Joy is returning little by little.
While I was undergoing my purification, I met some interesting people who opened me up to an entirely new world, the world of business and marketing. Interestingly, a couple of days before meeting them I was asked by my Companion, “What do you want?” and I replied, “Lots of money without lots of work. I want to spend time with my children and pursue my interests”. I had said it before, but this particular instance felt different somehow. I felt it was possible. When I met these people a couple of days later I felt it again.
Since that meeting, I have watched in awe as the path opened up before me, a path I have little to no experience treading. In fact, my entire life I have shied away from starting my own business because of the fear of failure. I watched my father go bankrupt from a failed business and was raised by a mother who pushed her children along the path of “stability” via a career working for others. I tried once to start my own spiritual business but failed for many reasons, non of which I could have avoided at that particular time in my life.
But now, here I am again, looking out of this “box” of protection I have had around me at a possibility. It was always there but I never truly looked at it. Now for some reason when I look I see something different. Instead of fear, I see abundance, expansion, creativity, joy and freedom. Not only that, I feel all those things, too.
Fear is still there. It comes in the form of thoughts that say, “This won’t work” or “Why bother?” or “You don’t know what you are doing”, and more. At first I listened to those thoughts and felt depressed and ready to quit. In fact, each night, after hours of planning, research and focus on my new business venture, I went to bed and these thoughts took over. But in the end and by the time I wake each morning I hear/know that all I have to do is keep going, taking the next step, and the next, and the next. It works. The voices disappear and I am a focused creator.
Today I feel accomplished and excited. My husband is helping me and to work alongside him toward a mutual goal, one that will free us from the very things we feel burdened by, is an amazing feeling. It’s even more awesome to see his interest and excitement matches mine.
What ultimately is allowing me to feel this amazing despite following a completely new path is that I am allowing all potentialities to exist – even failure – and not caring that I may not know what is around the corner. This business may fail, but if I don’t try I fail anyway. I have nothing to lose.
My husband and I are already picking a name. I can’t share it here yet but in the process of brainstorming I remembered a name I had picked out years ago when I first began thinking of the possibility of opening my own business. When I told my husband the name and its origin, he immediately agreed it was the perfect name. To see the name written down again filled me with knowing of its rightness, of the rightness of all of this.
It is a wonderfully alive feeling.