’?” I said, “Yes!”
Then she morphed into the man I had just left behind and he was taking a woman who had just gotten a haircut to the register. As he was checking her out he said, “With your $50 coupon and 40% off your total comes to….” I somehow knew she owed no money. Then I asked him, “I thought you didn’t give haircuts.” He said, “I don’t. I check people out, though.”
Then he walked me back to the store, the sign again very obvious – “Good Morning”. He told me I shouldn’t be embarrassed about being lost and that he could have handled his dog on his own (felt I was suppose to have taken the dog with me to take care of it while he worked). The feeling I had was of confusion. Why was he with me again? I felt a strong feeling that I was never to be rid of him.
I don’t remember ever finding the car. I woke up in the midst of asking my guidance, “I want him out of my mind/head. Please get rid of him. I want him GONE!” I was convinced that his presence in my life was destructive.
I feel like I was revisiting an old relationship in this dream. The mall indicates my life choices and how they shape my personality and view of Self. I am trying to establish who I am. The car is my path. Being I parked it in the mall it indicates that I am seeking to make sense of this life decision and it’s impacts on me. The two versions of the man were the past version or my memory of him and the current remnants of him in my memory. I returned to issues I had with this particular man and was reliving them. The shifting from male to female version indicates reaching a balanced state. This kissing and energy are likely me wishing to remain in the balanced state but there is resistance to it, also. The store name is likely a joke from my guides or maybe a message relating to a new start. The number 40 has been coming a lot, so it likely another message, as is the number 50. The check-out versus hair cut may have to do with a message about me and how I view myself (haircut) and wanting to “check-out” of that self-image. The man is somehow assisting me with checking-out of this version as he says that is his job.
Overall my feeling upon waking was frustration. It seemed like there was an invitation to be a better, more whole version of myself but I was rejecting it for the destruction I felt it was bringing into my life.
You know what funny about this dream? I was motivated to get out of bed by the prospect of a hot cup of coffee and starting a new day. lol So good morning, fresh start, new day.