I continue to review my journal and have now finished reading the entire first binder. It is difficult to read what my thoughts were like during 2003-2005. I was really struggling! I am amazed that I made it through this time.
The Purpose of Astral
I do not write much about my experiences OOB in this part of my journal, but I write enough. My first projections were in 2004 but there is not much detail about the first ones. However, by the beginning of 2005 I begin to write more about my OBEs. Below you will find those entries. I did not yet know the terms Higher Self so I did not use this term. I added it in parentheses to help with understanding. I also referred to the Ego as “consciousness”.
As I fell asleep I was talking to someone and I could feel energy coming over me. I remember being told to let my consciousness go and to let go. I remember trying to let go and struggling with the notion of it. Then I must have let go! I remember feeling my body above my head vertically and then below. I remember liking the feeling and trying to get more of it, trying to control it. I tried to roll out of my bed and go on a journey but found it difficult and noticed my conscious mind becoming more aware. Again, I was reminded to control my consciousness and I must have because I heard the roaring in my ears and went deeper in astral. At that point I felt my body moving up and down again and then I felt it start to move fast, like real fast. I was thrilled because it was like being on a roller coaster! I couldn’t see though and remember saying, “I can’t see!” All I saw was my digital alarm clock showing the time of 8am and then the numbers started moving forward really fast to the point that I don’t know what time it was. Then I started moving in circles and spinning real fast round and round. It was so fun. I was elated.
I decided to throw my arms out to see if I could touch someone. I felt hands as I was trying to reach out but couldn’t grab hold of them. I kept reaching and finally grabbed hold of a hand. Then I started slowing down real fast and I was thrown into a man. I felt myself pushed into him and my head was right up next to his. I apologized to him and then realized I was hugging a man and I could feel his hairy chest! I knew he was dark haired and I was very happy to be with him. Right about the time I realized what was happening I heard a quiet, masculine voice say to me, “Quite a fine sense you have. The more and more…(I finished his sentence) you see, the more and more you will believe. Trust them to know what they see”. When I was about to ask his name I awoke in my bed still hearing his voice.
He had an accent like an old American or UK accent….He said he is my teacher, the one who has been teaching me about astral.
This astral teacher told me point blank that astral was being used to help me heal. He told me very sternly, “You know nothing about healing”. Ha! I didn’t laugh at the time, though.
A week later I continue to talk about my teacher and the purpose for astral:
I am learning in astral how to control my emotions/feelings and how to listen to them. I don’t hear or see my guides when I first go into astral. I sometimes go out and do things and other times I don’t. This last time I became conscious as astral happened and went with it. When I started wanting to do things I felt resistance. It was almost like a wall formed. When I stopped wanting to do my own thing and let things go as they were the resistance stopped. So I was learning about how to control my conscious mind (Ego) and to allow subconscious mind (Higher Self) to have control. The subconscious is not like the conscious at all – it cannot be controlled. It is led by something else, something we are not in control of. So I was actually able to see that difference. I think my teacher is here to help me differentiate between what my soul wants and what my conscious (Ego) wants. He’s teaching me how to get them in unison somehow, mainly by making conscious step back at certain times.
I am being reminded to balance the mundane and the spiritual. Balance is when we use consciousness only when we make mundane decisions. I am told to continue in the mundane but to remember to tune into my heart. He (my teacher) showed me my “center” and said to use it as I live life. He said the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit. The soul is only there to help us remember our function and path.
I also talk about learning how to differentiate feelings and control my consciousness while OOB.
My guide was talking to me about feeling last night and I think he is trying to get me to understand that feeling is not what I think it is. I define it as emotion. But it is more like following a “compass”. I keep waiting for an emotion to trigger a decision and emotion triggering a decision can be way wrong. It is like words; communication. Like telepathy. In astral I understand the message “No, no, no” but I don’t hear it. I know it and can then see the “wall” ahead of me. The wall felt physical because in the spiritual (while OOB) you can go where you want but you sense change as vibration. So vibration changes and you feel the change in your soul…..My consciousness (Ego) is very strong. It has been given the right of way for 28 years. I have to slowly teach it to yield to my soul (Higher Self).
Finally, I mention, for the first time, the word “merging”:
It seems the reason I am bombarded by mundane right now is to help me use my soul in unison with my life. If you try using consciousness to make it (channeling) happen, consciousness stays in control. It (channeling) is like allowing soul (Higher Self) to come in on its own without [the] conscious feeling threatened. My guide is telling me to have patience, that we are working together to allow this assimilation. It is like merging is going on.
I see now why I was asked to read my journal. A “bell” rang because somehow, some way, I went off course.
…the soul (Higher Self) will allow conscious to continue without resistance until the conscious is going the wrong way. Then there will be a “bell” that goes off or a “wall” hit.
I am again being asked to find balance; to control myself (Ego), and listen to my heart so that I may better hear what it is that I am suppose to be doing.
I now also understand why I have met with such resistance in my projections. I somehow forgot the valuable lesson I learned in 2005. The point is to listen to the Higher Self, or soul as I called it back then. To do this, one needs to keep the Ego in check. This practice while OOB transfers to life IN the body. What one is, so is the other.