Funny how when I write about how disconnected and disengaged I feel that things shift. Just last night, while enjoying the house to myself once again a feeling came over me and Knowingness just seemed to pour through me. It is Knowing that I’ve had before yet somehow ended up assuming was wrong or false, so remembering it was like a bolt of lightening, waking me up in the Now moment and causing me to go, “Oh yeah, that…” It was followed by a feeling of “Oh shit.” lol But not really a bad feeling, only a realization that just because I allow myself to fall out of sync with my Higher Self for a while doesn’t mean that the mission/plan has changed. Nothing has changed.
For the next half hour I could see ahead in this life. It was not specifics, just a general feeling of what is to come. It was like I had on special future-seeing goggles that allowed me to peruse the next two to three years as if flipping through a picture book to the end. The overall feeling was there were some things coming up that were not pleasant but that in the end it would all smooth out and I would be exactly in the right place. I could see how everything up until now played out as planned, too. It created within me a very masterful feeling, like an all-knowing planner/creator-type mastery. Yeah, it’s gone now. Fleeting but enough to shake me awake.
I will say that being in this state of Remembering caused me to feel uncomfortable. When it hits it feels strange, like something from a Sci-Fi movie; dreamy and surreal. A part of me always rejects the feeling. Being aware of both the part of me that Knows and the part of me that hides from Knowing is what creates the uncomfortable feeling. Lately I have been pushing away the Knowing and focusing on being “normal”, trying to be the me prior to Awakening. That is never easy and always fails to work, yet it does offer a brief reprieve which I desperately needed after November and December’s empathic overwhelm. This time I must have really done a good job of avoiding to be surprised by sudden Knowing.
The Knowing didn’t stop there, though. It has remained and persisted throughout my dreams.
Dream: Reuniting with MySelf
I recognized myself as male in dreams spanning throughout the first half of the night. Though I don’t recall all of the dreams, toward the end I began to gain lucidity. I walked through a door and spotted a very obese, blonde woman laying on the floor. At the same time I knew I had entered into a prison and was aware of iron bars on the windows. I recognized the woman as my partner, my wife, but also as a part of me. An aching followed. I had missed her terribly! I ran up to her, looked into her eyes and wrapped my arms around her. She embraced me back. That was when I realized I was as obese as she was but I didn’t care. I was so very happy to be reunited with her. It had been too long. I was so happy I began to cry. The tears woke me up. I was still crying upon waking.
When I woke I knew the dream represented a major step towards Wholeness for me. Not only did I identify myself as male, but I encountered my female Self and we embraced, reunited after a very long time. While recognizing this, I noticed my entire crown was lit up with energy and the energy was jumping around my head. It was like I had a light show going on in my head but it was very comforting. My guidance was reassuring and I was in a kind of daze of Knowingness.
Yet another connection is that in my dreams I tend to sit or be on the right. Also, while I tend to favor my left side when I sleep, lately I have favored my right. Feminine corresponds to left side of the body, right hemisphere or the brain. Masculine corresponds to the right side of the body, left hemisphere of the brain. It appears I am identifying with and balancing the masculine right now.
I was driving on a 5 lane residential street. I moved into the far right lane but was slowed by a work crew who appeared to be dusting for bugs. A Native American worker told me they were monitoring tree bark. I could see it on the road in piles. It was rusty orange. He said the bark’s diameter was thinning because of drought.
Then I was at a house that was also my place of work. I had two weeks remaining and wanted to quit but didn’t because it was good money. Though I wore an apron like a waitress I knew I was employed by an escort service. I felt to be betraying myself in staying for the money. I began talking to a man about it. He mentioned to me a word I now can’t remember but this word represented a situation ascended individuals often find themselves in. They desire to be and communicate with other ascended individuals about 5D things and find their existence in 3D very unfulfilling and lonely. He told me that I was perfectly normal and repeated to me that it was typical of “ascended individuals.” When he said this I became extremely lucid and the phrase seemed to echo in my mind.
I woke up trying to remember the word used but couldn’t. Then I wondered, “Surely he wasn’t implying that I am already ascended? If so, then what does that mean? I don’t feel ascended but then again I’m not sure what it feels like to be ascended.”
The rest of the dream makes sense to me. The right side of the road equals the masculine. Tree bark represents one’s thick skinned nature. It is thinning so I must be letting down some protective barriers. I have only 2 weeks left at my job and have often thought of leaving but stay because the money is so good. I would rather be working because I enjoy the work than for the money.
What Happens After Ascension?
The above dream message had me thinking this morning. If I have somehow ascended, now what? What happens after? I recognize that I really didn’t understand the word “ascension” nor had I even thought about what happens after because, to me, the ultimate goal is leaving this physical body/experience and returning to Source. I didn’t consider that it is a continual process, one that never really ends or begins. Never-ending spirals of consciousness. So, really, to be told I have ascended only means I have gone beyond the point before, the “end” being reached but only an end to what came before so that something new can begin and I can ascend through the next spiral. If that makes sense. lol
I found this article helpful in case you would like to read more on what others have said about what happens after ascension.