I think my warrior side came out again. Something triggered it. I suspect it was something during dream time as I awoke with such resistance to my life and the conditions of it that it was hard to quiet myself. Sadly, I was not a nice person for a couple of days. Yesterday I woke to computer issues that plagued me all day and brought me near tears. Then today I woke up sick with the worst sore throat I have had in a long time.
My dreams have been strange. Last night I dreamed I was in prison with other convicts and I was yelling and fighting and clawing to get out. I had another dream in which my husband came home, ate the dinner I prepared and then fell asleep on the couch. I got so mad at him that I took all the dirty dishes and began to throw them at him. He slept through all of it.
It is obvious that these dreams are frustrations rising to the surface like little bubbles, popping with an explosion that is hard to avoid.
Today, though, with the sickness following me, I have mellowed some. So far there has been no computer malfunctions. In fact, everything computer-related has gone smoothly despite it being frustratingly slow.
I have been strangely detached from everything related to this existence and I don’t really know how to handle it. The feeling is not like anything I have felt before. It is like I was just plucked from somewhere comfortable and thrown down into this chaotic place and told, “Sink or swim”. The emptiness is all encompassing and I don’t know what to do about it either. I go to my heart center and it feels empty, too.
I have gone through a desperate need to be alone and isolate myself from everyone. This isn’t working, though. It can’t with three kids. Not going to happen. I was angry about this, thus the dream about being in prison. I feel I can’t escape the life I am in, the roles I promised to play and the contracts to complete.
I feel that currently my lower three chakras are the focus right now. I am not sure exactly how to describe what I am sensing, but it feels like I am moving down into them, taking them over and making them mine. Who’s where they before? I want to reject everything that has to do with them.
I think I am resisting being in the body, actually. Sigh.
My guide sent me a song last night. Not sure why this particular song, but the last line was the one that kept repeating.
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you