Decisions, Decisions

My dreams last night have got me thinking this morning. A question comes to mind: Which is more important: To be happy and fulfilled in life and in one’s Self or to fulfill a promise you made to yourself and your family so that they will be fulfilled and happy?

It all comes down to deciding if one’s own wants, needs and desires (happiness) are more or less important than the wants, needs, desires of those one loves.

I think we have all struggled with such a decision.

For me, I have chosen others over myself. I am being asked to question this decision. I see that now. It has been asked of me before in this life not long ago. It has been asked many times. I have asked it of myself as well.

There are many considerations I have. One is looking at which option will serve the greatest good. If the decision only serves to make me happy, then it is not the right decision. However, if the option serves many others then it is.

Another consideration is that I have memory of making similar decisions in my other lives and even in this one. When I chose to make myself happy I was riddled with guilt and regret. If I chose the decision that served others I felt no guilt but I was miserable and often wondered what it would have been like had I chosen differently.

Based on my past experiences, it seems no matter what I choose I will suffer in the end.

And I am being asked to consider something now. I hear, “Perhaps it is not the decision that you should be inspecting but the ideals and beliefs behind it?”

For one, the group – collective – One – does not wish suffering on anyone. Happiness and contentment should be something everyone has and there is no reason we all cannot have this. If we put aside our belief systems and ideals – the should’s and should not’s – then we will see only a decision and whatever we choose will be honored and accepted.

For me, I can see my judgment is very clouded. There are so many ideas and beliefs linked to it that I cannot make an objective decision no matter how hard I try. I know what I “should” do, but this is based upon how I was raised and what society deems appropriate. Can I toss that out? And if I do, can I live with my decision afterward? Can I accept the contempt and upset from those around me who still adhere to the ideals and beliefs of society?

What I want to know is what is it that I wish to learn from this? Why would I put myself in such a situation unless there was a lesson to be learned? Am I trying to see if I can be objective and throw out the unrealistic and often unfair expectations my family and society places upon me?

But isn’t that part of living in this physical reality? We are to live by the rules here and that is why it is a challenge, right?

What is obvious about this decision is that I feel that if I make the right one for me, the one I know I should go with even though I don’t want to, that my path will be clearer. I will once again be able to see farther in front of me. Right now it is like there is a huge hill blocking my view and so I can only see a few feet at a time.

I am told there is no need to rush into one decision or another. Each individual moves at their own pace and the timing is not yet right for the pace at which I am moving. There is still much to be cleared, as if I must pave my own path right now so that it will be stronger and more stable than it has been in the past.

It is interesting to me that I am not stressing over this. I guess I have learned a lesson or two in this life. 🙂


4 thoughts on “Decisions, Decisions

  1. truthcodex says:

    I’d say this is a huge theme for everyone at this point. The answer I feel best with is the idea is this: People claim that if you do only what is in your best interest that it’s “selfish”. Interesting word to use. Break it down. Selfish. Self – Ish. Of the self. Being your authentic self. Somewhere along the line we, as humans, decided to fit in with societies agreements. To stand out of this and be self-ish is “bad” then, yes? Well what is bad? Bad/good are polarity mindsets mired within fear.

    From the fear-based ego perspective by being your “self” you fear that you’ll initially be seen as selfish to others. But it’s key to remember that those others who would be so quick to blame you are actually just reflecting their own fear back to you. “How dare you stand out and be your Self!” they say. “Fit in, be safe in society!” This becomes nonsensical as this is their fear – it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

    Paradoxically, by being self-ish, your authentic self, you vibrate truer to the true source of your essence. By being self-ish and acting in your own accord you actually lead by example for others to resonate at that level. Love is the result. Think of all the great leaders that revolutionized their fields. They stood out. They were there self. By doing this they gave everyone a better understanding of themselves. We, as a society, need to redefine what being “self-ish” truly means.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dayna says:

      You make a good point yet I am still hesitant to make any “drastic” decisions. There is so much more tied up in it than just the what I want for me. There are contracts and agreements beyond what I consciously recall and these muct be completed/tied up before this hesitation disintegrates. As I have been told many times – timing is everything. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • truthcodex says:

        I understand completely! It’s one thing to conceptually go through it. It’s another thing to actually apply it. We’re letting ourselves get there at our own pace… one bit at a time. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. herongrace says:

    I totally agree with you that we are incarnated with our personal contract that we have been tutored to carry out which naturally connects with others’ contracts. The key is to try and remember just what our contract says while respecting others. That is the challenge!

    Liked by 1 person

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