Dreams: Looking at Self

Yesterday, I appealed to my Team of guides asking them to please spare me the emotion that has been plaguing my dreams. I heard in reply, “Would you like to see yourSelf?” I replied, “Sure I guess.” Then I hesitated and asked, “What exactly does that mean?” I didn’t get an answer other than a feeling of, “Wait and see” and a hint of humor.  I hesitated and thought about how I would likely be shown my darker side.

Later that night, as I was sitting outside listening to the crickets I wondered about it again and my guidance sent me a flash of a hideous creature that reminded me of a person wearing a mask. I heard laughter and I laughed along with them. They said, “You aren’t afraid.” I replied, “No but that was funny.” lol

Thankfully, I did not get a night full of emotionally charged dreams. Not one. However, I had dreams indicative of my current state and issues that need confronting. I didn’t wake in a very pleasant mood.

cucumber-mask

Dream: Wearing a Mask

In this dream I applied a light green facial mask and then went about my day with it still on my face. I had my youngest with me and he and I laughed about my appearance. I felt to be playing a game of sorts to see how people would react.

We went together to the apartment of a male friend of mine. I felt very happy there and visited daily. When I arrived we kissed but he commented on my mask and I laughed about it but suddenly felt self-conscious. I decided to take it off but could not find any water to do so.

After a little time had passed, my friend took me aside and told me that he thought I had been visiting too much. He basically told me that I was coming on too strongly for him, that his intentions were not the same as mine and that he needed some space. This threw me completely and I backed away from him feeling rejected. I remember thinking to myself, “Maybe I have been too needy? Maybe I want more from him than he can give me?” I felt suddenly very angry. Angry at myself for being so intense and pushy and angry at him for taking so long to tell me. I felt he had led me on, encouraging me, perhaps wanting my company and then suddenly changing his mind when he realized what it would cost him. I cuddled my son in my arms and left, thinking, “Fine. I’m done with you, then. I deserve more. Don’t expect me to come back.”

I carried my son in my arms and went to a large, black apartment building and entered despite losing my key. We took an elevator up several stories, higher than I could count. At the top I found myself in a restroom cleaning the mask off my face. Most of it had worn away on it’s own, leaving only white streaks on my forehead. The whole time I had been with my friend I had thought I must have appeared ugly to him because of it and that was why he rejected me. I was happy to wash it off. I felt clean.

Interpretation

I woke from this dream very upset and feeling as if my heart had led me in the wrong direction; that it had lied to me. I saw the mask as me lying to myself and my friend. My guidance asked me, “Did you lie?” I said, “No, not intentionally.” But in reviewing the symbolism the mask here was more to hide my imperfections, not lying to myself or others. I see it now as more of me wanting to be my best Self and failing at it. Nobody is perfect.

Dream: Warehouse Renovations

I was with a group, a sustainable living community. My task was to help clean out an old warehouse that would be converted to a greenhouse. It was pretty sparse to begin with so really it was not a difficult task. Mainly we were taking what could be reused, in this case some old, red and worn bench-type seating that could be used in the community dining area.

I entered an area where there were others sitting at a table. An Indian man (as in from India) wanted to speak to me. He told me, “We will be accommodating more families soon and so will have to make adjustments to everyone’s salaries.” I was upset at this and told him, “If we take in more families we will have to pay them and that will make everyone’s share less.” In my mind I saw $60k/yr is what would be the end result. I was angry about this. It felt unfair. I told him, “I’m not in agreement.” The Indian man stood up and I could hear his accent very clearly at this time as he said almost angrily, “Let me give you a tip”. And he took out of his pocket three $5 bills. He tucked one under a small dish and placed it on the table in front of me. Suddenly I felt like a waitress, or a server of others. The role hit me hard, like a memory. I saw the $5 bill and knew the “tip” he was giving me was not money but in fact a message. I knew he was one of my guides and that he was disappointed in me. I felt ashamed.

Interpretation

This dream woke me up as well and I was angry again. The “tip” here was what caught my attention. I knew it related to my waking life – my husband is pressing me to allow my MIL to move in with us and it upsets me to no end, so I resist it. In the dream I believe this is what my guidance is presenting me with.

400px-five_bill_obverse_2005_series

Dream: A Visit with Friends

I was sitting in a living area with my friend Angela. She and I were having a discussion about counseling and spiritual matters. I cannot remember now what it was that was said but I recall she had with her items that were used to help facilitate healing. She had come to help me specifically and was giving me advice and telling me about her adventures as a group facilitator. I remember her being surrounded in warm, comforting colors and sitting on several large pillows. The set-up reminded me of India.

Then I knew it was time to go. My friend David and I were to attend an event where an important speaker was going to present valuable information to the group. The time of the meeting was 8:40pm and I had to hurry because it was 7pm. Angela left to go to another appointment and so I got into a large RV and headed toward the event location.

On the way, I ended up having to maneuver around debris in the road. I decided to get out and push the RV because I had to turn around. I checked the time and it was 8:10pm.

I ended up on foot climbing up what looked like an old fountain whose water had long been turned off. I climbed up the scallops of the fountain and saw that water was still in them. In one I saw an eel hide and I poked at it with a stick feeling it attack the stick and getting a laugh out of it. In another I encountered a very long, fluorescent yellow snake with green markings. I worried I would be bitten because I had on no shoes. Toward the end of the dream I had somehow caught this snake by accident and was trying to get him off my fishing line with no success. He kept snapping at me and I knew he was poisonous.

Interpretation

The India reference is not lost here as it turned up twice in my dreams last night. For me, India has been connected to the Kundalini and the integration of masculine and feminine. I suspect that it’s return to my dreams indicates a return to that path and focus.

The RV is a suggestion that I need to move on with some situation or aspect in life. The path to Wholeness perhaps? The dry fountain indicates the coming down from the intense “high” of a passionate relationship. The eel is difficulty holding onto things. The snake further establishes the Kundalini component. Perhaps I am afraid of it because it tries to bite me. Snakes/serpents  have come up a lot in recent dreams.

Considerations

Overall, I awoke very disappointed and pessimistic about my life. I felt that all my dreams and communications with my guidance were taking me in circles resulting in the overwhelm and emotional upheaval I have been experiencing. I realized it is all a direct reflection of mySelf – all of it. My indecision and hesitation have been sending me in circles. One day I want one thing and the next another. One day I am certain of my path, the next I’m not. My dreams aren’t to show me the right path, they will just reflect to me my current state. My guidance will not tell me what to do, they will only encourage me to do what is best for me and in this instance it is to make a decision and stick with it. I feel like I am in a damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation in my life. I don’t like any of my choices right now which is why I can’t seem to remain with one for very long. Something always happens which shifts me in another direction.

When this happens to me – indecision – and no one direction seems the right one, I make no changes for the time being. I need to wait until the path/decision is clear. Until then, I have to make due with where I am currently. Maybe this is wrong, but it is the only solution that makes any sense when indecision rules. Something is not in alignment for the change to be made. When it comes into alignment the path will open up and clarity will come. Nonetheless, I really hate being in this predicament.

 

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