So it seems the energy has shifted once again. This time I felt it shift yesterday, mid-morning. I had a knot in my solar plexus and knew something was about to happen. I hate that feeling.
The day was okay considering I kept myself busy. I drove to my Mom’s with my three children and we spent a lot of time outdoors. It was a brilliant day in Texas. Spring is in the air and the temps are superb! Yet throughout this visit I felt sucked dry of energy and lethargic. All I wanted to do was hide in the house but when I did that I would become restless. So it was out in the sunshine for me.
Thankfully, I was completely alert and without brain fog while driving. However, since my mood had shifted, I did not feel like singing along to my music like I usually do. Life just seemed empty, as did I. Ugh.
When I went to bed I asked for clarity on some things. I had returned once again to feeling like my life was incomplete; that I was incomplete. I hate that feeling and it has haunted me all of my life. There is nothing worse than to feel a piece of you has been lost; like there is a gaping hole inside your heart that nothing can fill.
The Missing Piece
I had a long conversation with my Team during the night and woke up at 4am extremely sad and asking why I couldn’t exit this life. It all felt too hard. I didn’t want to feel the emptiness anymore. How can anyone live with such a feeling?! How had I lived with the feeling for so long?
I knew I had tried to fill the hole with everything imaginable – possessions, relationships, children, careers, hobbies, etc. Nothing ever filled it, it just made it less painfully obvious. I also know this hole had been present in all my past lives. Where was the missing piece? How do I get it back?
I fell to sleep and entered a dream in which I was inside a person’s apartment. It was a tiny apartment and very clean – everything in its place. It was tiny like a guest house or maybe an efficiency apartment. The occupant arrived and caught me there. He was young and fearful. At first he was blonde and fair but then he turned dark haired and familiar to me.
For some reason I went up to him and began to tell him about himself. He was reclusive – like a hermit. He did this to avoid others and their emotions as he was an empath. He preferred animals because they did not judge and only offered pure love and acceptance. I reached out and grabbed both his hands and looked him directly in the eyes and asked him to “read” me. He wouldn’t. So I told him more about himself and explained why he was feeling what he was feeling. I remember feeling like he and I were very similar. I told him some of his future but while doing so I could see the words I was saying scripted on a holographic screen in front of me. The words vanished and I heard, “System overload. Simulation terminated.” It was really weird!
Then I saw a group of people on the sideline – like an audience. I went to join them and knew we were a “group”. I remember associating us with super heroes calling us the Avengers (lol). The young boy was part of our group but not yet ready to join us.
When I awoke I could feel the emptiness inside very strongly and felt a bubble of energy from my root chakra down to my knees. Then I burst into tears.
I really, really hate the feeling. My understanding is that this missing piece is me missing my Wholeness. I miss Home. It is extremely noticeable right now.