How attached to your body are you?
This is something I am being led to consider indirectly. What I mean by this is that I continue to have this odd recollection of “choosing” where in time I will focus my attention and then choosing again what experience I want to focus upon in that particular time-track. In doing this, I experience myself as in two distinct places – one as the Chooser and the other as the Perceiver.
This strange recollection first occurred when I had the experience of being OOB while wide awake, sitting in a chair alongside my family. With it came the strange, sudden disconnection from my life and individual experiences. This disconnection shook me to the core in a way I cannot quite describe and it took me a while to reconnect to myself. I did so by looking at my baby who was peeking at me from the doorway. When I oped my arms to him to receive a hug the disconnect vanished and I felt “normal” again. You can image the relief!
In that moment my perception, unbeknownst to me at the time, was forever altered. Now, no matter how I try to push this regained memory of Self out of my mind, it keeps reappearing at the strangest of times. Usually I am in the midst of my daily activities – at work or in the midst of trying to resolve a conflict or problem I am being faced with.
There is a part of me that wants to reject this memory and pretend that it is my imagination. I do so without issue only to find it once again thrust into my mind, as if someone is saying to me, “I don’t think so. LOOK”.
Now, over a week since the event occurred, I am still shaken by it but am finally able to look at it objectively and without the odd, irrational fear that I will somehow lose myself if I do.
What is it that is so scary? It is the fact that in that moment, I realized that this body, this physical vehicle, is NOT me. Yes, I recognized this before; however, it was similar to knowing a fact one reads from a book. I really didn’t know it because I had not experienced it. When I finally did experience it, I finally Knew it and the memory of it was life shattering. I want to say that I had, in that moment, an Awakening to my Self.
Thankfully, I have had many Awakenings since 2003 and so this one, by comparison to the others, was quite subtle in its effects upon me. Yet so profound that it had to remain slightly below the surface in order for me to fully integrate it. Now, after nightly, in-depth consultation and mitigation by my guides, I am finally able to bring it to the surface of this human mind.
What if I looked in the mirror and did not see me, but instead saw the vehicle that I am choosing to occupy. Like a car, I can get in and get out anytime I choose. Yet I have chosen time and time again not to leave it while in this point in time. I have fully immersed myself in it to the point that I have forgotten I am not separate from it.
And with this thought stream I see myself again looking down at this flow of matter, space, energy and time. It is like a river, below me. It moves and fluctuates alive with colors and energy, yet I am not part of it yet. And I can choose to go into this, become it; become the effect of it. And I see all the physical forms I can choose from that allow me to experience all that I am Not. And when I see them, I have no more an emotional response to them than I do a wild animal or tree or rock. I have an affinity for these things but not an attachment to them. If they were destroyed I would know it is just part of the cycle and feel no loss as they would still exist, just in another form.
However, once attachment occurs, there is made possible to experience a deep loss. It is like losing a child, a family member or a beloved pet. There is grief, there is guilt, there is a longing for what was.
This is what happens when we become attached to the body.
And I realize I love this body but I must be able to detach from it at will. This can be done and in doing so will allow me to be more at-cause; to be a better captain of this physical vessel.