I had a profound dream last night. It was one of many dreams. I feel I was on the brink of lucidity most of the evening.
Giving Up the Reins
I was at a gathering that was similar to a stock yard show or rodeo in its look and feel. I was standing near an arena that had a high, metal fence, watching people get onto their horses only to either be thrown off or successfully “tame” them. It appeared that the rider would cause their horse to go out of control purposefully. The goal was to regain control with both horse and rider safe, sound, calm and controlled.
I was aware that I was to be in this competition, too. I was standing next to this bay mare. She was spectacular and stood taller than me. She would nuzzle me occasionally and I would reach up and pet her, stroking her dark mane. I was very comfortable with her, which is unlike me both in reality and in most of my dreams. I am typically nervous around large horses.
I felt ill prepared for this competition and was discussing it with someone who I did not see but who seemed to change from male to female and then back again. We were discussing how I felt about going into the ring. I remember saying, “This is my first time. I don’t know if I can do it”. We discussed my options, one of which was to let someone else take my place.
At one point the decision became heart wrenching for some reason. I was particularly fond of my horse and did not want someone else handling her, much less taking her into the ring where she, too, had never been. It was at this point that I saw who would be taking over. She was a champion and had already successfully won several competitions. She was set to win this one, too, and had just completed her turn with top scores. She was tall, slender, and had long, flowing blonde hair. Her blue eyes sparkled and she appeared to know me and sympathize with my situation.
Emotion welled up from deep within me as I made my decision. I handed her the reins and said, “Ok. You can take over”. My whole body shook with grief at this decision as the blonde gracefully accepted the reins and prepared to mount my horse. There was a dark haired, shorter woman, standing beside the blonde who seemed disappointed. She said, “I guess I won’t be placing today”. I realized she had been set to win second place but now that the blonde was going to compete in my place, this other woman would be third.
I awoke from this dream crying and knowing a decision had been made. I immediately recognized the horse to be me, my body and Ego, in this physical incarnation. I saw myself in this dream as the me I have always been in this life – a mixture of nature versus nurture to put it simply. It appeared to me that the goal here was to get “horse”- my Ego and body – under control in a way that I had not yet done. I was nervous, which is to be expected, and did not feel I could do it being it would be my first time. I was consulting with my guides and my Higher Self. I recognized, upon waking, that I had agreed to let my Higher Self take over. I am not sure why this was such a difficult decision. Perhaps I feel like a failure not being able to do this on my own? Or perhaps it is my affinity to my human form?
This could be my Ego reacting to this decision, but this decision feels very final. I was asked upon waking, “Are you okay with this decision?” and I immediately answered, “Yes”. The images and thoughts in my mind at this time were of me leaving behind this life and all its connections and experiences to return to the peace and rejuvenation of the Other Side. I was completely, 100%, ready to do so. I heard in response, “We will help you. It will be easy”.
I am completely calm this morning. Though I have not yet completely computed the experience in my mind, my heart knows this was a turning point.