I am still recovering from yesterday and the night before. The energy wave has subsided but I am still processing it. I am also doing quite a bit of work in my sleep. Last night I slept like a rock and the few dreams I recall were eye opening.
Corpse in a Courtroom
I was watching men walking around in a courtroom discussing a woman’s death. Her naked body was laid across the defendant’s table. Her skin was pale and there were large blotches of red where her blood had settled. I watched as a man turned her head and allowed it to fall over to the side. I was intent on seeing her face and saw she was blonde and pretty. I now wonder, was she me? Then, to my surprise, she moved. Was she still alive?
They discussed the girl’s diary and the image shifted. I was then in front of a book, her diary, turning page after page. I saw her life, written out. Her despair and her joy. I stopped on a page where she wrote about the birth of her daughter. There were hearts pasted in it and a picture. I saw in my mind a vibrant, brown haired girl and felt the joy the woman felt. I felt sad for her, though, because the moment was so fleeting. I thought, “If only we could freeze those moments and enjoy them more fully”. With it came an understanding that those moments are the ones we live for.
I then saw page after page of music written out and knew she had fallen in love with music and had tried to write her own. It was a dream that was soon forgotten. This also saddened me as I saw the hopes of her youth crumble in those pages.
The final page I turned opened up into a suitcase and there were a pair of Justin boots. I immediately thought of my ex and knew they were his boots. I then knew he was dead and began discussing what to do with his boots. I knew the size – 11 and someone asked if I was sure it wasn’t a 10 and I said, “No, the smallest size he wore was a 10.5”. I then sorted through other shoes – western boots and tennis shoes.
I awoke regretting my time with my ex and how I did not enjoy those moments. I recognized how caught up I was in my own drama. I built walls around myself and soon found myself trapped in my life. My guide was there assisting me. “You loved him” and “How did you feel?” I recognized that I had felt similarly at other times in my life. He asked, “Why?” and I knew it was because I had not followed my heart. I also immediately said, “I don’t want to do that again (referring to living in Alaska)”. I felt that for some reason I may have to do it again in another life. I think my lesson was not learned. I knew that I had needed to confront the feelings I had rather than run from them. I am doing that now, in my current relationship/life, but I did not with my ex. Perhaps it is an exchange we were working on and it will need to be visited again in another life?
I knew then that the corpse had been me becauseI have often referred to that time as “My other life” because it seems like it happened to someone else. I also knew there was a judgement going on and I was the defendant and the victim.