I was asked by my guidance to set an intention for this full moon. So I did. I slept very deep but still had some vivid dreams which I believe were to help me understand why the intention I set could not be fulfilled at this time.
Dream: Missed Connection
I was traveling with a group in California. The dream is not very clear at the beginning except for the feeling of traveling in a car for long distances. I remember having a very strong connection to a man but while on the trip I completely forgot to connect with him as I intended. I was so caught up in my travels with my group that I didn’t check to see if he had left me a message. On the final days of the trip I saw he had contacted me asking when and where we could meet. Though I was sad for forgetting, I did not concern myself with missing the connection. In the dream he appeared as a man I had dated in the past, a lesson long ago learned. I did communicate with him that I had forgotten and could not meet him, though. Somehow I knew the trip was only a week long and in my memory of it the week passed so quickly it was as if only a day had passed. As I traveled home with my group, I felt sad for missing the connection and upset at the complete lack of desire in me. It felt as if desire would never be there again, not just for him but for anyone. The loss of desire made me feel empty. How could I continue in this life without the component of desire? Nothing I did would feel purposeful without it. Living without desire is like living without Life.
When I awoke from this dream it was as if I was still in the midst of it, my thoughts going to the empty feeling. It felt as if all I had worked for and all the progress I made was null and void. Like I had gone back to the beginning, back to feeling no desire whatsoever and having no motivation toward reviving it. My thoughts went back to 2010-2015 and how I was completely blocked sexually, my body did not respond as it should and there was no pleasure in sex or any desire to be found anywhere in me. I felt truly dead. I prayed back then to recover what I had lost and it was granted only to be stolen from me once again. Why would I be given such a gift only to have it taken from me? It felt like this issue would not be resolved in this lifetime.
Dream: Wounded Buffalo
I was traveling with a man, a guide, flying over fields in California. As we traveled we discussed the past and how it impacts the future. How if man misuses the land, the land has to recover and this can take time. We landed by a fence and I heard a man talking to me about his childhood and how he use to wander from field to field playing. I saw this small, wooden gate nearly broken off its hinges and knew this was a path this man had taken as a child. I knew that the man had lived long ago and had experienced a war in his youth. Then I saw a sign on the fence that said, “Missing wounded buffalo.” The man said they had been butchering it and it got away and so needed to be found.
Then I was watching an animal hanging up in the middle of the room. It was still alive and it’s intestines were coming out of a hole in it’s side. There was discussion about it and that is when I realized the animal was a male lion. The lion was wounded and needed to be healed. There was a group of individuals dressed in white in attendance. They were standing around the wounded animal in a circle, arms spread in a Y over their heads. The group was setting an intention. The way I remember it the intention of the group was a shared consciousness between them all (I was an observer) and they were calling for the white buffalo spirit to descend from above and take the lion and make him whole. As the observer it was a strange experience to watch them “call” to some unseen force above. I could feel the intent of the group, it was like a huge energy expanding up and out. Then, from above, I felt an energy descend and the lion began to levitate. As it did, it transformed from a lion into a buffalo. It was carried away by the energy force, its brown fur transforming into white.
This dream seems to be a lesson via my guidance about healing and how it works. It is not something that can be rushed. The lion clearly represents me (a Leo) and maybe even the full moon energy in Leo now. The wound in the lion’s side is my wound. It is significant and must be healed. I understood in the dream that this wound was recently reopened and so must be addressed because of the potential for it to fester and bring about decline. A wounded buffalo indicates there has been a loss of power and strength, my desire to survive in this world draining away. Similarly, a lion represents power and courage. I could feel my solar plexus very distinctly in the dream and upon waking. I am being attended to by my guides whose combined intention (along with my own) is working to heal this wound. The white buffalo, a sacred animal, brings with it hope and the promise of prosperity. It was as if I was being touched by the Divine.
When I woke from this dream the feeling was that I am in the midst of some intense healing that cannot be rushed.
Dream: Packing up My Classroom
Returning from time off, I stood at the door to my classroom and looked inside. There understanding was that I had been out on leave for some time and now needed to return, pack up my things, and leave. I would no longer need the classroom.
Inside, the classroom walls were covered in Halloween decorations. I could see pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns dotting the walls. There was an inner discussion about Christmas decorations. Where were they? I understood, then, that I had been gone over Christmas, missing the holiday altogether.
I began to take all the decorations down, which was a quick job. Then I went over to a desk where a child, the child of the new teacher, was taking oil paints and putting dabs of different color on wax paper. I accidentally put my elbow in one of the dots of paint and the girl’s mother, the teacher who would be taking over my classroom, reprimanded her. It was only then that I saw the new teacher sitting at the desk. She looked a lot like me. I told the child it was okay because my sweatshirt was old and it didn’t matter. I remember being sad at first that my favorite sweatshirt would be ruined by the paint and then quickly letting it go, realizing nothing remains the same and all things come to an end. There was complete acceptance of this realization. I was quite happy wearing a worn and tattered sweatshirt with paint on it. The shirt represented a time in my life that was over but the memories remained.
This dream made little sense to me when I awoke but in writing it I can see clearly. The classroom is my domain – I control it as the teacher and direct what goes on in it. Yet, I have been absent since October. I see that month as significant because that is when a major transformation occurred for me, one that is only now coming to an end (I think). The classroom was frozen in time when I returned to it and I was passing it onto another teacher, the “new” me. I believe this dream was from the perspective of the “old” me and her realization that memories are forever but physical attachments fade away and come to an end.