I have the home to myself – finally. Usually I would use this time to meditate or tune in, but I just don’t feel the connection. It is like it vanished. I feel completely and utterly alone and abandoned compared to how I felt just a little over a month ago.
If this is what ascension is all about then I don’t like it one bit. I can’t imagine it is meant to be this way. To have everything build up and explode with wonderful, beautiful, amazing wholeness and connectedness to Source and then suddenly disappear.
Snap and it’s gone.
I feel like the little kid who got one of those humungous lolly pops – you know the kind that are all rainbow colored and bigger than any person could ever eat – and then mommy said, “Sorry hunny, it’s too much for you”, and snatches it away before I can get another taste of it.
Or even worse – “Share with your sister”. Argghhh!
I think I am in withdrawal. I grieve for what I feel I have lost every day. It makes me mad and then sad and then hopeless. I pray for it to come back every night before bed. All I get in return is more odd dreams and a strange, heavy exhaustion as if I took sleep meds before bed.
And headaches and joint aches and just overall heartache.
This is what I am experiencing now:
- Empty feeling
- Joint aches
- Body aches
- Disinterest in humanity in general
- Wanting OUT
- Isolating myself
- Deep, dream-filled sleep
- Buzzing energy around crown/head
- Tingling sensations on arms (feels like Spirit touching me)
- Dry eyes
- Stiff neck/shoulders/upper back
When I feel like this, when I feel I am being denied what is rightfully mine, I get angry and wish it had never happened in the first place. If I had never known I could feel so completely amazing I would not miss it so much when it is gone.
I think this is why we Forget when we come to this place. It is too painful to Remember.