I have been experiencing a sort of unsettled silence these last few days. It is not unfamiliar yet aspects of it are. In the past I called it the “blah” feeling or a “zoning out” feeling. But in the past it came with a sinking feeling in my solar plexus. This is now absent.
This new feeling has been very strong, so strong that I have begun to question what it is and it’s purpose.
It seems that I have been mistaking this feeling as “bad” because it is lacking so much. It feels like a hole or a vacuum that needs filling. In the past I have freaked out and filled it with worry, doubt and nervous apprehension. Yet now it is ever-present. Why?
My questioning of it finally led to an answer: it is simply the New Me and because it is unfamiliar there is unconscious rejection. I’ve been asked to familiarize myself with this feeling. It is silence. It is nothingness. It should be embraced for what it is without applying a label or reacting to it.
In this, I create a space within mySelf to honor this New Self, this New Me. It’s time to embrace the silence and nothingness. To embrace the New Me.
More Pieces Return
Last night I again experienced what I can only call reintegration of pieces of Me. A Return to Self. I know this is what is occurring because I wake suddenly as if I have returned from far away and my body jolts and there is memory that is quickly siphoned off. It is as if there is a message of “You can’t know yet” and it is accepted.
This occurred several times right as soon as I fell asleep. That seems to be the time when these pieces return. I feel that this is happening because I am doing work and so need all of mySelf to do this work.
Crown Chakra Wide Open
Though this is not the case now, during the night when I awoke it was from a massive amount of energy streaming into/out of my crown chakra. My entire head felt huge and the feeling of it would lull me back to sleep almost instantly. I knew I was exiting my body in this fashion but had little time to consider why or where I was going.
Flashes of Familiarity
My dreams are once again lost to me upon waking. Yet this morning I had flashes of a familiar group of brilliantly white beings. They stood together before me, tall, slender and humanoid-like. In recognizing them the memory which at first seemed to have a time/place/location all at once became timeless and without form or location. It was as if it was only a dream and not at all real. Yet I knew instantly that these were my family and I wanted to go back “there”. I also felt one remained with me, or perhaps it is that the many became as one to communicate with me. And he/she (for there is no gender) remained and explained what I was to do in this “time of rest”. Manifest and be comfortable with the New.