I struggled to fall asleep last night. A song kept going through my head and it wouldn’t go away.
We all are living in a dream,
But life ain’t what it seems
Oh everything’s a mess
And all these sorrows I have seen
They lead me to believe
That everything’s a mess
The bold words were the one’s that repeated over and over.
Odd Sensations Return
I must have fallen asleep, though I don’t recall it. What I do remember is awakening very rapidly to a situation similar to the night of the 7th of October. This time, though, I was aware of a conversation taking place between another version of myself (my Higher Self?) and another individual. I don’t recall what was being said, because my focus was on the strange sensations coursing through my physical body.
The sensations were intense and focused mostly on my head, which felt to be exploding with energy from my third eye. The typically circular area of energy that is normally my third chakra was a gaping hole almost the size of the entire front of my face! In addition to this strange, gaping hole of energy was a strange sensation on the back top of my head. The energy felt to be pulling and going out instead of into my head. It was not painful, but close and I could feel a slight headache beginning.
My heart was doing something odd. It was a feeling I have never experienced and my heart was flip-flopping around in my chest in an irregular pattern. There was also a feeling of energy escaping, or maybe it was being sucked out of me. I remember thinking I was going to die.
This concern, of course, panicked me and brought me to full awareness but not before I recognized what was happening. The conversation, which had been going on while I was become more and more aware of what was happening, had given me enough information and I remembered it.
As soon as I awoke the sensations in my body diminished substantially (thank goodness!). Energy was still coursing through my head. It was similar to the “wide open”, receptive feeling I use to get with a “download” except that the intensity was much more and the energy seemed to be both coming in and going out. It was the outflow of energy that was the most uncomfortable, though.
There was instant understanding of what had just been discussed. I remember distinctly hearing the other Me talking with a guide. This other Me is the Me who came through in May, the Me who Remembers her Starseed origins along with so much more knowledge. I heard her talking about me, using the pronoun “she” instead of “I”. I felt like a child whose parents were discussing her.
With this realization came also the understanding of what all this strange new, scary energy was. I knew it was the exchange taking place. The Old me was leaving and the New me was taking her place. It was/is the dissolution of the Ego and I was/am being witness to it.
It scared/scares the shit out of me!
I sent out a plea for help to my Higher Self and the group of guides with her. Again I said, “Help me”.
I wondered aloud, “Am I going to die? Am I going to remember any of this?” along with several other questions I don’t remember now.
I heard in response that this was a death but not one in which I would be “gone” or “lost”. I was told, “You have asked to be witness to this. You will Remember”.
I didn’t/don’t know whether to feel violated or relieved. A part of me felt very violated, and I withdrew from it and did not want to witness it. I asked to go to sleep. “Please. I just want to sleep. I would rather not remember this”.
The sensations in my head were so intense that it caused me to want to retreat from whatever was happening even more. But no matter how I tried, the sensations would not cease and I felt very much like a scared little girl hiding in the corner of her room waiting for the storm to pass.
I was asked to lay on my back. I knew why. It aids the process. I told them, “No. It makes it worse. I don’t want to feel it”. I continued to lay on my side but eventually conceded and rolled onto my back. The sensations decreased significantly.
I was reminded to focus on my heart center and I did. It calmed me down.
I was reminded of the other me, the New me, and the knowledge she gave me back in May. I understood. This was/is not a bad thing. This was/is a good thing. I wondered why she had not presented herself like last time. I heard, “We are merged now” and understood this to mean that the experience was now a joint one.
But the fearful part of me did not want to let go. She was terrified. Thankfully, I was/am able to control her. I remember hearing, “Fear is interfering. You must use what you have learned. Be the observer”. I settled into my heart space.
It was then that I was able to ask the group of 13 (there were 12 plus one guide), “Who are you?”
I heard in response, “We are the Guardians”. There was complete understanding that this process I was going through was necessary. That I was being prepared. I understood who these Guardians were/are. They have been watching over Earth for millions, maybe even billions of years. I asked what their job was, and I saw they were Protectors, keeping watch over the Earth and its inhabitants, inhabitants that have come and gone many times. They only interfere when absolutely necessary. It was time for such interference.
I lost touch with my heart at this time as I began to reject the information I was receiving. The Knowingness was intense and very scary. I did not want to hear it.
I once again said, “I just want to go to sleep”. I looked at the clock. It was 11:30pm.
I must have fallen asleep or gone in-between because I was then aware of visions of very odd things. I saw what I think is another Earth-like planet. I saw very distinct domes of light settle down over the ground. They were yellowish-white in color and pulsated. I was aware that there was another dome of light and it came towards the one on the ground. The touched and merged, exchanging energy, becoming one.
I awakened from this with an acknowledgment that these two “lights” were somehow linked to the two parts of “me”, though there was also a link to the two parts of “mankind”, as if another piece of mankind was to be reunited with him and once merged they could be whole again. I could be whole again.
I felt back into the in-between and both saw and heard the number 529.
The last thing I remember is thinking I should write all this down. The next thing I know I was waking up at 5:30 and could not return to sleep. I heard the Imagine Dragons song again. I tried to recall my dreams, but my mind was a blank. I recall only that I was discussing something in a space filled with golden light. I recall seeing beings that were taller than I and wearing white. I also recall seeing one being that was outlined in a dark shadow and seeing him made me fearful. In this I was reminded of just how powerful fear can be and to be wary of it.
I am not even sure this part was a dream as I was very tired. I wanted to return to sleep but could not. I keep being reminded, “You don’t need sleep”. So frustrating!