Though the day started out feeling light it definitely turned intense.
This afternoon while driving to visit my mom I had crown, third eye and heart chakra activity, though muted. I also could not seem to focus and kept freaking out as I drove because I felt all ungrounded like I would fly away. This is common when I drive these days.
When I got to my mom’s I sat down and meditated a while because my heart chakra felt off and I felt physically sick from something, but I didn’t know what. Once I grounded and meditated I felt much better.
Then my step father sat down and said he wanted to talk to me about something. I felt immediately that it would not be a fun talk and knew the source of my unsettled, sick feeling.
He went on a rant about his Christian beliefs and began questioning me about my own beliefs. He was accusatory in tone and kept asking why my husband and I believed we were “equal to God”. He also got into a long speech about how God was in control and was the “one True God” and the “only creator”. He was upset because he knew both my husband and I believed we were capable of creating and wanted to make sure that we understood that anything we created was in fact created by God and not us. He was very angry that anyone would think they were equal to God and kept going on and on about it.
I listen uncomfortably for a while and gave him answers which he promptly turned around on me. I explained that although I was raised Christian, that I no longer believed that I needed Jesus Christ to “save” me, nor did I believe that I needed him to escape some fiery Hell. I ended up recognizing and calmly saying that I was no longer Christian, which surprised me but is in fact truth. This declaration sent him into a story about how no one should take God’s gifts and use them for selfish gain.I finally stopped the conversation and asked him to be respectful of me and my husband’s beliefs and pointed out that I was always respectful of his. The talk ended but I felt a huge weight hit me like a ton of bricks and had to hold back the tears.
That was when my mom told me she had a dream that she, I and my sister were singing together. She asked me to sing with her and her husband. So, after the intense talk I had just had where I realized I was no longer technically a Christian, I ended up singing “Jesus is Coming Soon” (ironic) and “I’ll Fly Away”. I love to sing, so it was nice, but when I think back on it I wonder if maybe my mom was trying to somehow make herself feel better, and me, too, by having us all sing these hymnals.
As I drove home, not a mile from their house, a huge amount of emotion hit me and I began to cry. I realized, though, that it was not upset over the talk and what was said, but over the feelings projected toward me by my step-father. As I allowed the emotion to come, I also recognized my own emotion – grief. I was grieving for them – my mom and her husband. It was clear to me that they didn’t see; that they prefer to be asleep. This saddened me and I felt so discouraged.
The emotion came in waves as I drove home. My higher heart was blazing with energy that almost hurt and I was battling with the discouragement I was feeling. I saw the majority of the world in my mother and her husband. So many people going about life, day in and day out, asleep and unwilling to wake up.
I heard my Companion remind that it’s their choice. I heard him remind me that not everyone will choose to stay asleep. I heard him remind me not to be discouraged or give up.
By the time I got home I felt better. But it is so very overwhelmingly obvious that this planet has a very, very long way to go.