Like clockwork I am visited in the evenings before bed by my Companion. His presence and intent is made known via an intense pulling sensation in my third-eye. If I send out a mental query, I receive nothing in return. Yet if I direct my focus to my heart center, I received the communication. It is from this center that I receive his messages and accompanying comfort and calm.
I am unaccustomed to this new method of communication and struggle with it greatly. I want, no it seems I need, to translate the messages I receive into thoughts and words. Writing posts in this blog adds to this difficulty in translating what it is that I have received. In our original form we do not speak in words or even thoughts like what would be expected by us in the physical form. We speak in feelings which translate into a deep knowingness that is not limited to words/language.
My understanding is that I am to recover that which I have lost in the transfer into this human form. This includes, among many other abilities, the ability to know without the need to rationalize or analyze through the use of thoughts and language.
Yet at the same time I am still urged to share this process of transformation, of awaking to my True Self, with others. To do so means language must be used to translate all that is occurring. This is an intricate process because to use language incurs the use of the human mind and thus awakens the Ego to the process. It seems a catch-22 but I am assured it can be done.
Control of Thought
One lesson I am learning is how to control the random thoughts that are rising up out of my subconscious. They bombard me especially as I attempt to fall to sleep. Images such as a messy room strewn with torn paper and a pair of broken glasses and a counter top covered in spilled milk. The second these images appear there is an accompanying reaction of rejection and anxiety. It fills up my entire chest region and pulls me to wakefulness. I think of my youngest who has been into mischief these last few weeks – climbing up onto the kitchen counter or getting into things he should not. He has been known to toss dishes on the floor and break eye glasses (two pair now) among other things.
Image after image came into my mind last night and each time I awoke to a strong anxiety and upset. I pleaded to my Companion to help me. Why is this happening?
I was instructed to become the Observer and to note what was occurring each time one of these thoughts came into my mind. It did not take me long to recognize the pattern – visual appears followed by immediate rejection and welling up of anxiety.
It was then explained to me that these random images were the result of a purging of my third chakra and heart centers. There is a need to control my environment attached to a belief that if I can keep it under control then it cannot control me. The key to dissolving the images was to change my reaction to them. Acceptance is the key. Allow the experience to occur. Inspect the negative reaction. Allow it to teach me what it has to teach.
All experience has a lesson for us. To reject the experience is to reject the lesson. To reject the lesson means it will repeat until it is learned.
I appealed to my Companion, “But I react instantly and seem not to be able to control it”.
The response was that to control automatic reactions one must disengage and become the observer. And one must not be discouraged along the way for this is a habit that has been a lifetime in the making and will take time to reverse.
Discouraged, I felt suddenly very overwhelmed and wanted to quit.
I was then reminded that I must celebrate even the “smallest” of achievements.
Seeing Things as they Are
Still struggling to fall asleep, I was brought to awareness by a simple statement: “You will see things as they are rather than how you want them to be.”
I thought of it but could not stay focused and managed to fall asleep (finally!).
New Patterns in the Making
I overslept by 40 minutes this morning. My alarm did not go off and my husband and daughter forgot to wake me. As I rushed to get ready for work, my tired mind was interrupted periodically by the calming thoughts of my Companion. Each comment was in response to a thought of my own.
“I’m going to be late” was redirected with, “Let it go” and a feeling of calm and a knowing that it was not a big deal.
“I am going to miss my first appointment” was redirected with, “I can change my schedule”.
As I drove, I encountered a dreamy feeling and my vision was hazy. I briefly worried I would get into an accident and I was reminded that my thoughts create my reality and to control them. I no longer thought of “what-ifs” and drove faster than my normal cautious speed.
I arrived to work on time and noticed the sun in its brilliance as it rose. I heard my Companion say to me, “Celebrate! It’s a new day!” and I was filled with wonder and joy, as if this day was my first day of life.
And so far, it has been a good day.