I requested dream recall again last night. I only remembered a few, but at least I recall something. When I wake up without any memory of dreams it feels like I just closed my eyes and opened them again rather than having actually slept.
When I tried to recall my dreams there were several I touched upon and began to remember in full that were snatched away from me, fading immediately into my subconscious. It felt like my guidance was saying to me, “Not that one,” every time I lost a dream memory. Why I am not allowed to remember these dreams, I don’t know, but I have given up trying. They literally vanish without a trace and it is impossible to retrieve them.
The dream theme from last night was “frozen”. Everything I dreamed about involved ice in some way.
Dream: Trip to Canada
I was driving an unfamiliar car north to Canada. My partner was in the car with me, but I could only feel him at that time. We would often switch between driver and passenger. We needed gas so we stopped at a gas station. He was driving at the time and had gone way to fast for too long and our gas tank, which had only 2 gallons in it, was now at empty. He wanted to stop somewhere shady but I pointed to another stop. We pulled in and drove up to a building where he pulled out a long, black hose about a foot or more in diameter and plugged it into our car. I sat in the car watching and looking at the inside of the car. It was all black interior, quite roomy for it’s size and familiar. I had been in this car in physicality! I remember commenting that the gas station was strange – everyone had their own building to park at and individual hoses for gas. There was discussion here about identity and protection of it.
A voice from inside the car asked me to deposit money. I put in a $20 bill in a slot inside the car. A woman from outside came up to my window and began talking to me. She resembled my ex-MIL. She told me, “You have changed. You are much calmer now than you use to be.” She mentioned that I was not the same person, that it was unbelievable to the point that she was suspicious of me. This part of the dream was odd because she just appeared, told me this, and then disappeared.
The gas stopped flowing and a voice asked for more money. I called to my partner who was filling a work truck with gas. I knew the truck was his but that the gas he put into it also went into the car I was in. His truck had compartments on it and a ladder and other tools. I stuck a $5 bill into the slot. Then the tank was full and change dispensers appeared for me to get my own changed. I was owed 16 cents. I spent some time trying to count out the change, dropping pennies and confusing quarters for nickels.
We left the gas station, turned left and pulled past a long line of cars. We stopped at our destination and then I do not recall my partner being with me. Everything was covered in ice and snow and I had to walk carefully. People were gathered inside the building I was in but it was more like a passageway of ice. I followed people up several slippery inclines. At one point I had to climb up and grabbed the edge of the building accidentally touching a girl. I told them, “Excuse me. I’m sorry. I’m from Texas” as if saying that would explain my clumsiness. They laughed, saying Texas only got snow 7 miles north of Dallas.
In this dream I was with a group of people and we were being evicted from our residences. My friend, a very tall older man who reminded me of my real life friend David, said to me, “Looks like I will have to stay in that hobbit hole.” He pointed to a small house and said, “I will have to duck down to live there. There is a spare room that you can have.” I accepted his offer. It felt like my friend had been evicted many times before but that it was my first time.
I went about working the grounds around the house, getting my hands dirty as I cleared the path from the water to the house. The path often flooded so I put wood over the low spaces. As I walked along the banks of the lake I noticed it had a thin sheet of ice over the top. Leaning down, I inspected the clear water and then touched it to confirm. Yes, it was iced over. I told my friend and he did not believe me. He said it was too early for it to freeze.
Dream: Frozen Bugs
In this dream I only recall seeing several blocks of ice about four inches square. Inside them were small specks that resembled dark rice. There was much discussion about the things inside. They were alive and had been forgotten and left preserved in ice. I felt sympathy for the parent of these creatures. In my mind they were children to be cherished and looked after. I took a block in my hand and it began to melt revealing what was inside. Little bugs began to crawl out as they thawed. There were all kinds of bugs, all small and harmless. One was a beetle that once thawed took flight. I remember watching it fly away feeling happy that it was free.
Rather than interpret these dreams separately, I will just give my feeling on the whole sequence.
First off, prior to bed I asked for this slow, healing period to be done with. I am bored with it. I also requested that my heart be re-opened so that I can transmute the emotions of the collective. I feel like I can be doing so much more than I am and feel gypped when the work that I do in my sleep is hidden from me. I am not afraid of feeling the intense emotion that I felt last November and December. Yes, it is agonizing but it passes quickly. This transmutation of collective pain is necessary and if I am able, I am willing to do my part. I understand that the reason my heart was so wide open was because of what occurred in early October. Yet had my heart not been opened like that I would not have been able to witness my ability. I was given a glimpse of mySelf and her potential and wish to return to that me.
So, I believe my dreams were symbolic of my expression of frustration and desire to move on. Ice indicates a feeling of being stuck and not seeing progress. Movement north is suggestive of my desire to make progress and move forward. Filling up with gas indicates a need to for energy and being on “empty” indicates this as well. My partner has a different car than I do, yet we start out in the same car. The work truck is symbolic of him doing his own work while I do mine. We are on separate paths but the “gas” fills both cars which indicates we are connected and what happens to one, happens to the other. The 16 indicates a focus on family and loved ones. It is a reminder that my attention should be on my family, the work to be done regarding family, and to trust my intuition.
There is a feeling of not belonging (evicted) surfacing as well as recognizing the underlying emotion (flooding) and trying to minimize it (wood over water). I have tons of worries (bugs) that I am trying to free myself of because they have been stuck (frozen) and ignored. I’ve been tending to them for too long and must release them.