Into the Shadow Self

Are you feeling the eclipse energies? I am and have been for a week at least. I want to make this as upbeat a post as I can, but honestly I am far from feeling upbeat. I feel more apathetic and drained than I have in a  long while. It is like my emotional center is being blocked of all love, all motivation, all desire for anything. I am also angry for no reason and the tiniest of things can make me go off. Similarly, there will be moments when something simple will make me smile and laugh and remember that I am blessed. Those blessed moments are few and far between, though.

I haven’t done a symptom list in a long while. I think now is appropriate.

Tired/drained
Unmotivated
Irritable
Depressed
Bouts of anger
Hopelessness
Questioning
Skin issues (eczema, acne, itchy)
Tooth and jaw pain
Deep sleep
Tons of vivid dreams, some lucid
Loss of appetite
Feeling disconnected from guidance
Internal conflict

Into the Shadow

I don’t talk about what has been termed “Team Dark” (TD) very often, mostly because it is so difficult for me to understand this part of the ascension process. It is, at times, very obvious to me, though, that such a force exists and is influencing this world and my experiences in it.

The reason I am writing about it today is because of this morning’s experiences.When there is a feeling of distance between myself and my guidance, my dreams become the pathway they use to convey to me what I need to know. My Team recently changed out and this new group tends to use dreams and the in-between more often than not anyway.

This morning I had a vivid dream about Star Wars again (third or fourth dream to date). In the dream I was shown two very different parts of myself – the angry, irritable part that seems to dominate now and the happy, trusting and connected part. Basically, I was being shown that my Shadow Self is being exposed for inspection and that this is the domain of TD. Advice was given to not fall victim to the thoughts that tend to arise from this self-defeating part of me. I was also advised to share what I am going through because it will be thematic for many in the coming months.

It is as if we are passing through our own shadow right now. The eclipse in itself is symbolic of this passage. A shadow is cast over it just like a shadow is cast over us as we travel through this period of transformation. Not everyone will feel their shadow self as intensely as I will. To those in this group I say – lucky you! Me, well, I have a tendency to fall into the dark anyway, but this shadow stage is going to really bury me. I can feel it already.

For starters, I tend to feel like everyone – the world – is against me. I get angry and controlling and lash out at those who don’t deserve my wrath. I feel as if I am carrying around a grenade that could go off at any moment. This behavior was very common for me when I was a child but has since been controlled and edited to be socially acceptable. However, these socially unacceptable parts will come up for inspection because they are within the domain of the Shadow Self. These are the parts of the self which need to be nurtured, loved and accepted so that they integrate into the Whole. If not allowed to integrate they continue to control our behavior and set us up for failure and disappointment. Exactly what TD wants, right?

It has been advised that the way to integrate these aspects is to not overthink them or try to analyze them into nonexistence. That is WHY they exist because we have mentally compartmentalized them and partitioned them away, hidden from view. My guidance is encouraging me to feel these feelings, love them as part of myself and disperse the negative energy associated with them through loving acceptance. Additionally, I am being encouraged to tap into my creative side; to express myself through art, sing from my heart, immerse myself in nature, and surround myself with those who I love (even if I want to bite their heads off sometimes). It is through positive self-expression that the Shadow Self can be heard/expressed/integrated.

Of all the healing one can do, this is the most intense and laborious. We’re to those final layers of the onion. Peeling away these last ones will not be easy. I can feel my eyes tearing up already.

How long will this last? Depends on the individual. I was told to expect my journey into the Shadow Self to last through November. Ugh. Not what I wanted to hear. Mini-Dark Night of the Soul? Probably. For some this journey will go all the way through until March, 2017. The sun comes out then for everyone regardless, just in time for Spring.