I have the home to myself – finally. Usually I would use this time to meditate or tune in, but I just don’t feel the connection. It is like it vanished. I feel completely and utterly alone and abandoned compared to how I felt just a little over a month ago.

If this is what ascension is all about then I don’t like it one bit. I can’t imagine it is meant to be this way. To have everything build up and explode with wonderful, beautiful, amazing wholeness and connectedness to Source and then suddenly disappear.

Snap and it’s gone.

I feel like the little kid who got one of those humungous lolly pops – you know the kind that are all rainbow colored and bigger than any person could ever eat – and then mommy said, “Sorry hunny, it’s too much for you”, and snatches it away before I can get another taste of it.

Or even worse – “Share with your sister”. Argghhh!


I think I am in withdrawal. I grieve for what I feel I have lost every day. It makes me mad and then sad and then hopeless. I pray for it to come back every night before bed. All I get in return is more odd dreams and a strange, heavy exhaustion as if I took sleep meds before bed.

And headaches and joint aches and just overall heartache.

This is what I am experiencing now:

  • Sadness
  • Empty feeling
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Headache
  • Joint aches
  • Body aches
  • Disinterest in humanity in general
  • Wanting OUT
  • Isolating myself
  • Exhaustion
  • Deep, dream-filled sleep
  • Buzzing energy around crown/head
  • Tingling sensations on arms (feels like Spirit touching me)
  • Dry eyes
  • Stiff neck/shoulders/upper back

When I feel like this, when I feel I am being denied what is rightfully mine, I get angry and wish it had never happened in the first place. If I had never known I could feel so completely amazing I would not miss it so much when it is gone.

I think this is why we Forget when we come to this place. It is too painful to Remember.


5 thoughts on “Withdrawal

  1. talynia says:

    The Kundalini in me resonated with your post. i know exactly how you feel… I was through this phase for 4-5 months until it came back.You need to remember that all your symptoms are Kundalini related! If you have the Kundalini, everything you describe are K. symptoms. You are supposedly in the sine wave ebb phase right now. Or also called dark night of the soul. I was there and felt exactly the same way. It feels like everything is gone. No more bliss, no more visions nothing left?
    Yes I can relate, however remember that once K. is active she is always with you and the ebb phases need to be there as your body needs to acclimate to the energetic changes. The tingling sensations are very tactile Kundalini symptoms, I have them all the time. It’s the Kundalini energy that goes through your muscles and emotional body. It could very well be that she went through the physical layer and is now on the emotional body or layer and clears it out. Ergo you feel sadness, darkness etc. Because currently she clears out the emotional junk. All you symptoms were also my symptoms when K. energy was in ebb phase. But remember once it comes back in a few days, months, or years? it will be stronger than before. there is a beautiful internet page from a person called Betsy. And she talks about 4 dark nights of the soul and with each dark night a full blown Kundalini Awakening is close. While Kundalini can be in activation phase before. Once fully activated it will not turn off 24/7.

    For now you should practice yourself in forgiveness, kindness, love and compassion. Your Kundalini is needing your help to open what she needs to clear out. Surrender to the process and trust. That’s all I can tell you, as what you experience is a Kundalini Awakening and as such should be handles as such. No guides, nor companions needed. You have the miracle right activated inside of you, she is the answer!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. soulspeak2013 says:

    Embrace this stillness of no connection. You are of course Always connected but this is a molting and melding time for you. Allow your raw skin to be comforted and know that your circuits are expanding g…and our vessels take much energy to replenish…you are immensely loved and you are amazing⭐💖😙 Namaste’ dear Star friend…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. soulspeak2013 says:

    Yes, I just came through this and now immense communication is flooding in…allowing the vessel to breathe and rest….this is so loving for the energy to meld. Observation is what is calling…be well and deep breaths dear star friend…💜

    Liked by 1 person

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