The whole house slept in longer this morning. I guess the energies are to blame. Even I slept through until 6 when I normally wake up around 5am. There is a geomagnetic storm currently raging.
I woke up crying again. This was a sad, mourning kind of crying but it was not related to anyone’s death. It was more like I felt sad for myself and this life. Like I was mourning the loss of me. My immediate thought was that I am going through a death process. Once again shedding a part of myself that needs to be let go of.
Dream: Total Withdrawal
The dream which initiated the crying was an odd one. I witnessed two individuals discussing my fate. One said to the other, “I think it is time she moves out.” In the dream, I perceived the conversation to be going on between members of my family, so my mom and my cousin. .
I did not argue with the decision and moved where I was told. I was taken to a mobile home situated outside my grandparent’s home. I remember being introduced to another tenant, a man who shifted into a woman after our meeting. There was a brief interaction where the Spanish word, “nombre” was brought up. Why we were speaking in Spanish I don’t know but the man/woman corrected me and assumed I only spoke Spanish. I let it be and left.
On my way to my new home, which was a silver, older model mobile home like one would find in a mobile home park, I thought about how “off” the energy of this place felt to me. It was unnerving and I just wanted to retreat and hide in my new home. I remember seeing there were two other mobile homes identical to mine. There was also a large house where my grandparent’s garage use to be.
I went into my new home and heard a noise like the wind. I noticed the windows above the bed were open. I closed and locked them. There was this music being played that was quite loud. It was like someone had left the radio on. I realized it was coming from the big house. It was like someone had it on a loud speaker and was projecting it.
I went outside and looked at the house because the noise was keeping me from sleeping. I saw a man being ushered into one of the other mobile homes. He was a short, slightly fat man. The mobile home he was going into was like mine. I remember thinking that it was far below my standards and very out of date, likely needing a lot of upkeep.
I had this apathetic feeling wash over me. Everything about this scene was wrong. The energy from the people, the place I was being forced to live, the radio noise, the strangeness of the scene. I decided right then and there I was not going to pay my rent. I remember thinking, “What will they do to me? Kick me out?” I decided to pay my utility bills and just retreat into my home and not come out until I was forced to. I didn’t want to get a job and be in this rat race anymore. What was the point?
When I woke up I was crying but not a lot. I just felt so sad and hopeless about this place I find myself in. I immediately saw the mobile home as this place (Earth). I said to my Companion, “This place is a prison.” He agreed and reminded me that I was here to get out of it. He then reminded me to think positive, to focus on those things which I wanted and to try and stay in my heart. He told me, “These are challenging times.”
I fell into another dream. In this one I was in a kitchen. It was very small, like the inside of an RV. There was a woman standing in front of the stove. She was cooking eggs. I recognized her as my cousin (not the same one from the previous dream). She said hi and went on with her cooking. The feeling here was that I was not going to get treated like a guest but more like a roommate. I joined her and picked up a pan to make eggs for myself. There was a cracked egg already in the pan but it had something in it, like debris or dirt. I commented on it and she suggested I just pick out the pieces, which I did.
My cousin told me she would be going on vacation soon. She said she was going to a week long spa retreat. I envied her. This conversation was going on while I was taking a shower. I remember wishing I could go with her. I thought about how well off my cousin was. They make over $200k a year and this gave her the freedom to do whatever she wanted whenever. I so wished that I could just go somewhere and be pampered for a full week, to leave behind my worries and responsibilities.
When I woke up from this dream I was again convinced that I wanted no part in this anymore. It is not that I don’t want to live but I no longer want to play the game that society has presented me with. There came with this a strong desire to drop all my possessions and just withdraw completely. There is also a feeling that I am not with the people or in the place I should be. That I should be moving about, like a gypsie. And finally a feeling that I should be with my spiritual family/soul group, specifically my counterpart.