Message: Worship Life

If you stripped away all the roles and labels you identify with, what would be left?

This question was asked of me this morning along with these messages:

Worship life.

Think “some day” and you’ll spend the rest of your life waiting for “some day” to come.

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Dreams

My dreams were also intensely vivid and related to these messages.

In one dream I was standing by an area where bundles of tall sticks had been stored vertically. Amidst them were four babies that appeared to be dead but when inspected were very much alive. We revived them and they morphed into dogs and the rest of the dream involved discussion about the dogs.

In the other dream me and my family moved to Alaska where a sustainable community was being created. The place was all gray and dreary and I kept worrying about the long nights ahead and dreading the future. I had a feeling that I should be happy but I was not and I was bored.

Memories

When I awoke all kind of things were going through my head. The song, from my previous post  was the most noticeable but there was a distinct memory of the time prior to my move to Alaska:

My ex-husband moved to Alaska before me to attend a training academy and I waited in Texas, living with my Mom and preparing for our drive to Alaska. I didn’t want to go. I knew what was waiting for me. At one point I broke down in tears while taking a shower because I wanted badly to stay in Texas. This was after I had turned down a job offer for a teaching position at a nearby school. At the time, I was too afraid to go out on my own, even with all the signs pointing to this being the right thing to do. I believed my marriage was more important; that to choose my wants and needs over my marriage was selfish and wrong. My mother had seen me crying and spoke to me about it afterward. She encouraged me to stay and I remember such pain in my heart. Unbearable pain. Excruciating.

Lessons

After this memory hit me, I was asked, “Focus on that feeling. What did it tell you?”

My response: “The feeling was showing me what I am not.”

I recognized that the feeling was trying to show me that moving to Alaska did not align with my energy/vibration. It was out of sync with me. Yet I ignored it, choosing instead to follow my ex’s path, a path that was not mine and did not align with my authentic self. The result was near disastrous for me.

I feel the beginnings of this feeling in my current life. Honestly, I don’t even want to acknowledge the feeling is emerging. I hate knowing it is there. Yet things in my life are shifting in a direction I know I am not suppose to go. What do I do with that?

Preparation

As I drifted in and out of the in-between, scenes came into my mind. One specific scene pulled me out of my reverie it surprised me so much. In this scene, a friend of mine was talking to me about needing to find a roommate. I did not recognize this friend, though. Her search came at a time in which I needed to find a place to live on my own. As I pulled myself out of the scene there came with it a knowingness that if I follow my heart, then things will align perfectly to set me on the right path.

Of course, I panicked and had thoughts like, “What will I do for a living? Where will I go? I can’t live far away from my family! I will be so alone! What about my kids?” and on and on and on. Yet the feeling with these thoughts was calm – the panic was hollow; fabricated. So weird!

In response to these thoughts there was knowing that I would be OK. I have money saved. I have a retirement fund I can cash in at any time. I can travel. I can do anything I want. I thought of traveling to Egypt and to South America. Then worry would enter and say, “But what of after all of that? What do I do when all that money is gone?”

The winning answer is “Who the f**k cares!” LOL

I know all of this is preparation for something to come. There is nothing for me to do now except prepare. It could be a year from now, two years, ten years. I don’t know. But the feeling, the PUSH is coming and I need to acknowledge it for what it is so that when it happens, the resistance will not be there.

And those labels, for me they are (in order of importance): mother, wife, daughter, sister, counselor, teacher, lover, friend. Who am I when I toss all of those? What is left?

If you try this, you will know just how scary it is to let go of these labels but at the same time extremely freeing. We can imagine ourselves without these labels but in actually letting them go – releasing the identification with them – we will find who we truly are. I don’t know the answer to this for myself yet. I have to live it. Yet there is a feeling that I will be like I was in the beginning of this life – without boundaries, always in the present moment, and endlessly exploring and loving life. Imagine that.

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Message: Worship Life

  1. Durinda says:

    I remember going through the same thing as my role as a mother and daughter. But my son was in his teens when this started for me but it was still quite difficult to let go of this feeling that I knew what was best for him instead of being in a space of allowance for him to follow his own path. Now I AM as his mother there to support and guide, not to try to control the outcomes of his life and his choices. But as a mother this is a difficult thing to do. The same happened with my mother. Having to learn to learn that my needs were just as important as others. I think it is just part of our make up to want to care for others. The challenge is knowing it is ok to be just as caring toward our self.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dayna says:

      Yes, very difficult. I struggle with figuring out who I am without all those labels. Take away “mother” and “wife” and I have nothing left to do it seems.

      Like

  2. herongrace says:

    Very interesting comment highlighting what social conditioning does to our lives.
    I was meditating on this same question this morning only approaching it from the other end. I am unusual I suppose that I am off the grid pretty much and have independence and autonomy to do as I like.
    This morning I asked for more clarification on just where I should focus this freedom. I was wondering am I weird that I don’t have all those labels you mentioned as nearly everyone I know does.
    Mind you as a typical Sagittarian horse I need lots of space to thrive otherwise I get anxious and depressed and can’t live that way.
    It is brave of you to address these issues Dayna and if you leave that direction open, things will fall into place at the right time as you say.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dayna says:

    You are lucky to live off the grid. I have a Sag moon, so I know the need for space well but then I have experienced too much space, too.

    I don’t feel brave at all right now. I am not really addressing the issues, just skimming the top. If I have to make another decision like I made before moving to Alaska I don’t know if I have the courage to follow my heart and let my family move on without me.

    Like

  4. teleile says:

    Well, I would be very cautious there. Children need their mother ….. even in their teen years, they still need you there when they go home, it’s just that the needs are different.
    Everyone I’ve known who abandoned their children – ie, moved out of the family home – paid a very heavy price for it later. And the trouble is, you can’t undo the damage, as the scars on them remain.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dayna says:

      I have not decided to leave, far from it, I am just being warned of something to come. It doesn’t mean I will have to leave my children behind. I learned a long time ago to not over analyze what my guides present to me in dreams and messages. This could just be to help me release attachments. And even if my husband and I split, there is no abandonment issue unless I/they/we create one.

      Like

  5. Carolyn Thompson says:

    Love life. Love one another. Compassion leads the way.

    Liked by 1 person

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