I again had a night full of vivid dreams. This time there was a theme. In several of my dreams I was either looking into a toilet or sitting on one and each time there was feces in it that was not mine. Yuck! Both times the feces would not flush even though the water would drain and new water would fill up the toilet.
Soiled Wedding Gown
In this particular dream I was hiding inside a bathroom stall. I say hiding but I am not sure I was doing that, but it felt like I was trying to stay unnoticed. I was sitting on the toilet, preparing to use it, when my dress got into the toilet water. I pulled up on the dress and saw that the white lace had been splattered with tan colored feces.
Grossed out, I attempted to clean it off by using the toilet water but saw that it was full of a very large turd. It was not mine and I did not want it there so I flushed the toilet. The poop remained as if stuck to the bottom of the toilet and I flushed it again. With the second flush, it went down the drain and clean water remained. I used it to clean up the dress but the spots would not completely wash out. I remember thinking, “Oh well, no one will notice”.
I then noticed my baby had found me and this caused me some upset as I wanted to be alone and there he was in my private space!. So, I got up to leave but saw that the entire silk underskirt of the dress had gotten into the water. Thankfully it was the clean water so I just squeezed out the water and went on my way. I remember thinking my dress was ruined but then reconsidering as everything that had been soiled on the dress was from either underneath or at the end of the train.
I awoke from this dream in the midst of an argument between my Ego self and my guide. This part of me was adamantly against the instructions we had recently received. My guide was asking me to listen to my heart and I fell into this space with ease and was immediately calm and knowing. The Ego self got quiet all at once and I understood the dream and the reason for her upset.
The wedding dress was an assessment of a personal relationship, in this case most likely my relationship with my family. The feces indicates areas of my life which I find repulsive and reject. I understand now that I was being shown these areas are still “soiled” and my reaction is that they are not a big deal in comparison to other issues I have had in the past.
The upset in this case was that my instructions are to remain where I am in life and continue to focus on my family while expanding myself spiritually. There was no other work to be done, no specific or exciting projects forthcoming and no relief from the daily grind of life that my Ego self was hoping to have.
It was then that I was taken to a place quite unexpectedly. Standing next to my guide I saw a lush green valley spread out in front and below me. A river was winding toward the horizon where the sun was low in the sky and there was such magnificent colors that I thought it must be a painting I was in.
My guide said, “Do you see that river?”
I nodded, “Yes”.
He said, “That is your life, your path”.
I looked closer at the river. It was shallow with various higher areas of green grass in between dozens of channels. It appeared almost like a path with various roads which would diverge only to meet up again and then diverge again. There were many, many paths and I knew they were all possible routes I could take.
So many options.
I understood then what he was showing me.
“It is easy”, I said to him. “The river is shallow enough to wade through”.
“Yes”, he confirmed.
“And I can choose to go any route I choose”, I said as I pointed to the paths the river took.
I remembered then my plan prior to this life which was to assist with the ascension. My job is to help others find their way. I do this through my writing and the relationships I have in my day-to-day life. My counseling came into my mind as did my relationship with my children.
I saw then that the other paths were mine to choose. They were not pre-planned. I could do whatever I wanted with the rest of my life. I could fill that time however I chose.
So much possibility but I did not know what I wanted to do. I wish I had planned these paths before coming.
“Whatever path you choose will be the right one. They are all part of your path”, my guide reminded me.
The Ego self wanted more, though. She wanted something grander. She wanted to scream to the world of her gifts, of her “specialness”. To set herself apart from the crowd. But to do that would destroy my purpose completely.
I then understood that I had to blend in; to do my work without being noticed or praised for it. To walk in my human shoes as a human does but with a knowingness of my origins and my purpose tucked inside my pockets.
It is probably the hardest life one could choose to live. It is the ultimate in humility and servitude.