Major changes taking place in my life at this time. I have been feeling overwhelmed and a bit lost. I have been drinking a glass of wine every night. Last night I had two. It worked. I felt extremely happy and optimistic when I went to bed. Then I couldn’t sleep despite feeling the wonderful heavy feeling from the wine. My guidance was exceptionally clear, which surprised me. I had exceptional clarity, too. I was told, “Pay attention to your dreams tonight. They will answer your questions.”
Dream: Old Crone and Present from a Friend
I recall vaguely what led up to this dream. I had deleted a playlist of music. This was done purposefully. It was a joint playlist of me and my husband. My husband was there and agreeable. We were looking at music to create a new playlist and I remember saying, “Too bad we didn’t save some of the old music. There were some good songs on there.” There were computer glitches at this time. The screen kept flickering.
The scene shifted and I was walking along a road in the mountains. It was cool and there was moisture in the air and on the ground as if it had just rained. These mountains were very lush and tropical-like with rugged outcroppings of volcanic rock. They reminded me Hawaii, though I have never been there.
I was with a female friend and had a car, though I do not recall being inside of it. We were just cresting the top of the mountain when a very old woman crossed our path. This old woman was nearly naked, with a huge stomach, very wrinkled skin, and breasts that hung so low they poked out the bottom of her dress. I remember thinking she was pregnant but then just realized she very old and ugly but I didn’t judge her for it. It was obvious she had been around a long time. I respected her for that.
She walked very slow, shuffling along on bare feet. I followed behind. Eventually she stopped and said to us, “I need to turn around.” This indicated to me that I needed to back up and allow her to do that. So I backed the car into a side street that was paved with stone. I walked along the stone and it poked my feet. When I looked down I saw the white rocks were pointy but not sharp. It was very uncomfortable to walk on.
When I turned I saw the old woman pulling one of her legs out of a very deep mud hole. I heard my friend say, “Be careful, don’t get stuck in the mud.” The mud was a yellowish-brown color and quite thick. I remember being grateful that I had not gotten stuck in it.
The scene shifted and I was walking inside of what appeared to be an art gallery. The art was made of wood and my female friend showed me one. It was curved and resembled the skeleton of a boat. I held it in my hand and saw that it was very similar to a light language symbol. The woman said, “It’s a gift. She made it for you.” She pointed and I looked and saw my friend Yvonne.
I went over to Yvonne and hugged her. I started to cry in deep, heaving sobs. Yvonne said to me, “You need a break.” As I hugged her and cried I heard, “You’re not alone.”
I woke up still crying and could not get the tears to let up. For some reason I felt I needed to look at the clock. The time was 1:11am. The song Litost was going through my head again. The part, “I’ll never be whole again” but also the part, “Bury your burdens, baby. Make them all disappear.” It took me a while to return to sleep.
Dream: Burning Forest
In this dream I was sitting in the middle of a clearing in a forest. I dropped a lit match and watched it catch fire to the fallen pine needles. It slowly spread to the underbrush and trees. I just sat there as if waiting for something. The fire began to blaze out of control. Over the top of my head and all around me I could see and hear the roaring fire. Yet I just sat there.
Then a masculine voice said to me, “You can’t stay here. You have to go now.” I saw the tops of the trees falling in flames around me. It was so close I could feel the heat of the fire. The message got through and I got up and walked out of the center of the fire.
I ended up standing outside of a building. It was like I was transported to another place in an instant. It was very dark. I couldn’t see anything. It worried me because I didn’t know where I was or what I would do to survive in this new, unknown place. I felt completely and utterly alone and that was by far the worst part.
The voice said to me, “You are safe. You are not alone.” There was conversation here about where I was; what this dark, unknown place represented. I was very lucid by this time and listening carefully to what was being relayed to me. While I listened, I heard a familiar song – Imagine Dragons, It’s Time, “This house doesn’t burn down slowly. To ashes. To ashes.”
When I woke up I had tears in my eyes again.
I start my job tomorrow. Part of me is looking forward to it and another part isn’t. I am assured by my guidance that it will be a good experience. We will see. At least the money is good.
The emotional outbursts I am experiencing are very strange to me. I had them when I was in Tennessee, too. One time hugging my friend Yvonne just like in the dream. I don’t do that kind of thing! lol I am a hide-in-my-room-and-cry person. I don’t understand, really. It is like I am grieving but at the same time as if I am exploding in an overwhelming amount of love. It feels like my heart can’t contain it and so it just floods out of me. Honestly, it reminds me of when I was pregnant. Ugh! I was a mess when I was pregnant. Always crying at the drop of a dime. I HATED it. I feel weak and pathetic when I cry and can’t stop. It is upsetting to me and so then I cry more (eyeroll). And no, not pregnant. lol
There are changes coming, some already underway. These changes (the ones I know of) do not trigger the emotional outbursts. In fact, I feel nearly emotionless regarding them. This is why the crazy crying episodes are so odd. WTF is happening to me? Who the hell knows. I am just glad I have been able to keep it together in front of people so far. Last thing I want is to go to work and someone give me a look of sympathy and then lose it right then and there. Please God don’t let that happen. lol
Pray my first day goes well. It will be an early one.