My dreams last night have got me thinking this morning. A question comes to mind: Which is more important: To be happy and fulfilled in life and in one’s Self or to fulfill a promise you made to yourself and your family so that they will be fulfilled and happy?
It all comes down to deciding if one’s own wants, needs and desires (happiness) are more or less important than the wants, needs, desires of those one loves.
I think we have all struggled with such a decision.
For me, I have chosen others over myself. I am being asked to question this decision. I see that now. It has been asked of me before in this life not long ago. It has been asked many times. I have asked it of myself as well.
There are many considerations I have. One is looking at which option will serve the greatest good. If the decision only serves to make me happy, then it is not the right decision. However, if the option serves many others then it is.
Another consideration is that I have memory of making similar decisions in my other lives and even in this one. When I chose to make myself happy I was riddled with guilt and regret. If I chose the decision that served others I felt no guilt but I was miserable and often wondered what it would have been like had I chosen differently.
Based on my past experiences, it seems no matter what I choose I will suffer in the end.
And I am being asked to consider something now. I hear, “Perhaps it is not the decision that you should be inspecting but the ideals and beliefs behind it?”
For one, the group – collective – One – does not wish suffering on anyone. Happiness and contentment should be something everyone has and there is no reason we all cannot have this. If we put aside our belief systems and ideals – the should’s and should not’s – then we will see only a decision and whatever we choose will be honored and accepted.
For me, I can see my judgment is very clouded. There are so many ideas and beliefs linked to it that I cannot make an objective decision no matter how hard I try. I know what I “should” do, but this is based upon how I was raised and what society deems appropriate. Can I toss that out? And if I do, can I live with my decision afterward? Can I accept the contempt and upset from those around me who still adhere to the ideals and beliefs of society?
What I want to know is what is it that I wish to learn from this? Why would I put myself in such a situation unless there was a lesson to be learned? Am I trying to see if I can be objective and throw out the unrealistic and often unfair expectations my family and society places upon me?
But isn’t that part of living in this physical reality? We are to live by the rules here and that is why it is a challenge, right?
What is obvious about this decision is that I feel that if I make the right one for me, the one I know I should go with even though I don’t want to, that my path will be clearer. I will once again be able to see farther in front of me. Right now it is like there is a huge hill blocking my view and so I can only see a few feet at a time.
I am told there is no need to rush into one decision or another. Each individual moves at their own pace and the timing is not yet right for the pace at which I am moving. There is still much to be cleared, as if I must pave my own path right now so that it will be stronger and more stable than it has been in the past.
It is interesting to me that I am not stressing over this. I guess I have learned a lesson or two in this life. 🙂