The strange dreams continue. But first, I was awakened by a song. What I heard was, “How can we live when our world stops turning?” The melody was familiar. I immediately looked up the song but the lyrics do not match the ones I heard. The lyrics from the song are “How can we dance when our earth is turning”. Makes me go hmmmm.
When I awoke with this song in my head I was angry about a certain situation and how it turned out. In recalling my dreams, I can see this situation was discussed in-depth throughout the night.
I went to work at a job I was not overly enthused about. It was an office job of some kind. My boss informed me that I was pregnant. 14 weeks. She showed me the pregnancy test to confirm. In the dream it was a giant pregnancy test, taller than me! I was in shock. How could I be 14 weeks pregnant and not know it? I immediately touched my belly and I swear I felt movement. My mind went over and over the repercussions of this news. Strangely, I was not upset or excited. However, my boss was adamant that I buy insurance because I would need it. I told her that I could not afford it and didn’t see the point. I got really upset at her for trying to force it on me.
Not even halfway through the day I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, I began to miscarry. Then I was going over the loss of a potential life and sad for not having developed any attachment to my baby. I had even known it would be a boy and had accepted the fact that I would have four children, which was a bit overwhelming to me. I again saw the giant pregnancy test but it had not been used. I focused on the positive/negative symbols.
Based on this dream I suspect that I am reviewing some aspect of my life/life situation that has turned out differently than I anticipated. It was received as a potential rebirth, or new life path (pregnancy) but then this never manifested (miscarriage). 14 weeks indicates the time of conception (when the pregnancy occurred). There was no insurance (trust) because I was resistant to it and felt “forced” into the situation. I thought about the loss of this potential path (pregnancy) and how I never developed an attachment to the baby (potential new life). The giant pregnancy test indicates I feel that this life situation is really “testing” me. The final unused pregnancy test indicates that this “test” is not over and asks the question, “Are you ready?”.
Dream: Burning Desert
I was in a desert with a black man. It felt like Africa but I have no idea where it was or if it was an actual place on Earth. We were standing next to a crystal clear lake. It reminded me of a glacial lake in its coloring. The man held in his hand a giant, red crab. It was huge, about the size of a small dog. The crab was dead and the man was taking large amounts of flesh out of it’s claw and eating it. The flesh was cooked and resembled dark meat cooked turkey. As he ate the crab meat another man was explaining that this crab was unique. Without it the people of this place would starve. Then he directed me to the lake. There was a crane-like, white bird that stood nearly as tall as me. He told me to look in the water. I saw thin, silvery fish about a foot long each. The fish, he said, would attack and eat the crane if he got too deep into the water, eating the crane’s under belly. In my mind I was thinking, “crotch eating fish.” lol He said the fish were the main food of the crab.
I went to a rocky outcropping and peered into the water at the fish. They were easy to see in the clear water. Far beneath them and just out of sight was the outline of a much bigger fish. I backed away thinking, “I better not fall in. If the little fish will eat my crotch no telling what that bigger one will do.” LOL
The man and I walked away from the lake and into the desert. It was very quiet, no wind and quite cool. There were small rocks dotting the landscape and the earth, a very light sand color, seemed very hard packed. He pointed in the distance. I could see the charred remains of some scraggly looking, short trees. He said that a huge fire came through and destroyed the forest leaving nothing but what we were looking at. It was quite desolate but the feeling was that when the rains came it would begin to rejuvenate.
I followed the man and some others to a building. It resembled a hotel but seemed to be a place where college students stayed. I was to stay with a group there. I remember laying down in a bed and being informed of how long I would stay, though now I don’t recall what I was told. I remember everyone was dark skinned and it seemed very foreign to me.
I see this dream as further reflection of my thoughts and feelings prior to bed. The black man was a guide or aspect of me. I am feeling lonely and isolated (desert). I am questioning my tenacity and perseverance (the crab). Can I endure this period in my life and the challenges it presents? The crystal clear lake in the midst of the desert indicates that I am seeking peace and inner solace. The fish are ideas and insights from my subconscious. The white crane symbolizes motherly love and happiness. The ideas and insight (fish) eat the underbelly of the crane (motherly love and happiness) if the crane descends too far into the lake (inner solace). The fish (ideas) fuel my perseverance (crab).
When I look for inner peace and solace (the lake) I see something scary deep in my subconscious (big fish) and worry it will further eat away at me. I fear something related to life security and feelings of safety (crotch = root chakra) and do not want to risk something bigger being stirred up.
There has been a recent transformation (fire) that has left me with only the charred remains of what I once was. New growth will come with the rain (forgiveness, grace, purification). I am in the midst of learning something new (college), so new I feel out of place and tired from the enormity of the situation I put myself in (foreign place and laying in bed).
The complexity of the dream symbols scream inner conflict. The very things I desire and am being led to explore (inner peace and solace; ideas and insight from my subconscious) are eating at the underbelly of that which I cling to (being a mother and finding happiness in that aspect of my life).
No wonder I woke hearing, “How can we live when our world stops turning?”