After waking up in tears at 6am I tossed and turned for a while as I tried to return to sleep. I eventually ended up in a lucid dream.
I was walking in a dark tunnel with a group of people when I suddenly realized I was dreaming. I looked at a young man in front of me and got the idea that I wanted to move into him (merge). Quickly, I rushed into him but felt a tremendous pressure that sucked me back into my “body”. I felt literally pushed away. The force of the push surprised me as did the strange energy sensations. This brought about even more lucidity.
I saw a blonde man standing to my left. He was looking at me strangely and I thought I recognized him. He was quite bright compared to the darkness of the tunnel and the muted tones of the others with us. This brightness focused my attention even more on him. Who was he?
My lucidity increased slightly and the man looked at me, his blue eyes intensely piercing. He seemed young, probably mid-twenties, and was quite tall, at least a hands width taller than me. He walked up to me and said, “It’s about time we got this over with”.
Not completely sure what he was talking about but happy regardless, I followed him eagerly. From this point it appeared that I was leading him and that he was the unsure one.
I located a closet and opened the door wide. He stopped just inside the door and looked down at me, his face showing his uncertainty and maybe a bit of nervousness. I recall the room was bright and the door a very solid shade of brown. Were we in an office building somewhere? I didn’t know.
I went up to him and pulled his face toward mine and kissed him gently on the lips. I recall feeling a bit awkward because he became stiff as if he were unsure if he wanted to be kissing me. I kept hoping I would feel something from the interaction but all I noticed was that his lips were quite cold. I said to him, “Your lips are ice cold”. He said, “Really? I don’t think so”.
He eased up a bit then and I attempted one last kiss just to see if maybe I was wrong. This time I felt his lips soften and they were quite warm and inviting. It was a nice kiss and I lingered there still hoping I would feel something. Unfortunately, I felt nothing, not a thing.
My awareness peaked all at once in the moment of the last kiss. I awoke still feeling as if I were kissing him. Once fully awake I recognized the interaction as a lesson. I was the cold one, closing my heart to those I loved and distancing myself from others. How could I expect to feel anything if I shut myself down?