Just Jump

I’ve been sick for a couple of days now. It started with an awful sore throat and now it’s all congestion. This must be what snails feel like. lol

I had difficulty going to sleep last night because I got really upset and angry at everyone and everything. I feel abandoned and alone. This came with a feeling of disconnect from my life/location/family. There was also an upset over going back to work. Even though I will make really, really, really (yeah) good money for the temporary position, I am angry at “having” to go back to work.

I fell asleep around midnight both because of thinking too much and this miserable cold. I became lucid and then fully conscious but the dream continued despite me being wide awake. This time I was even physically active, walking around my bedroom. It was like I was sleep walking but then I wasn’t. I was wide awake, eyes open, and dreaming at the same time.

The dream itself I can’t remember in full now. What I recall most vividly is being in a darkened room that seemed to extend forever in one direction. Like a very elongated rectangle. I was looking for a door, an exit, and feeling along the side of the wall for a door knob. I could see, but barely. There was no light but I could make out shapes and distance.

I knew I was up and walking both in the dream and in physical reality. It was like I was two parts of me – the dreamer and the one in a physical body, awake and aware. I walked along the edge of my room and this unfamiliar room simultaneously. The room I was most aware of was the dream room, though I could tangibly feel the physical room.

I found the door knob and turned it, opening it a crack. At that moment I became confused. Which room was I in? In the dream room I was opening a door along the longer side of the room. I could see far in front of me and there was a slight grayish colored light that turned to a white speck in the distance. I could see more features of the room at this time. It had no furniture and seemed almost cartoon-like with rough edges colored in various shades of grays like someone had sketched it with a pencil.

In my physical reality room I was opening the closet door and knew it didn’t lead anywhere.

When I recognized which door I was physically opening, the closet door, I snapped out of the waking dreamstate I was in and completely shifted into physical reality. I then saw only my bedroom and my hand was on the doorknob. I shut the closet door and went to the bedroom door and opened it. By this time I was wondering what had just happened and went back to bed. Thoroughly confused and disoriented it took me a while to feel like myself again. Then the message became clear to me and I was not happy about it.

The message was obviously that I had opened a door that, like the closet door, led nowhere. It would not allow exit from my bedroom (situation/issue).

Dream: Performance

I somehow fell back to sleep. This time I dreamed of watching myself perform an act from behind a pane of glass. Inside the glass I could see myself as if I were on video. I was talking about my life, my past experiences, my relationships with men, my lessons and my spiritual transformation. I had memories of my entire life at this time. I was very bubbly and happy, even dancing at one point as images of flowers were projected on me.

When I woke from this dream at 4am I knew I had been reviewing my life. I did not like how happy and unconcerned I was in the dream. It was like I was just going with the flow and cared not about the outcomes of my choices. It was just a fun game. This made me angry. As if to egg me on, I was reminded of how I was as a child – care-free and unconcerned about the outcomes of my actions, just like the me in the dream. I understood the message but was not interested in listening. I went into despair at this point, ending up in tears and angry at my guides and my impossible situation. Again I felt abandoned and kept telling my guidance I can’t do this alone.

I must have fallen asleep but don’t remember doing so.

Vector illustration of a man lock up in prison

Dream: Trapped

I entered a room that had a church feeling to it. I tiptoed around two men with vacuum cleaners. They were vacuuming two very different carpeted floors in the same room. The floor I recall most was a shag carpet in an off-white, almost yellowish color. There was a moment when I confused the vacuuming with mowing because the carpet in one area was so long and green it resembled grass.

I tried to walk past one man, the one vacuuming the pale colored carpet, but another man was there talking to him and ignored my request to move. He seemed to be interviewing the man who was mowing asking him questions about his Christian upbringing. I finally interrupted and said more loudly, “Excuse me, can I please get through?” He said something I can’t recall but it was rude and continued to stand in my way. I finally said, “It doesn’t matter now, the opening is gone.” I then walked past him and through another space between the carpeted floors.

Then I was inside a room. It was small, maybe 10×10 foot square. There were two doors besides the one I came in but they were shut. The room was painted a light brown color and unfurnished. Very ugly and boring overall. I attempted to go through one of the doors and a woman told me, “Sorry, you can’t leave. They are cleaning and no one can leave until they are done.” I questioned this and attempted to go through one of the doors and a man stood in my way. He said something regarding religion like “cleanliness is next to Godliness“. I remember thinking he was a crazy Bible thumper.

I awoke briefly and was reminded of something my guidance said to me the other day – “We are rapists of ideology.” I understood then what this dream was about – that my beliefs were trapping me; I was forcing them upon myself. I did not want to hear this and told them I wanted out. I just wanted to leave.

Dream: Pile of Leaves

This was a very brief dream, almost more of an in-between experience than a dream. I was picking up leaves, one by one, and putting them in a pile. They were all dead and brown, at that crunchy, dead leaf stage. The pile was little but substantial enough to fill half a wheel barrow. I remember holding one in my hand and hearing, “Leaves”. I looked at the pile and then realized I was dreaming and receiving a message. I immediately became irritated and said to them, “I get it. Leaves = leave.” I saw the pile of leaves and knew each leaf in the pile was a reason not to leave. I was then reminded of a blog post I recently read. It was a channeled message and was very short. It said simply, “We ask that you stop waiting to be rescued.” I heard then, “Why don’t you just leave already.”

I then began to list off all the reasons why I can’t leave. There were so, so many.

I heard/knew then, “There will always be a list of reasons. All of them very convincing.”

Then I was saying to my guidance, “But now I have a job and start work on Monday. I need that money. It’s too much money to pass up. And I need to be here for Christmas and there’s a birthday in January….March….May….” And on and on. Despite these reasons I still felt crappy about everything.

Then all the night’s lessons via the dreamstate hit home. Yet even then, even with all the messages, messages that make complete sense to me, I can’t seem to move. I’m frozen. And today I have laryngitis because of this damn cold. Yeah.

Then this morning, as I was reading through FB comments, I saw that a friend wrote, “Jump, Dayna Stone. Jump.” I’m like, Nooooooooo you have to PUSH me.

No wonder I’m sick.

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